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VOTE FOR YOUR FAVORITE DIY DUO STORY NOW! Deadline is June 10th
🕑 Added 2023-06-06 02:07:01 +0000 UTCVOTE FOR YOUR FAVORITE DIY DUO STORY NOW! Deadline is June 10th
Wax Lyrical by BD
Today, I tried on my first swimsuit of the season, and immediately made an appointment with the beautician for a FULL body wax. Upon arrival, I faintly recognized her, but not enough to seek further information. THIS BITCH was brutal! I think she actually enjoys RIPPING MY FLESH OFF!!
Well, I must have passed out from the pain, because when I woke up, my clothes were nowhere to be found! I popped my head out the door and asked her...
ALY: Hey, yeah. Um, where did my clothes go?
LILLIAN: Oh, part of our premium service is to send you home with fresh attire too.
ALY: Okay, whatever where are they?
LILLIAN: Right behind door number one.
So, I scuttled towards the door, covering my nudity as best I could. Boy I'm never coming here again. I open the door, and am blinded by the daylight!! Before I realize its the exit, she appears out of nowhere and pushes me outside! Locking the door behind me.
ALY: What the hell is wrong with you, you, you...
LILLIAN: At least I'm not a man stealing WHORE!!
ALY: Wait....what??
OHHH! That's where I know her from. I may have accidentally slept with her now ex-boyfriend a few month's back....I guess that makes ME the bad guy here.....FML
Stinking Robbers: The Smelly Duo by Pirate Boy
COLD OPEN:
Lillian sits alone on a park bench with sunglasses on. Suddenly Aly casually sits beside her eating a burrito. Lillian purposely doesn't look at her.
LILLIAN: I understand you too, used to date a Richard Michael Smith III, is that correct?
ALY: Yeah, he dumped me after I gifted him an over sized teddy bear, once.
LILLIAN: I got the boot after I invested in his stupid website, he's scum and...really? Are you eating right now?
ALY: Yeah, I eat when I'm nervous.
LILLIAN: There's nothing to be nervous about. This plan is fool proof. In this envelope, I got the blueprints to his house.
ALY: I just want what is rightfully mine, ya know?
LILLIAN: We both do. He thinks he can just drop us and keep our shit in the process?
ALY: I ain't think not!
LILLIAN: Oh my god, I don't even know where to begin with that, grammatically...Holy headache.
NARRATION: Today, after a recent and sudden breakup with my boyfriend, I decided to team up with another ex of his to steal our stuff back from his house!
Aly and Lillian are attempting to sneak through a window. Aly goes first, but is having trouble climbing in. Lillian pushes on her butt and she farts in her face.
ALY: Oops. My Burrito Bad.
Once inside they start looking for there things. Lillian is trying to be stealthy but Aly is being loud and careless, which is annoying Lillian.
NARRATION: Once inside, her lack of professionalism almost turned a simple B&E into murder for me. We looked everywhere, INCLUDING the bathroom, but neither one of us could find any of our stuff.
LILLIAN: Let’s get out of here, he probably got rid of it all.
NARRATION: That's when I noticed the look in her eye of desperation as she pleaded for permission from me with her eyes and puppy like whimper.
LILLIAN: I told u not to eat that burrito!
Aly proceeds to rip down her pants and starts shitting her brains out right in front of her.
NARRATION: That's it, I've had enough of this shit. I left her helpless on the throne and found my best plan of escape when suddenly I spotted the ex coming home, so I rushed back into the bathroom as quickly as I could.
LILLIAN: Abort! He’s back! Abort!
ALY: But I’m not done yet...
LILLIAN: Can’t you be a little more quiet?
Aly drops a large dump and a small yell.
NARRATION: Welp, he's surely heard that!
EX-BOYFRIEND: Hello?
NARRATION: Now, I'm about to shit my pants too. So, we high tailed it out of the bathroom.
Lillian runs out the bathroom with Aly right behind her pulling her pants up as she runs.
NARRATION: Our ex was in the house, I could hear his steps getting closer. Now panicked for the both of us, I pushed her into a closet and dived in after her, quietly closing the door.
