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Writing Rant: The Importance of Pacing in Romance
🕑 Added 2025-05-16 18:07:07 +0000 UTCWriting Rant: The Importance of Pacing in Romance
I have not finished Baldur’s Gate 3. It’s just been sitting there in my steam library, uninstalled and unplayed, for the past half year or so. This is strange for me, as my favourite games of all time include the likes of Mass Effect 2 and the Witcher 3. So, Baldur’s Gate seems like the kind of thing that would be right up my alley.
Except.
I found it truly difficult to care about any of the characters in the game, including my own. I don’t just mean the characters that you interacted throughout the game, but even the members of your own party failed to grab my interest. Now, there are a wide variety of reasons for this, but the main one I figured out for the party in particular had to do with how the game handles Romance.
To explain in further depth, I need to go into the way I personally write Romance, that being by leaning on Plato.
Logos, Thymos and Eros
For those who don’t know, the words above can be loosely be translated as: Logos (Thought/Logic), Thymos (Feeling/Soul) and Eros (Desire/Sexuality). They form the basis of the self in Plato’s philosophy, but don’t worry, I won’t bore you with an in depth explanation of that here. Instead, let me explain how they relate to how I plot out romance:
Logos: The reasoning for the characters beginning a relationship, the logical explanations for their actions. Contributing to this can be their backstories, personal circumstances, events that have occurred to push them closer together.
Thymos: The feelings that create the relationship, the emotional resonance between the characters. What do they like about each other, how do they feel in each other’s presence? Why would they wish to spend time together?
Eros: The desires of the characters, what they find physically attractive about each other. This encompasses the entirety of the passionate part of the relationship, so it can also include compatible kinks or how they compliment each other in the bedroom.
To make a romance satisfying, all three need to be satisfied, here’s the important bit, by BOTH characters. To truly enjoy a romance, I think you need to look at it from each person within it’s perspective and answer what each of these three are. What is the Logos of the relationship, the Thymos and the Eros?
If you can’t answer this question, then the romance is not successfully implemented. Ideally, these reasonings are thought through beforehand by the writer and come to light slowly through the relationship’s development in the story.
One of the best ways to do this, is through relationship milestones. Significant events in each character’s life that the other had a presence in or contributed to. To demonstrate this, allow me to walk you through what I consider the best constructed romance arc in an RPG, if not exactly the best written: ME2 Tali’Zorah.
To give brief summary of the plot, it is revealed by Tali herself upon the establishment of the romance that Tali has had a crush on Shepard the entirety of the first game. She merely lacked the confidence to pursue it, due to her personal circumstances. She never proposes or confesses to Shepard proactively, she hints at her feelings and it is up to the player to pursue the hint and see where it leads.
You recruit her in the second half of the game, after a botched mission she went on, but she doesn’t bring up her crush. Only once you do her personal quest, that being her trial on the Migrant fleet, does she even hint at the idea personally. Importantly, she only does so if you perform the proper actions during the trial, if you betray her by going against what she wishes then her crush dies right there.
The trail involves her Father, who she always wished to impress, basically cutting corners so hard it escalated to traitorous levels. She faces the choice of making her father be seen as a monster or being exiled herself from her people, who she loves dearly. You can save both her and her father’s image, but to enter the relationship only protecting her father is necessary.
This is a good tool in the hands of a writer, advancing the relationship only after a Milestone. Doing this can reveal a lot about a character. It allows you to pace revelations and properly plan out what the particular milestone reveals about the character. In doing so, you also create a feeling of anticipation and make the character feel more ‘real’, as if they were a full person.
In the case of Tali, the milestone reveals the following about her character:
Logos: She loves Shepard because he saved herself as well as her Father’s legacy, of which she values the latter more.
Thymos: Shepard makes her feel safe, basically an ideal version of her father. He’s a military man in a position of authority over her, but he appreciates her more than her father did, or at least is better at showing it.
Eros: Tali has a bit of an interspecies romance kink, as her favourite romance movie growing up was a depiction of such a relationship. Additionally, she seems to get a kick out of how taboo it is, her Father’s disapproval a plus rather than a minus to her.
