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For His Girl (8/13)
🕑 Added 2021-08-06 16:12:02 +0000 UTCBeacon had taught Qrow a lot about "immovable objects.' The Grimm, for instance—that wasn't going away anytime soon. Or bureaucracy, a thing Beacon had in spades that his childhood had not prepared him for in the least. But in terms of immovable objects, he’d also learned that people could be absolutely immobile if they were stubborn enough. And in terms of stubbornness, once Taiyang Xiao Long had set his mind to something… there was absolutely no way of dislodging it.
Usually, this was fine. Sometimes even hilarious. Tai had ended up in a push-up contest with Raven that had gone so far, Summer had to intervene before they hurt themselves from exhaustion. But this wasn’t funny. Or enjoyable. It was a little too stupid for that.
"She doesn't want a stuffed bear, bro."
"Ah," Tai grinned, slipping more lien into the claw machine for another doomed attempt at getting a cotton-candy pink bear from a pile of stuffed animals, "She says she doesn't like cute things… but I think Raven's got another side to her. A side that would love to have something soft and cute to hug."
Qrow just stared at his friend, trying to think of a way to explain the most basic fact of his sister's nature. That… she wasn't anything other than what she presented herself as. She was, in her own way, the most forthright and honest woman Qrow knew. In her very unique, abrasive, and regularly dishonest way.
But Taiyang Xiao Long was another immovable object, a man who could not be dissuaded once his mind was set on course. Not with this probably rigged claw machine, not with Raven. He was, tragically, an idiot, and so he would beat his head against both until his skull inevitably cracked from the trauma.
So Qrow—who was also, tragically, an idiot—figured he was obligated to keep his friend company as he struggled valiantly against a rigged game in a doomed effort to impress his borderline-sociopathic sister.
Finding as comfortable a seat as he could manage, Qrow settled in for the long haul as-
"Tai! Qrow! What are you two up to?"
Oh shit! Oh hell! Qrow wasn't prepared for Summer! Jolting up straight, his mind desperately searched for something cool and disaffected he could say to his chirpy and… painfully cute partner and Team Leader as he slowly turned around…
Only to be left staring blankly at her as his mind utterly failed him.
And worse, his sister was there too, giving him an unimpressed look as she pointed and asked, "Is Tai seriously trying to win at the claw game? He knows those things are rigged, right?"
"Gonna win you a bear, sweetie!" Tai cried, obliviously cheerful and entirely focused on his game (the bear, obviously, slipping from the claw once again) instead of the way Raven's first clenched as she heard him call her “sweetie.”
"I gave you one date,” she snarled, “we are not-"
Her voice cut off, strangled by her own frustrations as she grimaced and put her hand to her face, red eyes blazing as she forced her anger back down.
"I thought we agreed," she said through her teeth, "No. Pet. Names."
"Yeah," Tai said, the claw lowering in another doomed effort, "But one, 'sweetie' isn't a pet name, and two, you said no pet names until our third date. So-"
Raven turned scarlet. Summer's silver eyes sparkled with delight, a look that set Qrow's heart pounding as she squealed, "Three dates-"
"WE HAVEN'T HAD THREE DATES!" Raven roared at her mismatched boyfriend. "We have only had…" Raven turned even redder as she admitted, "two."
"Two dates!" Summer cried, "I didn't know you had-"
Tai held up a finger on the hand that wasn’t manipulating the joystick. "One! We got dinner together at Benicio's. Two!" Another finger was raised. "We saw Tower of Vengeance together. And three!" Qrow could feel the grin, even as Tai was looking at the claw game, still trying to play while talking to them, "we got coffee together the morning after we spent-"
"Do not finish that sentence," Raven growled as Qrow realized that his sister had gotten a lot closer to her partner than anyone had realized.
And also, that Qrow wanted to vomit from thinking of his sister and Tai… euggggh!
