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Chapter 271: The King of Schemes
🕑 Added 2025-05-13 17:30:01 +0000 UTC*MacLaren's Pub.*
"Don't be so serious."
Ted tried to smooth things over. "We're all friends here."
"Even among friends, there have to be boundaries."
Adam said seriously, "If we don’t set them beforehand and someone crosses the line, how can we stay friends?"
"Exactly!"
Lily was the first to agree. "Some things just shouldn’t be done, whether you're friends or not!"
As a woman, she had strong feelings about weddings. She was completely immersed in the topic and couldn't stand the idea of someone ruining a wedding—especially if it was a friend doing the ruining.
"I agree too."
Marshall always had the most righteous moral compass. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have been able to become the future "Marshmallow Supreme Court Justice."
That was one of the highest honors.
Of course, not all Supreme Court justices had perfect morals, but this was the world of a sitcom. If Marshall became a Supreme Court Justice, it was the ultimate recognition of his strong values.
After all, this is all just a show for others to watch…
"Alright then."
Seeing this, Ted could only shrug. "Barney, Adam is right. You really need to be careful. Otherwise, you might lose your friends."
"I know."
Barney pursed his lips.
The reason he surrendered wasn’t just because Adam’s gaze was sharp. The bigger reason was that he had keenly noticed Lily and Marshall were siding with Adam.
A well-established friend group isn't easy to break into. If he insisted on arguing, even if Ted backed him up, it would disrupt the group dynamic, and he’d probably end up being pushed out.
Because the foundation of this group had always been Ted, Marshall, and Lily.
Even though Barney always made Ted say that he was Ted’s best friend, deep down, he knew the truth—Ted would never distance himself from his real best friends, Marshall and Lily, for Barney’s sake.
Besides, Barney genuinely liked Marshall and Lily as a couple. For someone who had once been hurt in love, they were proof that true love still existed.
That’s why he had never once made a move on Lily and had always been protective of their relationship.
Adam understood this perfectly.
Back in his past life, when he watched How I Met Your Mother, he always identified with Barney.
Now, after crossing into this world and becoming a womanizer like Barney, he understood him even more.
Just like how bad guys still enjoy being friends with good people, what player wouldn't want to befriend a couple like Marshall and Lily—people who embodied the phrase "one true love, together forever"?
"You're something else."
Barney squinted at Adam, his eyes narrowing out of habit. "Honestly, you and I are the same. I’ve always treated the Bro Code like a sacred text. In fact, I’ll add what you just said to it."
"Heh."
Adam smirked. "I know all about the Bro Code. I’m glad you’re willing to add 'never sabotage someone’s marriage' to it. But I really hope that the last page of your Bro Code doesn’t say, 'Final interpretation rights belong to Barney Stinson.' I’d hate for you to just turn around and say, 'The Bro Code is meant to be broken,' whenever it suits you."
"…"
Barney was absolutely stunned.
That was his deepest, most well-guarded secret, and Adam had just exposed it in one sentence.
To Barney, the Bro Code, all the so-called rules for interacting with bros—it was all just a front. A game.
His only real rule was: Do whatever you want.
"You tricked me!"
Ted suddenly realized what was happening and shouted angrily, "So the Bro Code actually has that kind of clause?!"
Barney had always preached to him about how sacred the Bro Code was. After hearing it so many times, Ted had unconsciously come to respect it. He never imagined it had a loophole like this.
"Okay, okay!"
Seeing that he had been exposed, Barney sighed in defeat. "Fine. I’ll remove that rule, happy?"
Then he frowned, still confused. "But Adam, how did you know?"
"Heh."
Adam chuckled confidently. "Simple. I put myself in your shoes. Never underestimate the weaknesses of human nature…"
"You’re good."
Barney gave him a thumbs-up.
Adam just smiled knowingly.
At this point, Lily turned her attention back to Chandler and Monica’s wedding.
Adam answered all her gossip-filled questions.
Lily listened with great interest.
Marshall was just as engaged, occasionally exchanging glances with Ted.
Adam noticed and immediately guessed what Marshall was thinking. He had to hold back a laugh.
"As the best man, are you really not planning to get a stripper for the groom?"
Barney held back as long as he could before finally asking.
"Why would I?"
Adam countered.
"It’s tradition!"
Barney suddenly became animated. "A bachelor party without a stripper is incomplete. Worse, it’s doomed to be miserable! Most of the guys attending are expecting that part of the night. If you don’t hire a stripper, what are they even supposed to watch?
"And besides, I guarantee the bridesmaids are throwing Monica her own bachelorette party. Can you say for sure that they won't hire a stripper?"
Adam hesitated.
He didn’t care about Barney’s first few arguments. But that last point… he really couldn’t be sure.
In fact, he vaguely remembered that Monica did have a stripper at her bachelorette party. She even had a blast.
Later, when Chandler found out after they got married, he got jealous. So much so that Monica had to dress up and dance for him to recreate the experience.
"Hah!"
Seeing Adam's hesitation, Barney lit up. "See? I told you! If the groom doesn’t get a stripper but the bride does, then isn’t he getting screwed over?"
"That’s not the point."
Adam’s lips twitched.
Honestly, strippers weren’t a big deal. Back when Chandler had been crushing on Joey’s girlfriend, Kathy, Adam had taken him out for several weeks just to get his mind off her.
But back then, Chandler wasn’t dating Monica yet—he wasn’t a groom.
Now that they were getting married, and Monica was likely to have a stripper at her party, Adam couldn’t help but feel like Chandler was getting the short end of the stick.
"Exactly! It’s not about fairness—it’s about tradition."
Barney straightened his tie, puffed out his chest, and regained his usual nonsense-spouting confidence. "Do you know why both the bride and groom hire strippers for their pre-wedding parties?"
"For strip clubs to make more money?"
Adam joked.
"…"
Barney shot him an annoyed look for ruining his dramatic setup. Then he tilted his head, gazing at the ceiling at a poetic 45-degree angle.
"It’s all about foreplay!"
"Foreplay?"
Lily, Ted, and Marshall looked confused.
"Yes! Foreplay!"
Barney launched into his theory. "Think about it. A couple about to get married has probably been engaged for a while. They’ve probably been living together. The excitement? Gone.
"So, on their wedding night, how much passion can they really expect?
"Not much!
"That’s when some genius came up with the idea of bachelor and bachelorette parties—with strippers!
"Imagine it! The bride and groom are teased, tempted, but can’t touch. They hold back, the tension builds. Then, they experience a beautiful wedding, making that fire burn even hotter.
"And finally, on the wedding night, all that pent-up frustration explodes into a passionate volcanic eruption!"
"The wedding night would be unforgettable…"
Lily, completely caught up in the fantasy, bit her lip, her eyes dreamy.
"Exactly! It’d be like Yellowstone blowing sky-high!"
Barney snapped his fingers and grinned at Adam.
"So… are we getting the groom a stripper?"
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(End of Chapter)