There, Logic, Feeling and Desire are all present in her character, all tied back to her daddy issues that were brought to the fore by the Milestone.
Of course, this is not the only valid interpretation, but you can see how this tactic allows you to draw a lot of information about her simply by the pacing of the romance, when it was decided to be used.
I said earlier that both characters are important, so where is Shepard in all of this? Well, in Mass Effect although you control Shepard’s actions and choice, there is always a distinct tinge of ‘Shepard’ to them. No matter how you play him, Shepard is always a Competent Military Alliance Officer. He’s not a blank slate, he has his own personality and history within the world that inform his decisions.
Still through your choices and actions, you get to define your own Shepard. What are his Logos, Thymos and Eros when it comes to Tali?
What are yours?
I can’t answer it for you, for your Shepard would have his own reasons for accepting Tali’s love that are different from mine, as each Shepard is a part of their player. Personally, I read it as this in my play-through:
Logos: He is impressed by Tali’s dedication and her loyalty to not only her people, but to him personally.
Thymos: He feels validated by her belief in him, trusting him and joining his crew despite her hatred of Cerberus. Her turmoil after the Milestone activates his protector instincts, something he is comforted by providing to her.
Eros: The suit Tali wears has an aura of mystery around it, leading to the natural question of what exactly she looks like under it. Her inexperience with romance compared to him is a bit of an ego boost, unneeded but definitely not unhelpful.
You may disagree with some or all of these, but that’s fine. Interpretations differ for a reason.
The main point it this, The substance of a relationship is of equal importance to how said relationship is built and displayed to the reader. Milestones streamline this process, allowing the reveal of aspects of the romance to be structured in a more coherent manner.
Milestones are not only events in isolation, but must also tie into movement within the relationship to count. A significant moment for the two must occur after the event for it to count as a Milestone.
Significant moments in relationships can include, but are not limited to:
The First Kiss (Anime Favourite, this one)
The Confession of Love
The first moment of casual intimacy
The first time having sex
The reveal of the relationship to the other characters
The proposal (If the story stretches into marriage)
The first significant gifts
Etc. Etc. You get the idea. A correctly used Milestone Follows a very simple formula:
Event → Relationship Moment → Revelations about the relationship
Easy right?
No, as it turns out.
How Baldur’s Gate Fails:
My the character I decided to romance in Baldur’s Gate was Shadowheart. I kind of hated the sass, but I assumed that the Tsun would fall away into Dere as I got further along her romance path. Also, she was the most tolerable amongst the choices in the early game, being a 5 instead of a 7 on the scale of being a pain in the ass to my sensibilities. Now, allow me to tell you about the first relationship moment my character received.
Gale wanted to teach my character how to control magic, called the Weave here. He did this while being very close my own and touching their arms quite intimately, Now, seeing as the scene started with him staring longingly at a projection of a woman, him doing this to my very male character was a bit of a surprise. Not as much of a surprise, of course, as him doing this at all.
You see, I hadn’t spoken to Gale. Not once. He had been sitting in my party, but I did not once seek him out in the party camp before this scene occurred. A bit odd, that someone I had been treating so distant was suddenly smitten with me. But maybe I did an event that was significant to him in some way to trigger the interest.
So, what had occurred before all this?
I killed a group of Gnolls and went for a long rest. Not exactly thrilling emotional resonance with the party mage material.
Maybe he had a bad experience with the creatures sometime in his past.
Now, I know patches have changed his scenes, so perhaps this has been adjusted somewhat, but it was still rather jarring. What was the reason this scene failed to connect, beyond the unwanted advance? The randomness of the placement. There was no connection, no reasoning for why he would choose now of all times to shoot his shot.
But fine, lets continue with my goal of winning the heart of the Half-elf, shall we? When is her first relationship moment?
Well, after infiltrating a Goblin camp and resting up before going inside, we shared a lovely cliff-side chat where upon she confessed to being interested in my character. For… Reasons. Something about me being a good leader? A trait that I had, to my knowledge, yet to demonstrate in the story.
