FakeKing
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100 Catfighters 06
🕑 Added 2025-07-22 20:22:09 +0000 UTC"So, what's the plan for today?"
Yanfei let out a long sigh. "I need to go to work, especially since I skipped it yesterday." She looked like she was about to fall asleep at any moment. "Ugh, I really wish I could spend the entire day without leaving my bed."
I winced. "Sorry for last night…" I wasn't an idiot, I knew exactly why she felt as tired as she did.
Yanfei tilted her head, confused. "Why are you apologizing? Last night was… um… pretty nice." She then silently muttered to herself. "Though I'm beginning to think two Soulmates were a necessity. Wow." Was that a good thing or a bad thing?
Before I could ask what she meant, Ganyu began putting plates in front of me. "Here. I don't really know what you enjoy, so I made a little bit of everything! Don't worry though, because it's suuuper healthy!" It did look super healthy.
I think Ganyu is a vegetarian though, because this breakfast of hers doesn't contain a single piece of meat. Though I don't mind too much. "Thank you, I'll try a little bit of everything then!" I seriously needed the energy after last night.
Ganyu giggled. "I hope you like it." And then she looked at Yanfei. "And here, this is thanks for letting me stay here." She put a plate in front of Yanfei.
A plate that contained a sandwich. If that thing could even be called that. It was literally just bread and lettuce. Compared to what Ganyu had prepared for me, Yanfei's breakfast looked like depression incarnate.
And Yanfei definitely noticed that. "Wow, thank you…" Her voice was dripping with sarcasm.
Ganyu's face made it clear this was on purpose. "You are welcome." Then she sat down and started eating her own breakfast.
I guess asking for this hostility to disappear would be too much. They were making an effort to share me, but that didn't mean they would magically begin to get along. I guess I could have asked them to do so? But I feel like that would just be me forcing my own feelings onto them. And as a good hero, I must only force my penis onto them.
Ganyu clasped her hands together, and looked at me. "Oh, and Sweetheart, since you asked for Yanfei's plans, may I ask yours? I plan on following you for today, so…"
Yanfei grinned. "Look at this shameless jobless woman."
"My job is making my lover happy." Ganyu's quick response immediately struck my poor first Soulmate down.
Yanfei was definitely regretting her previous choices. It was her who had pushed Ganyu into quitting her job, after all.
I sighed. "Well… about my plans… I guess I'm just gonna work at the guild for the whole day." My eyes widened, as I remembered something. "Oh, and I wanna see that Zhongli guy again. I've been thinking that maybe I should give him a gift or something. For helping us out and all that. Do you two know where he usually hangs out?"
Ganyu shook her head. "Sorry, but no. I've occasionally seen him, but we never interacted much…"
Yanfei sent me a thumbs up. "I, however, do actually happen to know a decent bit about him. Mister Zhongli is like a walking encyclopedia about random stuff, but surprisingly, he works at Wangsheng Funeral Parlor. A waste of his talents, to be honest."
I hummed for a bit. "A funeral parlor huh… That doesn't really feel like the type of place where I can just swing by to give a guy a thank you gift. Wouldn't it be disrespectful?"
Yanfei shrugged. "Well, even Mister Zhongli probably has break hours."
I nodded. "Yeah, I guess I'll make a quick stop there during lunch." I looked at Ganyu. "But yeah, that's all of my plans today. It's nothing special, especially since I'm not high ranking enough in the Adventurers' Guild to take any quest that isn't super basic."
Ganyu smiled. "Basic or not, I'll be there supporting you the whole day."
Yanfei growled. "Stop rubbing it in, geez… By the way, Sweetheart, have you decided on where you want our vacation to be?" She raised a finger. "I would appreciate it if you were fast about it, because to be honest, I really don't want to deal with those nosy Adepti that Madame Ping warned us about. Especially now that Ganyu is your Soulmate too."
Ganyu tilted her head. "Madame Ping warned you about the Adepti? Why would any of them do anything about this?"
Yanfei sighed. "It's not like they're gonna do anything bad, but… Soulmates are a pretty rare phenomenon even with humans, so they're gonna freak out. And hey, I'm sure you can think of one Adepti who will be very… emotional once she finds out you quit your job to be with a guy."
"..." For a moment Ganyu seemed confused, but then she sent me the most desperate look I had ever seen. "My destined one, you must make your decision quickly! I won't be able to handle it if she shows up and starts trying to test you or whatever other insane idea she might come up with!"
I don't think I had ever seen her this panicked. Not even during her arguments against Yanfei. "Sorry, but who exactly is this Adepti you're so afraid of?" I don't care if they were some super strong spirit.
I'm gonna kick their ass if they show up and spook my easily spooked Ganyu.
