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Memoirs 132 - Just ruminations
🕑 Added 2023-03-09 22:25:39 +0000 UTCAs was becoming relatively common for Scarlett these days, she currently found herself sitting beside Arlene on the porch in Freymeadow, resting after another practice session with her magic.
She glanced over at the raven-haired woman who, as usual, had her attention focused on the book in her lap.
Over a week had passed in the outside world since Gaven returned with the [Memory of the Covenant], and it had probably been the calmest week yet that Scarlett had experienced since ending up in this body. She’d used the time both to get some extra work and chores done as well as to finish whatever preparations were left for the heist. Any further dungeon excursions had been delayed for the time being, though, since she didn’t want to leave the Freybrook area until all of this was over.
To Arlene, it would seem like Scarlett and Rosa had arrived here in Freymeadow the day before, but their current visit was actually the second iteration of the loop just this past week. The fact that the woman continued denying Scarlett’s request to be taken in as a disciple still hadn’t changed, even with her current progress. Despite that, Arlene helped in her own strange—and somewhat infuriating—ways, so it wasn’t too bad.
It irked her slightly to think about how much faster things would have gone if the woman was actually trying to teach her for real, though.
Turning her head, Scarlett looked out over Freymeadow’s village square. Rosa was sitting with most of the village’s kids on the wooden platform at the center of the square, playing away on her klert as a few of the children performed some odd dances that Scarlett could only assume the bard had taught them.
Allyssa, Shin, and Fynn had all appeared a little perplexed about the sudden lull in activities they’d had this last week, but as with most things, Rosa had taken it in stride and seemed to make the most of it. Both back in Freybrook and here in Freymeadow. Scarlett had heard the woman had taken to holding minor concerts for the mansion staff in the evenings, which were quite well received if what Garside told her was true.
Although, if what she’d heard about the content of some of those concerts was also true, then she might need to have a talk with Rosa about what were appropriate topics to cover…
She shook her head, letting her thoughts wander as she watched the children’s excited faces.
In a way, Scarlett wished that the time they could spend here in Freymeadow wasn’t limited. Not only because it would give her a lot more time to practice her magic, but because it would have been nice to just stay here for however long she wanted and not have to do anything whenever she felt like it. Pretending like the outside world didn’t exist at times sounded nice.
She sat there in silence for a while.
This upcoming plan involving the Countess and Gaven was different from anything she had done before. Unlike when she had dealt with the Hallowed Cabal, there were a lot more unknown factors at play this time. Not only that, but most of the actual work had to be left to other players.
It wasn’t as if she enjoyed doing everything herself. Having others do annoying work for her was at the top of the list of perks that came with being a baroness, in her opinion. Cleaning, cooking, and all the other household chores that needed doing were a pain that she had gotten more than enough of back when she lived alone and with her younger sister. Being able to send Gaven out to do jobs for her sometimes as well was nice.
Despite that, this time, it left a poor taste in her mouth. There was a part of her that screamed at leaving control of things in the hands of others.
It felt childish, letting things like that bother her when it was her plan to begin with. She would like to say that it was solely another trait left behind by the original Scarlett, because there definitely was some of that at play. But the truth was also that she had always been like that. She would never have described herself as one, but back when the relationship between her and her younger sister had been at its worst, ‘control-freak’ was a term that was thrown around almost daily to describe her. It had annoyed her to no end at the time, but she had never been able to completely deny it.
Considering everything she had to think about before the heist on the Sanctuary of Ittar, though, being concerned about this didn’t really help. While she had felt the temptation to just delay or give up on the whole endeavour, she couldn’t do that.
[Main questline has begun: Rising action]
{Conflicts are brewing as powerful factions have started moving on the continent of Tanrelia. The Tribute of Dominion stands as the focal point of these clashing designs, resting in the heart of the ruins of Beld Thylelion}
[Objective: Enter the ruins of Beld Thylelion before all others]
[Reward: Additional Skills Menu privileges]
[Failure: Demise]
The Sanctuary of Ittar held several items she could have use of, but there was one she needed above all else. It was part of a set that would let her get inside Beld Thylelion to complete the main quest’s requirements. The very same item that she had gotten The Gentleman to make a deal with her about. She genuinely couldn’t think of another way to complete the quest, so a lot was resting on her success in retrieving this item from the Followers.
To be honest, she felt pretty certain that things would work out somehow. Even if things defied her expectations, both Gaven and the Countess were powerful in their own ways, and her plan relied on knowledge she had from the game. Even taking all of the changes between it and this world that she knew about into account, this particular type of knowledge had stayed dependable throughout her time here.
Her main worry wasn’t that Gaven and the Countess wouldn’t be able to complete the mission. Rather, it was what would happen after that. How she would deal with the Countess.
