Emmanuel_Capricorn
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DS : Chapter 93
🕑 Added 2024-11-17 17:30:08 +0000 UTC[Seiji's POV]
"....."
"....."
There are people in this world who are so innocent and happy that you do not want anything to upset them, for me, Mitsuri was at the very top of that list.
So it was hard for me to give her the truth when I knew the truth would hurt her.
'I'm going to die at the age of 25 years old,' I repeated that sentence again and again in my mind without saying it out, hoping that if I repeated it enough, I would eventually find a way to phrase it better.
A hundred times, A thousand times, a million times...I couldn't find it, words change, meanings don't and neither does the truth.
After I used up all of the silence Mitsuri generously gave me, I came to the conclusion that I did not want to tell her that.
So I said...
"What do you think about breaking our engagement?"
The way her smile literally fell into a heartbroken frown was the saddest sight I had ever seen. It was a tragedy that ripped my heart into a million pieces.
"Don't misunderstand though, I still want to be with you, It's just that the whole engagement thing was arranged by our parents, it's kind of silly. If we truly love each other, we should marry by our own free will," I was not sure what I said next either, I just remember trying to make her feel better.
I laughed to make her feel better, but it didn't work.
I saw her green eyes break out into tears and her shaking hands reached for her heart. She was holding herself back because she thought it was not reasonable to react so emotionally. It was frightening to see how impactful a sentence could be.
"What do you mean? I thought you were okay with the engagement," she was not able to say that properly but my eyes read them perfectly.
"Of course I am," I paused, "Of course I was,"
When I thought I had a future, I was okay with marrying you. When I was not faced with certain death in the future, I had the courage to want you all to myself.
"But...." I ran out of air, the master of breathing styles ran out of air.
"Things change, okay," I said after taking another breath.
Her body shook in what I could not believe but what my eyes told me were fear and regret. She bit her lips, looked me meekly in the eyes and asked.
"Did I do something wrong? Why do you not want me anymore?" she said and I was too stunned to speak at how she took my words.
She looked like the first time I saw her, vulnerable and sorry for being herself.
"I can change,"
"NO. FUCK!!" I yelled, too shaken up, "That's not what I mean.."
My hands went to grab her face and pulled her close to me. I stood up too so that I could be right in front of her face. Seeing was how I communicate and at this moment, I wanted her to see exactly what I had to say.
"I love you," It was a powerful sentence but nearly not enough to express the emotions in my heart.
"I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOUUU!!!" I said until, again, I ran out of breath.
I did not want her to think she was the problem because she was not.
It was me. Blame me, blame the world.
We stared at each other for a long time until I let her go and we both settled back to our seats. I took a deep breath and Mitsuri was calmer now and blushing a bit after my explosive confession.
"And that's why...I don't want you to be engaged with me," I said after a moment.
I recalled the time when I heard that I was engaged with Mitsuri, it was one of the happiest moments of my life.
I was filled with joy so immense that nobody in this world would be able to understand it. To me, it was greater than being engaged with the queen of England.
I felt like the luckiest man in the world.
That still hadn't changed one bit. Even now, I still feel like the luckiest man in the world. The only difference was that Mitsuri was now the most unfortunate girl to be engaged with me.
Although all my selfishness as an entity wanted to be engaged with Mitsuri, the part of me that loved her more than myself wanted to break off the engagement.
Because I know, marrying me would be like jumping on a sinking ship.
Have you ever talked to a cancer patient or people who knew their death was soon and inevitable? They would tell you, how much that knowledge of certain death changed them.
In a way, it changed me too.
25 years. That's only 9 years from now. That was when I would die.
At that time, I would leave Mitsuri a widow. I would leave her completely heartbroken and in pain.
I could not stress enough how young it was to die at 25, that's about the time when life truly began. And marrying me would curse Mitsuri to a life of loneliness from then on. I did not want to give her such a fickle love that would soon turn into pain.
The truth was, ever since I awakened my Demon Slayer Mark, I could not no longer be truly happy whenever I was with Mitsuri. She noticed this too.
