FakeKing
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100 Catfighters 8
🕑 Added 2025-07-23 01:30:31 +0000 UTCAN: This is a repost because the original one got hit with a death beam. Normally I would just repost this as a pdf (or maybe not repost it at all, seeing as this chapter is available for everyone on qq). but I want to test something. I think the og chapter was banned due to the use of a certain word that starts with K, presumably because a AI found it and immediately murdered the chapter for it. I assume this, because the chapter where actual eroge stuff happened is still up just fine.
So yeah, if this gets taken down again I'm probably just gonna leave it down. If it doesn't, great.
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"Excuse me…?" Ganyu approached one of the sailors.
After our group passed through Yanfei's house to drop Hu Tao's stuff, we decided that before taking another quest, we should go looking for Beidou. We were already bothering the legendary captain at the last minute, so we should make sure it wasn't at the last second too.
The sailor waved at her. "Hello! It's nice to see you, Lady Ganyu!"
"It's nice to see you too, Kazuha." So these two knew each other? That didn't surprise me. Ganyu was acquainted with Beidou, so it was expected that he would know her crew too.
With that said, this guy… He was so cool! Since he was part of Beidou's crew, he was like a legend too! A mini-legend, but every hero needed its party, and he just happened to be on Beidou's party. And he carried a sword… I wonder if I could ask him to give me some swordsmanship instructions during the trip!
Well, the trip was going to be super short, since the ship was so fast, but even one day of learning the blade from a legend could make a big difference. I bet this guy was insanely skilled when compared to my own airhead of a sword teacher!
He cleared his throat. "So, pleasantries aside…?" He stole a glance at me. "And who those two are?" He was talking about me and Hu Tao of course.
Immediately I tried straightening myself up, so I wouldn't look like a lame fanboy. Hu Tao though, wasn't even trying, she was shaking in excitement even. Apparently she was just as much of a fan of The Crux as me.
Ganyu motioned towards me. "He's my destined one— a good friend of mine!" She sputtered. But quickly recovered and motioned towards my third Soulmate, her face immediately souring. "And this is Hu Tao, director of the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor. She's my boyfriend's girlfriend…"
"Um, excuse me?" Oh no, Ganyu let a dangerous piece of information slip out.
So I tried stepping in to save her. "She said Hu Tao is my amazing girlfriend. Ganyu is also my amazing girlfriend. Oh, and I'm also dating this amazing girl named Yanfei." I didn't help at all! Upon spotting a cool guy, I immediately instinctually bragged!
"..." Kazuha was looking at me in silence.
Hu Tao raised a finger. "Since I came in third, I homewrecked two people. Don't you think that makes me more amazing than the other two?" Was that the gimmick she wanted? She was playing a dangerous game here.
And then, Kazuha snorted. "I see you made some funny friends, Lady Ganyu. I admit, I was taken back for a second." Oh, he took it all as just a funny joke. Good.
Ganyu quickly jumped on the opportunity. "Yes, they're just joking around. Sorry if it came out a bit too extreme, but Hu Tao never knows when to hold back…" She wasn't going to blame me too? How sweet. Way too sweet.
Kazuha chuckled. "It's fine, trust me, I've heard way worse from the sailors. Way, way worse." He looked pretty traumatized. Since every sailor here was a minor hero, they all probably had some minor craziness to them.
Still, I had to correct something. "It's not a joke, they're all dating me." Actually, I didn't need to correct that at all, and yet I still did it.
Ganyu covered her face. "Okay, I admit it! It's not a joke. We really are all dating him…!" I'm sorry my beloved fatass goat, once I reach a certain age you will graduate from being a criminal. Please work hard.
I guess I just don't like hiding that I love these women. Sue me. Seriously, focus all your anger on me and not them, because they will be arrested.
Hu Tao hugged me from behind. "Ah, there's just a certain charm about him, you know? A certain, soul pulling charm." I understand what she was going for, but soul pulling sounded scary.
That aside, due to her method of attack, I could feel her chest right now. Except also not really, because she didn't have much of a chest in the first place. This contrast is what one could call true beauty.
"I'll take your word for it." Kazuha was still smiling. How? "So, what are you guys here for?" Had he just chosen to ignore our existence? Or perhaps he had seen worse in his travels than this? Either way, he looked like even more of a hero to me.
Ganyu was confused by it, but she accepted it with no reservations. "We are here to talk with Captain Beidou. I know this is coming at the last moment, but we would like to ask her if we could go to Inazuma with her."
Kazuha titled his head. "You and your other two companions?"
Ganyu shook her head. "No, there's also another woman. I'm her boyfriend's girlfriend." So we were really establishing power levels by how many people one had accidentally cucked?
There was no cucking to be had though! We were all together!
