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Everyone's a Catgirl! Bonus Quest: Dungeons and Dragons
🕑 Added 2023-05-11 06:44:49 +0000 UTCThis is a 3k-word commission for the kickass Carmine! It was a ton of fun to put together 5e classes/races/backgrounds for the girls and feel out how a session would go with Matt DMing. I hope you guys enjoy it as much as I do.
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“[Sharpshooter]!” Elona cried, hopping up onto a boulder and readying another arrow. The narrow cavern didn’t allow for a lot of free movement, forcing her to utilize the uneven territory in their battle.
“Mou ii. We don’t have to yell out our passives, remember?” Ravyn jumped to the side where Elona was standing moments before, narrowly avoiding a fist-sized rock flying toward her head. “And how the hell do bugs throw rocks?!” She raised her hands to her chest and screamed, “[Fire Ball]!”
“That’s Fire Bolt, Ravyn,” Janusz bellowed. His icy blue reptilian eyes glared at her beneath red, leathery scales.
Ravyn blinked. “I am never going to get used to that voice. Whatever. [Fire Bolt]!” she shouted again. A string of flames materialized from thin air, colliding with the enormous, wasp-like creature that buzzed through the air.
The monster squealed in pain and whirred in desperate circles to put the flames out from its wings.
Another gigantic insect readied its stinger and rocketed toward Janusz.
Bunny raised her staff and cried, “[Sanctuary]!” A warm glow surrounded the bejeweled sphere at its peak, then flowed forward, encompassing Janusz in a hazy, swirling fog.
Just as the sharp point of the stinger brushed against Janusz’s shield, the wasp hesitated. It fluttered in confusion, bulbous eyes searching the dragonborn’s form as it hovered before him.
Janusz swung his sacred sword with all his might, cleaving the insect in twain. Green blood sputtered from its severed halves as it fell to the ground, splattering the [Paladin]’s well-worn shield and armor.
“You have my thanks, Bunny!” he called, charging forward toward the next foe.
“O-of course!” Bunny stammered, tucking a length of snow-white hair behind her ear.
“Ravyn, heads up!” Elona cried. She unsheathed a dagger from her boot and leapt from the boulder, driving the blade into the eye of a wasp that had snuck up behind Ravyn’s back.
“Fuck!” Ravyn spun on her heel and stepped backward, giving Elona plenty of space to work. The [Ranger] stabbed the wasp a second time, then a third. At last, its wings slowed, and it drifted to the ground. A pool of green drained from its carapace.
“I didn’t even hear it! Kuso! Human ears are stupid!” Ravyn grumbled.
“But you’re a tiefling! You get to see in the dark!” Bunny said happily.
“Let us focus on the task at hand, friends!” Janusz commanded.
“Okay, Dad. But we’re just fi—”
Before Ravyn could finish her thought, another airborne rock sailed through the air and struck her forehead.
“Nani the fuck, Matt!” Ravyn shrieked, throwing her dice to the table. “You can’t just hide monsters from us!”
Matt shrugged. “It wouldn’t be hidden if you paid attention.”
“And how do bugs with no hands throw rocks?” she continued.
“With telekinesis.” Matt grinned. “I wanted to keep you on your toes.”
“That’s so fucking stupid.”
“U-um, Ravyn? It’ll be okay,” Cannoli said, resting a hand on Ravyn’s shoulder. “I can heal you! I still have a cast of [Healing Word] left!”
“You wouldn’t have to use it if Matt wasn’t being a jackass,” Ravyn snapped. “Besides, why are our Spells limited per day? That’s ridiculous.”
“Those are the rules.” Matt frowned, drumming his fingers on the table.
“And these books! Kuso!” Ravyn thumped her fist against the stack of [Sorcerer] manuals. “I have to read an entire library, then do complex math equations to cast anything!”
“You could have picked a [Rogue] like you said,” Keke quipped, flicking a piece of popcorn into the air and catching it in her mouth.
“I find it interesting that in an imaginary game where you can be whatever you choose, you decided to essentially play as yourself,” Ceres added thoughtfully. “Well, except for the horns, of course.”
“Why wouldn’t I want to be myself?” Ravyn countered. “That makes more sense than being a dragon man.”