Aly having the urge to shit again looks around the small space and spots a large container, then gives puppy dog eyes to Lillian.
LILLIAN: (whispers) No. You hold it.
ALY: (whispers) I can't...Its coming...
LILLIAN: Oh my god, you're gonna make me sick.
ALY: (whispers) I’m so sorry
NARRATION: She proceeded to shit in the container, stinking up the entire closet. I tried covering my nose, holding my breath, but the stink was so strong, I could taste it. I coughed.
NARRATION: I felt so sick to my stomach, I had the sympathy shits.
Suddenly the ex-boyfriend opens the door and finds Lillian and Aly both shitting in his container.
NARRATION: Well, this did not go as I planned....FML
ENDING SCENE: Aly is sticking wads of toilet paper down her pants as she and Lillian both leave his house in shame.
ALY: Well that went better than I expected.
Lillian shoots her daggers from her eyes, when suddenly the ex-boyfriend calls to them from the front door.
EX-BOYFRIEND: Hey, while you're here, you should finally take your stuff back. I've been saving it for ya in that container in the closet.
THE END
"Sharing Ain't Caring" by MrViscom87
Aly is going through her closet when she discovers an empty hanger. Her face turns sour as she furiously rips it off the rod and storms out of her closet.
NARRATION: Today I confronted my roommate about using my stuff without permission again! When I stormed into her room, she immediately closed her computer.
ALY: What was that?
LILLIAN: What was what?
ALY: On your laptop, I know its not porn, we watch that together all the time!
LILLIAN: Maybe I wanted to watch it without your commentary for once.
ALY: (gasp) I thought you LOVED my commentary?
LILLIAN: Oh, I think you mean loathed.
ALY: Hurtful, but I thought I saw my brother's face. Are you talking to my brother again?
LILLIAN: No! Well, yeah; I guess.
ALY: You're not back together! Tell me you're not dating him again!
LILLIAN: We're not.... yet, but we were planning to go out tonight....ya know....see what happens.
NARRATION: I kid you not, this bitch just started casually putting MY dress on, right in front of me!!
ALY: What are you doing?
LILLIAN: Getting dressed for my date. Watch much?
ALY: THAT'S MY DRESS!?!
LILLIAN: Chillax, I was going to ask to borrow it. I just needed to try it on first.
ALY: Take it off.
LILLIAN: What? Why?
ALY: Because its MY DRESS!! Maybe I wanted to wear it out tonight?
LILLIAN (laughs)
ALY: …
LILLIAN: Oh, you're serious. Well, I don't have anything else to wear. So, unless you want me to go on this date naked, I'm wearing your dress.
NARRATION: Nope. I made her remove the dress. Its not about whether I need it, its the principle!!
*ding dong
LILLIAN: Oh my God, that's him!
ALY: You invited him here??
LILLIAN: Ooo, hey! Can I borrow that dress of yours I like?
ALY: I don't care if you go naked. You're not stealing my stuff anymore!
NARRATION: And I stormed out! I've had enough of her stealing my stuff!!
CUT TO:
Aly and her brother are sitting in the living room when Lillian enters only wearing a towel. She addresses Aly, who refuses to look at her.
LILLIAN: Look, I know you were against this from the start, but I really wanted tonight to be special and I don't have a thing to wear without that dress. I was counting on wearing it.
ALY: (without looking at her) Well count yourself out of it, because you're not wearing my dress. Not tonight, not tomorrow, not ever.
LILLIAN: Fine. You want me to beg, I'll beg!
ALY: (turns toward her) Is that MY towel?
LILLIAN: What? No, its a towel, I don't think so...I...
ALY: Yes it is, that's MY towel. Give it to me!
LILLIAN: NO! I'm not wearing anything under it.
ALY: I said gimmie MY towel!!!
Aly rips the towel off Lillian, causing her to spin a full 360 butt naked in front of her brother.
BROTHER: Wow. Tonight sure is special alright!
LILLIAN & ALY: FML