Kazuha nodded. "I see. That should be fine, in fact I imagine Captain Beidou will be all the more happy to have you guys aboard. The more company the better. Though I have to warn you, Miss Ganyu… An Adepti stepping foot in Inazuma might be met with their own forms of power."
"I understand of course, and I will be on my best behavior." She reassured him… but did not mention that it wasn't just one Adepti, but two. "So, we are free to join The Crux?"
Kazuha frowned. "Like I said, I'm sure Captain Beidou will be fine with it, with that said I can't confirm anything right now. And she's not here right now either…"
Ganyu tilted her head. "May I ask where she has gone? If that isn't too much of a bother."
Kazuma hummed. "I guess I'd like it if you guys went out to check on her, actually. Since she was supposed to be back ages ago. Lady Ningguang invited her for lunch in the Jade Chamber, but that was some hours ago. I'm beginning to get worried."
Ganyu narrowed her eyes. "Hmm… I see, I can still easily go there, so it shouldn't pose an issue." She lightly bowed. "Thank you very much for helping us, and overlooking our… situation."
He waved us off. "It's totally alright. And hey, I'm not about to judge. This… polyamorus situation is strange, but as long as you're happy… And this is not the first time I've seen a woman date a guy who looks younger than his age either." Oh, so that's how he had coped.
Truly the might of a hero.
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The Jade Chamber. I had seen it from afar before, but once my delusions of being the Prophesied Hero died, I became sure that I would never set foot upon it.
And yet, here I was. Ready to ask the legendary Captain of the Crux if I could take a trip on her ship. I was also probably going to meet Ningguan of the Liyue Qixing. I wasn't too much of a fan of politics, but she was a legend in her own way,
So it went without saying that I had stars on my eyes. I couldn't wait to meet one of Liyue's most amazing heroes, and one of Liyue's most intelligent women. Seriously, people stabbed each other in alleyways to get the pieces of paper Ningguang just casually threw out of the chamber!
And it was kind of nasty that she was still doing that, considering it was both littering and caused stabbings in the first place, but still…!
"Hehehehe…" And I wasn't the only one with stars on my eyes. Hu Tao was giggling like some kind of ferocious creature.
Ganyu glared at her. "Can you please stop that? You have been doing this during our whole ascent…"
Hu Tao grinned. "No. I now know how to get into the Jade Chamber. I now know the password to get into the Jade Chamber." Right, we had to give some guy a password and he took us here. Thankfully Ganyu knew the password.
Ganyu shivered, and clasped her hands together. "I truly hope that they change the password before we come back from the trip." She talked as if Hu Tao couldn't just cause problems before the trip even started.
Still, in an attempt to make my second Soulmate happy, I sent a smile towards Hu Tao. "Please don't cause trouble, okay? If you want to prank people, do it to those who won't arrest us for it." I didn't want to cross Lady Ningguang, not in a million years.
She may not be an Adepti, but these past few months I had learned nothing was more important than Mora, and Ningguang was made out of Mora.
Hu Tao sent me a thumbs up. "Of course, I won't be causing trouble. We will be causing trouble. It's a couple's activity." Welp, I lost. I couldn't resist that.
Ganyu let out a long sigh. "And now you're trying to drag him into it too…" In Hu Tao's defense, I'm very easily dragged into things—
"Lady Ganyu!" Three women suddenly approached us, one shouting. "Have you come here to change your previous decision!? Because if so, we will accept you back immediately!"
Before I could even wonder what decision she had been talking about, Ganyu shook her head. "No, I have no plans of working for the foreseeable future. I just came here to see Captain Beidou… I have some matters to discuss with her, and I have been asked by her crew to check on her as well."
"Oh, that's okay then." The poor woman sounded like a beaten down dog. "I'm confused though, why did you bring the director of the Wushang Funeral Parlor, and your underage boyfriend here?" Well, that's because—
"What!?" Ganyu shouted in surprise, jumping back.
It was only to be expected! How did this woman know that I was dating Ganyu!? I don't think that news had been told to almost anyone just yet, and judging by my second Soulmate's reaction, she hadn't spread gossip around it either.
The woman took a step back. "No need to act so shocked! Of course we know of the director! She is very important to Liyue!" She definitely knew that was not what we were talking about.
Hu Tao glowed. "Oh, I sure am." Oh, she sure was!
Ganyu gritted her teeth. "Forget about it. They came here because of the discussion I wish to have with Captain Beidou. Now, may I go see her, or is she too busy with Lady Ningguang?"
The woman lightly bowed. "You can go see her, but… To be honest, both Lady Ningguang and Captain Beidou aren't in the best of states right now. They have… drunk quite a lot. Far more than I have ever seen Lady Ningguang drink at least."