Ceres furrowed her brow. “A man is a revered and respected position, as you are well familiar.” She tapped the head of her freshly painted dragonborn miniature. “Besides, according to these books, a dragonborn makes an exceptional [Paladin]. Which we require, as Matt is not our fearless leader in this sense.”
Ravyn snickered under her breath and fed Ball Gag a cookie. “Yeah, okay. Better a dragon man than Cailu’s female variant, I suppose.”
Keke’s face darkened, and her cheeks turned red. “Elves get bonuses to Dexterity in this world!”
“Fine, but did you have to look like him?”
“Ravyn,” Matt warned.
“My mother had blonde hair. Besides, isn’t Cailu what all elves look like?” Keke looked to Matt for help.
“I couldn’t tell you,” Matt said honestly.
“Hey, guys? Can we get back to the game?” Cannoli asked. Buttons danced around her fingers, making a game of touching the tips with his tail. “I’m having fun with it.”
“Yeah, of course.” Matt straightened in his seat and cleared his throat. “So, as I was saying…”
Ravyn sunk to the floor, cradling her head in her hand.
Bunny rushed to her side, relieved to find that the rock had hardly cut the skin. A trickle of blood vanished into Ravyn’s fiery red hair, but it seemed to only have dazed the [Sorcerer].
“Oh! I have a potion for this!” Bunny rummaged through her side pack, procuring a tiny glass bottle filled with a golden tonic. “Here, drink up!”
“Thanks, Bunny,” Ravyn said, accepting the bottle and popping the cork.
“It’s so cute when you say my name!” Bunny exclaimed, patting Ravyn between the horns.
“Don’t patronize me.”
Elona thrust a hand forward, her palm aimed at the wasp that had ambushed her companion. “[Ensnaring Strike]!”
A twisted tangle of vines erupted from the right wall and the floor, capturing the wasp mid-air. Sharp thorns sprouted from the tangles, piercing the insect from all angles. It hissed, struggling against its binds—
“Insects don’t hiss,” Ravyn said.
“In this world they do,” Matt countered.
“Shut up! You’re ruining my moment!” Keke snapped, shoving a hand against Ravyn’s shoulder.
Ceres laughed.
“So the wasp was hissing?” Cannoli prompted, her eyes glittering. “What’s next, Matt?”
Matt nodded. “Alright. So. The hissing grows louder as two more vines bind the insect’s wings…”
It was like an iron maiden, clamping and squeezing the writhing monster.
“[Hunter’s Mark]!” Elona cried, nocking an arrow over her bow and drawing it back.
The wasp’s carapace radiated a soft yellow light, signaling the success of Elona’s Spell.
Inhaling a deep breath, Elona pulled the arrow back and freed it on her exhale. Her shot sang true, missing the vines, plunging deep into the wasp’s shell, and piercing its heart. The monster shrieked, gurgling green blood from its tiny mouth before dying.
“It seems that is all of them,” Janusz announced. He drew the long blade across his thigh, cleansing it of the wasp’s verdant lifeblood.
“Wonderful. Can we leave this fucking hell-cave now?” Ravyn grumbled. She pushed herself to her feet, brushing the dirt from her black robes.
“We’re here to find the golden dragon, remember?” Bunny said, straightening the collar on Ravyn’s dress.
Elona procured a hand-drawn map, a quill, and a small bottle of ink from her pack. She crouched on the floor and carefully sketched their current location, connecting the lines of the stone corridor to the previous room. “We solved the riddle at the entrance, moved through the tomb of the Empress, and left our blessing with the Shrine of the Golden Dragon. Cere— I mean, Janusz, what else do you remember from your dream?”
Janusz sheathed his sword and adjusted the shield on his arm. “I recall the sound of flowing water near her den.” He looked from side to side. “None of these walls or structures would suggest a tempering by water.”
Ravyn narrowed her eyes. “How would you know that?”
“The ocean’s tides heavily influenced my home islands of Valkyn,” Janusz explained, stroking the cool rock walls with one clawed hand. “Stone fences and brick roads were at the mercy of the salted water—smoothed and laid low by its machinations.”