Ganyu waved her hands in denial. "No, no, I'm not afraid of anyone, but…"
Yanfei clarified for me. "We are talking about Ganyu's mother… surrogate mother, to be more precise. She's that type. You know the one." Oh, that type.
I did indeed know the one. "I see." I chuckled for a bit. "Well, how about we go to Inazuma?" My reasons for choosing such an option were due to the prophecy. Kind of. Nothing in the prophecy said I needed to visit Inazuma after getting to Liyue, but…
I needed to make connections with all the nations to one day unite them. Due to being an archipelago though, Inazuma was really hard to reach. We were conveniently in a Liyue Port though, so this seemed like a great chance.
Yanfei raised an eyebrow. "Inazuma…? Are you sure about that, Sweetheart? I won't say it's a bad nation, but… I don't know if they have finished recovering from their civil war just yet." Not exactly a place for tourism then…
As a hero, that shouldn't matter to me of course. The fact that Inazuma needed help meant that I should be helping them. However, my Soulmates didn't need to get dragged down with me. This was my burden, my duty, and my honor. They should just enjoy a nice vacation.
Ganyu chimed in. "It should be fine as long as we stick to Narukami Island though. And I actually know someone who can take us there super fast. We could even arrive in just one day."
Yanfei looked at her as if she was an idiot. "What are you talking about? Unless you're talking about some mystical—"
"I'm talking about Capital Beidou." That quickly shut Yanfei up. "She's currently in Liyue, but she will be making a trip to Inazuma tomorrow, so we could ask to go with her." Ganyu seemed weirdly excited about my idea. "With her ship, I'm sure we could get to Inazuma in a flash!"
Yanfei frowned. "Okay, but tomorrow…? How am I gonna manage to arrange that? Not everyone is jobless, you know?" She crossed her arms. "I bet you just want to get to Inazuma because there's no way Cloud Retainer will be following you all the way there."
"..." Ganyu had been caught. Yanfei figured out her true motivations with no problems. "Um… Okay, but think of it this way. You are talking as if this only concerns me, but do you truly wish for Cloud Retainer to meet my destined one?"
Yanfei relented immediately. "Tomorrow we are going to Inazuma." How scary was Ganyu's mother!?
Ganyu let out a sigh of relief. "Then it's settled…" She sent me a shy look."My destined one, can we contact Captain Beidou after we talk with Mister Zhongli? If you don't mind it?" Of course I don't.
I'm the one who suggested Inazuma in the first place. "Sure. Sounds good to me."
Especially since I actually knew Captain Beidou. I may have hidden my enthusiasm from my two Soulmates, but what kind of guy would not want to meet the Captain of the Crux!? As a prophesied hero, I'm really looking forward to meeting an actual hero!
Maybe I can even recruit her…! I'm supposed to gather one hundred legendary comrades, after all!
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"You are dating two women?" Katheryine narrowed her eyes. "You? As in, you?" Yes. Why was she talking like that?
The grin on my face could probably split a planet in half. "Well, I don't like to brag, but…" But I had spent quite a few minutes bragging. As soon as I saw Katheryne, I decided I just needed to tell her everything that had happened.
Which was actually kind of stupid of course. First of all, it could get Yanfei and Ganyu into trouble. Second of all, Katheryne was a lady, she didn't want to hear this. Third of all, it was just rude to brag about sexual matters in general. Still, give me a break! I just lost my virginity!
I wish I had a male friend I could brag to.
Katheryne glared at me. "I'd like to say you're lying, but…" She slowly shifted her gaze to Ganyu.
Ganyu who was blushing bright red and covering her face while her body trembled in embarrassment. And yet, despite all that, she wasn't correcting my story at all, in fact she seemed strangely happy to hear me bragging about it.
Katheryne let out a long sigh. "I guess it must be true." Yes! She had accepted it! "Well, I'm going to call the Millelith now. Please wait for a bit."
"Why though?" I raised an eyebrow.
Meanwhile, Ganyu went from embarrassing, to panicking. "Please don't!"
Katheryne ignored my Soulmate, and looked at me as if I was an idiot. "Isn't it obvious? How old do you think this Adepti is? I'm just following the law over here." Ah, right. So I did cause trouble by bragging.
I bowed. "Please don't arrest my Ganyu! Sure, she may be old…! But like, for an Adepti she's young! Probably!"
Katheryne hummed. "Really now…? How old do you think your Ganyu is?" I hadn't actually thought much about it.
She was older than Yanfei for sure, and she was already worrying about how she would outlive me. So I knew she was definitely much older than any human being could become. With that said, I am also pretty sure Madame Ping is an Adepti, and she looks super old, while Ganyu looks super hot. Which means Ganyu is younger than her. Not that it matters when I don't know how old Madame Ping is.
