Buttery Inkling
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September 2024 - Update on My Mental
🕑 Added 2024-09-19 04:09:37 +0000 UTCHey all.
Plans for the rest of the month/maybe for the forseeable future: I want to do more indulgent pieces. I'm not staving off commissions, but I've had a lot of fun when I just kinda load up Clip Studio and say "I wanna draw THIS character". Then I do. Then I post it. Then I feel happy. I'm not gonna stop the obligations I've made to you all, by all means, but I'm gonna potentially slow down commissions for a while. Eight slots nearly each month/every other month has killed my motivation for art as well, and created a backlog of pieces that still haven't been posted publicly. I've got a commission that I'm supposed to do for a dear friend, and I'll for sure work on that. I also have class obligations to take care of now that my final semester has started. I will, more than likely, do portfolio work too on top of this. Rest assured that the backlog of pics I have mean that there's some pics on here that are "accidental exclusives".
The rest of this is soppy and boring. If you don't wanna read, just wanna say thank you guys so much for continuing to support me.
So I took an unprompted break from Twitter recently, outside of the five times I accidentally opened the app on impulse, I think it really did help me out mentally. Of course, it did not help my shadow ban from being lifted (basically, you can't search for me on Twitter) on either my normal account or my saucy slob account, but, I'm to the point now where I don't think I care as much. That might change in a week, and if it does, bam. I stop scrolling Twitter again. I should honestly step away from Twitter a little more than I already have, it's not a mentally healthy site to be on. Aside from the boundless doom scrolling, I took a mental break because of engagement and interactions. Not just on Twitter, I got really disappointed when the story didn't do as well as I'd hoped. I'm to the point now where I want to speed through these stories, I feel like if I have a vague schedule for what I'm doing, people will engage with them more. Besides, there ARE people out there who do want to read them, I've gotten comments from people saying they're interested in the world. I just find it maybe a little disheartening when people say they don't know the lore more often than not. I shouldn't BE that upset, but, yeah.
I think doing the YCHs was both a good and a bad thing. It netted me fast com results, sure, but I felt absolutely miserable whenever I posted them. I think I did too many at once and got the attention of a troll who's just, cumbersome to deal with. I think I've also over exposed myself as the "Lillith" guy. Suffering from "success", I'm annoyed whenever people bring her up unprompted in different pieces not related to her, or just, on posts I made in general. It's kind of also put me off on Pluto because, well, they're a combined asset. Rarely can you have one without the other. Maybe I'm also just sick of writing for Pokemon right now in general. I tend to get like this. I dunno, I've drawn so much Gardevoir in the past few years, I think I can take a break to hyper fixate somewhere else.
It's not been great for people mentally. I've seen a lot of artists go through so many struggles, and I feel so glum not being able to help them other than kind words. It's not been a good year, for anyone. I can't be selfish about that. Even still, I'm going to try and start therapy finally. I'm scheduled for a call, let's hope I find someone. Thanks again everybody.
Comments
OpenFields
That is an excellent mindset toward art; while commissions can be good as they can support artists, creating art for money differs from making art because you want to make it. I support you through Patreon because I like the stuff you put out, whether or not it's a commission for someone else. Also, congrats on starting your final semester of uni! College for me was stressful af, but I'm glad I went through it; if drawing self-indulgent stuff you like makes you happy, then by all means, prioritize being as satisfied as much as you can be in this last stretch. I'm a little glum to hear that you're getting tired of writing about Pokemon, but I know how you got there all too well. I know who you were referring to with that troll - some user on DA who kept asking how much Pluto and Lillith weigh in the comment section of the YCHs. People like that make me upset and sad because I legitimately can't tell if they're annoying for the sake of being annoying or if they're a real fan who didin't know how rude it is to spam stuff like that. And I've seen the comments talking about Lillith when she's not even the topic of the picture. I like Pokemon. I LOVE it, actually, but it doesn't mean it's okay for me to talk about your most popular Pokemon OC in an art piece that has nothing to do with her. And it's a shame that Pluto doesn't get the same love; he's a sweetie. Everyone has their fixations; the best part about them is that they can rotate. In the past, I have obsessed with Digimon, Undertale, and Persona 5...and while they don't hold my attention right now, that doesn't mean I don't love them anymore; they're just on the backburner while I focus on something else. So, I will permit you to hyper-fixate on something other than Pokemon if my permission means anything. I hope the therapy goes well; for a couple of years, I chatted with this clinical psychologist weekly through Zoom, and she is honestly one of the reasons I managed to get through uni. Take care of yourself, and get that diploma.
