InsomniaWL
patreon
Chapter 189 – “Selling Out Possessiveness”
🕑 Added 2025-09-30 17:52:00 +0000 UTC“Right now? You want to… see me?”
Aoki froze for a moment, blurting the words out before he could stop himself.
But almost instantly, he realized—
From Ryo’s tone… and that strange, heavy undercurrent in her voice…
He could more or less guess why she was calling him.
He opened his mouth, ready to ask directly why she suddenly wanted to see him, or at least offer an explanation.
But before he could speak, Yamada Ryo finally answered after a brief silence.
“…Mm. You’re at home right now, aren’t you?”
Her voice was still soft, like she was holding her phone close and speaking with her head lowered.
Then, just as plainly, she told him the reason:
“I saw a lot of posts about you online… and it made me feel awful. So… I wanted to come see you.”
Just as Aoki had guessed.
He was quiet for a beat.
Even if he had predicted it, hearing it directly still caught him off guard.
It had only been three days.
Yet somehow… she’d already seen all that.
The speed at which rumors about his past had spread was almost absurd.
Letting out a silent sigh, Kei tightened his grip on the phone.
“…I’m at home. If you want to come, just come.”
“Mm… okay.” She answered softly.
Snow had begun to fall outside—light flakes, small enough that most would probably melt before hitting the ground.
Kei saw no reason to refuse her.
In fact, if he was being honest, he didn’t want to refuse.
This might be a chance to explain everything face-to-face.
Better to meet it head-on.
Ten minutes later, he was still standing by the window, watching the faint snow drift down, when the sound of the doorbell broke his thoughts.
She was here.
He took a deep breath, turned away from the window, and walked to the door.
The snow was still falling when he opened it.
He’d tried to imagine what Ryo’s mood would be when they met.
Maybe she’d be angry after all, he’d kept this from her for nearly a year.
Maybe she’d be hurt because even after the news broke, he hadn’t told her first.
Any way he pictured it, he’d expected something unhappy.
But when the door opened… those thoughts dissolved.
Standing there in the snow, her face half-hidden by a pale red scarf, Ryo simply looked at him.
How could Kei describe her eyes in that moment?
If the eyes of an ordinary girl were like a 130-yen bottle of convenience store water…
And the eyes of a melancholy girl were like a 500-yen bottle of premium mineral water…
Then Ryo’s eyes right now—
To Kei, they were like the pure, fresh springwater at the peak of Mt. Fuji, still melting from snow.
His words caught in his throat.
After a pause, he stepped aside.
“Come in. Whatever you want to say… let’s talk inside.”
Ryo sniffled faintly, saying nothing as she walked past him into the apartment.
She slipped off her shoes, unwrapped her scarf, and hung it neatly on the rack.
Her pale cheeks were tinged pink from the cold.
She glanced around—the layout hadn’t changed at all.
And just like that… the words she’d wanted to say seemed to falter.
Before coming here, her chest had felt heavy, her mood dark.
But now, inside Suki’s apartment, seeing him in front of her… that heaviness eased, just a little.
She’d come here intending to demand answers.
But now, standing here, all she wanted to do was say something—anything—out of concern.
A few steps in from the entryway, she stopped.
They stood in silence for a moment before she spoke.
“…Suki-san,” she said quietly, meeting his gaze. “Why… didn’t you ever tell me?”
There were a hundred possible answers.
Because he didn’t want his bandmates to worry.
Because he didn’t want them to share his burden.
Because he’d long since grown used to carrying everything alone.
Ryo already knew those answers.
Better than anyone, she knew.
But even the most rational person… can’t suppress emotion forever.
She still wanted to hear it from him.
You could have told me.
Even if it was just me… I wanted to share that weight with you.
She looked at him, waiting for his reply.
Kei let out a quiet sigh.
How was he supposed to explain?
What was he going to do—break down his entire life story, tell her all his reasoning, admit that he didn’t want Kessoku Band to carry a burden they didn’t need to?
Those words… simply wouldn’t come.
Dignity and the words left unsaid—they were always towering mountains in human relationships.
So…
“I wasn’t trying to hide anything from everyone. It’s just… no one brought it up, so I instinctively didn’t say anything,” Aoki began.
“Those rumors online are way too exaggerated. No matter how you look at it, there’s no way it’s like that. At most, you should only believe half of it.”