But Summer, of course, had a completely opposite reaction, blooming like a rose as she seized Raven in her arms and cried, "Oh, Rae, I'm so happy for you! I didn't realize it was so serious—have you decided on a couple name yet? Taiven? Raeyang? Oh! And I'll be Maid of Honor, right?"
Raven was far too scandalized to respond, but Tai didn't remotely hesitate to shout out, "You know it, Sunbeam!"
"We're not getting- You don't-" Raven sputtered, "We're not getting married and you don't get to decide my Maid of Honor, Tai!"
"What other women are you friends- ah, so close!" Tai snapped his fingers in annoyance as the bear slipped through the claw once again.
“Either way,” Summer breezily cut in, “As Leader of Team STRQ, I am thrilled for you both, but more importantly, I think we need to support our teammate in his brave quest to get Raven her bear! And so I propose-”
“It is not my bear, and I do not-”
But Summer bowled right over Raven’s objection. “-that the three of us stay here for moral support until Tai succeeds!”
Qrow was about to object, about to point out that Tai was not going to win this game, ever, but then… Summer sat herself down right next to him, felt her hand so softly brush against his, saw that million-watt smile shining right beside him, making him think, almost imagine… that she was happy to be next to him… and Qrow forgot how to talk.
Raven sat down next to Summer in a much grumpier fashion, muttering under her breath how dumb this was and that the first thing she’d do if Tai gave her a bear was to rip its head off, impale it on a sharpened pencil, and leave it out on her desk as a warning to any other stuffed animals anyone might think of giving her. And Summer laughed, in that musical, perfect laugh she had, the one that made Qrow wonder what he wouldn’t do for a girl like that...
Just in time for his Semblance to kick in and for Summer to accidentally dump her entire pop right on his lap.
LINE BREAK SUMMER
Team STRQ stood for many things, but in Summer's mind, the biggest thing of all was never giving up.
Which made Tai's incredible display of persistence both inspiring and… after several hours of watching… also testing her commitment to waiting him out. She couldn't leave, not when he was striving so boldly, but at the same time… really, everyone had to have a point where they called it quits, right? Or at least, a point where they ran out of lien?
“How… how much longer… how much further can he go?” she asked, hesitantly.
She was met with loud sighs from both the Branwen siblings, which was not a good sign.
“He… he’s gonna keep at it,” Qrow ventured, diplomatically… and while still trying to dry off his pants from where Summer had completely by accident dumped an entire soda on him. It was incredibly embarrassing and as much as Qrow insisted it was his Semblance’s fault… she always felt awful whenever she did something to embarrass or inconvenience her partner. Every time he tripped over her or vice versa, leaving them in a tangle on the floor… But she couldn’t change the past, had to keep looking forward!
Something on Qrow’s mind as well as he grimly nodded and added, “So you might wanna get comfortable.”
Raven was less charitable. “That idiot is either going to die at that machine or you are going to tell him he has to stop. My partner is a moron on a level I have only begun to grasp.”
“Aww, Raven,” Summer giggled, “Be nice! He’s doing this for you, after all. I think it’s sweet!”
"If you like him so much, you can date him," Raven grumbled.
Qrow shuddered. "I don't want to imagine what Summer and Tai's child would be like. That much optimism in one person?"
Summer just grinned at her teammates in response. "He could wipe out the Grimm with only a smile! Be the one to finally end the Grimm menace once and for all!" she teased. "But what's so wrong with optimism? Don't you two ever wish you grew up with a little more… hope in life?"
Qrow and Raven exchanged a look. She could read the expression mirrored on their faces, far more subtle on Raven, but still, undeniably, present. They had shared their story, had told Summer and Tai the true reason they were at Beacon. And while Qrow, more than Raven, had told them of life in the Branwen clan, it wasn’t hard to see that she also had come to recognize the darkness of her childhood before her defection.
“You can keep your hope,” Raven grumbled, “It doesn’t matter in the long run.”