While she had thought out the actual heist in exceeding detail, she was still left mostly at a blank as to how to handle the woman. The Countess’ relation to the Augur was the entire reason Scarlett had made contact with her in the first place. While the woman was useful in other ways, this was what was most important. After this? Scarlett didn’t have any specific plans for her. To make things worse, the Countess would be a liability. In more ways than one.
Unfortunately, simply letting the woman go wasn’t an option for several reasons. Both because it would be needlessly cruel to force her to make do by herself again and because she would have information that couldn’t be shared with others. The woman was strong, though, so keeping her in the mansion and having her help out at times might work, but that still left the biggest hurdle of all to deal with.
Scarlett had promised she would help the Countess meet her sister, and the woman took that to mean that they would ‘save’ the Augur from the Followers. So how would she react when that didn’t happen? And how would Scarlett calm her down if she threw a fit right after they escaped the Sanctuary?
She didn’t have a suitable answer. The Countess was unpredictable, and there was no telling whether she would listen after that. Scarlett was hoping that the goodwill she had built up with the woman would be enough to deal with the situation, but that was far from a guarantee.
She didn’t even know if it was okay for her to manipulate the Countess like this. No matter how you looked at the situation, it was a pretty heartless thing to do. She was well aware of that.
That didn’t mean she had any plans to stop.
“I won’t ask what’s on your mind, if that’s what you’re waiting for,” a voice sounded out next to her.
Scarlett blinked, turning to her right where Arlene sat. The woman was still looking down at her book as if it wasn’t her that had just spoken.
“I was not,” Scarlett said after a moment.
It was uncommon for the wizard to initiate conversations like this.
Arlene nodded. “Good.”
“…Was there a reason you believed that?”
The woman simply shrugged. “Who knows? I’ve only known you for a short time, but to me, it looked like you were trying to tear a hole through those kids with your gaze. Either you dislike children more than most others, or you have something that is bothering you.”
Scarlett kept observing her for a bit before eventually turning back to the square. “Is that so…”
Perhaps she looked more contemplative than she thought. If it was to the level where Arlene could tell so easily—from the woman’s perspective, they were effectively still strangers—then Rosa would almost definitely have noticed something was off as well. Despite that, the bard had said nothing. That was strange. Rosa was the type who wasn’t afraid to pry and tease Scarlett even about the smallest things.
“So you’re not going to share?” Arlene asked.
Scarlett looked back at her. “I was under the impression that you held no interest in it.”
“I said I would not ask about it. I do have an interest, infinitesimal though it may be.”
Scarlett eyed the woman for a few seconds. She hadn’t been meaning to talk about it, but… “You appear the sort of person who has made many difficult decisions.”
Arlene paused. Then she stayed quiet for a long while, as if considering what to say. Eventually, looked up from her book and at Scarlett. “Yes. That’s true.”
“I imagine there are some of those which you regret.”
A dangerous look entered the woman’s eyes. “I regret all of them.”
That…was not quite the reply Scarlett was expecting.
They watched each other for a moment longer before Arlene looked away.
“…When you made those decisions, were you aware that you might come to regret them?” Scarlett asked.
“Some, yes,” the woman answered.
“But you made them, anyway?”
“Yes.”
Scarlett continued examining the side of the woman’s face. “Why?”
Arlene held an impassive expression. “Because I thought they were necessary.”
“Were they ever?”
“…Sometimes.” A wistful tone entered the woman’s voice.
Scarlett turned her head, glancing at the children dancing around Rosa. She knew some of Arlene’s history, but far from all of it. “Did knowing that at least lessen the regret you felt?”
“Not a bit.”
The two of them watched as Rosa taught a young girl how to play her instrument, the bard wearing a smile on her face as the girl appeared overwhelmed by the klert. Rosa was patient, though, pointing to the different parts and guiding her hands. Not that the girl would remember any of that in a few days.
“Now that you have sated your curiosity, I suppose this is the point where I ask if you are worried about a decision you have to make,” Arlene said.
Scarlett shook her head. “That was not the intent behind me bringing this up. I simply have something on my mind. However, I do not expect you to take an interest in my worries.”
Arlene closed her book, letting out a small sigh. “My interest went about as far that you were bothered and I could tell it was affecting your magic. It felt like a waste, but I don’t particularly care about more details than that. Now it’s too late, though. I guess this is my fault, in a way.”
There was a moment of silence between them. The seconds passed as the faint sounds of Rosa’s klert carried over the square.
“So, you’ve got a difficult choice in front of you that you have to make?” Arlene asked.
“I have already made it,” Scarlett answered, continuing to observe Rosa and the young girl.
“Then you’re afraid that you might come to regret it?”
“…I am not.”
From the corner of her eye, she could see the woman studying her.
“Then why are you worried?”
Scarlett eyed the young girl next to Rosa for a breath longer, then turned back to Arlene. “There are many reasons, most of which I do not think I can share with you. But I suppose if I were to name one…. It is because I think I should I be.”