So I try firing a random answer that seems appropriate. "She's like… two to three hundred years old?" From behind me, I heard Ganyu letting out a whimper. So I aimed too high? I had to apologize for that later, no woman liked being called old.
Katheryne snorted. "Two to three hundred? That's your guess?" And she soon started fully on laughing. "You're way off the mark, she's more on the side of—
Ganyu interjected, sounding like the most depressed woman in the world. "Please don't tell him. I'll go with the Millelith without struggling, so please let me keep some of my dignity." Wait… Did I aim too low?
Well, there was no need for her to act so embarrassed over that. Even if Ganyu was four hundred years old, or five hundred or whatever, I still won't bully her over it. I'll call her a hag in my mind though, because that's hot. It's an affectionate way of referring to my second Soulmate.
After a bit, Katheryne stopped laughing. "Don't worry, I won't tell him." But now I'm kind of curious! "And I won't be calling the Millelith either. I was just joking. I don't want to cross the Adepti like that." So this was not done out of morality, but due to fear. Yikes.
She continued. "I must say though, I'm surprised you're wasting your time here, Miss Ganyu. From what I understand, you're a busy woman. I always see you running around everywhere."
Ganyu put a hand on her chest. "Yes, but I quit yesterday. Because I want to spend every moment possible with my boyfriend." How adorable! Even though this change only happened because Yanfei bullied her into it.
"You quit for that…?" Katheryne seemed stunned. "Adepti are truly terrifying…" Terrifyingly amazing. "Anyways, do you wish to join the Adventurers' Guild then, Miss Ganyu?" A great idea! I was thinking the same thing! This way we could be adventuring buddies!
"Um…" But Ganyu actually seemed a bit hesitant.
So I tried encouraging her. "Go ahead, it's going to be tons of fun!" I stop myself, remembering something. "Though maybe you should register after our trip, 'cause there's an entrance exam." What a shame, I had completely forgotten that.
Katheryne grinned. "Sorry hero, but Ganyu doesn't need to worry about an entrance exam. When it comes to people like her, they can join at any time and immediately reach the high rankings. We wouldn't want to waste her time, after all." My Soulmate would immediately surpass me!
And here I thought I could be the cool senior for a little bit…
Ganyu finally spoke up. "I… I won't be joining the Adventurers' Guild." Huh!? "I came here to be my destined one's loyal girlfriend, not his co-worker. So while I'm flattered by the offer, I will be passing."
Katheryne's jaw hit the floor. "Woah, you're one of those girls who playboys run circles around, huh?" Yes, but lucky for her I'm not a playboy. My two women are all I need.
"Miss Katheryne…!" That comment was enough to make Ganyu a blushing mess.
Katheryne chuckled. "Heh, I guess if nothing else, someone other than me can finally read the pamphlets for our little hero. Or who knows, maybe this girlfriend can even teach her boyfriend how to read." Why did she have to mention that!?
"My destined one doesn't know how to read!?"
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"Osmanthus wine… a fine choice for a gift. I am very grateful, thank goodness." Oh, he liked it. Thank goodness.
Both Ganyu and I were very scared that he would reject our gift, since we knew very little about the man, we didn't know what to pick. Going with alcohol seemed like a safe choice, but there were people who didn't drink at all. In the end though, it seems to have worked out.
Oh, and Ganyu was the one who paid for the wine. I would say I feel ashamed of it, but I imagine she's not exactly struggling for money, considering how easily she quit her job. So it's whatever.
I bowed. "It's only fair that we gave you something after you helped so much. Sorry if we are disturbing your work though, now that we gave you the wine we are going to scamper off." Ganyu and I wouldn't want to cause troubles in a funeral parlor of all places.
He waved us off. "Nonsese, have a sit with me. Wine tastes far better with company."
Ganyu shyly raised a finger. "While we don't mind joining you, my destined one is a bit too young to drink wine…" I was inside this woman not too long ago, and this is what she raises concern about!?
Zhongli chuckled. "It's no issue, one cup has never hurt anyone." He looked at me. "If you feel comfortable with it of course. Finding another drink for you would not be difficult."
I sent him a thumbs up. "It should be okay. So there's no need to go through trouble." Especially since we came here to thank him for his help. Giving him work to do would just not be right.
Ganyu crossed her arms. "One cup. No more than that." What was she, my grandma!? Because if so, ew!
We all sat down, and Zhongli began pouring wine for us. There were plenty of cups to drink from in the Wangshu Funeral Parlor, because apparently coffee was half the reason they still existed in the first place. Though I guess that went for pretty much any workplace in Teyvat.
A smiling Zhongli asked. "So, I assume things have been going well since last night?"
Ganyu blushed and looked down. "Yes, and… I have even come to accept that Yanfei is needed. I think with only myself I would have failed to satisfy— I-I mean, yes. Things are going well." What was she talking about?
