FakeKing
patreon
My Life Turned Into A Chuunige VN 16
🕑 Added 2025-06-23 19:10:57 +0000 UTC“Senpai, you’re okay!” Sakura ran up to Shirou, engulfing him in a hug.
At that moment, Shinsuke wondered if Saber would get mad at him if he ordered Archer to fill the Fake Janitor with holes. Naturally, in such a situation he was one hundred percent sure Nobunaga would approve, so he didn’t even bother thinking about her.
Well, in the end he decided to not off Shirou. Mostly because he had his own welcoming ritual in store.
That welcoming ritual would come from the group’s token loli, of course. “You’re okay huh? Good, but this is what you get for being so stupid.” Illya pointed at him, clearly mocking his idiocy.
Shinsuke put a hand on his neck. “Yeah, sorry. I’ll never listen to Shirou’s plans ever again. Ever.” He would like to say he wouldn’t let his own impulsivity mess with his chances of staying alive as well, but that was clearly not in the cards.
Shirou escaped from Sakura’s hug, only so that he could glare at Shinsuke. “Hey, it wasn’t my plan. It was our plan.”
“Don’t try to pull me into your communist fantasies.” Shinsuke huffed. “That aside, we have a lot to talk about.” He shifted his gaze to Illya. “Things have changed, and I think I might need your help.”
Illya raised an eyebrow. “I imagine it involves the sword you’re carrying around, and the woman Saber is barely holding herself from killing?” It was a bit insane that he just showed up with a second Servant.
Shinsuke chuckled. “It’s been a long night.” He couldn’t wait to go to sleep.
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
They had moved inside of the house, and Shinsuke had quickly explained the situation as best as he could, with Caster occasionally chiming in to give more details.
Though funnily enough, Illya didn’t seem to be paying much attention to it. Instead she was focused on something else. “Honestly, what’s wrong with you…?” And that something else was his hands.
They were finally getting treated after all the damage that sword had caused to them. It wasn’t bad enough to where bone was showing, but his palms had definitely been nicely barbecued. Shinsuke imagined that were it not for his Oni heritage, he would be crying in pain right now.
Shinsuke blushed. “Sorry, but I didn’t want to stand still during the fight, and the sword seemed like a nice opportunity to do something useful. Not that I actually managed to pull it off.” Well, it did distract Gilgamesh for a little bit. That was something.
Illya sighed. “Whatever, just be careful with that thing. It must have been some sort of curse imbued with it, because it’s affecting my healing.”
Archer interjected, sounding worried. At this point she considered her Master a comrade, so him dying from some random sword would be a shame. “Is it really a curse? I’m swinging this thing around just fine.”
Typically Archer used her own sword, but… well, that sword was just a sword, so she had confiscated Shinsuke’s sword for herself. She couldn’t activate this nameless Noble Phantasm, but it was still an improvement, so she would shamelessly take it from her Master.
At the end of things, Oda Nobunaga was greedy, because she was Oda Nobunaga.
Illya shrugged. “It might be because you’re a Servant, I don’t know. Stab Emiya with it, and let’s test it.”
Archer actually considered the idea for a moment.
That’s it. There was no other thing to add. Archer genuinely considered killing the brat right here and now. Though that wasn’t anything new, Archer spent most of her time either thinking about how war was cool, how her Master was cool, or how she wanted to kill Shirou Emiya.
Due to this, Shirou Emiya had evolved a unique survival instinct, one that made him think about how he didn’t want to be killed by Archer specifically. “Don’t even joke about that, she might take it seriously…”
Illya ignored him, and shifted her attention to the one person who could actually know something about the weapon. “So Caster, do you have any comments to make about that sword?”
Everyone was glaring at the witch… with the exception of Shinsuke, of course. As far as the group was concerned, she was a ticking time bomb, one who had already bared her fangs at them before. The only reason she was still breathing was due to how she could be useful.
That oppressive atmosphere brought nostalgic memories to Medea. “I can’t know what the sword does without careful inspection, and I doubt Archer would hand me her Master’s precious little toy.”
Archer raised a hand. “It’s mine now, actually.”
Shinsuke pouted, there was no way he could accept that. “Since when!?”
“Since I decided that it should be. Don’t complain about it, it's a big sister privilege at work.” An unbreakable argument.
“Fine…” Shinsuke sighed. “So since I doubt I can get Archer’s approval about lending the sword, let’s go to the actual important topic: The Holy Grail War. Anything you want to tell us about it, Illya?”
