InsomniaWL
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480 — I’m Going to Marry the Toilet
🕑 Added 2025-08-28 15:00:15 +0000 UTCKyousuke sat up in bed, rubbing his eyes and yawning, savoring the aftertaste of sleep—that drowsy, languid haze that clung to him.
His mind was still foggy, logic circuits sluggish, to the point where he almost started wondering why he had fallen asleep in the first place… and why he was awake now.
But unlike the usual rude awakenings, this time he wasn’t irritated at all.
Even though he couldn’t quite recall the details of the earlier phone call, Yukari’s gentle, stream-like voice still lingered in his mind, soothing and tender, slowly gathering his scattered thoughts.
Just then, his bedroom door swung open.
Light spilled in from the hallway, but strangely, no one was visible at first.
“Ah-ha! Onii woke up! Kasuko wins the bet!”
The childish, milky voice gave it away.
It was a little girl, not even tall enough to reach the door lock—who had opened the door.
She came bounding inside and dove onto Kyousuke’s bed.
Her tiny hands grabbed at his feet through the blanket, using his toes like climbing holds.
With adorable little grunts, her short legs kicked wildly as she clambered upward.
Kyousuke’s eyes adjusted to the light and immediately caught sight of the tiny intruder at the foot of his bed.
Being woken by a beautiful teacher’s voice, and the very next moment opening his eyes to see his adorable little sister—was there anything happier in this world?
The old man’s face practically melted like a candle, overflowing with satisfaction.
‘Pat-pat-pat!’
Kasuko’s short arms and legs worked furiously until she made it all the way up to his pillow.
Kyousuke was just about to say something when her tiny hands grabbed both sides of his face.
“Good afternoon, Onii!” she shouted with infectious energy.
“Good afternoon, Kasuko,” Kyousuke replied warmly, his voice full of laughter even as his face was being squished.
He slipped a hand out from under the blanket and with a quick lift, raised his little sister high into the air.
His arm was longer than her entire body, so the moment she was lifted, her stubby legs dangled helplessly, kicking in midair like she was swimming with a float ring.
Her mouth spilled giggles nonstop.
That pure, crystalline laughter was impossible to resist—Kyousuke found himself laughing right along with her.
And then—another figure appeared in the doorway.
Just like déjà vu, the newcomer silently clambered onto the bed.
Using both hands and feet, pat-pat-pat, she crawled her way forward…
And with a sudden plop, Kyousuke’s face was squished again.
“Good morning, Kyousuke~!”
That bright, energetic voice, that radiant, sunshine-filled smile—
Yamauchi Sakura had arrived in all her glory.
“Good morning, my Sakura,” Kyousuke answered with a grin, lowering his sister back down.
“What about me?!” Kasuko piped up quickly. “Sakura onee-chan didn’t say good morning to me yet! And also—it not morning, you know!”
“Good morning, Kasuko,” Sakura declared proudly. “And listen no matter the time, when you wake up, you should always say good morning!
You have to boldly declare to the world, ‘Yes! I’m lucky enough to sleep until noon!’ That’s true happiness!”
Sakura’s logic was flawless in her own way.
A perfect morning wasn’t complete without exchanging greetings with Kyousuke, and apparently, part of her daily training was convincing Kasuko of that.
Kasuko’s tiny brain clearly wasn’t equipped to process such complicated philosophy.
After a moment of frowning concentration, she simply decided to follow the Hojou family tradition of “never overexert yourself.”
She threw her arms around Sakura’s face and declared:
“Good afternoon, Sakura onee-chan!”
Her innocent little voice sent the other two bursting into laughter, and soon the three of them were rolling around the bed in playful chaos.
If it hadn’t been for Hojou Mikiko’s voice calling up from downstairs, the two high schoolers might have skipped class entirely.
———————————————————————
“Mom, what’s the plan for this afternoon?” Kyousuke asked at the table, picking at his food.
At the question, Sakura quickly swallowed and raised her hand.
“My mom texted this morning! She asked if Auntie Mikiko had time today—if you do, she’s coming to Tokyo to hang out with you!”
“Eh? Today?” Mikiko frowned a little, troubled. “That’s tricky… I’ve got a lot to do.”
She started ticking things off with her fingers.
“Mitsuha wants me to tour the university with her, Miki asked me to sample the new dishes at her restaurant, Eriri’s mother invited me for tea, and then…”
Halfway through, she suddenly froze, eyes going wide.
