SmilinKujo
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Chapter 49 – The Monkey in the Humvee
🕑 Added 2025-03-23 10:31:56 +0000 UTCInside the dimly lit military Humvee, tension hung thick in the air. A dozen rifles were trained on Jack, their barrels steady, their fingers twitching near the trigger. Jack, however, remained unbothered. In fact, he was enjoying himself.
"Did you know," Jack began, leaning slightly forward, his hands still bound—not that it mattered. "That in 1912, a man named Franz Reichelt tried to test his homemade parachute by jumping off the Eiffel Tower? He died instantly."
The soldiers exchanged glances. Some furrowed their brows. Others just stared ahead, stone-faced.
Jack continued. "Or that a shrimp's heart is located in its head? Kind of poetic, don't you think? Love and thought, together in one place."
One soldier clenched his jaw. Another adjusted his grip on the rifle.
Jack grinned. "Here's a fun one. If you scream for eight years, seven months, and six days, you'll generate enough sound energy to heat up a cup of coffee."
One soldier exhaled sharply through his nose. Another visibly tightened his grip on his gun.
Jack tilted his head, as if he were pondering something. "But who has the time, right? Imagine spending years just to make one warm cup. You know, kind of like how your government spent decades trying to control metahumans, but all it got was me sitting in this truck making you regret your career choices."
A vein pulsed in the sergeant's forehead.
Jack smirked. "Oh! Did you know that in 2004, a group of trained military dolphins went missing? They were supposedly taught to shoot poison darts at enemy divers. To this day, no one knows where they are. Which means, right now, somewhere in the ocean, there's a dolphin assassin living his best life."
One soldier inhaled deeply and exhaled through gritted teeth. Another muttered under his breath, "Jesus Christ…"
Jack beamed. "I know, right? It's amazing how much you don't know."
The sergeant, who had been keeping silent, finally snapped. "Shut the hell up."
Jack blinked, then gave a mock gasp. "Whoa, is that how you treat your honored guest? I thought the United States military was all about professionalism. Here I am, giving you free knowledge, and you're being rude. Honestly, I'm disappointed."
The sergeant gritted his teeth and turned away, deciding that ignoring Jack was the best course of action.
Jack grinned wider. "Fine, fine, I'll be quiet. But just so you know, an octopus has three hearts. And when it gets stressed, it eats itself. Kind of relatable, don't you think?"
The Humvee rocked slightly as it hit a bump, but Jack's laughter filled the space, making the soldiers inside shift uncomfortably.
Above them, in a military helicopter, General Thaddeus "Thunderbolt" Ross observed the base from above.
His grizzled face was unreadable as he spoke into the radio. "Perimeter secured?"
"Yes, sir," came the response from the ground team. "Every entrance is covered. No way in or out without clearance."
Ross nodded, his gaze locked onto the convoy approaching the base. "Good. I want this done quickly."
His eyes narrowed as he watched the Humvee carrying Jack Hou. Ross had dealt with metahumans before. Mutants. Gamma freaks. And he knew one thing—control was an illusion. The only way to contain something like Jack Hou was through overwhelming force.
And if that didn't work… Ross gritted his teeth. Then they'd see just how many bullets it took to put a lunatic down. The Humvee rolled toward the base gates. And the real game was about to begin.
The Humvee screeched to a halt, dust kicking up as the vehicle came to a stop inside the military base. Before anyone could say a word, the doors burst open as the soldiers inside practically threw themselves out, gasping as if they had been suffocating.
Jack, meanwhile, stepped out casually, still cuffed, a wide grin on his face. "And that, gentlemen, is why I don't recommend dating an IRS agent."
The nearby soldiers, already tense, just stared at him, unblinking. One of the officers—Colonel Jacobs—stepped forward, his face hard as stone. "Shut the fuck up and start moving, you lunatic."
Jack clicked his tongue. "Such hostility. I thought you'd at least buy me dinner first."
Jacobs took a threatening step forward, but Jack was already moving. As he walked, he began singing.
🎶 It's gonna be me… 🎶
And not just singing. Jack started dancing. Right there, in the middle of the heavily guarded military base, surrounded by soldiers with loaded weapons, Jack broke into a full-blown boyband routine. He popped his shoulders, did a dramatic spin, then moonwalked for good measure.
One of the younger soldiers whispered to another, "Is… is he doing NSYNC?" The other soldier just shook his head in horror. Even Colonel Jacobs looked like he wanted to shoot himself.
Jack kept going, his steps perfectly in sync with the song in his head. And then—He stopped. Because he saw her.
Standing near the entrance of the main facility, waiting for him, was none other than William Stryker. A man infamous for handling metahuman cases in the United States. A man Jack knew all too well.
But Jack didn't care about Stryker. He cared about the woman standing beside him. She was beautiful—Professional, glasses perfectly adjusted, posture rigid, radiating competence.
But Jack's eyes—his golden gaze—caught something else. A BBB. Big… Beautiful… Breasts… "Good Lord." Jack whispered, staring.
Stryker narrowed his eyes. "Something to say, Hou?"
Jack ignored him. Instead, he started walking properly for the first time since arriving. No more dancing. No more singing. Just a man walking toward destiny. As he reached Stryker, he casually snapped his cuffs.
CRACK.
The sound of military-grade restraints breaking like brittle twigs made every soldier present tense up, rifles raised, fingers tightening on triggers. Jack kept walking.
Stryker's face darkened. "Restrain him, now."
