RodVonBoche
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Disintegrity 65-66 remastered edition
🕑 Added 2019-01-23 02:16:17 +0000 UTCONLY TWO PAGES SINCE LAST TIME. I think. I couldn't do more than that because, as you can see, these two pages have... changed significantly. Those represent the biggest change yet for the old to the remaster, I tried to keep them limited to two pages still.
SO WHY DID IT CHANGE ? Let's go in depth (get it ? cos they fuck - that's clever right)
This panel had a really sucky Larsen face. It does get across that he's angry or in pain so it's fine enough to understand, but that's it. Zee's face being hidden is also a bit weird so I changed it but in retrospect I almsot regret it, since it made him clumsily closer to Larsen, I think it showed how inept they both are better than the remaster page.
Butt fuck it, the art is otherwise so much better in the new page that I can't say it's a horrible trade off. Larsen's slapping Zee's butt with his tail in anger makes up for it too.
Lastly, the best trade-off is simply how much wider it is. Some time back, I remember Ethicist, a patron of mine, commenting that I didn't shortcut my ways through art in SM&SFF by making my pages a collection of zooms that crop the characters significantly down to size. Which is something I have done in the past ! Even if Disintegrity wasn't so egregious in that regard, I still feel like a lot of the smut is too close up.
I want pages to have a good view of the characters and I do think that page had something close enough to that ! .... with the last panel. Which I moved to page 66. So that removed some of the eye-grabbinness of the page, plus I thought i could make that first panel pose look better if there was more to be seen. Therefore I expanded it to show more skin.
This tho was the real big change in the page. I kinda wanted the first panel to be bigger, but it wasn't an absolute necessity, what I did absolutely want was to make the penetration look more important. In the old 65, it's just three panels lined in a row. It does give a vague impression that time is passing but... Does it looks like effort is put in the putting in ? Not to me. It doesn't look like there's much force behind the penetration beside some jaggy white lines. Finally, Zee's head cutting through it all makes it seem even less important. IT BAED.
Also I drew horrendous buttholes, but that's irrelevant to the structure of the page....
So, to make the act look more important, it's taking the rest of the page. The dick is bending ! And then it straightens out with a nice "sliiiiiiiiiip" without jaggy lines, to show that it's not ripping its way through.
"But why is Zee's butt cutting through panel 2 ?" I hear you ask, somehow, through the internet (also I notice that a cute round butt "cutting" something is an amusing sentence). Well the answer is I thought his butt was nice and didn't want to hide it. Which is a perfect justification for weird panelling.
Anyway. I also changed the dialog cos the old talk was lacking in enthusiasm and Larsen's silence sounded awkward given what penetration now looks like.
This panel Is not changed significantly (yet was redone entirely !) cos I liked it enough. I just had to move it one page later. As for meaningful change beside "it looks better now !", the dialog has been changed to make it flow better, so that Zee isn't just happily assuming that Larsen's fine. Not that he is really fine but he can't possibly show more weaknesses so "does it hurt ? - Nh-huh"
Also more see-through mouse body for visible wiener. Larsen wincing with the tear appearing on that eye only. Details.
What took an entire page was shrunk down to half of one, I don't think anything substancial was lost in the translation. Pacing is a bit different, I suppose the older page does make Larsen's reaction seem more striking by virtue of the space it takes whereas in the new one you immediately go from "there's a dick in me !" to sniffling-based confusion but hey.
I also changed "holy shit he's really inside !" to "i can feel his dick inside me !" cos... I feel like the mention of dick, of the actual part of the body that Larsen can sense within him makes it sexier. That's literally true now that I think about it...
Finally, the last panel was shrunk by necessity but I still tried to make it look like some time is spend on that scene by spacing out the "sniffs" horizontally, plus the old page didn't need to have this panel so big in the first place. The panel is smaller that the ones above to denote the difference some more, altho I'm not sure people would interpret that as meaning that this panels "shows" more time passing by. But whatever.
So yeah ! That was the reasoning, that's why it took me a while.
Comments
RodVonBoche
Thanks ! It feels nice to explain why the changes are made, I guess it'd be a waste not to do it. It's not like I couldn't explain the thought process as I make original pages but in the context of a remake it's easier to show it.
RodVonBoche
Thanks ! The bubble bit is not strictly new, I think one page around 115-120 in the original release already had that. I just re-applied it. But it is neat ! I can only work with furry characters too...
The Orange Cow
Looks great! You description of the planning process was interesting.
matt
dude yes, reading your process is always so interesting. Also don't think I didn't notice their respective tails marking their dialog bubbles - that's super cute and useful at the same time and I think it's delightful.