“Oh, that’s right! Father should be getting back today too! I need to supervise him while he delivers all the gifts.”
Only then did Kyousuke remember he hadn’t seen his dad in ages.
Apparently, after Hojou Ichirou got drunk one too many times.
And Grandpa Hojou back home had been so delighted to hear how warmly his grandson was treated in Tokyo that he immediately decided everyone deserved thanks.
Hanging up on his daughter-in-law, he wasted no time—he butchered a cow.
The cow’s name? “Super Brave.” Named by Kasuko, of course.
The reason?
When she was deciding which animal would be eaten next, “Super Brave” just kept munching grass without a care in the world, looking completely unfazed by life or death.
As the old man butchered the beast, he ordered his son to rush home immediately to escort the beef to Tokyo.
Hungover and half-conscious, Ichirou was shoved onto a plane, landed, and before he can even drinking water, he was forced into an apron and put to work cutting beef.
“Show some guts! Everyone in Tokyo’s been taking care of Kyousuke. As his father, how can you sit idly by? Put your heart into every slice! Make sure when they taste this beef, they can feel the sincerity of the Hojou family!”
With that speech, Grandpa punctuated it with a solid kick to his son’s backside.
‘Gah—!’
The kick had some serious power.
Gritting his teeth, Ichirou swore he’d pay it back tenfold.
And of course—he’d pay it back to his son.
After all, fathers kicking sons? That’s perfectly fair.
The men handled the butchering, but deciding who got which cut was left to Mikiko.
A tricky task for most people—you’d have to weigh each girl’s relationship with Kyousuke.
Was she a mere friend? Something more?
A possible future daughter-in-law? Give too much, and it might be presumptuous. Too little, and it might offend.
But Mikiko wasn’t just anyone—she was the wise fool, the brilliant beauty.
She didn’t even hesitate. Four bold words popped into her mind:
“I’ll give them all!”
…Cough, no—she corrected herself: Equal treatment!
Tongue, chuck, shoulder, tenderloin—each package had to include a fair share.
No exceptions.
To her, every girl was equally adorable, equally worthy of being her daughter-in-law.
Showing favoritism would only create problems for her son!
Hearing his wife’s words, the world-class henpecked husband Hojou Ichirou swallowed all his grumbling and began preparing gifts with the same spirit he had back in his high-school exam days.
Honestly, he regretted ever having a son.
The boy hadn’t even officially started dating anyone yet, and already it was causing so much trouble.
When it came time for marriage… wouldn’t that turn into a full-blown war?
Ichirou knew all too well that once he started delivering these gifts, there was no escaping another round of heavy drinking.
He swore to himself that he would never again set foot in that terrifying city called Tokyo.
…Unless, of course, his precious daughter ended up studying there someday.
In that case, he’d definitely have to move there and keep her company.
“Let’s go to Mitsuha’s house first! She said she’s free this afternoon. Last time she mentioned wanting to try the kind of steak Hojou grew up eating—perfect chance to make it happen today!”
Hojou Mikiko’s eyes lit up, looking ready to roll up her sleeves and show off.
“I’ll have a company car sent over for you,” Kyousuke offered with a nod.
Looked like his mom was enjoying herself in Tokyo.
Miki was one thing, but even Mitsuha’s cooking skills were already miles ahead of his airheaded mother’s.
Still, one loved teaching, and the other loved learning.
Everyone was happy.
“Mom, you’ve gotta keep an eye on Dad, okay? He’s not young anymore. Drinking like that every day will wreck his health.”
Kyousuke threw the words out casually, though he’d already told his grandfather all about his father’s boisterous drinking antics in Tokyo.
Grandpa had been overjoyed—more drinking buddies for him!
The truth was, ever since Ichirou quit working, he’d barely touched alcohol.
He thought it wasted time he could spend being sweet with his wife.
After his daughter was born, he didn’t dare take even a sip, afraid the smell would cling to him.
So even with a house full of people, Grandpa Hojou had always been left drinking alone.
“Seeing you make so many friends in Tokyo makes your father happy, too,” Mikiko said, her eyes crinkling with a smile. “So let him indulge a little.”
“Then the second stop should be my place!” Sakura Yamauchi chimed in, her energy as boundless as ever. “My dad will definitely make sure Uncle Ichirou gets his fill!”