The girl shrugged. “Not really. I understand where this apprehension comes from, but so far the Holy Grail War seems to have progressed normally… except, well… Gilgamesh hasn’t returned to the Holy Grail. That is indeed worrying.”
That’s right, Herakles still slumbered within her, and so did another Servant who had been eliminated during this night. Presumably the Assassin who had been Medea’s ally. However, GIlgamesh himself had not entered the Grail. Illya was sure she would have felt the weight of such a Heroic Spirit immediately, so she wasn’t mistaken.
“Hmmm…” Shinsuke hummed. “I have a few theories about that.” Maybe Gilgamesh was still alive? That would explain why his sword hadn’t disappeared. Though that was hard to accept, when Shinsuke had seen what had happened to the King of Heroes first hand. “How can you tell who has entered the Grail though?”
Her information was worrying. Shinsuke was already struggling to fill the Grail as it was, so he couldn’t let Gilgamesh’s death go in vain.
Illya suddenly looked away. “Let’s just say it’s something I can tell due to my family’s position.” Ah, so she had some special tool due to being an Einzbern or something? “That aside, what are your plans regarding this Grail issue?”
“I plan on doing some detective work. It’s annoying but…” He put a hand on his chin. “I think I might even know where to start.” That would be for tomorrow however.
Right now, Shinsuke Yamaguchi just wanted to go to sleep already. He was exhausted.
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
It was a mess of noise.
Everyone had called him a fool, but he didn’t care— He decided to draw the sword in the end, because— A nice and calm life with his family, only occasionally would he need to shed blood— He had never left the island, but one day, suddenly he— Had he even existed in the first place?
It was a mess of images, a cracked television.
He shouldn’t take pleasure in the act, he shouldn’t, he shouldn’t— He had fallen in love at first sight, no he had fallen in love— Had he even existed in the first place—? The people, they were suffering— Take, take, take, he wanted to take it all.
A mess. A melting wall of information. No human brain could take it, so it was better to shut it off and leave it for another day. Stop trying to process it all, and turn it off. Turn off the television before you crack too.
Blood, blood, blood, was it sinful to take pleasure in self-defense—? Had he even existed in the first place—? With a bit of luck, and with a bit of planning, becoming a demon was— Slash, stab, here and there, without any hint of regret, it had always been his nature— Soon, he would see war.
This was without a doubt madness.
Not human madness, that had its own logic, as twisted as it could be. That could be processed and understood, one only needed to shift how they saw their world. This was different, just genuine, incomprehensible madness.
It didn’t matter what angle he looked at it, it would never make any sense. It was gibberish, loud and annoying and senseless and— Surely, at that point it was better to just look away and forget about this mess?
The start was easy, they underestimated him, as usual— The biggest sin one could commit, to kill one’s own—
Flowers.
“Hah!?” Shinsuke suddenly felt himself falling on a field of flowers. Not that he cared much, instead, he completely focused on working through the pain that was assaulting his brain. “Is this what they call tsundere!? Gimme a break!?”
“Is that really your reaction to what happened!?” The Mage of Flowers was appalled. Had he called a weirdo over here!? He himself was a weirdo, so two would be bad news!
Shinsuke slowly began getting up. “Well, what else could it be called?” He looked at the man. “So, who are you anyways? A second Caster or something?” Maybe this whole thing had been an enemy attack?
That wouldn’t be good of course, but Shinsuke felt that couldn’t be right. There had been too much vulnerability in that broken Television.
The Mage chuckled. “I would have called it a nightmare of the greatest proportions, but maybe that’s just because I’m scared of human connection.” He waved at the boy. “Anyways, I’m not a Caster, since… I’m still alive!” He raised his hands at the end, trying to make a big show.
“An enemy Master then?”
“Nah, I did think about joining the war, but at the end of things I’m just an observer, so I sat out.” He bowed. “Allow me to introduce myself, I am Merlin, the Mage of Flowers.”
Shinsuke gasped. “Artoria’s teacher!?”
Merlin gave him a thumbs up. “The very same. As a fellow demon, it’s nice to meet you.”
“A fellow demon, huh…” Right, Merlin was supposed to be an incubus or something. “So, what did you come here for?”
“To help you, of course.” Merlin’s ever present smile disappeared for a moment. “You didn’t look away from that dream for some reason, so I had to interfere, otherwise you would have ended up as something… Well, you would probably have lost your mind. Seriously, couldn’t you have just woken up? Don’t you have any preservation instincts?”
Shinsuke shrugged. “I knew it was just my heroines being tsun, so as the hero, I couldn’t run away from this.” Even if he didn’t know why he felt that way. It was more instinct than anything else.
