Buttery Inkling
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Going Into October 2025
🕑 Added 2025-10-01 04:27:37 +0000 UTCTL;DR: I'm depressed. You'll see a poll and character suggestions, but you'll have until the 7th to get a vote in or submit a character. Give me a week before Patreon work is done. I'm sorry. Thank you.
I've been battling through a lot in my life as of late. Going to therapy has unearthed more problems than just the immediate aftermath of my mother's passing, it's got everything to do with the pressures I put on myself, my responsibilities, and what I consider to be my obligations. I know I've taken multiple months off of Patreon this year, two to be precise, but never did they hit the issues I needed them to. I really wanted to commit myself to October, but as I'm riding out of September, I can't deny what I'm feeling. Weak. Exhausted. On the verge of tears multiple times a day. I've found in some instances, that it's hard for me to smile when I'm alone. I need to be with others in order to feel comfort. That, and social media has been a hellscape of nothing but doom, gloom, and as much as I'm trying to help lift people up who are immediately in my life, it doesn't work. I can't be everyone's savior. I know this, my therapist has told me this at nauseam, but my heart doesn't like to admit this. I feel so bad just telling people about it, like, it makes me feel selfish for admitting what I'm going through. But it's not selfish. It's just the basic facts.
What I wanted to do for October was to really push out revamped stories of Witch Knights. The fifth year anniversary (jesus fuck) of the first ever story is coming up soon, and I wanna put it out there. The story is finished, but the cover art? That isn't. I wanna go with a direct Castlevania reference for it, either riffing from the box art of Simon's Quest (yea yea I know the story) or from Chronicles. I don't know what yet. That being said, I can't help but keep world building everything behind the scenes. A part of me worries this will all just be built on and never shown to people. I didn't think I'd still be doing Witch Knight or BMD at this point in my life. I didn't think I'd still be doing fetish art at this point in my life. It's tough for me to do constantly, given the world at large right now.
My mother's affairs are still, still, not done. They're weighing in on me and it all feels like a house of cards ready to collapse and crush me under its weight. I can't be excited for anything anymore. I can't be happy with what I'm doing as an artist. I can't let metrics get to me, yet they are. I'm fueled with ideas but what feels like a dwindling audience for them. Platforms are becoming more restrictive, people are becoming more radical and cynical. I just want it all to stop. I just need some time away, before my head combusts from all the pressure. I'm sorry if you read through all of this. I can't be consistent anymore. I never was to begin with, but I can't right now. I need time away. This includes commission work. If a week doesn't work out, I'm pausing the billing cycle until I can find myself again. I don't think I can take much more of this. I'm trying my best.
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ScocksBox
Take all the time you need. I send many hugs! π«
