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🕑 Added 2025-07-04 16:43:36 +0000 UTCChapter 186: Maybe Consider an Exorcism at Church?
"Commissioner, you've got a delivery."
Hearing that, Commissioner Gordon's heart sank a little.
He'd been working at the Gotham P.D. for such a long time, and most of the deliveries he received were perfectly normal – little gifts from friends, postcards from old classmates, or maybe a gag gift from a coworker. Generally speaking, ninety-eight out of a hundred deliveries were routine.
But those rare, abnormal deliveries were usually pretty terrifying.
There was the time a serial killer sent elegantly wrapped packages containing still-bloody body parts, meant as a taunt. Then there were the times the mob sent over crime evidence and files on their rivals, trying to use the police department as their muscle. Honestly, that stuff wasn't too bad. For the cops at GCPD, that stuff at least only caused some stress. And for a department where most of the force just phoned it in, a small number of cops were used to handling the pressure, and the Commissioner was practically a force of nature in a fight, it barely did any real harm.
But sometimes, the stuff they sent could cause actual, physical damage.
Scarecrow's fear gas, Joker's laughing gas, Two-Face's bombs, Deathstroke's tear gas plus a solo raid... These were basically terrorist attack parcels. They caused real damage to the precinct and were a huge pain. In some of the attacks GCPD had suffered, Batman had to figure out the antidote for the gas, but most of the time, it ended with a lot of officers getting seriously hurt.
"Did they scan the package?"
"Yes, sir. One package looks like some kind of electronic gadget inside, it's real small, like a phone. The other one seems to be a letter."
Hearing that answer, Gordon finally let out a long breath. "Okay, maybe it's a letter from someone. Since it's safe, bring it in—Oh, Joseph, that new officer, Cody, is he back on duty today?"
"Yes, sir, he's outside."
"Perfect. Go call him in for me. I have a few things I want to talk to him about."
Soon, Joseph walked out of Gordon's office.
"Cody, the Commissioner wants to see you," he said, handing the package to Cody as he did. "This is his package, could you take it in for him?"
So, Cody knocked and went into the office.
Commissioner Gordon reached out to open the package, speaking as he did, "Cody, you're a rookie officer, but you've got a lot of potential. You've gotten a lot done in just a few days here. I definitely have a positive view of you."
"But... your luck is just slightly off. Yeah, when you were at the theater, the theater blew up. When you were at the prison, the Riddler broke out and killed people. When you were out and about on paid leave, you ran into Joker's car crash, and him shooting the Riddler. When you took a taxi, you ran into a driver who'd been hit with laughing gas."
"I heard you recently found a place in the East End that the Falcone family was covering, and you even went to a bar there regularly... You know Falcone got attacked by Joker later, right? That bar got blown sky-high too."
Cody looked at Commissioner Gordon, an awkward-but-polite smile on his face.
"It's not like you did anything wrong," Commissioner Gordon chose his words carefully, trying hard not to freak out the young officer sitting in front of him. "Actually, you've earned quite a few merits. How do I put this... we think you should maybe go to a church and get an exorcism done."
"Of course, today's your first day back at work, so just relax. Your mindset is important too..."
As he spoke, Commissioner Gordon took a small phone out of the package.
"Huh? A cell phone?"
Commissioner Jim Gordon fiddled with it a couple of times, looking confused. The screen lit up; it didn't seem to have a password lock.
"My dearest Jimmy, by the time you hear this recording, I hope you'll have a little laugh, because, after all, catching dozens of people last night must make you feel so happy—just like the Little Match Girl seeing her grandma in the lamplight, it gave you some false hope, didn't it?"
The voice from the phone was high-pitched and sing-songy, full of dramatic flair, like an actor on stage.
"Now, count down from three, because after three counts, everyone in the precinct is going to see their grandma!"
"Three—One!"
Cody's pupils suddenly contracted. He immediately used "I Didn't Kill Anyone" twice, turning the twenty-eight-meter radius into a survival zone where everyone's health was critically low. Then he sprinted out the door and stood in the center of the precinct—that was enough to cover pretty much the whole main hall.
He hadn't seen Joker or Riddler during that time, so he couldn't renew the skill on them. If the precinct was really hit by a wide-area weapon, people could actually die.
And the next second, a massive flash of fire and a roaring blast swallowed the Gotham Police Department.
BOOM!
"We interrupt this program for a special report. The Gotham City Police Department was bombed this morning. All injured officers within the precinct have been transported to the hospital. In a fortunate turn of events, it appears no fatalities occurred in this incident involving a double attack of bombs and gas, and the vast majority of the injured sustained only minor wounds."
