Unknown Hermit
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Chapter 3 (repost) longer snippet
🕑 Added 2024-04-06 22:15:14 +0000 UTCI posted this a little earlier, but deleted it due to being self conscious about it being a rough draft and possibly not keeping the scene to begin with.
But I figure maybe it's time to start sharing a little more of what the drafting process looks like for me and how each chapter comes to fruition.
No draft is ever perfect. And maybe it'll help other creatives out there to see that it's okay for everything to not start out that way.
So here's that very VERY rough draft back of chapter 3
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Chapter 3
“I'm sorry, but there's nothing we can do except wait.”
“It's up to them now.”
There's a shriek as Adam's fist connects with the vanity mirror, his breath ragged and uncontrolled.
His makeup artist stands a few feet away in a state of shock.
Her blue eyes are wide with horror and she's clutching a bottle of concealer to her chest.
Makeup artist: M-Mr. Guadin?
Her voice trembles, grating on Adam's nerves.
Everything annoys him more than usual these days and Adam says nothing as he pulls his fist back, feeling the bite of glass embedded in his now bloodied knuckles.
He slowly examines the injury with disinterest.
Just another injury piled on top of the wounds he got from the confrontation in the trailer park a week earlier.
The one you still haven't woken up from.
And of course the doctors Saffron brought in to examine you couldn't give an estimated time of when you'd wake up.
It's a fucking guessing game.
Adam feels the overwhelming urge to punch the mirror with his other fist when he hears the creak of his dressing room door opening and the click of a man's dress shoe heel as the interloper steps inside.
Adam's gaze meets Saffron's in the cracked mirror.
He's wearing his usual ever present smile, but there’s something beginning to show between the cracks of his facade, only apparent to people who know him well enough.
Saffrons frustrated with Adam's outbursts.
Because this isn't the first time he's done this within the past week.
A handful of people have bared witness to a hint of Adam's true nature, all previous instances covered up by Saffron coming up with crafty excuses that wound up with Adam garnering sympathetic looks after his attitude was explained away.
Adam doesn't want to know what he told them.
As long as his slip ups are handled, Adam doesn't care about hearing the specifics.
Saffron: Can you please excuse us for a moment?
Saffron asks, turning to the makeup artist.
The woman hesitates a moment before nodding and hurrying out the door which shuts with a resounding click and leaves Saffron and Adam in heavy silence.
Almost as heavy as the night Adam carried you in his arms out of that trailer.
The tension feels constricting.
Or it would if Adam actually gave a shit.
adam: What?
Adam demands at last when it's clear the stick-up-his-ass cannibal won't say what's on his mind until Adam pries it out of him.
Saffron doesn't answer right away as he approaches Adam.
He's always so calm and collected.
Even now, when he's perturbed by Adam's behavior, Saffron maintains an air of professionalism that few could manage when confronted by the look of murderous intent behind Adam's eyes.
There's few people Adam can't intimidate, Saffron being one of them.
It makes Adam despise his manager all the more.
What he wouldn't give to cut that composed expression out of him.
Adam can feel his hands ache for the knife, craving violence to quell the rage stemming from his frustration.
Adam wants to slit someone's throat.
Saffron's preferably.
But he's on a tight leash.
He can't just kill whoever he wants, whenever he wants because if he did then the complications stemming from that would cause a number of issues.
So—like a dog—he can only wait until he's given the go-ahead via text message to slit someone's throat.
That or he somehow manages to find an exception to the rule.
Like Ruth for example.
But of course he didn't even get the fucking satisfaction of killing that bitch off.
Saffron did.
Not that Saffron gave a fuck.
Ruth wasn't the gardener boy.
And much like Adam, Saffrons also held back by the same rules, unable to kill to his glutinous heart's content.
They're both in the same shitty boat.
But still…
adam: Are you going to say what's on your fucking mind or not?
Adam demands.
It's not until they're standing side-by-side, gazes locked in the cracked mirror, that Saffron finally answers.
saffron: You need to collect yourself before people start to talk.
saffron: Rumors spread like a wildfire in this business and if I'm unable to snuff even a single one out, we'll lose everything we've worked for—no, that you've worked so hard for.
Saffron: I understand your frustration. They might hold the answers you seek, but you're acting very much like the reckless young boy you were when we first met.
Saffron: You're making countless mistakes and not thinking of the consequences that could ultimately keep you from fulfilling your promise.
Saffron finally turns towards Adam, adjusting the cuff of his sleeves.
Adam thinks he sees a faint splotch of blood.
Isn't that…?
No, he really didn't care enough to finish that thought.
But Adam still notes the fact that Saffrons wearing the same button up he wore on the day you and Adam faced off in the trailer.
Comments
Pretty Eyes
That snippet ending *flabbergasted with that blood splotch😵* looks like someone else is trying keep us close 👀 but I couldn’t agree more about the writing and the more realistic approach ❤️ It truly makes this VN stand out on another level and I LOVE IT!
Okomo Medja
Ok, I gotta say — this is why I'm here. And I don't mean here on Patreon, I mean here as in completely on board for wherever you go with your story. My absolute favorite thing about this VN has always been the writing — dialogue, tension build-up, character work. You're very good at this and that's even further emphasized to me by how much just this bit sucked me in. I do hope to see more rough drafts. This is cool stuff and I'm excited ☺️ I love Saffron's acknowledgement of, y'know, reality in this. It's one of the things I enjoy about your story — it's wild and macabre but it's tied to real life in ways that ground it a lot more than things in this genre tend to feel. imo at least! I just love that I get to be a reader who can trust the author to make sense — it gets to be a pure joyride of 'ooh what's gonna happen next' which is the best kind of vibe for a fucked up romance lol (also, I love that the MC is a sex worker. I love it so so so much.)
