FakeKing
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A Hundred Girlfriends Who Really Love You... In Another World! 36
🕑 Added 2023-12-06 14:57:22 +0000 UTC"Hey buddy!" Ah, I'm here again. Back in that white void, where I lack a body. "Oh, you lucky dog you! You definitely changed, my man!" And if I'm here, he is too course. The supposed Human God.
He waves me off. "Oh, you can just call me Man-God, or Hitogami, or Master of Sex, anything you want really!" What's with the last one!? Also, apparently this guy can read my mind while I'm here...
I scowl, or at least I try to. I have no body after all. "So do you need something? My life has been pretty busy these past few days..." Please say you want nothing... I really don't need more gods messing with my life.
He chuckles. "Geez, look at you complaining about having a good life! I gotta agree with you though, those gods do make watching you pretty hard..." Watching me!? "Eh, don't worry about it, it's for your own good." It's definitely not!
Still... In some ways he's right. "I guess you're right, I have to appreciate them more... By the way, I'm totally snitching about your existence to them." I didn't do it in the first time, since he didn't do anything, but if he insists on talking with me...
He shrugs, that smirk of his never leaves his face. "Feel free. There are tons of human gods roaming around though, so don't be surprised if they don't know who I am." I see, that makes sense, I suppose. "Ah, and the reason why you didn't tell them about me is because our talks are like a dream..." Now there's something that doesn't make sense!
He puts his hands up. "W-wait! Let me explain!" He then laughs. "By the way that's what you're gonna be screaming to Satella eventually, I imagine." Why would I care about the Witch of Envy anyways? She's like... this world's Hitler.
He flinches. "Ouch, that's gonna hurt. Anyways as I was saying... Our talks here are like a dream, you might remember them, specially when the topic comes up, but otherwise they just sort of fade to the back of your mind." So this talk is worth nothing?
He shakes his head, his smile disappearing for once. "Not completely. I mean, you have been in spots of trouble in the past, where my advice about Satella came up, right?" Rarely, but sure, I guess.
He gives me a thumbs up. "See...!? So here's my next piece of advice... Be wary of Lara." Why? She's evil or something? "Not exactly, in fact you should follow her little advice and head to Lugunica eventually. I can only troll clowns and boxes for so long buddy." What's that supposed to mean!?
He laughs. "Don't worry, just remember that... You got a friend in me! If you got troubles, I got them too!" Are you quoting Toy Story!? "When the road looks rough up ahead, and your miles and miles from your nice warm bed, you just remember what you old pal said, you've got a friend in me!" This guy...!
Ah, I'm waking up.
[HR] [/HR]
"Huh!? Why are you wearing your mask again!? Let go of the past NEEThoshi!" And Aqua is already making my head explode. Why did I even come to our language lessons in this state...? I should have just sent Lalatina with a message.
I sigh, this is the worst, Aqua shrieks like a banshee. "Pipe it down, please..." Then again, maybe this is what I deserve for my previous actions. I acted like the worst scumbag imagine yesterday, even worse than usual.
Some people say that being drunk exposes your real self, and I really hope that they are wrong, because... Damn it, molesting my boss!? Having sex in a hallway!? I was acting like a super villain... Makes me think of that guy.
Aqua pouts, tears in the corner of her eyes. "S-so mean...!" Wow, she broke into crying earlier and easier than usual. "This is that bitch's corruption right!? That damn Wolbach took you to her dark basement or something!" That sounds hot...
Nanahoshi snarls, she sounds pissed. "Aqua, Scumbaru is right, please lower your voice..." Even when mad she still tries to be polite to her friend. I wonder how far she is in the yuri route... Wait, Scumbaru!?
She definitely remembers what I did... And in that case I don't! Yep, I'll fake ignorance as much as possible, I like living after all... Man, I wish I could go back in time to strangle Drunkbaru, sadly time travel is not within my reach.
Aqua's lips are trembling, she's gonna make even more noise isn't she? "E-even my Nanahoshi is being mean...! And Scumbaru? What is he? Kazuma?" Oh no, she's going down that line of questioning.
Nanahoshi grits her teeth. "He's far, far worse than that NEET." She then glares at me. "Coward, scum, bastard, piece of...! The point is that you should go back to not being the worst." I was always the worst through your point of view...