Merlin tilted his head. “If you say so. Do you even understand what was going on with you though?”
Shinsuke put a hand on his chin. “I was… living their lives. The lives of some girls I like.” This had to be the coins' fault. Just like most problems with his life… and most blessings too.
Merlin nodded. “Surprisingly, you’re more or less right. Due to a connection between Master and Servant, you were experiencing the life of your Servant… Except you didn’t just live through the life of your Archer, but of many other Servants as well.”
Yep, this was all definitely due to the coin. “Ah? Really? That’s super weird. How could such a crazy thing happen?” Nonetheless, he faked being unaware.
Alas, he was really bad at it, Merlin could definitely see through. “Uhum. Uhum.” Still, the Mage of Flowers played along. “I have to say though, typically Servant Dreams wouldn’t be this dangerous, what you experienced is something pretty unique. An ugly amalgamation of feelings that no human could comprehend.”
He continued. “It must be because of what you are. A demon boy can’t just connect his destiny with the Gorgon, the Demon King of the Sixth Heaven, the Once and Future King, the Witch of Colchis, and a Counter Guardian, without experiencing weird things, I suppose.”
Merlin scratched his cheeks. “And that’s not even mentioning the other girls… Sakura Matou with a demon is especially bad. What a troublesome girl.” Eh? What was wrong with Sakura?
Besides Shirou’s existence, that is. Ignoring the redhead’s existence, however…
With the way Merlin talked about it, he definitely knew of the coins, at least somewhat. Much like Gilgamesh. Not that such information surprised Shinsuke, and neither did suddenly getting his dream invaded or whatever. This was Merlin of all people after all.
Shinsuke crossed his arms. “What do you mean? Is there something dangerous about that? Besides the obvious, I mean?”
Merlin nodded. “Of course, in this world you can’t just talk with a hero and assume it’s over after that. As an example, let’s say someone killed a dragon, and did nothing else. From that moment forth, their classification changes from human to human dragonslayer.”
The mage raised a finger. “Right now, you shifted your classification from normal boy, to demon who’s destined to be with the Once and Future King… and the Gorgon… and— You get the idea at this point. You went from small and light, to small and heavy, someone who is conceptually heavy, So don’t expect to live a normal life.”
A weak smile appeared on Shinsuke’s face. “I already gave up on that anyways, it's how I finished my own tsundere phase. Thanks for the warning, though.” This Merlin guy was being pretty helpful, all things considered. “So, am I gonna have those weird dreams forever?”
Merlin shook his head. “No, I imagine you will adapt to them eventually… As a favour though, from here on out, I’ll organize something for you. I feel for you after all, as a fellow womanizer.” Ah, what a good guy! “Though the difference is that I get laid.” Ah! What a bad guy!
One day that would change though! One day Shinsuke would reach this man’s level. “Just you wait…! Once this war is over, I’ll definitely lose my virginity! Maybe even before, if I get lucky!”
“Good luck!” For a moment, it seemed Merlin was about to laugh. He stopped himself however, and made a serious face. “By the way, I’m not helping you for free. There’s a cost attached to it.”
“I’m not lending you any of my future girlfriends. I’m not that type of guy.”
“While I do enjoy NTR, I wouldn’t stick my head into that mess even if the planet ordered me too.” Clearly this man had reached a level of shamelessness that Shinsuke couldn’t even imagine. “I’m actually talking about your heritage, one as an Oni, I mean. I need you to try and… not tempt your demon blood.”
“I don’t mind that, even if I don’t really understand what it means, but…” Shinsuke sighed. “My Oni Blood is pretty weak, you know? I don’t actually get any cool things from it.”
“That may be the case, but remember that you are now conceptually heavy. So who knows what can happen.” Merlin winked at him. “Being evil is fine, but do try and avoid becoming an enemy of humanity, you might stay a virgin forever if you do.” Scary! “Though then again, I guess some of the women you are connected to wouldn’t mind helping even if you did become one. Scary!” It seemed Merlin had reached his own realization.
Shinsuke felt like today he had met a brother from another mother.
…
The coins were the best. May the coins one day rule this planet and beyond.
There was no way Shinsuke could think of anything else, when he was being attacked by power beyond his wildest imaginations. That is to say, Sakura Matou, who was conceptually heavy (had massive boobs) was sleeping atop of his body.
Illya was also sleeping near him, to his side more accurately, which she was using to hold his hand. Which was nice and all, but… Boobs! Nothing could beat boobs!