"Commissioner Gordon suffered only minor scrapes. He stated that the Joker and the Riddler have gone completely insane and that their methods are despicable and cruel. Unable to find Batman, unable to find the Freak Cyclist, and unable to find a weakness in either side, they simply decided to simultaneously target the police department, which had arrested a large number of thugs and gang members."
"But he will not back down because of one attack. Currently, search and excavation work is still underway at the precinct ruins..."
Cody sighed, reached into his pocket for a cigarette, and offered it to the side.
"They found the letter too. It was Riddler's bomb warning. His fear gas got detonated by Joker's bomb—Want one?"
Commissioner Gordon sighed too. "No thanks. I wouldn't touch your cigarette right now."
Cody put the cigarette away and shrugged.
"Nothing I could do. Just happened to be here."
"Get to church pronto," Commissioner Gordon waved his hand, looking frustrated. "Go home. The department is putting you back on paid leave. I authorize it."
Cody was speechless.
After a while, Commissioner Gordon finally asked again, "Nobody came to save those East End thugs or the Falcone family guys?"
"Nope. Joker and Riddler haven't made any moves yet. I guess they're pretty practical. Guys with busted hands and feet aren't much use in a fight right now. Bringing them back would just mean feeding them without work, so they probably just left them at the hospital. Those two bombed the precinct mainly to vent, probably no follow-up plan."
Commissioner Gordon was silent again for a bit, then waved his hand again.
"Tell the officers on ambush duty to stand down. Maybe... this war is gonna last a long time..."
Cody thought for a moment, then said, "Hey, if I get a part-time job while I'm on paid leave, will the department still pay my regular salary?"
"?"
Chapter 187: There's an Old Saying in China
Cody left the Gotham City Police Department.
"There's an old saying in China," he told Commissioner Gordon. "A man can't get rich without unexpected income, just like a horse doesn't get fat without night feed." He continued, "As the saying goes, you gotta seek wealth in danger. A fortune teller told me I'm a lone star destined for calamity, but I don't buy it. I think, when you're out here hustling, whether you live or die is up to you."
"My previous boss once told me there's no trash in this world, only resources in the wrong place. Before, I thought my life was a comedy, but now, I figure it can get even funnier."
Commissioner Gordon was left dumbfounded by Cody's elaborate talk, listening intently. He instinctively asked, "What happened to your previous boss?"
"Went to prison, got ten years."
"No wonder he's your 'previous' boss..."
"Anyway, that's pretty much it, Commissioner Gordon—see ya around."
"Doesn't necessarily mean we have to see each other again..."
With that, Cody left the police station.
And the war continued, unchanged.
Half a month later.
Gotham, rooftop.
"Don't go, Gordon."
"Have you looked at the map, Batman? I have."
Jim Gordon looked out from the rooftop. Gotham City was sunny today, yet the view didn't look bright at all.
"This city has fallen."
He sighed. The streets were sparsely populated. Most people were hiding at home or at work, afraid to stay out on the streets. The city was filled with the smell of gunpowder, ruined and collapsed buildings, and burned-out homes – all destroyed in the war between the Joker and the Riddler.
Crows circled above the city, seemingly searching for rotting corpses and flesh. Perhaps they occasionally found what they were looking for – as the war expanded, civilian casualties in the city increased. While most were injured rather than killed, there were certainly some fatalities.
The Upper West Side in the distance was bizarrely decorated. Garish buildings flashed blinding lights, and large numbers of thugs in black suits and ties occasionally walked out of these buildings. That was the Joker's territory; he controlled most of the Upper West Side.
Meanwhile, the buildings in the East End were still messy, like wild grass growing haphazardly, but their doors and windows were sealed. Almost all areas had patrols and sentries. Seemingly ordinary dilapidated buildings had actually been converted into small bunkers inside.
As the conflict had developed, the two factions had occupied opposite sides of Gotham and formed stable bases. The Park Row district, sandwiched between the East End and the Upper West Side, had become the main battlefield. Both sides were recruiting their own soldiers and sending them into Park Row like pawns in a game.
Commissioner Gordon was right. The city had indeed fallen.
"This city has fallen before," Batman replied. "This is Gotham City, and Gotham City has always been like this."
He turned his head to look at Gordon and continued, "And now, just like before, we'll save it."
Gordon gave a wry smile and puffed on his pipe.
"You know what you're saying, right? But do you believe your own words?"
Batman didn't answer.
"Every day, people enter Park Row from both areas to fight, wave after wave. The Joker uses these people to stage his jokes, the Riddler uses them to showcase his riddles, and all I see is them falling, wave after wave."
