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Filthy Gamer in Narutoverse: 269
🕑 Added 2023-11-22 21:07:25 +0000 UTCA/N: There’s another mistake I edited out in the last chapter. I forgot that Mukai DID know about the Raikage becoming a part of the Zetsu’s fold when one of the Iwagakure OCs named Kiryu ran away from Kai using the reversed summoning Jutsu. Kiryu is one of Mukai’s spies. I edited it in the last chapter. It’s a minor detail, but I’m glad I caught it. It doesn’t deserve a reread since most dialogue remains the same. I just wanted to bring it to your attention before continuing the chapter. It is a Patreon-only notice since public updates won’t have such issues.
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Title: Saitama?
Most of Kai’s ‘efficient’ methods include the applications of Genjutsu. His lethality severely increases when involving Senjutsu Chakra in the mix, but it seems that the Raikage is highly resistant to these methods, and Kai knows precisely why. The constant current of Lightning-Nature Chakra infused and flowing through the nerves and tenketsu of the Raikage emulates a delicate balance between nigh undefeated reflex and the necessary brain power needed to wield such might.
And when one adds the thin streams of Natural Energy the Raikage seems to invoke, barely enough to shift his blue lightning into black but not enough to become his undoing yet, Kai’s simpler Sen-Genjutsu fail to do their charm.
Yet Kai didn’t give up on his methods—reluctantly.
*Bzzt*
He doesn’t give the Raikage enough time as a spine-tingling mass of chakra spirals at the tip of his index finger before turning blazing blue and crackling with fatal intentions.
[Sage Art: Railgun]
One of Kai’s most damaging Jutsus, dangerous enough to pierce through a Bijudama and wreck a Biju to kingdoms come!
The thin yet straight arc of mass of electricity generating scalp-numbing heat pierces through the Raikage’s heart in a fraction of a second.
A flicker of distress seeps into Kai’s gaze as he stares at the headless corpse with a massive hole torn through the mountain the Raikage crashed into.
‘For once, I almost stopped being efficient and wanted to duke it out instead,’ he clicks his tongue. When the last of his Senbons and fists failed, Kai wanted to try other things, abilities that would undoubtedly attract more attention to the fight than it already had. He would never get another chance at dealing with somebody like the Raikage. But he couldn’t risk all he accomplished and his aspirations for ‘fun.’
‘Fuck,’ he runs his fingers through his hair. ‘I didn’t even notice the natural energy around the man since his absorption was so random.’ If he had, he would think twice before sneaking on the Raikage.
‘What about the scouts who noticed the skirmish?’ He frowns. Kai didn’t think of controlling the Raikage. No matter what methods the cum-men used to implant the seal on the man’s body, Kai knows from experience he couldn't cut open the man’s body yet. So, his next best option was to dispose of the Raikage.
‘Didn’t Suna send a team into the Land of Lightning?’ Kai raises his brow. ‘I could paint them as the assassins.’
His thoughts wildly shift until he pauses for a second and suddenly channels his Chakra to harden his flesh and smash his fist upon the Raikage’s corpse—
*Bzzt*
An arch of Blue Lightning flicks out of the Raikage’s corpse before dispersing in a plume of smoke and revealing a relatively healthy A. “How did you know?” The man narrows his eyes while Kai ignores the professional courtesies to attack the Raikage. How did he know? Well, Chakra doesn’t remain in the corpse after a few seconds once the soul and the spirit leave the body—that’s fucking how! But it surprised Kai that the Raikage has a [Substitution Jutsu] similar to Orochi, using the Lightning Chakra instead of snakes.
That’s another potential grind if Kai has to say anything about it!
Yet, as the Raikage moves, he finds his body bending inwards. His eyes briefly widen before he notices a foreign lightning-nature chakra within, screwing with his nervous system. A rough snarl and an outbreak of pitch-black lightning chakra are all it takes to dominate the sneak attack, as even Kai chooses to avoid the Black Lightning.
‘Again with the Black Lightning,’ Kai grunts, sidestepping and appearing on a distant slope. ‘I can use Senjutsu Chakra for Sage Arts, but never have I seen natural energy infused into an element itself.’
These are two different processes. The Raikage possesses the process ‘A,’ where he is recklessly infusing natural energy into an already conjured Jutsu. Meanwhile, Kai retains the process ‘B’ like other Sages, balancing nature energy with his chakra first and then using a Jutsu. Kai never knew two somewhat similar methods would ever create different results.
---
—26 Years Ago—
“You traitor! We killed A for you and chased that white-haired dog from Konoha because you promised us Kumo! C! I will kill you once we get out of this- Khuk!”