“Woah, Ceres really did her research,” Bunny murmured to Elona.
“It certainly puts us to shame.” Elona giggled.
“Hmph. Did we come to the wrong cave, then?” Ravyn wandered to the far end of the hallway.
“Why would this cave have everything else we needed, then?” Elona challenged. “Like the Shrine of the Golden Dragon?”
“It’s okay if it’s not super close! We have plenty of supplies and Spells left,” Bunny interrupted. “There’s no need to worry. We’ll find her when we find her.”
“How much do you think a golden dragon head is worth?” Ravyn wondered aloud.
Janusz shook his head. “Ravyn, for the dozenth time, we are not here to kill the dragon. She summoned us for a reason.”
“Then why, Janusz, has she gone out of her way to kill us?” Ravyn demanded. She held out one hand, ticking their trials off on her fingers. “If Elona hadn’t solved the riddle correctly, the walls would have flattened us into pudding. The shrine would have destroyed anyone not pure of heart, so we’d be up in flames if it weren’t for Bunny. There are the traps, the bottomless pits, the monsters—”
“Perhaps it is a test. Not everyone has the opportunity to speak with a dragon,” Janusz suggested.
Elona carefully rolled up her map and deposited the ink and quill back into her pack. “Whining won’t get us any closer to the dragon or to the college’s reward.”
“Um, about that.” Bunny raised a hand. “Do you really think it’s okay to give your map to strangers? Will the dragon be safe?”
“The college requested it for archival purposes. I do not believe it will be used for nefarious purposes,” Janusz reasoned.
“I agree with him. I think it’s important to know as much as you can about a place like this. Especially if it could affect the city’s citizens in the future,” Elona said.
“Less talking, more walking.” Ravyn gestured over her shoulder, pointing forward. “Torches don’t last all day, remember?”
Bunny idly braided a section of her hair. “I wish I had [Illuminate] here. Or that I could call on my quori to give us light. Like Lara does with the Elements.”
“Could you not have taken [Illumination], Bunny? I recall seeing it in one of this world’s tomes,” Janusz asked.
Bunny blushed, her clear blue eyes dropping to the floor. “I-I didn’t slot [Illuminate] into my daily Spells,” she murmured.
“That’s what torches are for!” Ravyn called from around the corner.
“Wait, I have a question,” Elona raised a hand.
“What’s up?” Matt asked, looking up from behind the screen.
“Can I carve the monsters?” Keke asked. “Like Encroachers or Defiled. Would the wasps have anything I can sell or use?”
“Erm, I didn’t really think of that.” He leaned over his notes. “Do any of you have points in [Alchemy]?”
“Oh! I took two!” Cannoli clapped her hands. Button hopped up and down with glee. “You know, just in case.”
“Alright, then sure. You find two wasp stingers. Bunny recognizes them as potion ingredients for antidotes,” Matt said.
“Great. That’ll work.” Keke gave a satisfied nod, shoveling another handful of popcorn into her mouth. “We can continue on.”
“Everyone else good?”
There was a universal nod of agreement around the table.
“Cool. So, the four of you continue down the dark, silent hallway. Your footsteps echo against the walls. Roll me a Perception check.”
“Five,” Cannoli said.
“Six,” Ravyn grumbled.
“Ten,” Ceres announced.
“Fifteen with my bonus.” Keke grinned.
Matt nodded. “Elona hears the sound of running water…”
“It sounds like we’re going the right way,” Elona announced to the group.
“Well, well. The pointy ears are good for something,” Ravyn said, her tone dripping with sarcasm.
“More than you can say for your horns,” Elona snapped back.
“I think both of you look beautiful,” Bunny interjected. “Just like you always do.”
That seemed to placate the duo.
“This smell… It is familiar.” Janusz closed his eyes and inhaled, the scales at the back of his head flaring outward. “Yes, this was just like my dream!”
“Dragons have a smell?” Ravyn asked no one in particular.
Elona shrugged.
“Children, you have come,” a deep, elegant voice spoke, surprising all four adventurers.
They exchanged uncomfortable looks.
“Should we prepare for the worst?” Bunny whispered.
“If we go in with our weapons drawn, she may think we’re here to hurt her,” Elona murmured.