Gordon thought about the scenes he had witnessed in Park Row and couldn't help but shake his head. "We've been lucky. We have you, and even Kite Man helping out. A lot of seriously injured people even survived, but luck runs out eventually. Besides, we can't intervene in this war by force at all. The police station isn't even fully repaired yet."
"During the one-hour truce each day, when we go in to collect bodies, the blood forms puddles. You've seen the horror, Batman—whether they're men or women, whether they use bombs or poison gas, the only goal is to eliminate the other side... They stop at nothing, completely brainwashed by the Joker and the Riddler into machines following orders."
Batman remained silent. He understood that everything Gordon said was true. The Commissioner was under immense psychological pressure, which was why he left envelopes for the Riddler and Joker during the truce, requesting negotiations.
And the two criminals were surprisingly willing to talk—there was definitely something wrong with that.
The Riddler wrote a thirty-seven-page letter, detailing Gordon's negotiation route, attire, and behavior requirements. He ordered Gordon to wear a prison uniform and strictly follow the instructions in his letter, treating him completely like a puppet to be manipulated at will.
The Joker's response was written in lipstick on a corpse, containing only one sentence: "Leave only your underwear, don't wear anything else, then come."
This was, of course, also a humiliation.
But Commissioner Gordon, being arbitrarily manipulated by both sides, showed no sign of backing down.
Batman continued, "You, alone and unarmed, think you can negotiate with them, but you'll only turn yourself into prey walking right into their trap—they won't listen to you, and they might even kill you."
"Then let them try."
And so, that afternoon, Gordon met with the Joker and the Riddler separately.
Man-Bat, Mr. Freeze, Mad Hatter, Penguin, Solomon Grundy, Scarface, Ventriloquist, Deadshot, Cluemaster... These were the super-criminals under the Joker's command.
Deathstroke, Poison Ivy, Clayface, Victor Zsasz, Killer Croc, Firefly, Scarecrow, Two-Face, Biker Freak... The Riddler's forces were no less impressive. Everyone even had a green question mark symbol marked on their bodies, indicating they had joined the Riddler's army.
After talking with them, Gordon returned to the rooftop.
"They want you."
He told Batman, "Both sides do."
"In their own words, 'Bring me Batman, and the war will end.'"
Batman asked, "What did you say?"
Gordon shook his head. He hadn't accepted the offer.
"We have to go into the war zone."
"We can't go in," Gordon said, taking a deep drag from his pipe. "The Joker has planted bombs everywhere, and the Riddler has kidnapped a large number of civilians. They both have hostages. If we go in, they'll kill them."
At this point, his expression became resolute.
"I've contacted the federal government. Since this is a war, we'll treat it as such—not with police, not with vigilantes, we'll use absolute military force."
"And you and I, we need to maintain the situation, prevent anyone from entering the city center, and prevent anyone from escaping from the city center to the suburbs—"
Speaking of this, Gordon suddenly thought of a question and asked it: "Speaking of which, wasn't Biker Freak fighting alongside you before? Why would he join the Riddler?"
Batman didn't answer.
Gordon looked back, and he was gone.
Chapter 188: Is It Weird for a Middle-Aged Guy to Like Peppa Pig?
So, why'd the Biking Maniac hook up with the Riddler? That all went down after Cody left the police department.
To be exact, it was the afternoon of the same day he left the force.
"Come on, I'm not some freak like the Joker. I just wanna see fewer guys die on the battlefield, and hey, I wanna stay alive too. The other night, the Joker totally ambushed you; I just kinda landed everyone in the hospital together."
Facing the Riddler, the Biking Maniac, masked and draped in a black robe, threw his hands up. "Strictly speaking, I turned a fight you were about to lose into a draw. You should be thanking me, man."
The Riddler, leaning on a golden cane shaped like a question mark, dressed in his signature green suit and bowler hat, listened calmly to the Biking Maniac's defense. Flanking him were A-list villains like Killer Croc, Clayface, Two-Face, and Poison Ivy, circling him like he was the main event. These guys were no slouches, and they were all checking out the Biking Maniac in the center of the hall, their gazes challenging, doubtful, or just plain aggressive.
"You're a smart one, my friend," the Riddler replied, taking his sweet time. "Real smart. Way smarter than most folks who just show up once the fireworks start. But here's the thing, we know absolutely nothing about you, do we?"
"You know I dig riddles, but I can't stand boring, crappy ones. Like you – popping up outta nowhere like a ghost, no clues, no hints, just appearing out of thin air. You know what that reminds me of?"
"What?"
"It reminds me of another idiot who showed up outta nowhere, no clues, no hints, and who I've bumped into four times. Actually, make that three – and those three times? Man, they really taught me a couple of lessons..."