It was because when I saw her smile, I also saw a future where that smile turned into a perpetual frown. When I took her on dates and made her happy, I only felt guilt, thinking of how I was giving her memories that would one day make her cry.
"You don't deserve my love, it's hell," I said to her and my vision turned blurry.
It was a strange experience for me, I could barely see even though I possessed the greatest pair of eyes in the world.
Tears, that was what made my vision blurry.
"Let's break this engagement so that you can be free to discover the love that you deserve," I said.
I was not trying to push her away, I was merely freeing her - like freeing a bird from a cage. Being engaged with me was forcing her to love me and expect a future with me.
She could continue staying and loving me if she wanted, but I wanted her to be free to also leave me.
It would mean the world if she were to continue loving me but I couldn't bear the guilt of making her.
"There's someone out there, I'm sure..who has the love you deserve. He will love you perfectly for what you are, and you will be happier with them," I said and it was the most humiliating sentence I had ever uttered.
But my mind recalled the time when I talked to Giyu in a restaurant. He told me about Obanai, who left him after creating his own Breathing Style. The future Snake Hashira was quickly climbing the ranks and would become a Hashira in less than a year.
I couldn't deny that he would love her better than me. I remember in the manga that when they died, they held each other so tightly that they had to be buried together.
How romantic. My love was nothing compared to that.
Mitsuri was unquestionably the one I loved the most in this world, even more than my family, my friends or Kanae.
Yet that love was not enough.
That's why it hurt me so much and why it was humiliating.
...
If only I had not been influenced by my desires and broken the engagement before ever meeting her - her story would probably have followed the canon plot and she would have found someone better than me. She would find true love.
And I would make sure that no one died like in the canon and she would have a happy ending. I just had to interfere and mess everything up.
I'm sorry.
"I'm so sorry," I said. I apologized for making her fall for me.
Breaking the engagement would be a way for her to have a chance, to finally discover the love she deserved.
"....."
I was looking down at the ground, tears falling in droplets like a lonely rain. But the falling and breaking of cups and plates on the ground took my attention.
I looked back up to see Mitsuri crawling on the table, pushing everything off the edge before she lunged at me and took me by surprise with a warm embrace.
"Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid!! Why are you crying? I don't want anyone else, I don't want any other love! I want you," she told me while bawling her eyes out.
I did not say a lot. But as someone who always felt that they were not enough and unworthy, she could understand me only by the look of my eyes. Her heart was able to understand mine without needing words.
So she cried.
"No, no, no," I denied, and tried to push her away so that she could not only hear and see what I was saying.
She was too nice, she was too forgiving. She would be able to ignore all the pain and flaws and still love me. I needed to tell her the turth.
"I'm going to die soon!!" I confessed, "You get it now? Loving me will only bring you pain in the end,"
"I don't care!!" she yelled stubbornly.
"I care! I don't want you to be a grieving widow only at 25. You are love, don't waste your whole life on me," I said.
"That's 9 more years! I rather love you for nine years than someone else for a lifetime," was her rebuttal.
"You don't get it because you don't know the things I know. You will find another love that is better and stronger than mine. You'll be happy," I said in painful frustration.
"No! You don't know anything either! The only time when I find someone else would be in a world without you," she said and with her inhumane strength, she moved my arms that were pushing her away and she hugged me.
She pressed my face on her chest, suffocating me and successfully stopping me from talking anymore.
How stubborn can someone be?
You know it's not easy trying to push her away when every part of me other than my heart wanted to have her all to myself.
"Kanae," I said after finally escaping her embrace again. "She needs me, and I love her too,"
Another imperfection of my love. I couldn't focus on Mitsuri alone. I promised myself that I would give Kanae her vision back and I would do everything to keep my promise.
I would dedicate my whole life to helping her if I must, I could not ignore it.
It'd be best if the dying man loved the girl who was meant to be dead right? I saved her so she was my responsibility.
