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Outside the Heavens - Needed Changes

🕑 Added 2023-09-17 16:45:07 +0000 UTC

Comments

Foxmoor Fiction

The Empire is vast and old. I am actually leaning the opposite direction. Certain aspects of politeness are universal, but I feel that there should be clashes of cultural expectations.

ben regnard

I recommend making the culture more cohesive and matching mannerisms and tropes to it. The example that comes to mind is the late 1800's /early 1900's style butler. He fits if you are planning to lean into the early train equivalent period and are planning to draw from a British empire motif. But that doesn't really work well with the creche communal upbringing and the effects that'd have on society. (At least imo). Personally I'd consider leaning more into the wuxia aspects of cultivation, but that's a matter of personal preference.

ZCochraine!%

Your very much on the path to that nonetheless, and making good progress.

Foxmoor Fiction

Yes, but i won't settle for anything less than great.

ZCochraine!%

Caught up and gadda say, its just good. I’ll settle for agreeing that some explanations through be don through interactions like the above two comments, but things are otherwise still very good.

X Blade

You don't necessarily need to do a complete rewrite as much as change the way you write further chapters

X Blade

I would just spread out the exposition between and within scenes. While simply switching povs every now and then too different characters. Rick Riordan style so to speak, that said a whole chapter as a different pov everytime would be too much and you can switch povs during a chapter.

Munirah Hutchinson

It is a lot of exposition. I think it would benefit from being spread out. Have actions described or interactions happen between explanations and conversations that are dialogue heavy

Michael Lambus

Cool

Crazy Abe

Do what you think is best dude! I'll admit, I'm mostly here for SSD rather than OtH, but I assume you've got a better idea what you're doing then me!


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