So, Shadowheart confesses to having feelings for me, leading to the following revelations of her character:
Logos: ???
Thymos: She likes people who can lead, maybe? Nothing about my character or his actions specifically, though.
Eros: Presumably she finds full elf Paladin’s hot. Perhaps?
You can see how the lack of Milestone to set the scene up damages the whole arc. The pacing of the romances in this game is, to put it bluntly, an absolute shambles.
The reasoning for this, is the lack of Milestones leading to declarations of romance means that your character (hereafter Tav) has absolutely no resonance in the relationship. A complete blank slate, a hollow void of personality. Oh sure, your dialogue can differ, but the actual building blocks of the relationship is bare and hollow. There is no emotional resonance.
There is vagueness towards the reason the characters care about your character. Why do they like you? They do give justifications, but without a specific event to anchor them to, they are not particularly striking or memorable.
I even forgot exactly what Shadowheart said!
This is compounded by the fact that not only is every member of your party open to romance, they are very aggressive in that romance. I was simply not a dick to any of them, and I received 5 out of 6 confessions. The other was dead, otherwise I’m sure I would be his destined love too.
All of these were not subtle, but pretty blatant declarations of carnal interest. This was understandably awkward.
So why is this a problem? How characters interact and act in their romances are a micro expression of the characters themselves. The Logos, Thymos and Eros they display here should be consistent when extrapolated to their wider character as a whole. This means that if they fail within the context of Romance, they fail overall.
The party members of Baldur’s Gate all have extensive, detailed backgrounds. I am sure that a detailed study could find the Logos for their interest in the player eventually. Might be difficult, because Tav himself has no presence or legacy in the world outside of his actions in the game, but I am willing to grant this.
The Eros, near as I can figure, is that Tav is the player. Perhaps you can extend it and say that Tav demonstrates an ability to fight well, but even leadership is not something that he really demonstrates that well. The rest of the characters look to him for leadership because…
They couldn’t be bothered? Why experienced adventurers, master wizards or military officers would defer to Random Shmuck they found on a beach is never exactly explained.
That just leaves the Thymos, which is completely absent. There is no reason for any of these characters to have such intense feelings for Tav, he has done nothing to touch them so deeply in anyway. There is no resonance, no Milestone which is the spark for the relationship to begin. It just kind of happens.
In short, the pacing of romance in important if you want your characters to feel like characters. The reason failed to connect to any of them was because they had no feelings to connect to. Their Thymos, their soul was completely absent. The reason they acted why they did, was not because their feelings drove them to do so, but rather because the writer said that they had to.
The voice acting cast delivered the script masterfully, which disguised the gaping hole where their character’s heart should be, but all band-aids must eventually come off.
The Personal Angle:
Alright, I hear you say, can you do better? Lets see you try!
Gladly!
In Cooled Passions, the most developed romance at the time of writing this is with CC, Damocles’ Queen.
In their very first meeting, you will notice upon close examination, that I applied my formula:
Event (Damocles rescues her from confinement) → Relationship Moment (Damocles declares his interest in her, proves his trust in her by letting he access his mind → Revelations about the relationship (Damocles declares his interest, she accepts the deal)
Now, what did this reveal about them?
CC:
Logos: She decides to accept Damocles attempt to court her after seeing the truth in his words, wishing for excitement after her long period of boredom.
Thymos: Him choosing to pursue her, stating that he knows her true wish and wants to grant it, gives her a fledgling hope. His youth and desires amuse her, revealing him to be a typical male, something she finds reassuring amidst his oddities.
Eros: Being so attractive and desirable that you can ensnare hearts even across dimensions is a hell of an ego boost. Having a cute young boy strive for her heart is gratifying.
Damocles:
Logos: CC is a known quantity that can provide him what he needs for the position of queen. Him knowing as much as he does about her life due to his unfair out of context knowledge grants him reassurance.
Thymos: Childhood infatuation with her character is a motivating factor. Genuinely enjoys her personality, finds amusement in her quips and prickly nature. Appreciates her intelligence and wit.
Eros: Is attracted to her long legs. Finds her beautiful, the fulfilment of a fantasy is tantalizing.