“But… isn’t it also because you didn’t want us to worry?” Ryo lifted her head, her voice quiet yet certain.
Aoki wanted to shake his head in denial.
But the moment his eyes met hers, the urge to lie faded away.
“Ah… something like that,” he admitted with a small nod.
And then—silence.
Yamada Ryo opened her mouth as if to say something more, but in the end, she only lowered her gaze, avoiding his eyes.
Time passed slowly.
Finally, Ryo took a soft breath.
Suki-san was always like this. From the very beginning.
Always accommodating her, always answering when she asked—even if the questions were difficult.
What was the point in pressing him? She’d long known his nature:
He would carry every burden alone, instinctively blaming himself for every problem, never wanting anyone else to bear even a fraction of the weight.
Endlessly indulgent of her… yet able to rein her in at just the right moments.
She looked up at him again, and in her chest, a small ache bloomed.
It wasn’t because Suki-san hadn’t told her about his past.
It was because—despite standing right in front of him she realized just how little she truly knew about him.
She wanted to be closer.
She wanted to keep the promise she made in front of the dessert shop that day:
‘Suki-san, I want to know more about you.’
So… she knew exactly what she wanted now.
She stepped forward, pressing herself against him and wrapping her arms around his.
A faint blush colored her cheeks.
Looking up, she met his gaze, her eyes shimmering with a soft mist, more beautiful now than ever before—
Even the purest spring atop Mount Fuji couldn’t compare.
Still holding his gaze, she finally spoke:
“Suki-san… I like you.”
Her voice was the same calm, cool tone she always used, but there was a depth and seriousness in it that made it heavier than usual.
Aoki froze for a moment—then understood.
He hesitated, making no move.
This was the second time Ryo had told him I like you.
And still… he couldn’t just nod, agree, and say yes.
Life’s choices rarely came with a perfect answer.
Kei didn’t know which was the right path, or how to give the flawless response she deserved.
All he could do was take things one step at a time.
So after that brief pause, he simply nodded and murmured, “…Mm.”
Ryo squeezed his arm a little tighter.
Then, after a moment’s hesitation, she rested her forehead lightly against his shoulder.
“The kind of ‘like’ that means I want to be with you,” she added softly.
She couldn’t even imagine what her life would be like if she ever had to live without him.
Even now, just holding onto his arm, she could feel a warmth spreading through her chest.
Love had the power to rewrite a person’s habits—
Even if she preferred solitude.
Even if she usually kept her emotions locked away.
Even if she prided herself on cold, rational thinking.
Love didn’t care.
“Even if it means giving up a lot… even if it means selling away my own possessiveness—that’s the kind of ‘like’ I mean,” Ryo said.
Her skin was warm against his.
For a fleeting moment, Kei wanted to nod and agree to everything—
To be with her, or even make selfish, shameless choices…
But the thought passed as quickly as a spark.
He fell silent, then shook his head lightly.
If he couldn’t give her the answer she wanted…
“…I know,” he said at last, not quite able to meet her eyes.
Ryo drew a slow breath.
After a stretch of quiet, she asked softly, “Suki-san… do you not like me?”
He had answered this before.
“I do.”
“Then why reject me? You could just say yes.”
“There’s a lot to think about.”
“Then… would you be okay letting me go, and being with Kita instead? Or… someone else?”
“…No. I wouldn’t.”
“Indecisive,” she said flatly.
Kei neither confirmed nor denied it.
“In that case, we’ll just do things my way,” Ryo told him.
He stayed silent.
Her way… The thought brought an odd heaviness to his chest.
Maybe he really was indecisive.
But faced with this situation, this might be the only choice he could make.
Giving up one’s possessiveness—it was a phrase far too heavy.
To give so much, to surrender that instinct, to support him no matter what, to accept even his most selfish choices…
He shook his head slightly and looked at her.
“Ryo… don’t say things like that again.”
The soft warmth of her arm against his was impossible to ignore.
Kei’s voice was quiet.
“Ryo is Ryo. Your feelings shouldn’t have to compromise for mine. If I don’t know how to handle this yet—let’s just talk about our feelings. Ryo… I like you. So don’t say things like that anymore.”
Yamada Ryo blinked, then fell silent.
A moment later, she tightened her arms around his.
Some of the unhappiness in her chest faded.
“…Mm.” She nodded.