Wow. Major downer out of nowhere. Well, maybe not “nowhere.” Summer had been wrangling Raven for years now, and this kind of sudden, unexpected reminder about “survival of the fittest” or “only strength matters” was a pretty regular part of all that.
But the hard part was seeing how sad Qrow was when she said it! Summer had no defense against sad boys, and especially one as broody as her partner… she was lucky Qrow thought of her like a sister, because he only had to give one little puppy dog pout and Summer would be all over him.
Thinking that she needed to change the subject, and thinking from that prior thought, Summer opted to lighten the mood. "I do have to find a boyfriend," she admitted, "Gotta keep the silver eyes-"
"Oh, tell me Ozpin isn't ordering you to do that," Raven spat. "That man's just… creepy."
Summer shook her head. She didn't know how to explain to Raven that Professor Ozpin was just… nice. He was one of the few adults Summer felt a real connection with, not just at Beacon, but in all her life. As an orphan, she liked having a father figure who understood the power and responsibility of her silver eyes, and she didn't understand why Raven was always so hostile to him.
"No," she said, "it's my own sense of duty."
"Anyone you, um," Qrow cut in, always awkward when talking about personal matters, "you're, you know, thinking of?"
She cocked her head at a teasing angle, "Well, there is one boy I've been thinking about…"
Qrow, always so quietly protective of her, turned white as a sheet, just as Summer hoped. She enjoyed teasing her "big brother and sister," as she thought of the Branwen twins, and this was a great way to take them out of a dark turn.
Raven, on the other hand, replied with a dramatic snort as she said, "Don't tell me it's Jean-Pierre."
"Arc?" Qrow growled, "Summer, the man's a-"
"I'm just joking!" she laughed, "Right now, I'm too busy with my training to be thinking about boys. But in the long term, I do feel like I have a duty to have kids. To pass on my legacy, eventually. But,” she added a teasing lilt to her voice, “you know, guys like Tai aren’t exactly growing on trees!"
Both Branwens exchanged a silent, impenetrable look that surely carried a full conversation. A twin thing that Summer didn't really understand, in spite of her best efforts to decode it.
But then Raven shot her a glance. "Oh?" she asked, "And I'm sure this vicarious interest in my romantic life has nothing to do with you being afraid of dating…"
Summer blushed, but wasn't willing to show weakness before her teammate, especially when Raven was always challenging her. "I'm putting myself first, and it has nothing to do with-"
"Do it," Raven said, her gaze piercing Summer right through. "Say 'penis,' Sunbeam."
Summer's eyes went wide as she tried not to blush. Particularly as Raven's eyes burned through her.
"I…" Her voice trembled as she felt her lips curl into the plosive as-
"Maidens, Rae, you're gonna give her a stroke," Qrow grumbled. But Raven cracked a smile and Summer felt a sigh of relief come over her. He was a good partner, and a good friend. They all were, in their own ways. Leaning back on the bench, she glanced over to where Tai was still valiantly struggling against the claw machine.
He… really wasn’t making progress, was he?
“So… how much longer do we think this-”
“You don’t have to stay, Sunbeam,” Raven cut in.
Summer turned red, immediately flustered by how quickly Raven cut through her facade to get to her real meaning. It wasn’t that- she wasn’t trying to cut out, she just- well, really- but seriously, how long could he take?
“You too, Qrow,” Raven said. “The both of you can go have fun, I’ll wait up for Tai to either run out of patience or money.”
Normally, Summer chafed at Raven trying to usurp her authority and take charge of them. Even after their years working togethers, she still resented that Summer was given the leadership position over her. Even after Summer had first bested her in Professor Ozpin’s class, she still sometimes had flashes of insubordination. Some that flared up into full on conflicts between the two of them—Raven calling her childish, Summer calling Raven power-hungry and petulant, claiming that it would be “Team RQST” under her leadership—because she didn’t earn her spot as leader, she requested it. But this didn’t feel like that. There was something tender in Raven’s voice that Summer didn’t often hear.
