RodVonBoche
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Disintegrity 64 remade !
🕑 Added 2020-08-31 03:11:52 +0000 UTCOnce upon a time, this project was called a remaster... Yeah yeah, you've heard it all before but still I must repeat it : this is a full remake. Absolutely not a single thing remained from the original page, it was all erased and redone from scratch.
At least the layout and and images themselves of the page remained close to the original so this time that gives me some to talk about the minutia of the changes.
The concept of panel 1 is basically the same but the silhouette of the crowd around Zee was hard to parse. I tried to make it both more and less obvious at the same time. I don't know if it worked in making it more visible but at least it's not as garrishly overbearing onthe entire page.
I've also made the Ode to Joy lyrics more obvious and underlined by rainbowmusical notes (of the Ode to Joy too in fact) because it used to be all so dark. The crowd, the text... It's supposed to highlight Zee's euphoria and yet it was so ~ ╬ -GOTH- ╬ ~ ...Now it's colorful, blantant and cheery !
I've also pulled back the camera because I could. And now there's a bit of Larsen cheeks in frame so I'd say it was the right move. I also closed Zee's eyes, it looked more triumphant.
Panel 2 is just a different angle. The old onbe was fine if a bit awkward looking, the new one is also fine. Nothing special. The added bit of dialogue is there to lead into the next panel wherein instead of an arrow pointing at the butt (for some reason, we're breaking the 180 rules on the old page... fixed in the new), the dialogue does it. And also the better art.
Zee's expression was turned into that of deliberating as to what to do with the newly realized information, that of Larsen's butt being... right here. Which is better than Zee just looking normal but blushing in the old page, now it's fun to look at and see a clear picture of Zee's frame of mind.
The typical big zoom-out of most of these remade pages happens in panel 4, cos it's sexier to have a better view of the body.
Not only that but having so much of Zee and Larsen poking out of the frame gives a better sense of the surprise that Larsen feels in that moment, compared to the very constrained panel 4 of the original page.
I've also replaced the "flip" sound effect with "rub" so that the action is made immediately more clear in case it wasn't by just looking. I'm not too sure I'd say it's completely comprehensible by just looking but it's all around a far cry better than it used to be...
In fact, I'm pretty sure the dialogue in old panel 5 where Larsen says "stop rubbing your head on my ass !" wasn't intended at first, I think I added it late because I thought the previous panel was not understanble enough. A band-aid solution that doesn't fix the problem, not even smartly done, but that bit of dialogue can be safely removed now so yay !
Another thing I disliked about that panel was Larsen's face. Now I like me some goofy faces. In fact I liked Zee's enough to basically trace over the old artwork. But Larsen's was just... excessive. Uncute. I hated it. So now he has a new goofy face, more exasperated than angry ! Which fits much better in my opinion, alon with the new "why him" bit, and is all around more fun to look at. Also i'm just noticing that now but Larsen's iris in the old page do not have the black color, I must have forgotten it back then.
Last panel ! I'm almost done and free to go to bed, it's fucking 5:10am ! Yay ! The situation is the same, the angle is different so that it's finally understandable that Zee's is placing is wiener in front of Larsen's butthole. That's it.
Anyway, I'm going to bed bye byeeee~~~~
Comments
Eldkatten
I just realize that Larsen's facial expression in the fifth panel is very similar to that of the Demon in "Baptism", when the Angel cries out "You are washing? You people wash?" (page 2). It is one of my favorites when reading that story.
RodVonBoche
Thanks ! This was a 2015 page and I vividly remember just burning through it back then, I made something like 230 comics pages that year sooooo... Quality suffered, even tho I wasn't satisfied with most pages I moved on to the next one instead of stopping to try to make it good cos I figured I'd just get better along the way. Which I did and now is when I'm stopping to actually make it good. Five years later. Better late than never tho !
RodVonBoche
Yeah, clarity was a big issue for me back then. I was too interested in trying to make the overall page looked filled-in when I should have insured that every element actually properly conveys what it's supposed to convey. I wanted to go fast too, which didn't help cos I stuck with panels that were never good but didn't want to slow down to fix it. Oh well, it was a learning process. It still is I suppose. This remake does help in putting that in perspective when I have to fix my own work, forces me to take a loot at what I did wrong and how to do it better and that's actually nice !
RodVonBoche
Yup. Still the same kinda expression as the old page, except it's kinda cute surprised face now instead of ugly surprised face
RodVonBoche
I know right ? Pretty happy with this one.
Jarrod
Everything Eld said. This was a very hard page to decipher what was happening, and now it's just a page devoted to the joys of sex, and it's fantastic. Well done.
Eldkatten
From visual chaotic blurr to storytelling harmony! At least for me, who has problems with understanding too amorphous pictures. I did figure out the main messages of the old page, but this was not one of my favorite pages, image- und storywise. It is different now with the new version. I mean, finally I know exactly what is in the picture, too whom it belongs, who is where in relation to the other who, and what they are doing. For example, it never occured to me that Larsen is blushing (again). And I like the new faces, espially the one Larsen shows in the - 1-2-3-4... - fifth panel. Brilliant. Still there are more details for me to find out, like when I read your change-log and thought at one point "Oh, it's a crowd." :-) Not sure whether I saw that in the old version. Thanks for your great work and sleep well! Though I am looking forward to the day this remake is finished and the story will be whole again, but on the other hand it will be sad, because there won't be any of these marvelous contrasting before-after times anymore.
tegirvaru
i love larsens face in the middle, its just perfect ^.^
Diego P
100000% better !
