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Interlude (1)

🕑 Added 2024-10-25 03:05:03 +0000 UTC

Comments

DevonHexx

I’ll tweak it a little. And the juices were just his saliva and her wetness. Happens to me all the time lol.

Codewrds

He inhaled the fresh scent of her and his cock, never having gone fully soft, This sentence makes it seem as if he smells his cock at first. clit and pushed his tongue a little dipper - > deeper. She The lower half of his face was wet with their combined juices and she had tasted so good Mitchell thought This confused me a little, as I don't think he's cum in her yet, so how could he have his own juices on his face? Also, I see why they liked you over at literotica

DevonHexx

The brain is the biggest sex organ, as they say. And as far as the bdsm stuff, I discovered it the same way, so that’s a bit of art imitating life there.

Josh

Not at all. Great detail, and in particular, much appreciation for continuing to focus on their characters and thoughts and not just mechanics. So many scenes in stories get written in a way that they would work just as well with completely different people; it's a sign of good writing that this would not. (Of course, the mechanics need to be good too, and the chapter absolutely delivered there too.) I'm guessing the heart stone does wonders for stamina. Also, enjoying the show-don't-tell of Mitchell discovering a fondness for dominance, and starting to play and experiment with it in the moment and see what he likes. I see plenty of stories where someone starts out with that preference, but far fewer where they discover that preference.

DevonHexx

Glad it works. I hadn’t written an erotic scene for awhile so I was worried it would be a bit clunky.

DevonHexx

I’ll get them corrected, thanks.

Josh

> naval *navel > spring loaded *spring-loaded > dipper *deeper

Josh

That was incredibly hot.

Josh

> Mitchell realized then that he didn’t know the word for orgasm. Apparently Lethelin was insufficiently bawdy. Or perhaps Mitchell should tease her and rile her up a bit about why orgasms don't come up in her stories? ;) > “Oh, so that was the word,” Mitchell thought to himself as he struggled not to break the rhythm he had established that was working so well. ”Svora.” What an excellent time to be a cunning linguist.


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