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Useless: Chapter 20
🕑 Added 2025-07-30 02:02:29 +0000 UTC“Am I looking shiny? Danni, am I looking too shiny? The light’s in this room are too cold.” The reporter for ’Wake Up! USA!’ looked to her assistant and repeated the question.
The frantic assistant was busy setting up the shot in the rec room of Blazer HQ. Silvi had organized this interview with a nationwide network early on and ‘Wake Up’ jumped at the chance. The country would be able to get to know their first supe guy ever. Sally had prepped him to be as G-rated as possible.
Silvi knelt next to Dan who was sitting next to the reporter, her bright red hair shined like rubies under the harsh lighting. “Dan, this first interview you’re going to have in your career. I’ve asked the network to go easy on you for your first interview. I know Raela, she’ll take care of you.” She looked at the women sitting across from Dan who was still preening. “At least I hope so.”
He whispered in Silvi’s ear. “What if she asks about my first job here, or anything about my relationships?”
“The truth will out one way or another Dan. Tell your truth to the world. You have nothing to be ashamed about. You’ve already saved dozens of lives.” She kissed him on the cheek and stepped back.
The cameraman counted down and pointed to the reporter. The lady held a microphone and sat up straight. “‘Wake up! USA! This is Raela Gumpnick sitting here with the world's first male superhero Emboss. Emboss has just become a member of the Boston supergroup the Back Bay Blazers. He’s here to introduce himself to America. Emboss it’s a pleasure to meet you.”
“Thank you Raela, thank you for taking the time to interview me.”
“America has been dying to ask how you got your name and how you came into your powers.”
“Right, well I didn’t choose that name, it was picked for me by the press you see. The code name that the government had for me when they first found me was ‘m.b.o.s.-1’. Meaning I was the first male superhero subject found in Boston. I would like to think I could have come up with a better name, but for the life of me I can’t think of something unless it’s cringy.” He laughed.
“As for my powers. The sad truth is I found I was invulnerable when a thug tried to stab me. I was coming home from work and a gang surrounded me. After I found out I was invulnerable, I made short work of them. I brought the girl I stopped to the hospital, and she’s now doing time.”
“Emboss, that’s awful.”
“I’m sure plenty of other supes have worse stories than mine. We often find our powers in stressful situations.” He gave a grim smile.
“Yes, I see. What work were you doing before being a superhero?”
“Ah. There’s no sugarcoating it. I was a sex worker.” Raela audibly gasped, but Dan barreled through. “You see, I was a computer programmer before I came to this world. And jobs for men in that field were simply too hard to get, especially since I had no proof of residence.”
“Your world? Proof of residence? Embos, I hear you have no accent, if anything you sound like a local.”
Dan gritted his teeth. “This is going to sound crazy Raela, but I come from a parallel universe.”
The interviewer's mouth dropped open for a moment and then closed and opened again, in complete shock. “USA. We’ll be right back after these messages from our sponsors.”
After the camera's light went off, Raela stood up. “Berzerker, get over here right now. You didn’t tell me that he was some crazy hooker!”
Silvi frowned. “He may have been a gigolo, but he’s not crazy.”
“If this proves to be a hoax I’ll have your head. No one makes a fool of a Gumpnick.”
“And we’re back in three…two…one.”
“Welcome back, USA! We’re continuing our interview with the new supe that’s taking the world by storm, Emboss. Emboss, we had just discussed that you believe that you came from a parallel universe and were forced to become a sex worker to make ends meet.”
“Yes that’s true.”
“Do you have any proof of this?”
“The only proof I have is that I have a green card with my country of origin marked down as ALT-USA. It’s unlikely you’d believe that. A month ago, no one believed in extraterrestrials, but you’re sitting in a room with an alien right now. Above our heads is an alien super carrier. Is a parallel universe that much more of a stretch? I don’t know. What I can say is that I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.” He smiled and waved at the camera.
“Could you tell us about this parallel universe?” She spoke cautiously. “What were the salient differences?”