And mine too... "Yeah, sorry. I have no idea what happened yesterday." I'll deny 'till the planet explodes. "I apologize for whatever I did though..." I have to at least give her this, even if it isn't much.
Darkness puts her head on my shoulder. "Oh, you shouldn't apologize for anything... You were just amazing." She pets her stomach. "I can't wait for it..." Please don't let such a thing come to pass Lady Goderis! I beg of you!
Aqua raises an eyebrow. "Um... Just what did I miss yesterday anyways? You guys better not have had fun without me." She crosses her arms. "I had to spend the entire night comforting Megumin you know?" I flinch at that. I really need to talk with MMT.
Darkness giggles, her sound of happiness sounds like it came from the heart. "Nanahoshi, Kazuma, Subaru and a man you do not know got super drunk. My dreams were then realized..." I took your virginity on a hallway. "I can't wait for my father to receive my letters..." That sounds scary!
The goddess face is filled with betrayal as she gasps. "I... have tolerated a lot so far. That's because I'm an amazing goddess, one who is bright, and shiny, and fun loving. So, I decided to give you a pass Subaru, because you're young and foolish..." Where is she going with this?
She takes a deep breath. "But this... this...! Is clearly a deep violation of my rights!" Why did I suddenly imagined you with white hair? "You went drinking without me...!? Why!? Don't you know that the party doesn't start 'till I come in!?" Kesha!? Why are people so into music today!?
Nanahoshi pleads for salvation. "Lady Aqua, I understand you are mad... But please don't scream, I seriously can't take it." I wonder, is she wearing that mask because she's embarrassed of me, or because she looks really bad right now.
Aqua hesitantly nods, her voice much quieter. "Right... sorry." If there anyone who understands what we are going through right now, it's Aqua. Even back in Lancel's house she was an unrepentant drunk. "But you guys have to take me next time!" And she's right back to screaming.
My eye twitches. "As far as I'm concerned, there won't be a next time." Drunkbaru must not see the light of the day again. Besides... if I pulled what I did to Banana on this goddess... The world would be forever changed.
Darkness lets out a noise of despair. "But...!" Sorry, but your husband died in the great guilty conscience war. He deserved it, because he was a piece of shit without any limits who is now making me feel pain.
Aqua laughs and walks over to me. "Don't be like that Subaru! I have some tricks I wanna show ya!" She starts patting my head, which immediately makes me think I'm going to vomit, but... I actually feel much better now.
Right, super healer. "T-thanks Aqua, you just helped me a ton." The headache and nausea I was feeling is suddenly gone. It's almost dizzying how fast I returned to normal, but I guess for her who can revive the dead, this must be super easy.
She chuckles. "No worries, it's no fun if sinful activities have awful consequences." Should a goddess really be saying something like this? "So keep drinking and partying, your smile makes me smile!" Ah, it's just like Aqua to suddenly make my heart race with a line such as that.
Nanahoshi raises her hand. "Um... Lady Aqua can you heal me too?" I'm surprised the goddess helped me before you to be honest, since you too seem like close friends. Shouldn't Aqua's love have died at this point? Maybe it's because I spend too much time with her...?
Aqua walks over to the Banana, and with one touch she's back to normal. "And there, the boo-boo is gone." Don't talk to her like she's a kid... "But take off your mask my little NEEThoshi, it's an ugly thing." I actually think it looks sort of cool.
She steals a glance at me. "But..." However, Aqua's look is unrelenting. She won't let Nanahoshi go back to old habits so easily. "Okay..." And she slowly takes off her mask, her pretty face ready to be admired again.
Aqua smiles and puts her hands on her hips. "See! That's the face I like! Much better than the weird thing you insist in putting on your face." As she says that, a weird thought passes through my mind... Aqua would not let any of her kids become NEET's.
Nanahoshi blushes and tries to wave her off. "Y-yeah... t-thanks...?" She also keeps stealing glances at me. She definitely tried wearing the mask again because of what I did to her yesterday, sorry about the horrible experience!
Darkness raises a hand. "So should we start with our lessons? Everyone feels alright?" It's funny when you say ours, like it's not only me who's learning. Though... at this point I can read and write decently well. It really was a blessing that this language is so similar to Japanese.
Aqua shakes her head. "Nah, you guys had a bunch of fun without me yesterday! So I have to try and raise up my Subaru points!" There is no such things as Subaru points. "Besides, I can have the school experience with Subaru later... I'll be following him to class today!" That's...
