Vyjalanas
patreon
Chapter 3 done!
🕑 Added 2023-09-30 19:10:43 +0000 UTCOh my god, I finished the rewards before the end of the month, I'll take my medal now!!!
Now let's just hope it doesn't look bad and rushed lol. Idk, I tried my best, also helps that I can use my self as a ref for twinks, saves a lot of time :v
Hope you like the chapter, let me know what you think and also please let me know about spelling mistakes I might have missed :X
Comments
Vyjalanas
lol yah, ive been there lmao
Vyjalanas
Thanks! Really good you went trough everything, I'll edit it when I have the time and update the pages!!! Also think you could have just said everything in one comment, idk if you needed to make a separate ones for every page xddd I guess it does make it easier to read tho haha
Walkanda Run
I also love the last part of him throwing the toy and it just bouncing off the wall and flying back to hit him in the face. A visual metaphor if ever I saw one.
Walkanda Run
“I’m never doing this again.” Press X to doubt.
Sean bean
I'm sorry for all the nit-picking. The comic is really good, and your English is too!
Sean bean
Page 28; "trough" into "throw"
Sean bean
Page 27; "by he end" into "by the end", "bigger and a real" should be "a bigger one and a real" and "buntch" should be "bunch"
Sean bean
Page 25; "pass the entarence" should be either "after the entrance" or "past the entrance"
Sean bean
Page 24; "te walls" into "the walls"
Sean bean
Page 23; gulp* should be *gulp*
Sean bean
Page 22; "exited" into "excited"
Sean bean
Page 21; "Wilhelms" just needs the apostrophe ', otherwise it's not that which he owns, it's a horde of Wilhelms
Sean bean
Page 20; curious, probably not curios
Sean bean
Page 19; from "woman underwear" to "women's underwear"
Sean bean
Page 18 is perfect. It is the rival to Da Vinci's Mona Lisa
Sean bean
Page 17; "I'll give it a chance" should be in quotes because she's quoting her thoughts. Hand should be hang. "I had no idea what hey are" to "I had no idea that they are/were"
Sean bean
Page 16; "freeks" should be "Freaks"
Sean bean
Page 15; "everything's alright?" Is either " is everything alright?" Or just "everything alright?"
Sean bean
Page 14; "sure, didn't expect you (to) like" and another dont -> don't
Sean bean
Page 13; might just be me, but Teim doesn't make any sense in his last bubble
Sean bean
Page 11; "also, being" after a finished thought that you're about to contradict is clunky. "Besides, being" is smoother but both are common to hear irl
Sean bean
Page 8; "a edgy" should be "an edgy" because it's "a" before a vowel sound
Sean bean
Page 7; "Don't" is missing an apostrophe, and "did you have ... already" should be "have you had ... yet/already" with yet making more sense I think. Overreact is spelled Overriact.
Sean bean
Page 6; first Wilhelm should be "Wilhelm's Bf's"
Sean bean
Page 4; freid instead of friend
Sean bean
Page 2; Through should be Throw, and I think no-no word is technically ×aggotry, not ×aggatry, but you might just be emphasizing his accent
Sean bean
Page 1; either use "studying -with- my friend Kris" or "studying at my friend Kris' ". In case of the second, you use a possesive ' on Kris because names that end in s become "Alexis' " not "Alexis's"
