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Chapter 168 – I Once Thought About Ending It All
🕑 Added 2025-09-20 16:03:09 +0000 UTC[TL Note - The song is not mine]
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As one of the most well-known directors in the anime industry, it was no surprise that Niijima Yusuke had been invited to join KL Studio’s music competition as a judge.
But the more he listened to the performances on-site, the less confident he felt about Kessoku Band’s chances.
It wasn’t without reason—Takashi Imai’s performance today had been nothing short of outstanding.
The theme, “Don’t give up, keep on living,” had been brought to life with absolute perfection.
Armed with nothing but an acoustic guitar and a slightly husky voice, he had, in just three short minutes, sung a gentle, soul-soothing piece that could quietly heal the heart.
The relaxed tempo, the perfect vocal tone—
Paired with his top-tier guitar skills, the kind that could stand at the very peak of Japan’s music scene, every note had wrapped the audience in raw, tangible emotion.
And then, right after him... came Kessoku Band.
As much as Niijima wanted to believe in Aoki Kei, he knew very well—
The better Takashi Imai’s performance, the more disadvantageous it would be for whoever followed.
Two songs back-to-back meant the judges were still emotionally steeped in the lingering impression of the previous piece.
The audience still carried the fresh memory of it. In direct comparison, it would be easy to choose a winner.
If Aoki’s slot had been separated by a few performers, things might be different. But being placed right after...
It was no advantage at all—especially after such an exceptional act had just been delivered.
“...Sigh.”
Niijima let out a soft breath, listening to the faint chatter among the audience and judges.
Most likely, today’s competition KL Studio’s project—would mark Suki-san’s first real defeat since debut.
Meanwhile, at the judges’ table closest to the stage, a few leaned in to whisper to each other.
Takashi Imai’s piece might not have been the perfect fit for the theme, but compared to the subpar quality of many earlier entries, it was already the best they’d heard so far.
When the ideal didn’t exist, they had to settle for the next best thing.
The four judges murmured quietly until the host’s voice cut through their conversation.
“The next song is... I Once Thought About Ending It All. Please welcome Kessoku Band to the stage!”
The audience fell silent for a moment.
Hearing the title, the four judges froze slightly, then exchanged hesitant glances before starting to clap.
They had heard of Kessoku Band before, and they had certainly heard the name “Suki-san,” Aoki.
‘A genius high schooler. An eighteen-year-old prodigy. The hottest musician on Yutube.’
They had also listened to some of his works— Songs like Loser, Fireworks, and Lemon... all undeniably high in quality.
That Fireworks piece, used as a film’s theme song, had been an especially perfect fit and technically flawless.
And yet— It was precisely because of these qualities that the judges, ironically, weren’t entirely optimistic about Aoki’s chances today.
This time’s theme was “Keep on living.”
Compared to the love stories and dreams he had previously written about, this theme was unbearably heavy.
Logically speaking—a high schooler wasn’t likely to have experienced the depth of pain necessary to fully grasp it.
Of course, life is unpredictable.
While most high schoolers might never know despair deep enough to contemplate ending their life, exceptions did exist.
No one could ever say for certain what another person had been through.
But Suki-san, at just eighteen, had already taken Japan’s music scene by storm—
He had bandmates who shared his dream.
He could keep moving forward on the musical path he loved.
Even as an outside observer, one could easily think: This boy’s life is going too smoothly.
And because of that...
The judges struggled to believe that someone with such a seemingly charmed life could create a song that truly embodied the theme.
Especially when Takashi Imai had already delivered a jewel of a performance—
With such a strong benchmark set, their expectations for Kessoku Band had quietly dropped.
With those thoughts in mind, Kessoku Band took the stage.
In the audience, the small murmurs from the judges and a portion of the crowd faded into silence.
After Imai’s song, expectations for the remaining performers were low.
On stage, staff finished setting up the instruments for Kessoku Band. At the center mic stand sat a keyboard—clearly prepared for the lead.
It was no question: I Once Thought About Ending It All would have Aoki as both vocalist and keyboardist.
From the audience, Niijima’s hopes dipped a little further.
He remembered comparing Fireworks and Loser a few days earlier and concluding that Aoki’s guitar skills were slightly sharper than his keyboard work.
And now, here he was again—choosing the keyboard.
Once on stage, Kei adjusted the mic stand slightly.
While Niijima’s thoughts wandered, Kei had already finished preparing.
He placed his fingers on the keys, saying nothing— But in that instant, a completely different aura from his usual self began to radiate from him.
Still serving as the band’s MC, Kei spoke softly:
“This is Kessoku Band. Our song is I Once Thought About Ending It All.”
His voice was calm, just like countless times before—no unnecessary emotion, just a simple introduction.
Then—
A brief, still moment.
Right after that, the gentle sound of a guitar rose beside him.
