voiceunmuted
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Unfinished Song-in-Progress: Monster
🕑 Added 2025-12-24 16:20:19 +0000 UTCSooooo...remember how I talked about having this deep seated belief that I am secretly a monster; that I am, deep down, a terrible, manipulative, mean-spirited person with a selfish desire to take advantage of people for my own personal gain...and I'm just really good at convincing people otherwise and pretending otherwise to myself? 😅🫣
I think, ultimately, this belief is rooted in family and relationship trauma, and the clinical narcissist in my life who will remain unnamed, but I am deeply terrified to become. I know logically that's not how narcissism really works, but what if it's in me??
I think it's a tricky thing because I'll never be able to really prove my intentions and I'll always be able to think of the "selfish" argument, but...maybe someday it'll get a little easier 😅 Until then, I will continue to question every action and interaction and wonder if everything I do and say is just an attempt to trick people into thinking I'm not a bad person, and how that in itself is a weird and maybe selfish thing to do 🫣👍
And that's what I wrote this piece about. (Obviously, otherwise I don't know why I just told you all of that 😂)
I'm not super set on the melody for this one; I feel like it needs to be a little bit darker or more intense somehow? And obviously I need to build more into/around it. But I will say I felt kind of clever about the last line here 🙈 A little nod to the fact that I know it's all in my head...and also my propensity for putting big words into songs for no real reason other than I can 😅
Ps. Merry Christmas and happy holidays!! 🎄✨
Lyrics:
Don't know anyone more selfish
You're helpless
To the tricks that I play
Master of manipulation
My internal tribulation
Comments
waltermellin
Tribulation thats a good word ^_^ And I totally get what you mean KT 🫂 As someone who also has family trauma (not sure if its NPD, tho) and is ADHD (and being oblivious at times #nooblinthings ^_~) it’s also an insecurity for me, too. 🫂 I can’t wait to see where you go with this song ^^ ps. You’re not a monster. ❤️ otherwise you’d be a pocket monster… cuz you’re smol ^_~ And we don’t want to send you to the blender, sooo… you’re not a monster. Yep. 🙂↕️