The woman arched an eyebrow. “And why is that?”
“Because that is what a normal person would be.”
“And you’re not normal?”
Scarlett’s lips rose in a derisive smile. “I believe I am very far from ‘normal’.”
“And that’s bad?”
She lightly shrugged her shoulders. “It is what it is.”
She pointed towards Rosa and the children.
“I could never do what that woman does so effortlessly. I cannot immediately charm those around me or empathise with their plights, nor will I shed a tear when hearing about them. Yet it is something that seems to be part of her very nature. That said, I do not particularly lament this fact about myself. It is something I have long since accepted as a part of who I am now, and it is not within my current power to change. What I find myself wondering sometimes, however, is whether it would have been better if I could.”
She didn’t realize how callous and sombre that sounded until she said it, and the woman beside her didn’t immediately respond.
Just as she was getting worried she might have offended Arlene in some way, the woman spoke.
“Have you ever taken a life before?”
Scarlett paused at the question, turning back to her. After a moment, she gave a slow nod. “I have, yes.”
“More than once?”
“…Not by my own hands, no.”
“I have,” Arlene said. “Many times. It is not something easily forgotten.”
Scarlett creased her brows. “Unfortunately, I am not certain I can say the same.”
In fact, it was almost the complete opposite for her. She had done an exceedingly good job of not thinking about the deaths she had caused up till now in this world.
“I got that impression.” Arlene simply nodded along. “Some people are like that. Does that disturb you?”
Scarlett placed her hands in her lap. “No, it does not.”
The woman seemed to scrutinize her. “Are you sure?”
“I am, yes.”
While it wasn’t the most palatable of truths, if anything, she was thankful for the things she could witness in this world and barely feel anything. It had proven an advantage on more than one occasion.
“But you think it should?” Arlene asked her.
“I think it would only be natural, yes.”
The woman eyed her for a moment longer. “I’m not sure I agree,” she said eventually. “But let us say that I do. What does ‘natural’ mean to you? What makes it something you have to conform to?”
Scarlett considered the question. “I suppose its definition is somewhat arbitrary. What is natural will differ between people, and there might be cultures where empathy and compassion are considered less than desired.” She looked back at Rosa. “I do not personally believe that there is a need for me to conform to all of society’s values, nor that I cannot afford to ignore them. It is a perplexing notion to relate in words, but the best way I can explain it is that it is not an issue of what I feel. Rather, as you said, it is simply a matter of what I have chosen to think.”
“Is it that you think you don’t fit in as you are now?”
“Quite the opposite. I think I fit in too well.” She lightly tapped the tip of her index finger against her leg. “What I believe, however, is that if this world was a perfect place, I would not. One would not be rewarded for callousness and ruthlessness. Certain things might have been easier if it were so.”
Arlene studied her for a while longer before finally looking away. “Well, it’s certainly a unique way of seeing things. I’ll give you that. Or rather, a unique perspective from which to agree with what’s already a common ideal. I’m not sure whether you say you’re extraordinarily self-aware or alarmingly naive. Perhaps it’s both.”
Scarlett didn’t say anything to that. She wasn’t going to argue with those words. As a mix of herself and the original Scarlett’s personality, she wasn’t entirely sure of these things herself.
She returned to observing Rosa and the children’s merrymaking.
Maybe it was pointless to even think about all of this. It wouldn’t really change anything. Not how she felt or how she would act. If due to some unknown miracle it did, well…perhaps that would be a welcome surprise of its own.
Comments
John Brady Anderson
So, questions I have been pondering, for anyone that cares to add their own or chip in their two cents: Will anything more happen with the orphanage? Has Scarlet informed Kat of any more upcoming trouble? What about support or contact to Fynn's people? What was the deal with the guy with the knife skills (and map) in the city? I wonder if Scarlet will realize that the Princess that runs away to join the main party in the RPG may run to her for adventure and a expressed, strong interest in Zuver, of which Scarlett is a major source of ruins and revelations.
lenkite
a lot of [Navel Gazing] in this chapter.
Lazy Minx
Please let there be a happy ending for the moon priestess that is the countess.
D
Hmmm - cold she may be, but she does improve the lives of those around her. Does it really matter if someone is warmhearted if they do not? I think her coldly thinking what to do with the countess while actually wanting to do something good for her makes her a better person then most. :) By the way, what are the chances that this whole thing blows up in her face and the countess and the augur (aka their two gods) actually 'make up' and decide to leave for the sunset? I beat our MC would have no choice but to break her iron mask and make a face if those two would suddenly pop into her carriage while she is waiting for gavin. xD
Jo
And I think this is a good place to ask if Scarlett will ever get her negativ status effects removed. While I enjoy the story with the current version of Scarlett, the lack of emotions from her, while novel at first, does become a bit dull and I frankly don't find a psychopath as a protagonist all that interesting.