A dozen soldiers moved in. Jack ignored them. His eyes were on one person. The assistant. As if the entire world had disappeared around them, Jack reached out, gently taking her hand.
She blinked, slightly startled, but didn't pull away. Jack lifted her hand to his lips, brushing a slow, lingering kiss across her knuckles.
Then, his voice dropped into a soft, reverent whisper. "I have witnessed a tragedy today."
The assistant frowned slightly. "What…?"
Jack looked into her eyes, golden and intense. "An angel has fallen."
Stryker's brows furrowed. "What the hell is he—"
Jack kept going. "And yet, my lady, I fear I am the one who has fallen harder."
A platoon of soldiers suddenly rushed forward, tackling Jack. "ARREST HIM QUICKLY—GET HIM DOWN!"
Jack didn't resist. He let them shove him to the ground, acting as if the new, bulkier mutant-suppressing cuffs were actually doing something.
Then, he looked at the cuffs. His eyes widened. "Oh my." Jack turned his hands dramatically, observing the thick metal bands now clamped onto his wrists. "I didn't know my tax money was going toward making BDSM tools like this."
The entire squad froze. Stryker rubbed his temples. "Shut the fuck up."
Jack sighed dramatically. "Fine, fine. I'll behave." He allowed the soldiers to haul him to his feet, dragging him toward the interrogation wing. But as they moved, Jack spoke again, a mischievous grin on his face. "Not that I pay my taxes."
Stryker's eye twitched.
Jack suddenly screamed, "NOOO! ERASE THE RECORDING AND CCTV! THE IRS IS WATCHING! I SWEAR I PAY MY TAXES!"
The soldiers groaned, regretting every life choice that had led them here. The doors to the facility slammed shut.
Stryker sighed, rubbing his temples. "What a goddamn nightmare."
Then, he turned to his assistant. "You okay?"
The assistant calmly adjusted her glasses. "I'm fine."
Stryker nodded, then turned toward the interrogation room.
But what he didn't see—Was his assistant's eyes flashing yellow for just a brief second. Then back to normal. And she smiled.
…
Jack was unceremoniously shoved into the interrogation room, the soldiers gripping his arms tighter than necessary. With a dramatic twirl, he let himself be thrown into the chair, sprawling lazily as if he owned the place.
The door slammed shut behind him, leaving him alone. Jack let out a long, exaggerated sigh, then glanced around. It was standard. A cheap metal table, a chair for him, another for whoever thought they could 'break' him, and a giant one-way mirror.
Jack tilted his head slightly. Through his golden gaze, the glass was useless—he could see through it, at least five people standing behind it, watching. But he acted like he couldn't.
Instead, he cupped his hands around his mouth and shouted toward the mirror. "Heeeeyy! Can I get a gaming chair instead? My butt hurts after cleaning up New York City of its sins."
He leaned back, kicking his feet up on the table. "In a way, I'm kinda like a pastor. A man of the people. A spiritual guide. Just one that's willing to beat the shit out of people until they find Jesus."
Silence.
Jack tapped his fingers on the table. "No? No upgrade? That's fine. Just know that by making me uncomfortable, you're violating my human rights. I will be calling my lawyer, and you will be hearing from Nelson & Murdock."
More silence.
Jack smirked. They were stalling. Waiting. Trying to wear him down before the interrogation even started. Jack yawned dramatically, stretching his arms. "Well, if you're gonna take your sweet time, I might as well do something productive."
He closed his eyes. And descended into himself.
Jack opened his eyes—And found himself back at the peak of his soul. The mountain Huaguo. Jack stood at the foot of his mountain once more. The air was thick with energy, humming with a presence that had grown stronger, deeper.
He glanced up at the main temple—And narrowed his eyes. It was bigger. Not just in size, but in presence. The once modest structure at the peak had expanded into something grand, its golden roof gleaming under the ever-present sun of his soul.
But it wasn't just the main temple that had changed. Jack turned, scanning the surrounding mountains. There were now five smaller temples. New. Unfamiliar.
"Huh…" Jack muttered, rubbing his chin. "More abilities? Or just new rooms for me to throw house parties in?" He pondered.
His golden gaze flickered as he considered something else. Was this connected to the sudden growth of peach trees in his real-world territory? Was the land giving him strength, or was he giving strength to the land?
Jack shrugged. "Eh. No need to overthink shit I don't understand yet." And with that, he began climbing toward the peak. The main temple loomed before him, larger than ever.
Jack stepped inside—And his eyes widened. The hall had expanded, stretching into an open, endless chamber of gold and crimson. And at the very center… A familiar shape stood.
Jack felt his heart lurch. His staff. Ruyi Jingu Bang. The legendary weapon. His weapon. It stood there as if waiting for him. Jack ran forward, throwing his arms around it. "Oh, my love!" he cried, burying his face against the cool, metal surface. "No more separation! No more lost luggage at the airport! You're connected to my soul now—forever and always!"
The staff promptly bonked him on the head. "Ow!" Jack grumbled, rubbing his scalp. "Right, right, no PDA. I get it."
The staff vibrated, as if laughing at him. Jack chuckled and turned, noticing something else. Further down the hall, an empty space. A void. A hollow. It felt… waiting.
Jack walked toward it, his staff following behind him like an obedient dog. He stopped just before the empty space, touching his chin. "So, is this where I put more cool shit?"
He hummed. "Is there more stuff that can connect to my soul?" Jack slowly sat in the center of the hall, folding his legs.
His master's teachings echoed in his mind. He closed his eyes. He breathed in. And began to remember.
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