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Chapter 283: Barney's Agony
🕑 Added 2025-05-18 22:11:51 +0000 UTC"Get lost!"
"Get lost!"
"Get lost!"
"..."
"Woo~"
For several nights in a row, Barney suffered one blow after another, to the point where he almost broke down completely.
That night.
"Barney, you can't keep letting Adam go first. Otherwise, you really won’t stand a chance at all."
Ted reminded him, "In things like this, there's always an order—first come, first served. Whoever goes first has the advantage. Since this is a fair competition, you should take turns. If you always let Adam go first, it looks like you're underestimating him. That’s not good."
"You're right."
With that opening, Barney immediately took the chance to agree. "This time, I'll go first."
Lily and Marshall sat nearby, smiling without saying a word.
When Adam arrived and heard Barney’s declaration, he smiled and said, "Of course, no problem."
"Great! This time, I'll show off my real skills."
Barney stood up, straightened his tie, and looked confident.
"Have you met Barney?"
Barney approached a blonde beauty, lightly tapped her on the shoulder, and used one of his signature pick-up lines.
In the past, he would team up with Ted or other wingmen to introduce each other, tapping a woman and walking away, leaving her for his friend.
But now, since he was competing fairly with Adam, he had to rely on himself.
The blonde woman turned around, looking a bit confused when she saw only Barney standing there.
"Barney Stinson."
Barney extended his hand with a charming smile.
"Amy."
The blonde responded after a brief hesitation. Seeing Barney's sharp (expensive) suit and confident (borderline arrogant) demeanor, she accepted his unconventional greeting and shook his hand with a smile.
In America, the names Amy, Emily, and Emma are as common as "Xiaoming" and "Xiaohong" in China—just look at how many Amys Adam has encountered.
"So, Amy, do you like magic?"
Barney pulled out one of his best tricks.
"It’s okay, I guess."
Amy shrugged.
As soon as she finished speaking, a spark of fire shot from Barney’s right hand to his left. When he opened his left palm, the words "It’s okay, I guess." were written there.
"Oh my God!"
Amy gasped in surprise.
Another spark flew to his right hand. When he opened it, the words "Oh my God!" were written there.
From that moment on, Amy was hooked, pestering Barney about his magic tricks and laughing at his jokes.
"Looks like Barney won this round."
Ted smiled with satisfaction.
"Heh."
Adam smirked. "It’s not over yet."
After a while, Barney subtly flashed a victory sign at his friends before heading toward the restroom.
"My turn."
Adam took a sip of his beer and walked toward the blonde, Amy.
"Hi."
"Hi~"
Barney had barely turned the corner before stopping—he never actually went to the restroom.
He agreed with Ted—when two top-tier players face off, going first really does matter.
In his mind, Adam had already earned his respect as a worthy opponent.
Barney’s first move had been executed perfectly. Now, he was eager to see Adam in action.
Then, his face darkened.
All it took was a single "Hi" from Adam, and Amy was completely smitten. Her infatuated gaze made it painfully clear—Adam’s casual greeting was far more effective than all of Barney’s carefully practiced magic tricks.
Watching as Amy eagerly followed Adam, Barney couldn’t take it anymore. He hurried back and called out to her.
"Amy!"
He was determined to face Adam head-on and let Amy make a choice.
Though he didn’t want to admit it, for the first time, he appreciated the moral argument about fairness—he was first, after all.
"Barney, I’ve got something to do. Let’s chat next time."
Amy barely glanced at him before slipping her arm around Adam’s and walking out.
As if she hadn’t just been laughing at Barney’s jokes minutes ago.
Adam flashed Barney a smile and walked away with her.
"No!"
Watching them leave, Barney shouted in frustration.
He was first!
Barney's Nightmare
From that moment on, Barney’s life became a nightmare.
No matter how much effort he put into his strategies and routines, none of it could compete with Adam’s simple "Hi."
Being repeatedly crushed in his proudest field, combined with his growing frustration (hormonal buildup), was pushing Barney to the edge.
"No!"
"No!"
"No!"
Those were the words he shouted most often.
"Adam, maybe you should let him win once," Lily said sympathetically.
"Yeah," Ted agreed. "Letting him win just once wouldn’t hurt, right?"
"No way."
Adam shook his head. "This is a bet. A fair competition. Throwing the match would be the greatest insult to him."
"But you’ve already won."
Ted frowned. "Would it really hurt to let him win once and give him a break?"
"This is part of his punishment."
Adam smirked. "He knew the stakes when he made the bet. After this, he’ll finally start considering other people’s perspectives instead of always doing whatever he wants. But before that, he needs a lesson he won’t forget."
Then, Adam told them a modified version of Lu Xiaobu and Zhang Wei’s story.
"Ted, do you think Barney would do something like that?" Adam asked.
"..."
Ted had no answer.
Of course, Barney would do something like that.
In fact, his version would be even worse.
"And would you want to be Zhang Wei?"
Adam continued.
Ted’s mouth twitched. He didn’t answer.
Of course not. If he ever got married and Barney ruined it, he’d probably go insane.
Exactly.
Adam had deliberately altered the story. In this version, Zhang Wei lost his true love because he missed the wedding.
If Adam had told the real version, Ted would have probably said, "If I were Zhang Wei, I’d just give them my blessing."
After shutting Ted down and calming Lily—who, after hearing the story, was demanding that Adam keep punishing Barney—Adam resumed the game.
One Month Later
For Adam, a month passed quickly.
For Barney, who had been crushed repeatedly, it felt like an eternity of suffering.
"I lost."
At last, Barney admitted defeat, looking both shattered and relieved.
"I was wrong. I give up!"
In front of the entire bar, Barney repeated this 100 times.
"I’ll get you the crown soon."
With that, Barney quickly walked out of MacLaren's Pub.
"Barney..."
Lily, Ted, and Marshall felt a little sorry for him.
"Should we go comfort him?"
"We probably shouldn’t. He needs time to lick his wounds."
Marshall reasoned.
"Heh."
Adam couldn’t help but laugh.
"You’re laughing?"
Ted was furious. "That’s cruel!"
"Why wouldn’t I laugh?"
Adam scoffed. "This is Barney Stinson we’re talking about. You seriously think he’s sitting alone, wallowing in self-pity? No way."
"Wait… you mean…"
Lily, Ted, and Marshall suddenly realized.
Strip Club
Barney sat with a wide grin, enjoying a lap dance.
"Ah… oh…"
"Already?"
"NOOOO!!!"
As the dancer looked at him in surprise, Barney’s agonized scream echoed through the universe, seemingly shattering the fourth wall itself.
(End of chapter)