But still, she shook her head. “We’re a team, we’re in this together.”
“Can’t dislodge Summer that easy,” Qrow chuckled from behind her.
But Raven gave Summer a probing look. “You don’t have to stay,” was all she said.
Summer nodded, picking up her friend’s meaning. When they first met, Summer would never have been able to pick up the subtleties in Raven’s abrasive and forceful tone, and Raven would never expect her to pick up her true meaning. But now, Summer could tell what Raven really wanted, what she couldn’t admit out loud.
“Alright,” she said, suppressing a smile, “I guess Qrow and I can head out...”
“You sure?” Qrow asked, somewhat surprised to hear Summer back down to her sister. “Listen, Tai is not going to quit here, Rae, I have seen this man’s stubbornness in action before and it is not pretty.”
"No, I…" Raven's voice trailed off, before she cracked a grin. "I'm not going to back down if he's going to slug it out. Wouldn't do if Tai thought he was tougher'n me."
Summer smiled. She might not express it, but in Raven's own way, she really did care for her boyfriend.
"Hey," she said, quietly, "You're real lucky to have him. Tai's a good guy."
Raven opened her mouth to deny it. But then thought better of it. Instead, she settled on replying with, "You have fun with Qrow, Sunbeam. I get the feeling I'll be here all night.”
In spite of her grouchy tone, Summer could hear the fondness in her voice. They were… they were good for each other. Tai needed someone serious, to balance out his easygoing demeanor and push him to achieve more and become a truly exceptional Huntsman. And Raven needed someone like Tai, someone who never judged, who took all her caustic wit and demands and still gave her a safe space to open up… to admit her childhood was abusive, her traumas were real. They were all growing in STRQ, but those two… those two really gave Summer hope for their future.
"So Qrow," she said as they skipped away from where Tai had, once again, failed to win the bear, "Whaddya think about getting dinner then, I dunno, go dancing?"
It was weird that Raven and Tai thought of Qrow as such an introvert when Summer saw him always light up at the suggestion of hitting the town together!
LINE BREAK TAI
A little more right… a little more right… and… aaaand… GOT IT!
But Tai had gotten this far before. Only to see victory slip from his grasp. And he wouldn't see it lost again! Even if there wasn't anything he could do as the claw raised the bear up before his eyes, dragging it over to the- wait, holy shit was he actually going to-
HE WAS!
The claw opened and dropped the bear into the release chute. Tai couldn't- couldn't believe that- that he had…
He had bested the machine. He had won.
With trembling hands, Tai reached into the chute and felt his fingers close around the cheap plush of the bear. It might be a 2 lien toy he’d spent more money on than he’d ever admit, but it felt like victory as he pulled it forth and bellowed a primal, triumphant roar as he raised it high above his head. Raven was going to be-
"You actually did it…"
Tai turned, stunned to see that Raven was still there. He assumed, had taken it for a given, that she had left with the rest of the team. Had done his lucky dance on the assumption that there was no one behind him. But as he sheepishly grinned and presented her his prize, he didn't miss that she cracked a faint, irrepressible smile. In spite of her best efforts to look annoyed.
"What, you thought I wouldn't stay?" she asked.
Tai shook his head. "Didn't think anyone was as stubborn as I was."
"Don't get a big head," she chided, "But… I wasn’t going to let you have the satisfaction of knowing you outlasted me… particularly once my brother and Sunbeam had left. If I was going to leave, I would have left with them, but since I chose to stay, I couldn’t leave until I had accomplished my goal.”
But Tai just grinned. Raven only gave that much explanation to dance around the real reason she’d stayed. And he was very touched by it.