"Huh?" Ganyu let out a sound of surprise. "I don't think Captain Beidou is the type to drink when she has a long journey ahead tomorrow, and Lady Ningguang would never drink at all so early in the day." Night had indeed yet to fall.
The woman looked away. "Well, Captain Beidou just kind of followed the mood so to speak. And as for Lady Ningguang, you would normally be correct. But due to a big, sudden change in the market of Liyue, she… needed some stress relief."
Ganyu let out a confused hum. "Truly? What has affected the market so much?"
The woman looked right into Ganyu's eyes. "Someone very important to Liyue suddenly left their position without giving any prior notice, so now everyone is running around like headless chickens trying to find a replacement. Apparently she truly was a vital cog to Liyue's development."
Ganyu gasped. "Oh no! Don't tell me Keqing quit!"
"...Please just go in already." That was all she had to say.
So we started to head further into the Jade Chamber. I didn't know how to feel about meeting such important people while drunk, and I wondered if we could even ask Beidou for such a big favor while her mind was not working at its full capacity. Nonetheless, I just followed Ganyu and Hu Tao.
The smell of smoke and alcohol was what greeted us.
"Hah…" The woman with white hair could only be Ningguang. I had never met her before of course, but I had heard other people talking about her appearance. "Why is it so hard to find good helpers, Beidou?" Her voice sounded slurry.
And that, combined with her face and her eyes that were almost closing, showed that Ningguang was, as the other women had said, completely drunk.
The person who could only be Beidou though, looked a lot better. "C'mon, she's one woman! Stop crying about it already!" But while she didn't look as drunk, she definitely looked annoyed. I'm guessing she had been hearing Ningguang complaining for a long time now.
Most importantly though, she looked awesome! She had an eyepatch…! Which was super heroic! I wanted to recruit her into my hero party! I pray to THEM that she's my Soulmate! Actually, Captain Beidou might be too cool for that!
Ningguang took a puff of her pipe. That explained the smell of smoke… "She wasn't just a woman! She was like… one hundred women! It was insane!" Ah, my poor Ganyu definitely had the proportions of one hundred women at least.
Beidou pouted. "With the way you talk about her, it's like she's your ex-lover who left you for someone new. Calm down…" Her voice was so cool! Captain Beidou, please trade voices with me!
Ningguang clicked her tongue. "The worst part is that what you're describing is basically what happened! Ganyu decided to quit her job because she found a young man! A man that's too young in fact!" She sighed. "Such a fool."
Ganyu faked a cough. "Excuse me, but how exactly do you know that Ganyu has left her job for a man?"
Beidou, noticing us, widened her eye in shock and muttered to herself. "Hah… this is about to get messy."
Ningguang didn't even bother looking at Ganyu, but she did answer the question. "You know, children spies. The usual." Children what!? "Children are so reliable… Way more reliable than Ganyu." Seriously, please elaborate on the first part.
Beidou shook her head. "Maybe you should see who you're speaking to before talking."
Ningguang narrowed her eyes, and finally actually looked at us. "Hah…!" She let out a cute shout. "It's a second Ganyu!" She pointed at my Soulmate. "You're hired!"
"..." I feel like Ganyu was losing a lot of respect for this woman.
Hu Tao started poking my shoulder. "Hey, you think we could scam her out of tons of money right now?"
I nodded. "Probably, but once she's sober she's gonna kill you for it." I guess I was witnessing a special event. How many people in Liyue had ever seen the Tianquan looking like such a useless mess?
Hu Tao pouted. "Shame." At least my third Soulmate wasn't suicidal.
Beidou grinned. "So, what are you guys here for? Please tell me it's to take me away from this maddened drunk?" She looked down. "Seriously, normally I'm a maddened drunk. The roles are totally switched here…"
Ganyu recomposed herself. "I'm here to ask you a favor. Though the truth is that I first tried going to the harbor, and then saw Kazuha. He asked me to check if you were okay or not…"
Beidou got up from her chair. "Welp, if he's getting worried then I really should get going. I'm a little bit tipsy, but I can still work like this." She began walking towards us, shaking the most beautiful things I had ever seen. She was bigger than Ganyu…!
Though I, being a gentleman, was keeping my eyes solely on her face. For no reason at all. It's not like I was hoping a certain thing would happen at all. Nope… Please!
While Beidou was leaving, Ningguang tried getting up from her chair as well. "Wait, who am I supposed to complain to if you leave…?" As soon as she got up, she fell down again. Just how drunk was she!?
Beidou snickered. "Don't you have your three stooges for that?" She looked back at us. "Anyways, who are these two, Ganyu?"
Hu Tao raised a hand. "I'm your biggest fan!" Lie!
I raised a hand! "I'm your biggest fan!" Truth!
