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Life Update ("Worst Winter Of My Life But We're Doing Better I Promise" Edition)
🕑 Added 2025-02-21 05:34:30 +0000 UTCI'm gonna get straight to the point with this, because "dancing around issues" was how my winter got so bad to begin with.
I went to see my psychiatrist in October because issues from years ago - issues I'd allowed to go unresolved for several years, ever since I'd graduated from university - were finally rearing their heads and making my life hell. I don't want to go into detail about my personal history, but after hearing me open up for over an hour - something I'd never done with him before - he told me that I was responding to trauma. I didn't think that my problems were serious enough to compare to "real" trauma, but I've gradually accepted that maybe he was right, and I've spent the months since that appointment trying to resolve my issues and get my life back on track.
Unfortunately, it's been really hard to bounce back. I live alone, without roommates and without any family or friends nearby, which makes coping with stress and anxiety and depression much more difficult. My weight has fluctuated dramatically, my sleep has been terrible, I cry a lot, I haven't been active enough with my work, I sometimes worry that I've lost my creativity, my finances are rough-
BUT!
But.
The past few weeks have been...nice. To be honest, I've spent months trying to "fake it til I make it" with regard to my attitude and behavior, but I'm finally really feeling like my old self. I look at the ground less when I go for walks. I'm making an effort to network more. I'm able to look at myself in the mirror more and more. I got clothes that I think actually look nice on me. The air feels different. The sunlight feels nicer. The world feels a little less grey. I don't know if this is a permanent improvement or if I'm tempting fate by commenting on it, but I feel a little like myself again.
If you, too, have had as shitty of a winter as I have, I hope you know that you aren't alone, and things can get better. Winter can be really rough, but spring is around the corner. The flowers are already starting to bloom.
I took this picture of one for you ๐
Comments
beep boop
As someone whoโs also struggling with mental health, (especially today, ironically) this has actually made me feel better hearing you open up about this. It made me feel less alone. I *totally* get the winter depression. Itโs such a bitch. But itโs wonderful to hear youโre trying to take steps and actions to feel better. And honestly? Give yourself credit! That can be hard. But itโs gonna get better, and people will still be here, waiting for you. Like you said, springโs finally coming. (Also your pansy is super pretty. Thank you.) But glad youโre taking care yourself. Hope it gets easier on you. ๐๐
malica
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