“Well the biggest difference was that the population of men and women were the same.”
“I bet a lot of young women would dream to live in such a world.” She winked at the camera.
“I’m sure they would Raela, but women only started to get equal rights there a hundred and twenty five years or so ago. Men controlled the world.”
“Now you’re teasing.”
“I wish I was. Besides those two things there’s not much difference except people in history have male names rather than female ones.”
“Is there any way we could get a trip to your world? I bet it would be better than a trip to Vegas.”
“No, I don't think so. I was being pushed off the balcony of a skyscraper when I came here. I landed in a dumpster.”
“Someone tried to…”
“Kill me? Yes. Someone pushed me off a building right before I came to your world.”
“Man have you had it bad.” Raela’s facade of an anchorwoman started to crack.
“Yes, but now I’m with the Blazers and I couldn’t be happier. They’re the best supergroup on the planet.” He flashed the BBB logo on his shoulder. “Go Blazers!” The group hooted from behind the camera. “I owe so much to them. I’m their biggest fan.”
Raela’s facade came back. “Embos, you fought an alien attack on your own, spent months in space, and came back. What was that like?”
“Heh, I’d rather not go into too much detail, but to me it was only a few days, not months. Light speed and all that messes with time. But Cygnus was able to rescue me, and we were able to convince my special friend Donadd to return us to Earth in exchange for her protection. The worst part was leaving my new friends behind for so long.”
“Do you have any reservations living with a creature responsible for your abduction, and the abduction of other humans?”
“No. Donadd is a sweet girl and is working to right the wrongs of her past. The technology she’s going to share with the world will save millions of lives.”
“I see. How is the working relationship with the rest of your group?”
“Heh, I don’t really deserve to be a member, they’re the best. They’ve done nothing but support me in bringing me on as a member. They each complement each other, so they’re a solid team. So I’m a bit of a fifth wheel.” Dan laughed. ”I’m glad they’re on my side.”
“Being single in a dorm full of powerful women, have there been any office romances?” She giggled. “Come on, spill the tea.”
“I’m in love with more than one of them at the moment. I haven’t asked them if they were ok with me telling the world, so I’ll let them talk about it. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I’m their biggest fan.”
He could see out of the corner of his eye all the girls looked embarrassed, even Sister In Law.
“Emboss, I’m sure I could talk to you for another hour, but that’s all the time we have left.” She gave him a smile, she did in fact look like she was starting to sweat. “We’d love to have you back on the show, I’m sure the USA would as well.”
“Thank you Raela, it’s been a pleasure.”
The producer yelled out. “And we’re out.”
Raela started fanning herself. “Danni, get me back to the hotel ASAP. I need to take a very cold shower or I’m going to jump on top of this poor boy.” She looked Dan up and down. “It’s a shame you said you were involved with the Blazers romantically. You could have been the country’s most eligible bachelor. You could have jumped up to number one in the ranks in no time.”
“Heh, that’s not my game. I just want to support my team.”
Raela got up and walked away. “Like I said, the cat’s out of the bag, so there’s no point in worrying about it anymore.”
The four original Blazers and Donadd came up to him as he stood up and gave him a group hug.
Silvi squealed. “Dan, you did great for your first interview. You knocked it out of the park!”
“Not bad, kid.” Sister said, “Why don’t we all celebrate tonight, I’m buying.”
Dan was glad he didn’t have to cook that night.
….
Richard Hazel sat dejectedly in his boxer shorts at the end of a hotel room bed staring at the commercials after the end of the interview with Emboss. Dan had pretty much aced the interview and his stomach churned with jealousy.
“Can you believe this garbage?” He looked back at Ms. Enola Gortinson. “Every one of those questions was a softball.”
“I wouldn’t worry your little head about it Dick.” She purred. “Once my company sets up the consulting contract with H & R, your revenues will double. You may not even need to sign up another heroine again.”
“That may have to be the case, after the Blazer’s left I’ve lost three other minor league talents.” Richard pulled at his hair. “That bastard almost ruined my company.”