Beidou snorted. "Nice to hear!" First she looked at Hu Tao, and then she looked at me—
A shock. Yes… "I am the Prophesied Hero…" I silently muttered to myself. You know what? At this point I was living a life that was just way too good. If someone wanted to drown me in misery to balance this out, I would understand.
And my words apparently worked like a ptsd-causing weapon for Ganyu. "No…!" She immediately recognized what had happened. There was no way she wouldn't after the previous incidents.
I am the Prophesied Hero… That was my mating call.
And Beidou had answered it. "Whatta…?" She took a step back, gulping as it all hit her.
Hu Tao wasn't an idiot, she noticed what was going on and narrowed her eyes. "I don't think I'm a fan anymore." If her status had broken so easily, then she had never been my rival in the first place.
That aside, dealing with this would be troublesome. Zhongli wasn't here to meddle with things and help me out. And that was not even mentioning how dealing with Hu Tao had been a battle and a half… one that had literally happened today. I rather doubt Ganyu could handle another incident so soon.
And then, Beidou completely surprised me. She just took a deep breath and acted as if everything was normal. "Prophesied Hero huh? I guess you're at that age. Not a bad attitude to have for an adventurer!" She laughed a little bit. "So are you guys gonna actually introduce yourselves? Beyond saying you're my fans, I mean."
Wait, could it be that I was mistaken. "...I'm—" Maybe I wanted so badly for her to be my Soulmate, that I faked the feeling of the shock.
So I just screamed like a dumbass in front of one of The Captain of the Crux. How cool. When I said I would understand misery being thrown at me, I didn't actually mean that I wanted it, damn it!
Hu Tao took my hesitance to speak up. "He's my Bunbun! That is to say, my boyfriend. I'm Hu Tao by the way. Your breath stinks of alcohol by the way." My third Soulmate was acting pretty aggressive. I think she still thought Beidou was my Soulmate, and I couldn't blame her for it.
My mating call had been rejected though.
Beidou sounded horrified for a moment. "Shit, it does? Of course it does, fuck…!"
I sent her a thumbs up. "It's alright, Captain Beidou! It would be bad if you were some average lady, but a hero doesn't have to worry about stuff like that! In fact, stinking of alcohol makes you cooler!" She may not be my Soulmate, but I still thought she was cool.
"No, no, no. I'm definitely a lady!" Yeah, but not an average one! "I-I mean, I look pretty ladylike, don't I?"
Hu Tao glared at her. "You're a brute. A woman as a sailor? I can only imagine what kind of stuff you got up to while on sea. Are you even a woman?" Geez, I didn't expect something like this from Hu Tao. Where is this mean spirit coming from?
I grinned. "Yeah, and isn't that super cool!? Captain Beidou doesn't need to worry about the stuff a normal woman would! Hygiene? Being ladylike? She's a warrior, not just a woman!" I defended one of my heroes—
"I'm a woman! I'm a woman for sure!" Beidou glared back at Hu Tao. "And watch your mouth, twerp!"
Hu Tao put her tongue out. "At least my mouth isn't stinking right now." There was a certain appeal about a woman who smelled of alcohol you know? My third Soulmate shouldn't underestimate it like that.
Ganyu cleared her throat. "Cut it out, Hu Tao. I don't like this either, but at least Captain Beidou is a very respectful woman." She let out a whimper. "Why a fourth one though…? I know my destined one is amazing, but…" But she wasn't my fourth one.
Beidou crossed her arms. "You don't like this either? Fourth one? What's going on here?" She stole a glance at me. "And I better get a good excuse for why this adult twerp is dating this hunk— this guy. That ain't right." Like a hero, she jumped to protect the innocent.
"You're in love with him, are you not?" Ganyu asked, sounding as cold as ice.
Hu Tao didn't sound happy either. "She totally is. Couldn't I get a bit more time without another one joining?"
"How did you guys know!?" Um? So Captain Beidou was in love with me after all…?
Wait, why didn't she— Right, she didn't know what a Soulmate was. So she probably just tried to act super cool instead of doing anything weird. Something that was easy for her, of course. Which meant I just made a pretty big mistake.
"I actually think you're a pretty womanly woman, my woman." My fourth Soulmate was real…!
And like the cutest little amazing hero of all time, Beidou covered her face to hide a blush. It was an action one would expect from Ganyu. Not from her. I want to cum on her face and put children in her belly.
We were not alone in the Jade Chamber though, there was one drunk woman who had stayed silent so far. "What are you all talking about?" Ningguang had managed to actually get up and walk towards us.
Due to her suddenly moving, it was only natural that I looked at her. And she, of course, looked at me. At that moment, a shock ran through our bodies.
"I am the Prophesied Hero…" I am a millionaire…
"You're hot is what you are…" Ningguang fell to the ground. Apparently she had been so drunk that this shock was enough to make her pass out.
Drinking was dangerous, huh.