He tilted his head. "Hmmm? I see." He was as lost as me. "Now to a more important matter, have you given up on quitting your job, Ganyu?" This was the important matter!?
Ganyu nodded. "I have not. In fact, I quit last night. From now on I'm dedicating everything to my destined one."
He took a sip of the wine— He downed his whole cup of wine. "Then I wish you great happiness. I am curious however, you are quite well known for being extremely competent amongst Liyue's circus. I fail to believe your employers just let you go without a fight."
Ganyu pouted. "Well, actually… I think I may not have been as liked as I thought." Huh? "Everyone just kept saying it was about time, so maybe they thought I was annoying…" Liyue must be destroyed.
But before that, I must comfort my Soulmate. "I'm sure those guys were just mad because they couldn't keep up with you. You're pretty amazing, Ganyu." I knew because I had seen her working. On my dick of course, but still.
She sighed. "I sure hope that is the case…"
Zhongli interjected. "I'm sure it was. I'm actually pleasantly surprised, instead of clinging onto the sweet past, they took it as a blessing akin to a friend finally escaping from his addiction to the bottle." Ah, with how much of a workaholic Ganyu seemed to be, that made sense.
Ganyu definitely didn't understand though, crunching her eyebrows together. "What sort of analogy—" But she was interrupted.
A whole other person entered the room. She immediately began shouting as if she owned the place. "Hey Zhongli, you're getting drunk without me!? And during the day!? Has your rebellious phase come?" I was frozen, because this woman… she was…
She was…! I mean, there was no way, right!?
Zhongli waved at her. "Hello director. I am not getting drunk, instead I'm simply spending some time with a few friends of mine. You are welcome to join us, of course."
"I'll join! By the way, can we talk about how one of your friends is an Adepti?" She pointed at Ganyu's horns. "Definitely doesn't say anything about you, huh? My little slave consultant?"
Zhongli looked away. "Think nothing of it." He motioned to her. "Anyhow, allow me to introduce the director of Wangshu Funeral Parlor, Hu Tao. As you can see, she is quite the free spirit, but she is dependable when it counts."
"So I'm not dependable the rest of the time?"
Ganyu waved at her. "It's nice to meet you, Miss Hu Tao. My name is Ganyu—"
"Oh, I know who you are. Everybody who lives in Liyue Harbor does." She shifted her gaze to me. "What I want to know is who is this—"
"You look like my grandma! Why!?" I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Well, she didn't look exactly like my grandma, but the similarities were creeping me out! I mean, my grandma was old and wrinkly of course, but this Hu Tao girl looked like a younger version of her! It was like my grandma had used her weird ability to change form and come to stalk me! I didn't like this! I didn't like it one bit!
And then, after my outburst, our eyes met.
A shock ran through my body. A shock that I really couldn't confuse for anything else. And at that moment, I felt as if my grandma had somehow raised a completely separate family without my knowledge, just so I may one day meet them and get weirded out.
She shook her head. "Nuh-uh. Please think of this as your grandma looking like me, not me looking like your grandma." Was there a difference!? Did the difference matter!? "I'm young and pretty and available you know? Not at all like an old lady. Overall, I would say I'm pretty attractive right?"
I do not know how to confront this matter. I'm choosing to erase this grandma connection from my heart.
This girl is my Soulmate! My third Soulmate somehow! It's…! Wait… The Prophesied Hero was supposed to have one hundred companions. One hundred legendary companions that were supposed to help the Prophesied Hero defeat THEM.
So… could someone have one hundred Soulmates?
One hundred girls, constantly demanding attention, and possibly fighting against one another. Peace would never exist. It was an impossible challenge… And a hero was supposed to take on impossible challenges! Was supposed to shoulder the weight of the world! I am ready for this!
I raise my hands to the sky. "I am the Prophesied Hero!" And declare the obvious once again.
Having sex with two girls at the same time was awesome. I couldn't wait to do so with one hundred. I could do it. I am the hero.
Ganyu gasped. "This again!? I had totally forgotten about it!" I couldn't blame her, things had gotten pretty chaotic afterwards. "Wait, don't tell me she is…" She glared at Hu Tao.
And Zhongli, joining together Hu Tao's words, and Ganyu's reaction, put the pieces together. His eyes widened in shock. "She's…!? That's impossible!"
And Hu Tao just clasped her hands together and bowed. "Yes, yes, she is very sorry to have interrupted this secret Adepti meeting. Can you three please remove this weird curse now? Or can the Adepti over there at least shift into an adult form? This is doing weird things to my tastes." This weird curse…?
Right, Ganyu and Yanfei were Adepti, that's why they knew about Soulmates. Hu Tao must be completely lost right now.
So basically, in this room containing four people, three were confused, and one was elated. Just the type of mood that should be created when someone who reminded me of my Grandma showed up.
