kaffekop
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News 12/07-2021
🕑 Added 2021-07-12 07:54:52 +0000 UTCHey guys and gals
Long time no update on anything. I know, I know ... I am a dick when it comes to keeping you guys in the loop - not just you actually. Not that it is any consolation. Change does not come easy and this is something I am still working on ... thirty years later.
I am alive and kicking. Some days I still feel like I am more kicking than alive, but I am getting there. I have made a few new friends and the therapists are great. One of them even caught a serious mistake in how I have been medicated - the past ... well ... probably six years and maybe longer.
Back when I started out on my journey with my new friends Oxy and Codein I was to be getting Oxy as a "prolonged release drug" and the Codein as a quick fix on days when my back was really fucking with me. Somewhere along the way some signals or wires have been crossed so that Oxy ended up been a regular dose of medicine and not the "prolonged release drug" that was to help me fighting my back pains.
Fast forward to some weeks ago when a therapist suddenly asked me, why I had not been on the "prolonged release drug" instead of the regular Oxy? I was absolutely dumbfounded because that was the idea. She fixed this and now I am correctly medicated.
As someone who has had 24/7-365 back pains for almost twenty years, suddenly being correctly medicated is ... I am not sure how to describe it. I mean, I am feeling a huge relief in my pains all of a sudden and I am soooooo fucking happy about that! On the other hand I am furious and in a fucking murderous mood when I think about my doc.
I took a serious nosedive mentally and trust wise when I learned that I had been wrongly medicated for so many years. I was ready to up and leave to go hunt down my doc and go medieval on his ass! How did he miss this? What the fuck had happened, since I ended up on a different form of medication than the one I was supposed to be on? How did I miss it?
Suffice to say I took a dive into a very dark place, but thanks to said therapist I am returning to "normal" (whatever that is these days?) and realizing that it does me no good beating myself (or my doc) up over the past, as I have no power to change it. Focus should be on tomorrow ... always on tomorrow. She is great!
We are currently debating whether or not I should stay for another round of 16 weeks. She thinks that it is a good idea as I, in her opinion, still need help saying goodbye to the regular Oxy drug. Codein is already a thing of the past, so right now we are down to the regular Oxy and the "prolonged release drug" Oxy.
We will see what happens. In all fairness it broils down to my doc signing off on another stay and thus paying for it (well not him personally, but our public medicare thing). Something I have no control over. If he still holds true to his original promise of letting me stick around for another 16 weeks, if I needed it, I may be be inclined to take him up on his offer. We will see.
What about the project? I hear you cry. No worries, it will not be abandoned, it is simply delayed! I need to be all fixed before moving forward with the project and that is a process that can not be rushed - or so they say.
I will have more to tell you when this month comes to a close and I know what road I will be on.
You a ll have a good one and enjoy life to its fullest ... and stay safe.
Cheers - Kaffekop
Comments
Jos demeuze
I agree: good to hear that things are improving with your health. It takes perseverance and lots of discipline that you manage to look forward. No matter what could/should have happened in the past, keep in mind everything that's ahead of you and you're shaping that future right now. Stay safe, focus on what's important and we will wait until you are ready to pick this up again at your own pace.
J Benjamin Gama
To be honest, I think this is the update we were most looking forward to. Sorry to speak for everyone else. Let me just say that hearing you're getting better is better news than any you could issue about the game.
Mr R
Glad to hear your medication situation is improving! Take your time. Your health is the number one priority
Temptress Games
Take care of yourself. Stay safe.
Giuseppe
Stay safe man and take care. whenever you're ready to come back
Stay safe and well your health and family is way more important than any game.
Quinfax
Make sure your at 100% before doing anything else.
Walter L.
You take care of yourself. I know about constant pain, so probably not anywhere on your level and I know what it does to you.
Keefer
Just take it easy and do it right. Don't be concerned about the rest of the world right now - we are doing fine. Once I was flying with my 2 year old daughter - the flight attendant wisely gave me some important safety advice: "if the cabin pressure lowers sharply then automatically the air masks with drop down from from above the seats" we've all heard that one, but next: "put your mask on first" huh? "you won't be able to help your daughter unless you are OK first". Do you want to leave your daughter's care to someone else? (or nobody) - lesson grimly acknowledged. You must make sure your foundation is stable and secure - then start building. I could go on. Do what you need to do, return to this circus later when you are truly ready. We all will appreciate a suitable, appropriate and lasting return when the time comes. I appreciate you letting us all know.
ASLPro3D
As someone who also suffers chronic back issues, due to spinal degradation and resulting in having to have 3 surgeries for my neck and 4 for my lower back and spine (my last one was October of 2020), I can honestly say that I understand the level of suffering that you’ve had to endure and have had to live with. I have been fortunate in my own adventure of back and spinal problems that I’ve not become heavily dependent on the Codeine and Flexeril that I am prescribed to try and manage the pain that I endure on a daily basis… or when I do something overly stupid (like sitting at the computer for too long or household chores that I know I shouldn’t be doing). My advice to you is simply this… 1.) Get the help you need while it is offered and available to you. Addiction is a tricky thing and from the sounds of it, you are only just now coming out of the dark tunnel you’ve been in. Take a little more time to get used to handling pressure and pain in a controlled environment, before striking off on your own. 2.) Don’t focus on the past or the mistake your doctor made. Getting off the pain killers make you edgy and affects your personality and tendency to anger quickly… focusing on it only creates and increases that irritation. Let it go and focus instead on our present health, we can’t change the past. 3.) You’ve handled the physical part of coming off your addiction, now focus on the mental part… this will better prepare you from having mental triggers that will confuse mental pain with physical pain… and it will help to ground you better in moving forward, both in your daily life and work on the game in the future. 4.) Lastly, remember that you are not alone in this and if you ever need to talk with someone who is undergoing the same problem as you when it comes to physical disabilities, then feel free to contact me. We may be broken physically, but not mental and still have value in this life. Get better and healthy, we’ll all be here for you when you return or need us. ~Jack