“Hahaha, I’m sure he will be thrilled to hear that,” Mikiko laughed, happily agreeing.
Kyousuke interrupted, “But with the Yukinoshita sister’s… one delivery should be enough, right? Do we really need two?”
“Yukino. Haruno. Two people. Two gifts. No problem at all!” Airhead she may be, but Mikiko’s math was flawless.
“…Fair point.”
After a quick meal, Kyousuke and Sakura changed into their uniforms and headed out.
———————————————————————
Meanwhile, Yukinoshita Yukino had just finished lunch when she finally received a reply.
From Sakura.
Not a cat sticker this time, but a Sakura-original reaction image.
A selfie—edited with Super Saiyan effects.
Golden aura blazing around her, hair transformed into a spiky fruit-like shape, eyes sparkling with intensity.
Above her head, two explosive characters read: “GENKI!!”
The black-haired girl couldn’t help but laugh aloud at the sight.
———————————————————————
“Can I save this sticker?”
———————————————————————
She typed the question seriously.
Sakura didn’t answer. Instead, she unleashed a storm of reaction images—every single one of them made from her own selfies.
Occasionally, she even slipped in a Nishimiya Shouko or an Eriri.
The blonde princess, chin raised proudly: “I don’t know!”
The gentle Shouko, smiling softly: “Even if you’re an idiot, I won’t hate you.”
The genki girl with both eyes darting left: “Ridiculous ridiculous.”
The genki girl’s eyes darting right: “Ridiculous again.”
The genki girl’s face scrunched up: “Hojou Kyousuke’s childhood friend will never lose!”
…and many more.
Practically dizzy from happiness, Yukinoshita scrambled to save them all, while secretly wondering if she could make stickers of her own someday.
Meanwhile, Kyousuke’s reply arrived:
———————————————————————
“Suddenly receiving such concern from you left me flattered, almost making me imagine Yukinoshita might actually like me.
Luckily I quickly remembered my duty to fulfill requests. Rest assured, I’ll report to the club president this afternoon.”
———————————————————————
When Yukinoshita read the first part, she immediately thought:
———————————————————————
“Hojou-kun, is your signal receiver broken? How can you twist such a normal sentence into such a ridiculous conclusion?”
———————————————————————
But by the second half, her brows had drawn together in irritation.
Without overthinking, she typed back:
———————————————————————
“Even that dog from the Yamada house, twenty meters east of Ōtsuka North Hall—the one that barks at me through the fence every morning.
If one day it suddenly vanished, I’d still worry if the neighbors had poisoned it out of annoyance.
So of course I’d worry about you, a living, breathing human being.
Be confident. I really am concerned about you.”
———————————————————————
And the she hit send.
Yes. Honest and direct.
Yukinoshita felt satisfied with herself, even sending along a smile emoji to show her sincerity.
Kyousuke’s reply followed quickly:
———————————————————————
“Thank you, merciful and generous Yukinoshita-san.
Knowing my value in your heart is higher than a dog that barks daily and might be poisoned at any time—that alone lifts my spirits.
I may not have the courage to conquer the world, but at least I can now face Momotarō’s worship with composure.
Lastly, thank you for your concern. The reason I wasn’t at school was because I was… busy sleeping. Physically I’m fine.
Mentally, I was also fine—until I saw your message. 🙂”
———————————————————————
“…Good then. 🙂,” Yukinoshita answered.
———————————————————————
He must have caught her attempt at humor, she thought, since he added that smile.
Their conversation ended with a pair of matching smiley faces.
On her real face, the black-haired girl wore the same small smile.
She was the type who unconsciously mirrored every emoji she sent.
In fact, when Sakura had spammed all those stickers earlier, Yukinoshita had mimicked each expression while saving them.
Even typing replies, she would murmur the words under her breath.
When Kyousuke slipped into the classroom just before first period, the one waiting was a pink-haired girl with a bun like a strawberry.
“Good afternoon, Kyousuke-kun~!” Nishimiya Shouko beamed, springing up to wave.
And later, after the final bell rang, Kyousuke was heading toward the faculty office when he bumped into Hiratsuka-sensei, who had just come out of the restroom.
The great teacher stood there, face full of resolve, muttering under her breath over and over:
“I’m going to marry that toilet.”