“Hah… hah…” The best part was not the boobs though, it was how Sakura was moaning pretty much right next to his ear. Was she having a lewd dream?
Wasn’t this super awkward though!? There were other people here!
After the debacle of last night, they had all decided to sleep in the same room, and that included Shirou Emiya. Archer however, would be in another room, watching over Medea. While Saber would be in the same room as them, in case another Servant tried to do what Caster had done.
Naturally, the fact that Shinsuke had slept with Saber nearby, and his Servant in another room, was a big show of trust. Meanwhile, the fact that the reverse hadn’t happened was a big show of distrust. Not that Shinsuke blamed Shirou and Saber for not trusting Archer.
Shinsuke looked around, and surprisingly, the Fake Janitor wasn’t nearby. Although Saber was, watching them from a chair like a hawk. The moment their eyes met… nothing happened. Which was kind of amazing, considering the current situation with Sakura.
He silently mouthed help, hoping this chivalrous knight would save a princess. That is, him.
Saber didn’t do anything, and her face showed she didn’t know why Shinsuke had thought she could do anything in the first place.
Shinsuke looked back at Sakura… who decided at that moment it was time to let out a special sort of moan. “Yamaguchi-Senpai~” Ah, it was totally a lewd dream.
It was also most definitely the coin at work. He would take his victories where he could find them though.
With a grin, Shinsuke began whispering. “Matou… you need to wake up Matou… You’re too young to get pregnant…” He had no shame, even though Saber was right there.
Actually, the fact that Saber was right there served to strengthen his resolve, seeing as he finally got to see her flustered. Apparently even she had her limits.
Sakura mumbled back. “Who cares…? Just finish inside already…” Her dream must have been amazing. He was glad he got it right with his words—
As Shinsuke had previously learned however, Saber had her limits. “Sakura, get up already!” Having had enough, the Once and Future King leapt out of her chair and commanded the sleeping girl.
The girl naturally woke up, feeling scared for her life. “H-huh?” And then she noticed who she was on top of. “Yamaguchi-Senpai!? W-what are you doing!?"
“I think I’m being assaulted. This world is ruled by perverts.” As if to emphasize that statement, Illya finally took her hand away from his’...
And put it on his crotch, awkwardly moving her arm between his body and Sakura’s. The coins sure were amazing.
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Shinsuke felt like the happiest man alive. He wasn’t even mad at Shirou anymore, so he could enjoy the man’s breakfast without any shame. And apparently that’s why the Fake Janitor hadn’t been there, he had been preparing food for anyone.
What a cuck! While he cooked, Shinsuke enjoyed his girl’s body—! That’s what he wanted to scream to the heavens, but even he understood such behavior befitted only a lunatic.
Though Shinsuke was happy, that didn’t apply to everyone else. Sakura, Illya, and Saber were all naturally embarrassed, while Medea was terrified due to obvious reasons… Well, Archer was happy, since her Master was happy too.
While Shirou was just frustrated. “You know, this is why I was against everyone sleeping together…”
The joke was on him, if Shinsuke had known this would be the result of them sleeping in the same room, he would have supported it from the beginning. Hopefully next time he would get to feel a different girl’s body!
Illya huffed. “Let’s just forget about it, this is not a big deal at all.” Her eyes never left her hand. That hand. The sacred hand. “We aren’t children, there is no reason to get embarrassed.” She was embarrassed.
Archer pouted. “Geez, I wish I could have the option of forgetting about it, but I wasn’t even there in the first place. How unfair.” She glared at Medea. “Instead I had to spend all the night chatting with this boring housewife in the making.”
Since they had spent the entire night together, it was only natural they were forced into talking about nonsense with each other. Archer had not enjoyed it, but she sure had learned a lot about Caster.
Medea rolled her eyes. “Ugh, I do not need the approval of a warlord about who I am.”
Shinsuke almost jumped out of his chair. “You won’t deny being a housewife!?” Had he made some amazing progress without knowing!?
“I deny speaking with you at all.” Maybe not.
For the moment though, Shinsuke should probably focus on more important things. “Ah… I see… Anyways, I’ll be needing your help, Caster. And yours too, Shirou, Saber.” It went without saying that Archer’s help would be needed too.
Shirou’s eyes widened. “Are you finally going to talk about your plan from yesterday? That’s good. We need to finish this quickly before a certain tiger approaches…”
Sakura looked down. “What are we going to do if she just suddenly appears, Senpai?”
Shirou sighed. “I’ll figure something out, but the reason why I got up so early to make breakfast today was to get this over with as fast as possible, so let’s get down to business. What’s the plan, Yamaguchi?”