In an instant, the intro began—light, slow, and soothing, the melody drifted into everyone’s ears.
The tune was beautiful, but there was something… strange about it.
As the performance started, the guitar, bass, and drums all joined in one after another—but Aoki, the band’s lead vocalist and keyboardist, hadn’t touched a single key on his instrument.
A bead of cold sweat slid down Niijima Yusuke’s temple.
Had Aoki-san… made a mistake?
Yet, the coordination between the guitar, bass, and drums was flawless.
What was going on?
Anxious now, Niijima focused entirely on the stage.
The intro faded, and then Aoki began to sing.
Still, there was no sound from the keyboard.
But his voice—his voice came through the accompaniment with absolute clarity.
The opening line was simple, almost like repeating the title itself.
Yet the rhythm, the melody, and the raw emotion in it… they were all flawless.
“I once thought about ending it all.”
[僕が死のうと思ったのは]
Without a pause, he moved into the next line.
This time, the words carried more of a story.
“Because I saw the black-tailed gulls crying at the pier.”
[ウミネコが桟橋で鳴いたから]
The tempo remained calm, and the meaning of the lyrics was easy to grasp.
“Appeared and disappeared drifting on the waves…”
[波の随意に浮かんで消える]
“Flying away and picking my past as they go.”
[過去も啄ばんで飛んでいけ]
The first verse ended.
KL Productions had been clear about their request:
‘A song that gives people strength. Something that persuades them to keep on living.’
But this song—Kessoku Band’s performance of “I Once Thought About Ending It All”…
In the audience, the judges and the crowd had fallen utterly silent.
Niijima’s heartbeat quickened.
The opening lines were beautiful, yes…
But here was the problem—those lines didn’t seem to fit the contest’s theme at all.
And the emotion in the first verse… was rather subdued.
Compared to Imai Takashi’s gentle yet uplifting opening earlier, it felt lacking.
The song was excellent. That much was certain.
But if it stayed like this…
Niijima’s thoughts ran wild.
On stage, Aoki’s keyboard still hadn’t made a sound, and the worry in Niijima’s chest deepened.
The second verse began after a brief pause—this one even more plainly tinged with despair.
“I once thought about ending it all.”
[僕が死のうと思ったのは]
“Because on my birthday, the apricot blossoms bloomed.”
[誕生日に杏の花が咲いたから]
“Can I become the soil with dead bugs”
[その木漏れ日でうたた寝したら]
“If I nap under the sunbeams filtering through foliage.”
[虫の死骸と土になれるかな]
The meaning was painfully clear.
“I once thought about ending my life.”
The words were heavy—yet the melody…
Despite the hopeless core of the lyrics, Aoki sang them with a calm so flat, it was almost unsettling.
It was like…
It was like someone truly ready to end it all, speaking of it without a single ripple in their heart.
The second verse ended.
The venue was utterly silent.
Backstage, Imai Takashi—who had just finished performing and was about to leave—stopped in his tracks.
This song was far from ordinary.
A casual listener might not notice it, but a top musician like him could feel the hidden force woven into the music.
Even though only two verses had passed, the emotion within them was slowly climbing upward.
Whether or not it matched the contest’s theme… this wasn’t just a great song.
It was a masterpiece.
After a shorter pause than before, Aoki launched into the third verse—
And that was when the mood shifted.
The tempo quickened. The emotion rose.
“Mint candies, the lighthouse by the fishing port.”
[薄荷飴 漁港の灯台]
“A rusted arch bridge, an abandoned bicycle.”
[錆びたアーチ橋 捨てた自転車]
“Standing by the stove in the old wooden station, yet nowhere I want to go.”
[木造の駅のストーブの前で, どこにも旅立てない心]
“Today and yesterday—exactly the same.”
[今日はまるで昨日みたいだ]
“If I want a better tomorrow, I have to act today.”
[明日を変えるなら今日を変えなきゃ]
“I know that, I know—but still..”
[分かってる 分かってる けれど..]
He sang the entire verse without a single pause, his voice leaping sharply in intensity.
The sadness was still there, but now it was filled with defiance.
And then—suddenly—the surge cut off.
Backstage, Imai Takashi’s breath caught.
The confidence he’d held moments ago faltered for the first time.
In the audience, Niijima and the others froze.
They understood now.
All the despair in the lyrics was just a façade—layer by layer, Aoki’s voice had been pushing upward, revealing the song’s true core.
The four judges’ hearts pounded in their chests.
And then—
After a few seconds of abrupt silence, the bass, the guitar, and even the drums all faded away.
For the first time since the performance began, the keyboard rang out—
A single, resonant note.
Comments
InsomniaTL
If you use patreon app, you can save it to your device
Victor Weismann
damn, this music is beatufil, i really wanted dowload this, where i can do that?