"I won't be sad if you leave me, " I lied, "I have her,"
"You are so cruel," her body trembled, "How can you say that?"
Yes, I am cruel. My love promised nothing but cruelty and that's why I'm trying to give you a chance to leave.
"That's why.."
"But it's fine," Mitsuri insisted and stopped me from speaking yet again by suffocating me in her chest, "You also want to help her get her eyes back right? I will help you as much as I can, I promise."
Those are things you don't say to someone like me, Mitsuri.
If you won't leave, then fine, I will really have you.
I pulled myself away from her, but this time, it was not to create distance but to get even closer. I pressed my lips against hers.
This time it was not just a peck, it was a long kiss.
I love you. she said.
I love you with all my heart. She said. I love you more than you will ever know.
She did not speak words as I still closed her lips with mine but that was what she said, in the language of her body.
Action spoke louder than words.
The way her thighs destroyed and pushed all her beloved cakes to the side, the way she tried to kiss me deeper even with no experience, the way her arms wrapped around me and pulled me closer to her, as if she was afraid I'd leave.
I read all of them. I heard all of them.
She gladly jumped on the sinking ship. What else could I do except make sure that she'd have the best experience before we sank?
If you still want me, I'll give you my best.
...
Sometimes, that's the only thing that mattered.
/////////////////////
[Seiji's POV]
After things calmed down and we ended the kiss due to lack of air, I looked around the cafe to see the staff staring at us with various expressions.
The younger bunch were seemly offended at the shameless display, while the older ones looked at us fondly with an understanding smile.
Mitsuri had a small rope of saliva falling from her lips while she breathed heavily. I quickly wiped that away and snapped her back to reality.
"I'm sorry about this," I said and carried Mitsuri in a princess carry and stood up.
I threw all the money I had on the table which was more than enough to pay for the broken dishes and the cost of our food.
Then I ran out of the cafe as fast as I could while carrying Mitsuri in her arms.
"That was embarrassing," she said while wiping the remnants of tears from her eyes.
"Tell me about it," I agreed.
"Sooo....no breaking the engagement?" she asked while I ran through the streets, trying to find someplace private in the busy city.
"Forget I said anything. You're all mine," I said with a huff.
"That's good," she smiled briefly before she stopped and turned serious.
"And please, do give me an explanation for all the dying and Kanae thing," she said.
All this time, I barely said anything before I broke down into tears. She did not have much context for what I was saying. She mostly just empathized with my feelings and her replies were all emotional even though they were true and came from the heart.
It was like your best friend saying, I'll be there when you said you needed them. They did not know whether you needed help burying a corpse or attended a birthday party, they would be there, simply.
And Mitsuri said she loved me and would stay with me no matter how my life was.
I love her to death for that.
"I'll tell you everything, just let me find someplace private," I said and finally said fuck it and lept on top of the buildings under the eyes of the civilians.
They were shocked.
They could go ahead and tell others for all I care. Who's gonna believe that someone jumped on top of a building bro?
..
..
..
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Author : A reminder that Seiji will find a solution to his shortened lifespan and they will live to see their grandson's grandson.
I shamelessly took a day's break after the exam but now I will return to the grind at full power.
Thanks for reading.
Comments
Elliott Shaw
OK fair does fair does, fully expecting seiji to hit triple digits when he gets cured btw
Ozerist
You deserve the the rest kingπ
BaldRhaegar
Tsk Seiji you forgot yourself this chapter!! If that guy lived for 80 years you should strive for 120 years!!!
Emmanuel_Capricorn
I changed it,π
Blake
"I would leave mitsuri a window"
Dracule Newgate
Does Seiji considers himself inferior to that guy who lived like 80 years with a demon slayer mark? π
Martin Lervoll
Thanks for the upload π I was drowning, in desperate need of something good to read.
Emmanuel_Capricorn
Fixed
Emmanuel_Capricorn
π€π€
Emmanuel_Capricorn
That's auto correct i swear
heh
βWindowβ should be βwidowβ lmao
Mr.goldenweek
Ty