Younger and leaner but no less dangerous, ‘former’ C—and the current Raikage—stares at the almost mummified corpses of two men with prominent manes of Gold and Silver hair with similar tattoos plastered on their shoulders. The man ties his bandana before checking his equipment and seals. Aside from impregnable cages with fuin seals to ‘consume’ the two captives alongside a few projects the current Raikage wishes to implement on HIS establishment, the underground cavern has little to offer.
“A traitor?” The Raikage eventually regards one of the infamous horned siblings of Kumo, Kinkaku. “The first Hokage captured the Biju, while the First Raikage extended his hands like a trained dog to take them. The second Mizukage, Tsuchikage, and Hokage brought a revolution of policies from furthering research to Shinobi academies and a proper curriculum,” the man clenches his fist. “While the second Raikage? What did he do? Aside from failing at keeping the Lightning Daimyo from encroaching on our benefits and letting glorified punks like you two lose? Oh, that is right. He begged Tobirama Senju for ‘peace.’”
The two siblings snarl weakly, and the flicker of red chakra slips upon their whiskered faces evaporates, drifting out of the sealed cage under the Raikage’s contemplative gaze.
“It’s fine if I’m the Traitor,” the man looks at his hands. “Truthfully, there wasn’t much to betray. Do you understand the time and dedication it takes to create a Barrier Jutsu that can nullify Tobirama’s Hiraishin, allowing you two to hunt him? And what did the Second do aside from agreeing to the Daimyo and the Hokage’s demand to execute my team?”
The Raikage smiles. “What a worthless task. My team was worth more than that. If it were me, I would demand a forbidden Jutsu or two before executing the team of intellectuals that can cull one of Tobirama’s greatest feats.”
He shakes his head. It’s true. He staged the coup d'état, leading the Kinkaku force from the shadow to deal with the Second Raikage and Hokage before capturing the siblings, executing the remaining Kinkaku Force, and naming himself the Third Raikage.
No Shinobi stood to challenge his claim, demonstrating their civilization’s weakness. And B? That Drunkard never did have much use.
“J-Just you wait,” the younger brother gasps while the Raikage tilts his head.
“For what? You two are the only survivors of consuming the Kyubi. Whatever made you special came from the temple you were born and raised in, Kyubi’s Temple.” The Raikage smirks. “Maybe there is some truth in your claims of being Rikudo’s descendant. But he isn’t with us, a fate you two will shortly share. Don’t waste your breath,” the man shows his back to the siblings, focusing on a sealing matrix mapped upon a foot-wide scroll. “Kyubi’s chakra shows an interesting reaction once unmarred with yours. See this?” He questions rhetorically. “Infusing the chakra with an elemental jutsu can create—”
---
The ‘Lightning’ Kanji on his right shoulder blazes into Black Lightning, disappearing and filling A with a similar intensity that let him almost kill Yata Uchiha despite surviving an Amaterasu to his face and a Susanoo.
‘I hoped to waste his time with chatter and allow my men to surround him, but he’s far too cautious for that and too damn quick to capture should he make an escape.’ The Raikage focuses his mind. ‘But he’s here and still not leaving. He has plans, or rather, Hiruzen has plans.’ Good analysis given the situation since the Raikage did not believe Kai would waltz into another village without his superior’s permission.
‘In front of me is a Shinobi that makes ‘Him’ cautious. I cannot afford any weakness.’ Kai’s Railgun alone is a massive threat to the Raikage.
His body flickers with an after-zap of Black Lightning, his dark and sculpted figure tearing through the air resistance with a massive sonic boom in his wake until his fist clashes with Kai’s prepared fist as cracks spread upon the mountain from under their feet.
“My men will arrive here shortly,” snarls A.
“I doubt that,” Kai smirks, transitioning into a roundhouse kick before disappearing from the Raikage’s view and reappearing beside the man’s left arm—
“That’s what you Hiraishin lovers do!”
Kai promptly dodges the attack instead of tanking it again, his right claw still smoky from the earlier clash. Kai already knows the destructive powers behind these ‘Black’ elements. Be it the Black Lightning or Yata’s Black Fire, Kai doesn’t want to deal with them—
“Oh!”
He blinks, slapping his palms together before covering the errand, Black Lightning zapping around him through the [Chakra Origin Seal] and sealing it within his seal on his forehead—something for later use.
‘That’s a bummer,’ Kai clenches his jaws. Perhaps the loss of excitement in decisive battles is the price he has to sacrifice for the Grind? Kai doesn’t regret it one bit. He would do it again if given the chance.
‘What was that?’ The Raikage blinks in surprise. It was a seal, wasn’t it?