Yamaguchi raised a finger. “The plan is simple, we go to the church and bully whatever priest is there. This is just a guess, but he… or she, might know something or another about what’s wrong with the Holy Grail.” At first he had avoided those guys, because they would be clearly troublesome, but now it was time to question them.
It was about as good as any for the start of an investigation.
Shirou didn’t understand anything he said though. “Wait a second there, what the hell do you mean by bullying a priest?”
Shinsuke cleared his throat. “Well… um… I guess I never told you, huh?” In his defense, neither did Illya. “Here’s the gist of it, all Masters are supposed to register as competitors at the church. I avoided it though, since I don’t trust those guys.”
Shirou hit the table. “What do you mean, you avoided it!?”
Shinsuke shrugged. “Haven’t you ever played a JRPG, Emiya? The church is always evil.”
“Life isn’t a JRPG!”
“...” Where did Shinsuke even start?
Before he had the chance to, Saber interjected. “Shinsuke eccentricities aside…” In another world, he would have been one of her knights. One of her very annoying knights. “The church is as good a place as any to start this investigation. Let us move posthaste.”
Shirou winced. “Right… shouldn’t we do that at night though? It’s war stuff, after all…”
Saber shook her head. “Masters and Servants are recommended to not fight during the day to keep the secrecy of the Holy Grail War, but nothing prevents us from acting during the day.”
Shinsuke raised a hand. “Basically, it would be a waste to do nothing until night arose. I mean, even if it was against the rules, rules are meant to be broken. Archer and I took out a Servant during the day, ya know?”
Illya glared at him. “Something which I would not like to be reminded of.” First the issue with Heracles, and now the issue of her tainted hand. Would her humiliations never cease?
Shirou put a hand on the back of his neck. “I get all of that, but… Sakura and I have school soon, so we need to get ready for it, and stuff.”
Shinsuke looked at him as if he was an alien. “Dude, aren’t I supposed to be the idiot here? Screw school, we are in the middle of a magical war.” He couldn’t believe Shirou had even been thinking about that.
Maybe it was because Shinsuke himself had pretty much shelved his normal life for now, but he couldn’t understand the Fake Janitor. There was no doubt his parents would have his hide once the war was over of course, but Shinsuke would worry about that after he actually survived the war in the first place.
Shirou looked away. “Yeah, but… I can’t just skip school.”
Saber let out a long groan. “Master, Shinsuke is supposed to be the idiot here.” Oi. “Do not make a big deal of this as you once did with the issue of our sleeping accommodations, let’s go to the church.”
“No.” The Fake Janitor was fearless. “You can go with them, though. I don’t mind.”
Saber scoweld. “As if I would let you be defenseless! Fool!”
Shirou put on an awkward smile. “I’m going to the school, a place full of people, during the day. There’s not gonna be any attacks, Saber. And you can’t follow me, people would…” He blushed. “Let’s just say explaining why you’re following me would be troublesome to everyone.”
Medea interjected. “You all really are headless chickens… Boy, do you not know what an astral form is?”
“Um… no?” He immediately sent a look of concussion towards Shinsuke, the VN Protagonist had more or less been acting as his war mentor after all.
Shinsuke quickly explained. “Servants are ghosts, kind of, so they can become intangible and invisible and stuff.” It was pretty cool.
“Oh, I guess I would be fine with Saber following me that way.” That sounded just fine for the Fake Janitor.
“Um…” Suddenly Saber seemed embarrassed. “Master, there is something I must inform you about...”
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Sakura and Shirou had headed to school. The latter had to be insane.
Illya, Saber, Archer, Caster, and Shinsuke were heading to the church. The latter was most definitely insane.
The reason why Saber was following the last group was simple. She could not go all ghosty and follow Shirou to school, for some reason nobody understood. Something must have gone wrong with the ritual. Which was probably Illya’s fault, but Shinsuke preferred to think the Fake Janitor was just incompetent.
Not that Shinsuke cared about any of that, after all… Until he arrived at the church, this was basically a date! A date with multiple women!
It was an opportunity that could not be wasted! May his coins bless him!
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
AN: What is scarier, talking with Kirei, or this mess of a JRPG party? Probably the latter.
Comments
Kaustrios
Ah, Fou would shudder at the thought that Merlin finally found a kindred spirit. Also, potential Crimson Red Vermillion Shin? Scary! Kirei might find a kindred spirit too, crushing Gilgamesh's spirit is the achievement of all times.
