foolishfifteen
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Gray Areas (Update; October 2019]
🕑 Added 2019-10-07 19:35:43 +0000 UTCHi!
I'm usually a lot better at communicating than this and I've royally dropped the ball here! I'm sorry, this isn't like me, but yet again I am having some problems that are eating up my time and energy. Onward with the short and sweet: I'm alive! I didn't drop off the face of the earth, I just, kind of slipped into a mental sewer for a bit for some circumstances out of my control. (They are still out of my control, but I owe it to everyone here to talk about it a bit.) Business / tl;dr is at the bottom; this is long but important.
This is my third or fourth draft writing this; I do multiple drafts of most public-facing things I post, but this one felt especially uh, odd, because my current problem is something I myself am (at time of writing) in the dark about! So I'm making this as honest and informative as I am comfortable with at this time, haha.
Simply put I'm currently awaiting callback to schedule some appointments with a specialist due to some labs I had done. In like, 90% likelihoods, everything is fine; however it was presented to me as 'we found some things', 'you need a more thorough second exam from this specialist; they'll call you!' and 'you might need surgery!'. Despite checking with everyone I know who could possibly have encountered my results and *all of them* saying they were false positives / minor problems with easy solutions, I've been... uhh. Very, very not okay about it. Usually I can't shut up about shit that is on my mind but I have opted to relax on that a bit and as a consequence, sometimes I just... don't, and unfortunately this has been one of those times. I've got things I need to do and people who are waiting on me while I am waiting on people who are waiting to run more tests and, it's not a great time right now. There's a lot of personal worry and pressure, my remaining grandfather is taking a turn, and I keep burning out before I can maintain a reliable flame.
tl;dr:
Something weird and unknown came up and I'm doing my best, and I know most of you will be on-board with that and the speed of which I am doing what I can. Sarah and I have had a lot of talks about my situation and what we can do to make it easier / reliable, but what matters right now is I'm fine and doing my best to operate fine while I await confirmation that I am fine. I also need to start molding my workflow around myself and less around what works for the structure I got used to in other jobs. A lot of shit needs changed and I'm using October to change it.
A side note: I confess to having burned out a lot the last month or so, and I'd like for no one to worry that they contributed/caused it! I pretty much did this all to myself by doing something that is not possible for me to sustain - and that's a constant creative workflow with no room for me in it. I have not been good to myself and in forcing myself to keep going, I've done a lot of damage; but I'm working on getting a healthier relationship with this cool job of mine, and I didn't want anyone worrying they'd done something to contribute to this mess!
Business/Housekeeping:
-The $10+ Tier sketchbook will be up on 10/07/2019 (todaaay!) by the evening; September was hardcore burnout for me and I had a *lot* of vent art to scrape out of it.
-October commissions *will hopefully be a thing*, BUT: they will be more limited in number and complexity than usual and I might have to revamp my form for this format. In addition: I will not be taking more on until I finish what I have.
-More commission options will be opening while I work through what I *am comfortable* doing versus what needs done. This will include the above format/YCHs/things of that ilk. This does not mean more slots. I think I would actually die.
-Reminder that pledging does not mean you guarantee a commission slot, the amount you pledge does not increase your odds of getting a commission slot; do not pledge for the *sole reason* of getting the % discount off of your commission. The only guaranteed monthly images are for the $30 tier which is limited and currently booked.
