claracosmia
patreon
pssst just dropped Canadian bikini set!
🕑 Added 2019-07-03 01:49:14 +0000 UTCI just posted this bonus bikini set to my blog here it's got 8 pics including some cute booty shots! I don't normally release sets below tier 2 but I wanted to celebrate do a lil thank you prezzie for supporting meeee esp in the month of my (half) peoples hehe <3
If you don't know spoon theory you may wanna give this a quick read or my uses of spoons in the post will be very confusing haha
I'm still having a tough time with the migraines and new meds, last week was still hell... like lol you can tell I've had a lot of back to back migraines when my monitor gets this covered in post it's ahahah fuk. 
Normally only top priority must do first post it's get stuck on the monitor (so I literally can't do much work till they're done), but when I haven't been able to even turn my computer on in days uhhhhh I guess they build up. And I hadn't realised how much till I saw just the post it's glowing under my nightlight hahhah but anywhoo I've had a couple breaks in the flare this week finally (praise jebus) and I think it's bcs although last week was awful and I was barely human I put everything I could into taking care of my health. It's hard to eat well when you can't stand long enough to prep food etc, so some days all that meant was trying to rest in the least harmful positions and trying to get as much sleep as I can to heal.
I talked a lil about this on snap but my migraines tend to let up around 2-3 am if they were mid grade and normally that's when I'd bleery eyed trying and squeeze some work out of my tiny functionality window. Success would vary but regardless then that amps my pain levels and anxiety up and I'm left at 6-7am in a pain flare, with a mind that won't calm down and it takes 2-3 more hours of pain management to get me to a level I can sleep and then before I know it it's noon and my sleep schedule is so fucked, esp if I have to be up during the day for an appointment... it's not a great cycle but it really hard to break because it means looking that spoon in the face and looking your mound of backlog in the face and going "nope I'm gonna go to bed" LIKE EVERY CELL IN MY BODY IS AGAINST THIS lolol its an uphill battle for sure buuuuut last week gave me a small win of seeing what a shift in focus could do. so while my migraines messed my head up so much and my anxiety was so flared that I could barely form a sentence most of the time... or if I had enough mental capacity to try and work I'd just panic attack spiral (bcs it was overwhelming struggling to understand and figure things out when you're working with 25% of your normal brain)... I was forced to look after my health since I literally couldn't prioritize work over it hah a silver lining indeed haha
anywhoo so sleep was something I figured I could try and focus on at least to help me feel like I was doing anything remotely useful - so last week even if I thought I could edit a photo or do work around 3 am I forced myself to go to bed instead - bit of a bumpy start but like look at the difference between my average sleep last week and the previous week... under six hours to over eight hours, that's an insane difference for me
Scientifically and anecdotally I know what a huge impact sleep can have on my pain levels and flares (even just missing a couple of hours could change an hour of functionality into not being able to stand)
But like, even though I know that in the back of my head it feels less tangible than say... that mountain of work I'm behind on. So normally I would have used my half a spoon to promo/work and whatnots but then I just pushed my pain cycles worse bcs I couldn't take care of myself at all. Again it's always a trade off, I took care of my health more but we lost a lot of patreon fam unfortunately. Patreon has a high turnover, which is a double edged sword. I'm not remotely expecting my entire patreon fam to be die hard supporters and stick around forevs, heck one of the main reasons I love patreon is how it offers such a variety of ways to consume my work, or support, that theres something for almost everyone. And I love the influx of fresh blood every month bring new ideas and vibes hehe. However that influx doesn't happen unless I am 110% on my hustle game. Which I obviously have not been this last month.
So that's where I'm at, trying to find the balance there. I don't regret prioritizing my health last week, I know I'm still making the best choices I can, and I'm gonna continue to try and find a good middle ground. I also just wanna reiterate like zero judgement for unpledging or changing tiers, Claraland in here to pop in and out of as you please haha, I'm trying to be as transparent as I can without coming across like a street urchin from some dickension novel staring up at you with big eyes pleading for spare change haha. Support here if you want and are able and if not I'm not going anywhere I'm still posting lots of content outside of paywalls!
And regardless of pledge status it would super help me out if you just like/share/repost any content I'm posting publicly. Even just retweeting my tweets helps my reach and business loads! lolol esp since my instagram keeps getting hit by the prude police or bots or something and it's now shadowbanned to high hell haha
Anyway, it's been rough but I'm also trying to focus on my gratitude habits. So I'm feeling super grateful for my lil flare breaks and the work I've been able to do, and how supportive my cosmians and cosmianauts have been (the latter is the patreon only title baha) throughout all of this! I want to give you all so much stuff and I think that's part of the most frustrating aspect of my disability is I have all these ideas and ways to give back and entertain and bring smiles and spread joy and I just... sigh. Can't do them. Not enough resources. Right now at least, who knows what the future holds right? so Imma focus on the stuff in front of me and keep working on my DBT and chasing after that ever elusive work/health balance!
WHELP that's my big word vomity update with where I'm at currently ahah, but enough about me and my tits HOW WAS EVERYONES LONG WEEKENDDDD?
PS don't forget my potato tier 0 get all the naughtier teases bcs I can't post those publicly and I'm also working on the backlog of wallpapers too so eyes peeled for those dropping soon!
Comments
Ahahaha after I posted it I was like "that entire post was just like wow Clara looked after her health and it had a positive effect. Revalation" đ but no I know spoonies especially know how difficult these things are and how there's a huge difference between logically knowing something and feeling it's true. And hey no don't undermine yourself, potato tier is still amazeballs bcs anyone taking that step to put money in with their support is next level đ€
It may sound silly maybe not I'm super proud of you for putting your health first!!! I work full time and have to put money first and this means lots of tears and silently suffering while I'm there. Esp when doctors are refusing to give me painkillers or little anything to help the freaking pain!!! I'm staying here for good anyway, I know it's only the $1 patron I'm signed up for but I'm here to support you AND your content. Not here for just your content :D đđ
Kendrick Hernandez
"WHELP that's my big word vomity update" You know normally I'm not into đ€ą but this was a good update, yeah? đ”đ€Ł Great job taking care of yourself, an 8+ hour average is awesome.
