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Chapter 64

🕑 Added 2024-06-18 17:20:24 +0000 UTC

Comments

LitLeveler

This is getting a bit confusing. He is there to learn but still thinks his methods are best and gets bored with things he doesn't agree with. He wants to hide but also push himself, which is contradictory. Also, by using mana to impede himself, he stood out anyway. It just seems so convoluted. Either practice in secret and not risk exposure or just actually try to do your best. Trying to do your best in plain sight while trying to appear average just makes you stand out even more. It makes people suspicious and curious.

_mori

Mc thinks he’s the only one that’s ever had a creative thought. Or even knows the meaning of the word. And it’s odd. In a world where mana is the norm, why would an earthling know better, to the point that he’d go to an institution and still think he has a better perspective. In truth, I don’t think the mc needs to change (at least not via a retcon). Instead, the world around him needs to be made better. All of his creativity so far has been him attempting to simplify what would otherwise be a complex issue. Like when he imagined a potato sorter as a solution for separating his mana (ironic because what that machine does isn’t easily achieved in reality). If he’s forced to confront complex realities—that his beloved potato sorter can’t overcome—maybe it’ll be worth it to have a full school arc? I don’t mean to be rude, so I’m sorry if I came across as such. It’s a bad habit and I can’t help but point out some of these things especially when so many authors seem to fall into the same trap.

_mori

It seems like you’re trying to hard to show, if that makes sense. When you described that some students ran with effort, and some didn’t, it might’ve come across better if you didn’t comment on their motivations/reasoning. It’s already somewhat obvious that they’re lazy. No need to overemphasize the point. A more subtle approach may be better, like how he met his roommate. The interaction itself painted a sufficient picture, though there was a bit of unnecessary commentary (imo). As a side note, I don’t know if you’ve received this feedback before, but these ‘observations’ make your mc overly judgmental in a reader’s view. Sure, he’s dedicated to improvement, but why does he care so much what others are doing or what they think of him. For example, in the cafeteria scene where he got up and left, the mc thought “no one even acknowledged my existence”. I think you intended to communicate how little attention others were paying to their surroundings, but it just makes the mc seem hungry for attention, when he shouldn’t be. That and him not even trying to connect with anyone his ‘age’ is the height of pretentiousness. A few other students that are maybe a few years older aren’t going to be entirely different than the younger ones in behavior. They’re all teenagers in the end.

ThoMiCroN

A soft mana cushion would pair well with his kinetic affinity. It could be a super kinetic-absorbing cushion that would kill all momentum.

ThoMiCroN

There are many corrections to make, like sentences without a subject.

Kyrre Göran

Other wise awesome story

Kyrre Göran

I dont fully understand why he must hide his strengt when you have written that nobles can't interfer at the School? Also he goes by a different name its not like his family Will hear about him?

Ryan

I'm sorry if that was unclear, but it was the specific types of mana exercises that were boring, not all mana exercises themselves.

lenkite

Why would he find Mana Exercises boring and repetitive but not Physical Exercises ? They are both important. And there is a lot more boring repetition in physical exercise.

Raymond Mouton

Thanks for the chapter. might negatively some of => might negatively affect some of


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