Turning to give his girlfriend a peck on the forehead, he stifled a giggle at how red she turned from just a simple kiss. She had an adorable side that nobody, not even her brother, believed was real, but Tai had the privilege of seeing it. It was the side that stayed to watch him get his ass kicked by a children’s game because… because she genuinely liked him. Liked being around him. And as hard as it was for Raven to admit it, that meant the fact that she still didn’t deny it counted for a whole lot.
Taking a seat beside her, Tai stretched out… briefly marveling at how exhausted his legs were from being crouched over that machine for… for an amount of time he didn’t want to know in numbers. “A long time” was description enough for him. And he realized he spent all his lien on winning the bear, so, with the Beacon cafeteria most likely closed, he was kind of out of food options…
But almost as if she read his mind, Raven just sighed and said, “I’m going to get sushi after this, and yes, I’ll cover you.”
Eyes wide with happiness and stomach empty of sustenance, Tai could practically kiss her if a second kiss wouldn’t mean getting punched in the throat! Though it did raise one question…
“But… how did you know I was-”
“You’re always hungry,” she cut him off, “and you’re also usually broke, even before you pour money into a scam targeted at people half your age. We’ve been partners for years now, Tai, I know how you do things.”
“Like a stubborn idiot?” he asked with a grin.
“More like a...” her voice trailed off as she realized he’d beaten her to the punch, then grumbled, “Yeah, like a stubborn idiot.”
Tai leaned back on the bench. “Knew you were gonna say that.”
Raven punched him in the arm, but he knew if she really wanted to punch him, she’d have punched him harder… and also in the throat. Or his balls. So this punch was really just a bit of Rae’s love language.
“Boy,” he said, carefully maneuvering his arm around Raven’s shoulder, “What a night! I don’t even want to know how long I was at that thing, but… I gotta say… means a lot knowing you were willing to wait it out with me.”
Raven blushed, likely half from what he was saying, half from the way he’d put his arm around her and pulled her in close, letting her snuggle against his chest (even though that was wildly against her nature). “It was… I couldn’t let-”
“Rae,” he softly interrupted, “There’s nobody here but you and me. You don’t have to make excuses.”
“You’re infuriating,” she shot back, but… she actually did cuddle into him as she said it.
The two of them just sat on the bench like that for a while. No words exchanged, nothing but just feeling her beside him, hearing her slow steady breaths as he just held his girlfriend, and she accepted his intimacy. Not many people would have the patience for a relationship that took so much time to slowly build up the level of trust to just hold their girlfriend, but in moments like these, Tai knew it had all been worth it. She was worth it.
Though at the same time, she had promised sushi, and he was hungry, but… no, no, now was the time to cherish the moments that was just him and Raven and nothing else. Though he was still hungry…
Fortunately, Raven broke the silence before he could, though, unfortunately, her words were not about dinner.
"I always thought,” she began with a wistful tone, “people like you and Sunbeam were… you were optimistic because you lived easy lives. But that isn't the case, is it?"
Tai could only awkwardly shrug at that. Even this far into their relationship, as partners and as lovers, he still wasn’t used to Raven’s sudden pronouncements, usually out of nowhere. But he also wasn’t sure how to handle her question. Summer, yeah, she was an orphan, born to a bloodline of tremendous and weighty powers, but him? Tai hadn't been through anything like what the rest of his team had grown up as. Patch was a quiet place compared to the bustle of Vale, a thickly-forested island dotted with small farms. And yeah, a frontier life wasn’t always easy, but… compared to his teammates? Tai’s childhood had been a paradise of enchantment.
“Well...” he fumbled for his words, “People are optimistic cause they’ve got something about the world they want to protect, that they’re willing to fight for. It’s not just thinking that things are gonna work out, but that… but that you know the world can be good, that people can be good, and… and you’re gonna fight for them.”
“Like you fought for me...” Raven said, but her voice sounded faraway, like she wasn’t talking to Tai here.
“Yeah,” he said, “I’ll always fight for you, Rae.”