Not earth-shattering revelations by any stretch, but important ones nonetheless.
Notice, importantly, that none of these revelations about either character are inconsistent with their future actions. The relationship evolves from here, but this is where it all starts. Notice also, that this is not a confession of love, or a moment of intimacy. Merely a declaration of intent to court from Damocles and a license to try from CC.
So, that’s the start of the relationship, but where’s the good stuff? Well, how about the Milestone that caps off the first arc of the story?
The Reveal of Damocles.
Quick reminder about the sequence of events that take place, The Satans are weary of CC, believing her to be the brains behind Damocles. A careless comment gives reason for Diodora to be interested in her. He accosts CC, expecting his family power and prestige to carry him through. Damocles interceded, the Satans use the chance to force a rating game. Diodora, believing Damocles to be the strongest of his group, attempts to win by leveraging his larger forces in a Kingless game where both he and Damocles sit the fight out.
CC permanently damages Diodora’s Queen, which he takes offence to and demands reparations from Damocles, a Queen for a Queen. CC is resigned, knowing that the smoothest way out of this for Damocles is to stick with the protection offered by the New Satans by agreeing to the demand.
Instead, Damocles challenges Diodora to a duel and attempts to murder him in her honour. When that is unsuccessful, he banishes the Satans from his manor and declares his intention to remain neutral and uninvolved in Underworld politics. CC is confused, and asks why he would do such a dangerous thing, to which Damocles replied it was for her, as it was obvious they were targeting her with the ploy.
CC is absolutely stunned, this being the first time that someone chose her in direct contrast to their own interests. She proceed to approach him soon after and they enter into a romantic relationship with each other, consummating it that night. Importantly, a mutual confession does not occur.
This reveals the following:
CC:
Logos: Damocles proved that he truly cares about her, that he will choose her over his own self interest.
Thymos: She feels safe enough to enter into the relationship, having been shown enough proof that her trust will not be betrayed. She does not admit to loving him, because the thought of being dependant on someone like that scares her.
Eros: Being protected and valued touched her deeply. She enjoys the feral, possessive side of Damocles, his murderous vengeful rage and Diodora showing the depths of his own desire for her.
Damocles:
Logos: He values his loved ones above even his ambitions, willing to suffer setbacks to keep them happy. CC is a sure ally to him, one he trusts, he will not give her up easily.
Thymos: His feeling for CC have grown over the period since they met, far enough that he is willing to risk much for her sake. She has become a true confidant, not merely a piece for him to discard.
Eros: He is fiercely possessive, enraged by someone attempting to separate him from one he cares about. He desires CC fiercely, and gladly accepts her invitation for intimacy. His aggressiveness it not only displayed, but welcomed by her, something that he finds fulfilling.
Of course, I just brushed over what this revealed, there is more I could have gone into, dissecting the scene line by line, but here’s a funny fact.
Even if I did so, that would not be the only valid interpretation. The sign of a good writer, in my view, is to show just enough that the readers imagination is engaged to create with you. Nothing I say about the relationship or how I see it as the writer could possibly match up to how you imagined it and hopefully still do.
You might have read completely different things from the milestone and the scene after, or any of the others that occurred for the different relationships. Don’t let me stop you! So long as you can see more about all three parts of a character, I have done my job well.
Of course, to engage the imagination, I need to show something, There actually needs to be a Logos, Thymos and Eros. The way I use Milestones and pace my romance, should (hopefully) ensure that there always is.
In the end, it’s up to you to say whether or not I succeeded.
In my eyes, Baldur’s Gate 3, did not.
Next Time: How the Elden Ring DLC Made the Story Gray.
Comments
schpariel
I loved BG3 for everything but the romance. Completely avoided it in almost every playthrough because the thought of getting involved with any of those nutcases (other than the single Karlach relationship playthrough) is viscerally distressing, got called out by Withers for being maidenless. Even after they patched his relationship stuff, Gale still tried to fuck me if I looked in his direction for 20 seconds. Go away, Gale. But yeah, you've nailed it I think.