Enola got up from the headboard and started to give him a back rub while in the buff. “My new boyfriend needs attention, huh?”
“Thank you Enola, it’s like an angel came in and saved me.” His face showed that her massage was relieving some stress. “You said you had some questions, what were they?”
“Oh, it’s not a big deal.” She demurred. “I’ll bring it up later.”
“Just ask, I don’t want to forget. My client’s needs are my top priority.”
“I wanted to know what H & R’s involvement was with ‘Project Equality’.” She brought him up the length of the bed and laid him down by the pillow.
“Ah, well you see. I’m not at liberty to discuss any subjects that are related to federal contracts.” He sighed. “I’d love to tell you, but they’d have my head.”
“Don’t worry about it.” She fished his average pecker out of his pants. “At least I have this head. She started to stroke the flaccid member, barely getting any response from it.”
“Ah yes, Little Dick.” He moaned lowly. “I’m proud of him actually. He comes to attention quickly. I might need only fifteen minutes of oral to get him to full erection.” He shrugged. “But this is nice too.”
Inwardly Enola wanted to get up and walk out, but her mission was a top priority. Little man, you’re barely stirring. I’m a little old, but I’m in perfect shape. She wanted to see if she still had the skills to get a guy hard so she took his balls and licked them while she continued to gently stroke him.
“Mmm. That’s nice Ms. Gortinson.” He made fists with his hands. “You certainly know how to please a guy.”
He hasn’t enlarged a bit. He’s pathetic. One last try. She took him into her mouth and sucked hard. He was now finally stirring. What a frigid one this guy is.
“Ms. Gortinson.”
“Call me Enola, I don’t blow people who call me by my last name.”
“Sorry, Enola.” He grimaced. “You know, you’re a little toothy, can you back it off a notch or two?”
OK Rumpleforeskin, I’ve had enough of this. “Richard, could you please lie on your belly, I have a super special technique that I’d like to show you. I’m sure it will get you rock hard in less than five minutes.”
“Heh. I think I know what this is.” He rolled over and stayed still. “Just make sure you use a lot of lube.”
Enola opened up her drawer and took out a control puck, its spinal electrodes twitched, searching for nerves to hijack. She took a small alcohol pad and wiped down the back of his neck.
“What is that Enola?”
“Don’t worry, you’ll see soon enough.” She blew on the drying disinfectant, causing him to squirm.
“OK.” He shivered. “It’s cold.”
She pressed the puck against his neck while he lay face down. The electrodes punctured his skin, burrowed between his vertebrae, and buried themselves in his spinal cord. Richard gave a single yelp and drop of blood traced down his neck. She wiped it up with her thumb and then put it in her mouth.
What’s going on?! Help! Help! I can’t feel anything! Enola, call a doctor! Why can’t I speak? Why can’t I move? Enola!
“Unit 333 please give me your status.” Enola’s voice had turned cold.
Richard’s mouth opened on its own. “Initial shock subsided, preparing a scan of host’s core memories.”
Who is talking Enola? Is that me? Am I not in control anymore?!
“Wonderful. Please prepare a report on whatever the host knew about ‘Project Equality’ and put it in this SD card.” She clicked the plastic chip into a slot into the tiny puck. “While you’re at it, please go ahead and perform penis enlargement surgery on the host. I’ve put all the medical instruments in the bathroom. In a couple of weeks you should be healed up and large enough to be worth my time.”
“Yes Miss”
Surgery? What are you talking about? I’m perfectly adequate, Cygnus said so herself. Whoa I’m getting up. Hey, whoever is in charge of my body, please stop! I’ll pay you anything!
The controlled man opened the bathroom door to find all the necessary instruments needed for a penile enlargement. The bathtub was lined in an absorbent sterile cloth. Richard’s body started to wash its hands with iodine soap.
Hey, I can still feel my dick, I’m not numb down there. It's my arms and legs I can’t feel. Hey! Stop! Stooooop!!!!
