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Antibiotics
🕑 Added 2023-11-14 01:02:22 +0000 UTCThe word biota comes from the Latin word for life. Anti-biotics therefore means anti-life. That feels about right today. A couple of weeks ago I started a what will be 4 month long course of combination antibiotics to take care of chronic infections my immune system has been unable to fight by itself.
The side effect? Mostly bone crushing fatigue, the kind that doesn't go away with sleep. Infact I'm sleeping better now than ever, but feel so exhausted. In the past I'd self medicate and reach for a little lift with nicotene, a conveyor belt of endless cigarettes, because they'd dampen the autoimmune symptoms and keep my mind awake and with a semblance of life, but this time I'm going at it without a pack full of oxymorons - self destructive bandaids.
Man, I feel so tired.
The older I've gotten the more I've learnt to let go of the bitter disappointment of waking up and knowing today, that 24 hour token I get to fill my life up with new and wonderful experiences is probably going to be mostly spent horizontal in bed. That used to break me, now I'm strangley at peace with it. It takes up more energy feeling sad anyway. I rarely feel sad about my condition these days. I'm not sure if it's because I'm numb to it or if it's cause I've realised its just a waste of energy. I don't feel victimized any more.
The first year I got sick I remember thinking I'd hack off my own leg with a saw if my symptoms would vanish as soon as it was severed because the uncertainty of not knowing if id ever get better was more painful than metal teeth chewing through bone. I probably still would, but I'd do so calmly whistling a tune.
Comments
You honesty is why I admire you so much and the way you write is so poetic that you make negative into positive by being so open ❤️
Hi there Ren ;) I also have Lyme disease. I’ve had it my entire 23 years on this planet (it can be passed from mother to child. I’m interested in what treatments you use besides the antibiotics. I’ve found some relief in stem cell treatments, but it’s so damn expensive that I can’t afford to get it all the time. I’ve also found that cutting out sugar gluten and dairy help (it’s easiest to just cut out one, but best to cut all 3)
Unless you ar born with some ailment, being unwell is unnatural, stress in all its guises; the human condition is killing us...health systems failing, the sickness industry keeps the cogs spinning, all things aren't equal...junk diet in all its guises is harming our home.
Acceptance is a destination I’ve not yet reached, that said it certainly does have its benefits (I’m just being stubborn). I’m sorry you have to go through this. I know what it’s like when you tired is tired it’s, um, well… tiring! You’ve got this, it feels mega shit now but fast forward 4 months I’m positive you’ll bounce back and the hope is you’ll feel even better than you did before! Sending healing vibes :)
Ren, I wish you healing and patience. Renegades will wait, you have built an incredible community who love you.
