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FML DIY CONTEST #4 TOP THREE!!!
🕑 Added 2020-05-07 04:05:46 +0000 UTCCongratulations to the top three and thank you so much to all who submitted their ideas. We had a great turnout!! She is really excited to film the winning episode for you!
1. THE JOB INTERVIEW
Today. I had a job interview for this really cool marketing company. As I waited for the interviewer to show up, I got really nervous....so much so, that my stomach began rejecting the Burrito Barn Breakfast I had started my day with. My internal search for where the bathroom is was cut short when the HR manager walked in and began my interview process.
My stomach was not happy. The cramps were making me sweat while the willpower it took to keep my butt cheeks clinched was hindering my speech. Thankfully the HR manager was called away. Once gone, I searched for something to relieve myself into, when I noticed a trash can. I quickly grabbed it, pushed my skirt to the floor and filled the can!!
Feeling relieved, I was able to think about what to do next, when the HR manager returned with the head of the company! There I sat...literally on the can behind his desk. They humored me and let me remain seated without knowing why...So, I held the second wave in as they conducted the rest of the interview. Smiling through the pain as my future boss stuck his hand out to shake mine...His grip worked like a pulled finger and I released the second wave into can in front of my two new bosses. It smelled SO BAD...Pretty sure I didn't get the job....FML
2. THE SUSHI TABLE
Today, I decided to surprise my husband for our anniversary with a grand sushi spread...ON MY BODY!! We had seen this restaurant on TV that offered such a delicacy and he seemed pretty into the idea. So, I somehow managed to lay across our dinner table and cover myself in sushi from his favorite sushi bar. Where I waited for him to come home....and waited....and waited til I fell asleep! Apparently, while I was sleeping, his idiot friend finally brought him home where they ATE ALL THE SUSHI OFF OF ME? I woke up bare naked and hungry to the sound of my husband puking his guts out from food poisoning...FML
3. The Conference Call
Today, working from home, I had a video conference call with the CEO and all of the other branch managers. While listening intently to the CEO drag on and on, my wife came in the room and began stripping her clothes off. She had those noise canceling headphones on I got her for Christmas, so she couldn't hear my subtle ways of telling her I was on a call! She started dancing to the music in her head with her eyes closed, so she couldn't see or hear me!! So, I did the best I could to block her from the view of my entire company. Which worked, until she decided to sit in my lap...She opened her eyes to a standing ovation and a boss who was not so amused...FML
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job interview!
