claracosmia
patreon
I'M KINDA GENIUS & it involves more of you seeing my NIPNOPS, you're welcome
🕑 Added 2019-05-25 21:00:02 +0000 UTC(weird collage I know, it was really challenging to find SFW snapchat pictures hahaha)
Tldr if I owe you digi sets or higher content you get my private snap till I'm caught up!
Firstly, I wanted to address something that has been bugging me. But disclaimer! I of course don't mean this to support the notion that creatives owe their clients 100% of their time and energy, or defend taking time for themselves, but I just wanted to address what my content posting may look like from the outside sometimes... Bcs I was starting to feel really defensive/anxious about it even though no one said anything out right... but unlike anxiety brain filed thoughts, these seemed more plausible? Like I could see someone not fully understanding of my situation going "Uhm why dis bish taking a silly snapchat story when she's weeks late with fansigns" ya know?
I reflected a lil and discovered the answer is a combo of two things:
- Being present and my connection with you is more important to me than delivering already late content a bit sooner
- Body and capabilities wise, a snap picture or posting an update is manageable on days when a fansign or editing aren't and it helps us all feel more connected (or at least mildly entertained)!
And smol note here about standards... bcs I'm in this entire mess partly bcs I refuse to half ass stuff just to get it done. And I love getting shit done. I will write something I've already done down on my todo list just so I don't miss getting to cross it off, so like that's saying a lot. And I mean I could have hammered out sets unedited, printed shitty coloured prints, not put makeup/posing effort into fansigns... There are no set rules for what bar is acceptable and I wouldn't be doing anything "wrong" technically but I'm just not that person, like apparently I would rather have trouble paying rent than do that and I'm sorry if you'd be okay with half assed content sooner BUT MY CONTENT STANDARDS WILL NEVER DIEEEEE look you gotta love me for my stubborn quirks too right? haha
Anyway back on point math wise, one spoon would get me a fun post with you guys where I make you smile or we chat about something, or it would maybe get me half a picture of editing of a 20 pic set... Or basic makeup (and then nothing to actually take pics with so... Wasted).
But I the next day is entirely unpredictable, I may be able to work, or I may not be able to dress myself... So I try to juggle and keep things as balanced as I can overall between being engaging and working on backlog and current content... but if I've been bedbound for longer stretches I'd take connecting with you guys over other stuff for sure 🖤
... Also, interacting with my Cosmians is 98% of my social life and so it has the added benefit of being good for my mental health. Like not the optimal arrangement probably, but it's a way I found to balance work and personal life as much as I can for now and I'm doing the best I can!
K so anyway, at this point it's probably not news to anyone I've been struggling with my deteriorating health hitting incredibly incapacitating levels (such a weird feeling like I've only had a day to get the months stuff done and somehow the month is over but also its felt a year long... Also I don't know what year it is lololol)
I've also been largely denying the toll it's taken on my mental health as well, but the last month of it getting incredibly bad has forced me out of that mild delusion and into a intense weird world of DBT & CBT and redoing a lot of two decade ingrained thinking patterns. And in that vein it's only fair to note it's entirely reasonable I'm struggling bcs on top of of debilitating health issues and constant fights with medical providers... my friend died, my business semi collapsed, I'm fighting with a resistant depressed friend trying to get them help, my support structure is a hot garbage fire, and dewen still being sick has been a lot to deal with on top of it all)
And like no one made a book "so now you're a cripple and you want to know how to deal with life bcs literally everything has changed: like how all your friends abandoned you but are they actually shit people? or is it your own fault for always being the caregiver in the relationships bcs apparently you only have broken methods of fostering emotional intimacy?" SO I'M KINDA WINGING IT lololol
I will say the Silver Lining is I'm learning a lot more about why I am the way I am, and how it relates to my pain and health issues, I'd love to share move with you guys when I have the spoons, my inner med sci/neurophysics nerd is in heaven
Anyway this ramble was trying to say it's fucking crushing me not being able to catch up on delivering rewards to you all. You've been the most supportive wonderful helpful light in my life and it breaks my heart a little more each day I feel like I'm letting you guys down (and that's totally coming from me, no one's ever said anything like that to me bcs you're such a kind lot)
I'm trying to do my best to fight for new medications and save for new treatments, asking every person I know for help if they're able... Basically just anything to catch a break and be able to get my head above water. The insanely frustrating thing is I think I'd be able to keep up with my workload if I was up to date, it's just trying to do backlog and current and Future Has me slipping further behind constantly with how much my health flares have been exponentially incapacitated me lately.
So I feel like I'm so close to making headway but I hate that it's just limbo for you guys... but then whilst I was hopped on pain meds and benzos from my mri I had a stroke (.... Of genius), I'd like to offer nudity to tide you over!
* Oprah voice* you get a snapchat, and you get a snap and youuu get a snap!
Basically anyone I owe content, digital sets or above, will get my premium snapchat access till I've caught up! That way you're not nervous I'm trying to play you (again, literally no one has ever accused me of this but my anxiety brain decided that's what everyone is thinking okay so ssh), and a smol amount of my guilt is assuaged... Classic win win amirite?
Haha no but seriously I would love to message everyone updates frequently on where I'm at with content and estimated deliveries and shit, but the reality is I'd have to choose between that or feeding myself on a normal day, or that and a small amount of editing work on a good day. And I think almost everyone would prefer I take care of myself or try to work, including myself, so that's the choice that gets made
But snapchat gives me a way to update all of you at once and give more patreon specific updates I wouldn't be able to do publicly... Or just do the updates topless bcs I am not a fan of having to put clothes on just to make a clip hahaha
Now, caveat, this undertaking unfortunately has some administrative overhead. So it's gonna take me a bit to go through it all so I'll probably be doing it in sections over the next week... I'll send you a DM if I still owe you content with the info tho!
PS yes I know this isn't the most "hustle" biz choice bcs I'm not pushing people as hard to pledge at a snap tier if I'm late w something right now and they already have snap, and I'll probs lose some pledges haha, buuuuuuuut I think sharing and trust is way more important, so just shut up and let me be cheesy with my tiddies 🖤
PPS if you're stayed pledged at a snapchat tier I'll add an extension on your file so it'll roll over whenever your next non snap month
Comments
Ainamarth120
I really appreciate that you keep us informed. I think you're great, or I wouldn't be sticking around. I know that any "owed" rewards will be taken care of as you are able. I'm not worried about when that happens, so please take care of you first.
Kendrick Hernandez
1) You are a lovely person. 2) That damn handlebar mustache gets me every time XD