There’s a reason why Raikage created the Fuin Corps—he was always a practitioner of the art despite being the Sensor ‘C’ and recognized its use. He instantly realized the use of the unnamed seal.
But it was too late.
They appear on a mountaintop, with Kai seemingly running away until the clouds disperse from around them, and the moon illuminates the duo.
‘Another Genjutsu!’ The Raikage attacks in Kai’s direction while dealing with the Genjutsu all at once while seemingly careful of his former points of contact with the spy to counterattack when Kai uses Hiraishin!
Alas.
The Raikage’s body stills, and he glances down to see his shadow connected with Kai.
‘How?—’
“For what’s it worth,” Kai points at the Raikage, collecting yet another scalp-numbing quantity of chakra till it transforms into a tiny orb of shrill shuriken-ball comprised of wind-nature senjutsu chakra, “—I still had fun.”
It was never about fun—A and Kai know that. Yet, A chuckles, “You have no idea what’s going on.”
“You won’t tell me, and I don’t have an easy way to deal with you as long as you play with natural energy.”
[Sage Art: Shurikengun]
The tiny ball reaches the Raikage before expanding into a cataclysmic spiral orb of death and destruction, consuming the mountain peak and the Raikage as thin, unforgiving filaments of wind nature senjutsu chakra tears the Raikage into shreds—or so Kai would hope. Yet, aside from his hair and torn clothes, the Raikage’s outward appearance remains unchanged if one ignores his destroyed eyes, internal organs, and chakra coils.
Yet, in this moment of solemn solitude where Kai realizes that maybe his only source of excitement and emotional spectrum will remain with his loved ones since enemies can no longer excite him, he finds himself committing to a crass remark that would make Sakumo and Jiraiya proud.
“No wonder Kumo leads in breeding farms. That thing isn’t fitting in anyone.”
He sighs, sealing the Raikage’s corpse.
‘The Shadow Clone dealt with others, huh? Now it’s time for the worst part of the job—clean-up.’
He stops and glances in a particular direction before flipping off a mountain.
“Oh, he senses us. Let’s leave for now. We may not have gotten Nibi’s Jinchuriki, but a part of her was enough.”
---
Kai stares at the unconscious ‘B’ before glancing at Yugito in the Raikage’s office. With what little he knows about the Jinchuriki and Tailed Beasts, he knows the jig is up unless-
“Do you have something to say to me, Hachibi?” Kai speaks aloud while staring at B’s unconscious form. The Eight-Tail’s Jinchuriki was the first to respond to their skirmish, being the clone’s first target. Knowing that killing B with a shadow clone was a tall order, Kai settled to incapacitate him through a well-timed Genjutsu, leading to a devastating blow. Only B never woke from the Genjutsu despite being a Perfect Jinchuriki.
B’s body fidgets as he slowly sits, staring at Kai with eyes turned white and a deep, almost monstrous voice reverberating from his throat without his usual rap schematics.
“We all noticed you and Yonbi, Kai of Konoha.”
It’s Hachibi.
Before Kai decides to indirectly ‘punish’ all existing Kyubi, Hachibi supplants, “I gathered in that location a bit later, but I knew of you when Dodai shared information about valued target from Konoha before the invasion.”
“And?” Kai expects more, given Hachibi’s tone as the Biju controlling his unconscious host mutters, “And your chakra is similar to the Dragon.”
“You hate me?” Kai questions.
“I’ve not hated humans since B understood me,” Hachibi smiles. “But I cannot speak for others.” He glances at the unconscious Yugito. “Her seal is not open as mine, so Nibi cannot speak through her host like me.”
Kai leans on the Raikage’s sofa, almost considering getting a good sofa set for the Hokage’s office once he takes the reigns.
“Sorry, but I killed A,” Kai informs. “It will probably start the war no matter what I do to keep Kumogakure from destabilizing.”
Kai already feels a sense of mutual understanding from Hachibi for some reason that he can’t quite put his finger on. “Just to be clear, is ‘B’ under the cum-men’s control?”
“The what?”
“Hmm,” Kai replies with a question instead, “I don’t need a buffer. How do you suppose we resolve our conflict?” If anything, Kai cannot waste time by engaging in a cultured conversation with an apparently courteous and accommodating Biju.
“I don’t know,” Hachibi flops back on the floor with limbs spread wide. “B isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed either. I would say Nibi is one of the cunning ones, but her expertise lies in how to make her food more delicious.”
“Oh? A Biju as a cook?” He knows he shouldn’t waste time, but the topic is intriguing.
“No. By food, I meant men. Nibi likes to lie to her Jinchuriki about granting her power if they sleep with enough men. And when her host’s mind breaks, she devours them. Although, she’s only had two hosts before Yugito.”