“We’re not?” Ravyn asked.
Janusz and Elona glared at her.
“Jeez, relax. I was joking.”
“Please, step forward. No harm will come to you,” the voice said.
“No more harm, she means,” Ravyn grumbled.
Janusz led the charge to the end of the hallway, then stepped into the final chamber of the dungeon. The constricted walls and low ceiling opened to an expansive room glittering with gold. Every surface was plated with the shimmering metal, enhanced by ornate designs shaped with tiny gemstones. A mosaic of a dragon splayed across the floor, the crown of its head vanishing beneath piles and piles of golden coins lying at the feet of the golden dragon herself.
“A whole bunch of stuff about Magni just started to make sense,” Ravyn murmured.
The dragon was larger than anything they’d ever seen. From her nose to the tip of her tail, she could easily fill a house. The tops of her wings brushed against the impossibly high ceiling, and a long, spiked tail wrapped around her legs. Her shimmering scales were just as vivid and blinding as the coins beside her claws.
“Oh, reverent one. We have answered your call.” Janusz dropped to one knee, bringing one fist to his chest in an honorable salute. He caught the eyes of his companions, who followed suit.
The dragon nodded her great head, then closed her eyes. Her gigantic body began to shrink and reshape itself. The tail pulled into her torso and the spikes smoothed along her dark skin. The flare of scales around her head grew into long, flowing locks of golden hair as claws turned to fingers and toes. The scales shifted and formed into a yellow dress of silk that pooled at her feet.
She approached the adventurers as a human, her smile warm and hands open at her sides. “I am Apalala. Please, rise. Consider yourself my honored guests.”
“Nani? Hang on a second,” Ravyn began.
Ravyn poked the human miniature beside the golden dragon. “Is she a [Druid]?”
“No, she’s a dragon,” Matt replied. He worked his jaw, then a sudden realization lit his eyes. “Wait, can [Druid]s change into Encroachers?”
“Well, yeah, obviously—”
“I want to talk to the pretty dragon lady!” Cannoli pleaded. “Please, please, please!”
“I, too, have questions of my own. We can speak of Nyarlean Classes later,” Ceres added, looking pointedly at Ravyn.
Keke raised her eyebrows expectantly.
Ravyn’s shoulders slumped, and she sighed. “Yeah, yeah. Apalala’s guests. Keep going.”
Matt laughed. “Apalala gestures for all of you to stand…”
Bunny rose to her feet, clasping her hands at her chest. “The honor is ours, Lady Apalala!”
Apalala smiled, resting a hand on Bunny’s shoulder. “I owe my thanks to each of you for your presence here, pure-hearted one. It has been three centuries since I have last enjoyed visitors.”
“Your messages were a gift, my lady. We have brought the items you requested.” Janusz slid the bag of holding from his belt and presented it to Apalala. “Might I ask their use?”
Apalala graciously accepted the bag, turning back the flap before feeling through its contents. “My magic, while powerful, is finite. Visiting my kin’s dreams, the mists you traversed, my lair’s many enchantments—all of this slowly sips from my pool of mana.” She pulled an ivory comb made from the tusk of a razor boar free from the bag, then drew its teeth through her long hair. With a contented sigh, she stroked the golden tendrils until the comb disappeared.
Bunny gasped. “I-it’s gone!”
Apalala laughed, then set the bag to her side. “There are many materials and elements in this world that carry a spiritual synergy with me, restoring my magic upon their use. Without them, I would not be able to enjoy the peaceful life that I do.”
“I have a question, if you wouldn’t mind, my lady,” Elona spoke up with a quick bow.
“Of course, dear elf. Anything at all.”
Ravyn snickered.
Bunny grabbed Ravyn’s wrist and shook her head.
“The college requested a map of this dungeon. They offered a great sum for its completion.” Elona pulled the map from her pack. “Would that bring harm to your existence?”
Apalala wrinkled her brow and leaned forward, closely examining Elona’s drawing. She carried a perfume of frankincense on her skin. “I understand the value of knowledge, truly. However, in addition to your rewards, I will double their offering if you do not share your experiences within my lair.”
