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Tenebroum Ch.11-14

🕑 Added 2022-10-24 17:16:11 +0000 UTC

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jordan renz

So I went back to reading again, and I think I might have been rather over the line towards being vague, because I missed what I myself was attempting to point out, after the first mage, we learned at least some of the things that the swamp had learned from doing such, but with these newer mages we didn't find any especially cool or useful reason why they get special attention, the second mage didn't tell the swamp anything about memories of a swamp near a rainforest or something that the mage had gone into in his youth, he felt bland, and that kinda made it seem less impactful, but with most likely a few of the weaker eggs cracking after being manhandled like they were I shall instead wait for the next up and coming druid to come gallivanting into the swamp thinking themselves a future arch druid... That deffinetly wasn't a flag or anything o7

jordan renz

Now thats what I'm talking about right there!

D. Winchester

Don't stress it man. I've had all kinds of jobs; some are worse than others. I don't think I'd do well at a call center. I spent more of my life troubleshooting electronics and fixing things.

D. Winchester

Both of these comments are good feedback. Please keep it coming. I welcome anything that improves the story. As a writer I'm far from perfect.

D. Winchester

You know what - this is a fair complaint. That point really does deserve a little elaboration. I altered the scene to read, " That worried the swamp, but it could focus on that problem once the storm cleared. For now it would take advantage of the forces that the mages had unleashed. The wraith slowly turned its mind to one of the darkest rooms in the labyrinth: the library. The Lich’s library contained no books though. Instead it held the head of its most important victims, soaking in clay jars of preservative brine. For a long time the room had contained only Von Wandren, but all of the mages , and some of the other interesting heroes that came after filled the room now in row after row. They were spared the indignity of becoming part of its army. Instead their souls were sealed away and only used for special occasions. Usually that was to reactivate a single one to ask them important questions, but today the Lich didn’t draw out a single voice from his collection, he used them as a choir. Albrecht’s affinity for elemental magics had long sense lapsed. The necromancy had devoured every part of him that mattered now. The heads of the slain mages though, they were the perfect tool to channel such power through their own elemental powers. The lich was sure that a few of them would burn out under such tremendous strain, but that didn’t matter. All that mattered was that their tortured screams wove into a single voice of terrible power and slowly but surely redirected the currents. The darkness couldn’t do anything to stop the storm now, or the damage it had done, but it could steer the river to make sure it destroyed the only thing that the swamp couldn’t: the cursed temple and its consecrated ground around it that had frustrated the darkness for so long. "

jordan renz

In other sane news, I couldn't tell if the swampy boi ever mentioned absorbing the mages knowledge, because he mentions that he has his own think tank of mages, but I kinda wanted a bit of buildup to that, ya know?

jordan renz

I took a couple extra calls since this comment, I've become sober and wizened to the nature of the world, and have come to the realization that that sounds very arrogant and rather rude, you are probably older than I am, and an adult, you do whatever makes you happy, and whatever you need to do to keep going in the rat race. Also ignore crazy people, their not good for your health.

jordan renz

I can appreciate a author fleshing out, and bringing in new breath of vibrancy and creation to their world, even if only to appease the mewling crowds of ravinouse fans. But I came back from that crapshoot, I have no idea how old you are brother but never work in a call center, I just got battered around like a housewife from the 60's and no longer remember what I thought I wanted to add about the chapters other than some basic cave person grunts of "oog big good, feed tribe many weeks" and so forth, crazy what not even an hour of work can do to a guy right?

D. Winchester

Focus on work, the story can wait! It's funny, but before Tenebroum started to catch on, it was going to end at chapter 20, and approximately twenty years were going to lapse over those last five chapters, but since people are enjoying it so much, I fleshed them out more an increased the first arc to 30 chapters, and greatly expanded an arc that is similar to the lizardmen tribe, since the readers seemed to enjoy that one so much.

jordan renz

the mighty river Oroza. It could not yet since the sea where the river emptied out, but it knew it was there. The darkness was certain that further down stream it would find any number of cities that it could sink its teeth into to further its plans. I think you meant to use sense there as well, with regards to the sea. "It could not yet sense the sea" but other than that really good couple of chapters, I will add that I have more to say but work is picking up speed so I have to deal with that.


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