Kai thins his lips, falling silent.
“Can I assume,” he begins. “You would like to work things out eventually?”
Hachibi grows silent before replying, “I cannot hide things from B. And I won’t let others harm him.”
Kai frowns, “And B probably hates the Dragon—”
“B doesn’t hate anyone,” Hachibi replies. “He understands things well despite how he looks. He understands not to blame the weapon for the wielder’s actions.”
Kai groans in frustration.
“I wish I could just believe you, Hachibi. But it’s not that simple—” His voice catches in his throat as Hachibi sits and extends his fist in Kai’s direction.
“B once told me that trusting someone is the simplest thing in the world. Overcoming a betrayal is the hard part.”
Kai stares at the fist, recalling Yonbi’s action.
“Just that?” Kai sneers.
“Try it,” Hachibi smiles back with a knowing smirk.
“I can, and I will kill B if he becomes an issue,” Kai informs while Hachibi waits patiently until the former brings his fist and bumps it against ‘Hachibi’s’ limb. And there it was again—a feeling. It’s similar to how he feels closer to the elements and fuin seals in his Sage Mode, allowing him to gain another affinity.
It feels right.
“What is this?” Kai jokes. “A Magical Fist Bump?”
“Exactly,” Hachibi responds. “It’s the first one to exist.”
Kai’s smile widens, “Great!” Before he unleashes their main issue. “Now, how do you think we should deal with Raikage’s death? Chances are the cum-men would throw me under the bus, but they seem to know about me from before and have yet to use any information. I WOULD transform into Raikage myself if I had his memories, but I don’t. And it’ll be great if I can delay the war by another week or two.”
“It’s a war,” Hachibi grunts. “Not a vegetable sale you can just delay.” The Biju grunts. “It’s not my business. I’m sleeping. I have to think of a way to convince B—”
“Maybe he will feel better if he gets his brother back,” Kai muses aloud, an idea forming in his head.
Sure. Two ‘Gs’ usually fill his head—Grind and Girls. But who says he can’t get ideas too difficult and damning to execute?
Things can’t get any weirder than what Kai’s got used to, right? And he also has a council of four remarkable women regarding planning.
‘Let’s see who fits the bill for me to share the idea with. Hmm, Mito faked her death. I also want something similar, so that’s a way to go. Tsunade has A’s son. I can’t snatch him without her knowledge. Orochimaru will probably have better executive ideas. And I can’t leave my Bro out since she planned things alongside me during the invasion. All four, perhaps?’
A lewd smirk reaches Kai’s lips. ‘Well, the more time they have to know each other, the better. Ah. Now that I think about it, Orochi and Nono don’t know about Mito’s survival. Wait, they also don’t know about me being a Jinchuriki.’ His expression dampens further with worry. ‘And Tsunade doesn’t know I’ve been ‘pleasing’ her grandmother for days now. Maybe it’s not smart bringing them into the same room.’
He shakes his head, regaining his confidence. ‘Nah, it couldn’t be that bad.’
He always was more confident than he was wise in certain things, wasn’t he?
***
Alternate Title: New Lore Update!; The Deadman’s Return; The Talented Raikage; Hidden Depths; Railed; Kai Only Needs a Bald Patch Update To Make The Fic A OPM Fanfic; Loss of Excitement; Still Quick; Young Raikage; Conspiracies Revealed; Kyubi’s Temple?; Rikudo’s Offspring; Rikudo Be Sowing Wild Oats; The Kinkaku Force; The Driving Force of Greatness; Revolutionary; Built Different; Traitor?; More Jinchuriki?; Noticed; Incomplete Plans; What Did The Octopus Say?; Hachibi’s Interaction; A New Branch; Nibi’s The Menace; The Origin of Mind-Break Hentai In Naruto; Nibi Likes Her Milk Like Her Hosts—Spoiled; The Magical Fist Bump; Kai Do Be Delaying The War; Also Kai: Puts Four Diabolical Women In The Same Room, Causing The Fifth War Before Third and Fourth
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A/N: I took plenty of liberties with the Kumo rebellion, showing another spotlight on the Third Raikage before his end. As for Kinkaku and Ginkaku, I believe the original should have more lore built around them since they have horns and are the only two individuals to become pseudo-jinchuriki by consuming Kyubi’s flesh—that’s raw! Pun intended. Still, I had fun writing the chapter since it was challenging for me to not make Kai a one-attack menace and still scale the Raikage well enough to easily beat others except Kai.
As for the Surikengun working on the Raikage when it didn’t work in the canon, well, it’s simple. The Raikage has orifices and the attack expands beyond belief to almost consume a peak of a large mountain. The attack entered Raikage’s system through his holes.
