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Chapter 2035

🕑 Added 2022-04-01 06:05:29 +0000 UTC

Comments

Slendylovespie

" She felt to her ..." - fell "... in front a stunned ..." - of a

Jemini

" Powerful flooded through her" Powerful > Power

Jemini

"His eyes seething with silver light, he raised his hand and conjured almost a hundred pillar-sized blades roared in the sky around them. They were giant nails, prepared to drive into the ground and bite deeply into the ground. The silver lion paced back and forth above this massive display, snarling at the ground." You used the word "ground" 3 times in a single paragraph. It is a general rule that you should only have a single instance of any given improper noun in every paragraph or two. There are exceptions to this rule, but none of those are in effect here. (You'll know the exceptions by the fact that it simply does not sound right UNLESS you repeat the improper noun.) Ideally, you should eliminate 2 of those 3 instances of the word "ground." However, it would be a huge improvement if you just managed to get rid of either the 1st or 2nd instance of the word.

Joshua Little

Thanks for the chapter.

nethernight11

Thanks for the chapter

Rkamelo

Thanks for the chap!

PuDDleS4263

Corrections


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