She grew quiet at that. Whatever wheels were turning inside Raven’s head, Tai wasn’t going to know. Probably wasn’t ever going to know, no matter how close the two of them got. Some people were just like that, kept their cards close to their chest, kept their thoughts in their mind. And he trusted Raven, trusted that if she thought he should know, she’d share it. And he… just had to give her the time to open up. To show her that she was safe with him.
Because times like these would happen… and Raven would speak.
"I told you, my brother and I… we're the children of the Tribe's chief."
Tai nodded. He'd heard this before, the basic realities of her life within the Branwen Tribe. It had been… rough, to say the least. Trust was not easily given there, more a network of familial bonds and mutually-assured destruction, and friendship was right out. There was kin, and that was it. And being the daughter of the chief put Raven in an even worse position, where everyone around her coveted her future power. Her and Qrow were sent to Beacon because their father had no one else in the Tribe he could trust wouldn’t use the knowledge to seize power upon their return… or, at least, if they did seize power, it would be his heirs and successors who did it.
"Growing up, we were taught that the only thing, the only thing that mattered… was strength. The strong rule, only so far as they had the strength to rule. The strength to seize power for themselves and hold on to it, the strength to crush all threats to your authority, like my father did." She turned to give Tai a heavy look. "I have a twin brother, Tai."
Tai cocked his head. "I… I don't follow?"
Raven shook her head. "The Tribe can only have one leader. Only one can be strong enough to rule."
"I think Qrow figured it'd be you," Tai said, a soft attempt at humor.
But Raven's look did not soften. "No matter what my title was, he would always be the chief's son. A son with as much claim to be the firstborn as I did…"
Her meaning finally sank in. Tai paled to imagine… "But… Qrow would- he would never-"
"It wouldn't matter if he never would or not,” she grimly replied, “So long as he lived, so long as he was in the Tribe… someone with ambition might whisper in his ear, might suggest that he should be chief… just as we were taught. It was the way of our Tribe. And he knew, we were raised to know, that even if he would never challenge me… he knew I would always think of him as a potential threat. I was only a little girl when I realized that one day, either I would kill my brother… or he would kill me."
Well…
That was heavy.
Tai was out of his depth here. Way out of his depth. But he didn’t really know who was in their depth here—Professor Ozpin? Raven would sooner die than open up to him, and that was pretty much it for adults they really trusted here. Maybe Glynda, but she was just a TA and only a few years older than them in the first place! And…
Well, that kind of made Tai realize that… he was the adult. They weren’t the teenagers who’d first stepped into Beacon, headstrong, arrogant, and unwilling to make nice with their partners who’d seemed to come from other worlds from them. But now, now he was 20. And that wasn’t that old yet, but in this profession, it was high time for him to stop thinking of himself like a kid still.
“Rae...” he started slowly, “You don’t… you know you don’t have to live like that anymore. Your old man doesn’t run your life anymore you-”
“I know that!” she cried, a sudden burst of uncontrolled emotion that sent Tai reeling, “You think I don’t? I- I cast all that aside, I am not the future Chief of the Branwen Tribe, but I… I...”
“It’s okay, Rae,” he said, softly, “You can say whatever you’re thinking. It’s okay.”
And, miraculously… she did.
"It’s not… I've turned my back on my family, Tai. It's… it's better here, at Beacon, with STRQ, but I… my whole world is gone, Tai. It wasn’t good for me to be in the Tribe and my father… was a bad man, but how can I… how can I just let go of so many years of my life and just… move on? Qrow and Summer and- and you, you all know how to be optimistic, how to move on from the past, but I can’t! Everything I thought about the world, everything I knew isn't-"
Her words caught in her throat as Tai threw his other arm around her in a tight hug.
"Tai-" she choked out, trying to hold back her emotion, "Tai, what are you… what are you doing?"