At this, a slight smile played on the Riddler's lips. "I finally get why people say a genius's elaborate plan sometimes can't beat a fool's spur-of-the-moment idea. But then again, a fool might win one round on luck, but they'll lose ninety-nine on brains. See? Didn't he just deliver himself right to my doorstep?"
As soon as he finished speaking, Two-Face, in his half-red, half-green suit, stepped forward, his pistol pointed right at the Biking Maniac's head.
Cody looked at this world's Harvey. Half his face was terrifyingly exposed, a raw, bloody red where the skin was gone, muscles and bone laid bare. Even half his hair had turned white, totally lifeless.
Yeah, this was what Harvey was supposed to become.
Cody looked at his face and sighed inwardly.
Ding!
Two-Face flipped a coin in his hand, one side scarred and burnt, the other clean.
The coin landed in his palm, but he didn't look. Instead, he clenched his fist, stared at Cody, and rasped, "Guess which side's up?"
Poison Ivy's vines started creeping, Killer Croc opened his massive, toothy maw, Clayface's hand morphed into a huge hammer, Firefly put his hand on his flamethrower, Scarecrow spread his tattered sleeves – the tension in the air was thick. One word from the Riddler, and Cody would be facing off against a whole crew of super-villains.
"What in the world are you babbling about?" Cody shook his head. "Can't understand you. Do you even want new recruits or not? Otherwise, I might as well go ask the Joker. At least he's taking even C-listers like Cluemaster; his standards are way lower."
The Riddler's eye twitched. Cody's answer totally triggered him, bringing back that not-so-great day. He heard that comment and was instantly reminded of that awful time.
"Fine," he said, slowly pacing forward, his voice turning cold. "Let me spell it out for you. This morning, Gotham City Police Officer Cody quit the force. Someone saw him leave the hospital and hop right on a train to Metropolis. But this guy faced both me and the Joker and walked away. Someone like that, you think a little explosion at the precinct would scare him off so easily?"
"What kinda crazy talk is that? That was an explosion, not playtime! Gotham P.D. is flattened!"
The Riddler ignored him and just kept going. "Funny coincidence, huh? This street vigilante, the Biking Maniac, also showed up right after this guy, Cody, arrived in Gotham. If you're saying there's no connection between them, well, that's just insulting my intelligence."
"So, what's that gotta do with me?"
"Cut the act, Mr. Cody."
The Riddler replied coldly, "Take off the mask. What's the point of playing dumb now?"
At that moment, Two-Face just reached out and yanked the mask off the Biking Maniac's face.
Hiss!
A collective gasp went through the room. Everyone clearly saw that beneath the Biking Maniac's mask was...
...another mask.
It was pink, shaped kinda like a hairdryer, and if it wasn't for the ears and mouth, you'd barely know it was a pig.
"What the heck is wrong with you?"
The Riddler couldn't take it anymore. This bizarre, idiotic, comedic vibe was bringing back that terrible day again, the one where a complete fool dragged him down to their level, making him look like a goofy clown on a stage.
He angrily ripped off the Peppa Pig mask, revealing the middle-aged guy's face underneath.
For a moment, everyone there, including the Riddler, just froze.
"What are you staring at?" the scruffy-faced guy asked. "So a guy in his thirties can't like Peppa Pig? You outta your mind? Guys are teenagers 'til the day they die, get a clue!"
Silence.
The whole place went dead silent, like you could hear a pin drop. Ever since the super-villains started showing up here more and more, this was the first time everyone was this quiet. Usually, they're all busy messing with each other, getting on each other's nerves – "Here, stab me, check out my healing factor!" "Take a shot, see my crazy reflexes!" It's usually total chaos, a real rogue's gallery get-together.
Two-Face turned and looked at the Riddler, not saying a word, but somehow saying it all.
The Riddler's face started to twist.
"Check his face! I wanna see how many faces he's got! I wanna know if he's wearing a disguise!"
So, a moment later, the Biking Maniac was rubbing his face, which was red and even bleeding a little from being grabbed, and heading over to pick up his cape, sticking out his gut.
"Man, check all you want, but why'd you gotta pull my cape? I just wanna hide my beer belly, what's wrong with that?"
The Riddler's expression kept changing, then he suddenly asked, "What's your name?"
"Biking Maniac."
"Your real name."
"Alcaholic Thor."
"Drunk Thor?" Poison Ivy raised an eyebrow. "A boozy Thor with a big gut? Why'd you pick a name like that?"
"My ancestors were the real deal from Gotham, pure blood. Don't you question me."
The Biking Maniac put his gear back on and then looked at the Riddler.
"So, did I get the job or not? Just give me a straight answer."