Without another word, Elona shredded the map and held it out toward Ravyn.
“Don’t have to tell me twice.” Ravyn snapped her fingers, and the shreds of parchment burst into flames. “Though I’m telling you, we bring the dragon’s head back, and they’ll give us the city.”
Apalala turned to Ravyn, her expression dark. “You, infernal one, bring evil to my sanctuary.”
“Hey, no, wait a second—”
“I cannot trust you to keep my secret.”
“With a wave of Apalala’s hand, Ravyn turns to stone. Forever cursed to remain a treasure of the golden dragon,” Matt said.
“Hey! Baka!” Ravyn snapped.
“The rest of the group receives the following legendary items—” Matt continued, ignoring her.
“Matt! That’s bullshit! You know I didn’t say that in character!” Ravyn slammed her hand against the manual.
“Does he, though?” Keke asked.
“Keke is right. Your character has said such things since this campaign began,” Ceres added.
“C’mon, no I haven’t!” Ravyn looked at Cannoli. “Have I?”
Cannoli scooped Buttons up from the table, then slowly nodded.
“Critical failure! Squawk!”
“Not you, too!” Ravyn sighed and crossed her arms. “Kuso. Alright. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. Can I please take it back?”
Matt grinned. “Alright. Just this once, though.”
“Oh, what a generous god.” Ravyn rolled her eyes.
Matt cleared his throat. “Apalala thanks you for burning the map, then turns to her treasure trove…”
“For Janusz, my blessed kin, a shield that will protect you from evil.” Apalala passed Janusz a spotless platinum shield with a golden dragon emblazoned on its surface.
Janusz bowed deeply, accepting her gift with a stern face. “I shall wield it proudly, my lady.”
“For Bunny, the purest of heart, a silken sash.” Apalala stretched a garment made of shimmering, translucent fabric that changed from purple to blue depending on the way the light struck it. “This sash will shine as brilliantly as your good nature. Your foes will be blinded in your presence.”
“Thank you, Miss Apalala!” Bunny immediately donned the sash over her robes, fingering the brilliant fabric with wonder.
“For Elona, strong of mind, I grant you a token befitting of a warrior.” Apalala looped a chain over Elona’s head, careful not to catch her hair as she positioned the golden falcon pendant against the [Ranger]’s chest. “You shall find your steps faster and lighter. No longer will your enemies hear your approach.”
Elona clasped her hand over the pendant and bowed. “I will use it well, Lady Apalala.”
Apalala smiled and stepped before Ravyn. “And for Ravyn, the sharp-tongued infernal, I award you—”
“—a boot to the head,” Matt finished.
Ravyn’s jaw dropped in an incredulous stare. Keke burst out laughing, clapping a hand over her mouth as her face turned red. Ceres hid her laugh behind a cough.
Cannoli stared at Matt with wide eyes. “Matt! Ravyn helped so much! We couldn’t have done this without her! You have to give her something!”
Matt laughed and waved his hand in dismissal. “I know. It was just worth it to see that look on her face.”
“Baka!”
“I award you a ring of eternity,” Apalala said, sliding a golden ring encrusted with rubies onto Ravyn’s finger. “May your Spells always remain at your fingertips.”
“I can cast as many Spells as I want now?” Ravyn gasped.
“One. You can have one Spell with infinite casts. Second-level or lower,” Matt said. He tilted his head, a wry smile playing at his lips. “Wait, are you getting into this now?”
“I’m not—” Ravyn stopped, looking into the expectant faces of her companions. Pursing her lips, she groaned. “Okay. Maybe a little bit.”
“Yay! That’s wonderful!” Cannoli cheered!
“What happens next, Matt?” Keke asked.
“Apalala gives you the money she promised, and you make your way back to town. This Quest is officially complete.” Matt folded his hands on the table, looking at the girls.
“I wish to find our next adventure if my companions are keen to remain at my side,” Ceres said, examining her miniature before placing it on the picture of the tavern.
“Ravyn?” Keke asked.
Ravyn rolled her eyes. “Sure. Let’s keep going.”
The others cheered.
Matt smiled and opened another book. “Here we go, then. You hear a rumor that the college isn’t happy about the map…”
END