"Holding you," he said, feeling her head against his chest, her bountiful hair tickling his nose as he held her tight. Gods, even in this moment he couldn't help but be struck by her beauty. Her hair as raven-black as her namesake, the scent of verbena faint, yet undeniable. And as he felt her body, always composed and disciplined, begin to shake with emotion, he held her tighter… and felt her arms wrap around her.
"How… how am I supposed to…” she murmured… before the dam broke in a swell of sudden emotion as she squeezed him and cried out, “How do I keep doing this, it’s so hard, Tai, it’s so hard!”
“I know,” he said, holding her tight, “I know it’s hard, but… but you’re not alone. You’ve got STRQ and… and you’ve got me. You’ll always have me.”
Raven was only a few inches shorter than Tai, and on the bench, their height difference was marginal, and yet… Raven had never seemed as small as she did now. But he knew that this moment, this sudden, explosive flash of vulnerability… took more strength than Tai had in his entire body. Raven wasn’t like her brother, who had nothing waiting for him back home and was all too happy to jump ship for Beacon. When Raven agreed that she wasn’t going back… she was turning her back on her place among her people. Betraying her family, years of tradition, her entire childhood… and it took strength to shoulder that weight. But she wasn’t alone here. She had STRQ to back her up, and they would always be there for her.
“Don’t...” she suddenly rasped, her voice betraying how hard she was trying not to cry, “Don’t tell anyone that this happened, ever.”
“I won’t,” he said, then, realizing he still had the stuffed bear in his hands. Gently loosening his grip from Raven—and feeling his heart crushed by the feeling of Raven not wanting to let go—he pressed the bear into Raven’s hands. “Here,” he said, “And you’ve also got this little guy.”
“Tai...” she said… but she clearly couldn’t bring herself to refuse him.
“And he’ll be with you, too. Just like I am.”
“You’re treating me like a child,” she murmured, but there was no censure in her voice.
Tai just wrapped his arms back around his girlfriend, feeling how Raven let her guard down and accepted his hug. She was an incredible woman, someone who had endured so much more in her life than Tai could even imagine, and yet… and yet she was brave. And strong. More than even she believed herself to be, able to stand up to her past and choose a different path at Beacon. He could see how hard it was for her, and yet… and yet Raven still kept at it. It was a privilege like no other that she let him into these moments. He resolved to be a man worthy of it.
“Well,” he said, “I think we both could use some dinner, and this little guy,” he poked the pink bear in Raven’s hands, “needs a name!”
He already had the perfect one picked-
“Don’t call it Rayang,” she grumbled, “You’re terrible with names.”
“It… wasn’t going to be that?” he lied, ineffectively. “How about... Taiven?”
The look she gave him told him he might have just slid three steps back from the two he’d taken forward this evening.
LINE BREAK RAVEN
She is standing before her destiny, her hands gripping the rail of the crib. The pain in her breast is excruciating, every nerve on fire with a pain worse than anything a Beowulf could do to her. And the touch of the wooden rail, handcrafted by her father-in-law, burns her like nothing else. And yet, she cannot let go.
If she let go, she would be gone. Pulled away from the girl inside it, the girl who is tearing her soul apart, and yet, she cannot stop looking at her. Seeing how perfect she is, the child she carried within her for nine months, the girl with a wisp of her father’s blond hair, yet her bellowing cries are as strong and piercing as a Branwen, and… and that is why she cannot look at her, even as she cannot look away.
She wishes to be anywhere but here. She wants to crawl back into bed with her husband, to feel his arms around her. Or she wants to run, run so far away from here that she'd never see, never feel any of this again.
If you were strong, you would be able to decide.
Strength. All that exists is strength. The strong ruling the weak. And if you are ruled… it is because you are weak. Her father’s voice rumbles in her ear, showing her the sword that slew her uncle. Guilt was a power that could be held over you. The truly strong eschewed such things, for without weakness, nothing held power over them.
