Monster Hunters screenplay first draft (txt attachment)

JM

i have thoughts but i don't wanna cause more of a fuss so I'll keep em to myself and accept that this story just isn't my thing and hope future ones are. you can't please everyone every time which is ok so feel free to ignore my ramblings

Samuel

horse ragdolls into the ground making source engine cardboard impact noises

Bman1621

I feel like the breakdown in understanding is you're seeing MH's interest in her as a 2 way relationship. They arent dating and outside of partying up she just isnt into the dwarf like that it seems. From jump they sound like they've only been together a short while, and she gets felt up by both with an equally apathetic reaction till one of them makes it uncomfortable by trying to jump to sex. I don't think we're supposed to really feel anything negative about the hunter. He hunts snd sells monster parts to the guild (who im sure just put the monsters in a nice farm upstate) and she wanted to keep the imp alive, so she left. The prudish elf and the vulgar dwarf is a common trope so I get the mild friction. It's not hypocritical to pick and choose who can feel you up, and the hunter seemed to drop the issue once he got turned down so I dont see the problem?

JM

the text didn't say anything about a black market?? Besides being talkative and lecherous the dwarf didn't seem like a bad dude he seemed to care for the priestess like a pervy shounen protagonist would. He was creeping on her which is fair reason to not like him, but she lets the imp they just met and know nothing about molest her all it wants? She leaves her partner she seems to know for a long time for this creature they know nothing about cuz it fucks her real good? So she's stupidly naive and also a hypocrite. I can see the hilarity, I just... i know i'm thinking too hard about it and getting worked up over nothing when it's just lighthearted smut, but i can't stop thinking about them. Sorry for the analytical essay on the worldbuilding of this silly smut story... The one thing I recommend, make the dwarf more clearly evil so we don't feel bad for him and so the priestess is justified for disliking him.

thank u!! 💖

aw sry it not to ur taste,, ((not that im sure specifically whos expense ur talking about, is it that the dwarf doesnt get to sell the imps body parts on the black market?))

Bman1621

I hope I put it in the right place but I posted it. Sorry its so long lol

yes plz would love 2 hear feed back very much!! 💖

Cheezydudzie

Great work m8 :)

JM

:I i know it's just played for laughs, but i'm still not a huge fan of this kind of humor at the expense of someone else. I feel like I'm reading one of those episodes of Tom & Jerry where Tom can't catch a break

Bman1621

Great stuff so far boss! I can see it all coming together pretty well! It's cool if I share feedback on the discord, yeah?

(i also occasionally write BH instead of MH because my dyslexic brain keeps saying Bounty Hunter instead of Monster Hunter so try 2 ignore that lmao)