If she was stronger, she’d tell the voice to shut the hell up, to cast aside everything from her childhood and live fearlessly in Patch. If she were stronger, she could take a stand, make a choice, and live with it, no regrets, no ghosts, no memories dragging her in both directions, tearing her apart. She could be a mother or a chief or she could be anything other than this!
She remembers her husband first asking her for a date. Graduating from Beacon. Learning her father had died. Her husband asking her to marry him, her saying she would. Ozpin offering her and Qrow a deal. Saying "I do" at the altar. Being told it was a girl…
And now she is looking at that girl. Seeing her sleeping so peacefully. Remembering the first time she held this babe in her arms, exhausted beyond belief and yet, unable to think of anything but how small, how perfect she was…
And hearing her father's voice. Hearing every reminder of family and duty, every lesson she was honor-bound to impart on this sweet, innocent child. She remembers the feeling that boiled in her gut, the sense of her family's eyes upon her, all of history weighing down upon her shoulders… feeling how small, how weak she felt with a babe in her arms. Horror blooms now as it did then, looking upon her child and seeing in her the softness she found so repulsive, even as she tells her friends, her brother, her husband that she's fine. That she's happy here.
Everyone’s happy. They welcome her back home, Tai and Summer and Qrow are there, the house, they have a house, full of streamers, the whole world pastel pink and powder blue as Raven feels like an alien to her home. No black and red, no blood and steel, no white Grimm’s head looming above her… those were the things she rejected and yet, here, she does not belong.
Qrow can adapt to this world. It’s nothing to him, no challenge at all, to be happy here. Even as he grumbles and laments his Semblance, even as he pines for the girl he doesn’t know he just has to ask out to have her, he is happy here. Qrow can cast aside his old life like it was nothing, even as his love is spurned, so why can't she? With her husband, her child, her everything she should ever want or need, it should be nothing to cast aside her past, just like her brother did. Raven always knew he was the stronger one, always feared him as a girl for what he could do and she couldn't. If she wasn't so weak...
Her fingers grip the crib so tightly, she fears it will break. More so, she fears that she will wake her daughter. And if… if Yang, her beautiful Yang, were to wake up, seeing her mother over her, seeing the tears in her eyes… she couldn’t do it. She couldn’t leave if she saw her daughter’s eyes. It would unmake her, break her in this moment, but she cannot stay. Cannot last another day of lying to everyone, of pretending that she belongs here.
Her husband. How can she tell him, how could she ever explain… There is a letter on the table, a brief note—she couldn't bear to write more—and she hates herself that she couldn't tell it to his face. That she lied to him this whole way, telling him that she was happy, that things were good, that he… that he was all she needed. Him and their daughter, their little family was all she needed.
Like a coward.
She heard her father's voice, a wordless rumble of meaning and hurt and shame. She grips the crib until her fingers turn as white as bone and tries to banish his unruly ghost, even as she carries out his will. She hates herself for leaving, but knows she would hate herself more for staying. It burns inside her, but… there's nothing else she can do.
The time has come to decide.
She lets go of the crib.
She has made up her mind, but as she turns to the door, she feels one final stab of indecision. Reaching up to a shelf overlooking the child’s room, her fingers gingerly clasp around something, knowing that its touch would be more painful than anything else, but at the same time, she would hate herself forever, more than she already will, if she does not do this.
A small bear, its cheap fur worn down by the years, sits in her hand for only a moment before she places it in the crib beside her daughter. Fighting back tears, telling herself that she is strong and not ruled by weakness, not controlled by her emotions. And yet, her hand trembles as she begins to pull it away. Seeing her daughter's hands reach out in her sleep to grab it, to hold it for comfort… it's too much for her.
Without a word, she turns from the girl who could have been her future, her life, her everything, and heads for the door. She will not let herself cry… but if she was strong enough to hold that back, perhaps, she thinks, she would have been strong enough to stay.