Lalatina frowns and says what I'm thinking. "Aqua... while it's technically okay for someone who is not a Special Student to attend as long as a Special Student gives them permission, it is also incredibly distracting. Subaru's education is important." You know, it's alright if you don't want to wait on the hallways.
Aqua smirks, her smug aura rivals Lara. "Well, I can go with or without permission!" Because you're a goddess? I don't think that's gonna fly. "Because I'm a bonafide... Special Student!" Huh!? No you definitely aren't!
Nanahoshi and I are in synch. "Since when!?" Though now only I speak. "Besides, don't you live in Megumin's room!?" If she was a Special Student, she should have gotten her own, there would be no need to inconvenience the Arch Mage.
Aqua puffs her chest in pride. "Well, I got offered the position, since eventually rumors of my healing reached the baldy principal." Why are you mocking him!? "At first he didn't believe me, but then I healed some veteran adventurers that had lost limbs in front of him, and he started screaming about how I was better than even the Blue." I don't know who that is.
She snorts. "Not that I know who that loser is." We are in the same boat! "But the color blue is totally mine right? This fella should be ashamed for stealing. Anyways, I'm a Special Student too! And the reason why I didn't ask for my own room... It's 'cause Megumin needs a buddy right now." Ah, I forgot how you can be surprisingly nice.
I awkwardly smile and then mutter. "School is gonna be hell..." Welp, Aqua didn't actually tell me when she got the position. For all I know she missed a bunch of days and plans on missing many more.
As a Special Student she can do that of course, she's only here so the school can scream about how they have the world's most amazing healer. And isn't that a sad thing to admit? That Aqua is probably better than literally everyone else...
Nanahoshi smiles. "Well, I for one am looking forward to it. That room needs some positive energy considering the people it contains." Hey, don't lump me together with Rudeus, we are completely different types of scum.
Aqua tilts her head, she looks adorable, like a dumb puppy. "So, did anything interesting happen during you guy's party?" Nanahoshi starts sputtering immediately, it's clear where her mind has gone too.
Darkness makes a thinking pose. "Well, I guess Subaru was attacked again... Thankfully I didn't drink, and so I could protect them." For some reason I have a feeling that a drunk Lalatina would be super scary as well.
Aqua becomes dead quiet, while Nanahoshi raises an eyebrow. "So... I've been meaning to ask, what was up with those guys?" I'm more surprised you're not asking about my sexual harassment, but I guess you're just hoping to forget it.
Darkness sighs. "Just a bunch of thugs. Subaru won a lot of money through casinos recently, and... they have put a bounty on him." She crosses her arms. "So far I have been able to defend him, but I will admit I'm worried they could try something trickier." Like what? Poison?
Actually that does sound pretty scary. Lalatina may be a bodyguard, but there's only so much she can do, and I'm bound to run out of luck eventually... Yeah, I should have a talk about this with Eris or something
Um Nanahoshi's closes her eyes in frustration. "What a pain... This is why you should have avoided those aspects of the city Subaru. Don't go to shady people." You're way more shady than any casino owner could ever be.
Suddenly Aqua claps. "Okay! Let's kidnap their children!" O-oi... "And then you know... as a message..." She makes a slicing motion across her throat. "Don't worry, Eris is super great with kids." Please stop being a nutjob.
While everyone is too shocked to say anything, I gasp. "Aqua...! Let's not do that to kids of all things!" I forgot for a second that this woman wanted to send this entire city to hell that one time.
Aqua shrugs. "Don't worry, it's just a message, so I would bring them back to life of course!" That's still super messed up! "But... well... if they didn't listen to us then..." She starts moving her body, lightly dancing. "Under the sea, under the sea! Darling it's better, down where it's wetter, take it from me...! Kids love Disney right?" You...! Are all goddesses crazy!?
I'm just glad Wolbach is normal. Seriously how is it that Aqua has a Dark Goddess of Violence and Sloth completely beat in the crazy department!? My second fiancee would never do something even close to this insane.
Also, please remember that Darkness doesn't know what Disney is!
[HR] [/HR]
"It's a honor to be part of this academy and meet you all. My name is Fern, I hope we grow and learn much throughout our academic years together." She ends her introduction with a bow, being as polite as possible.
Aqua however, raises one of her hands in the air and does a little jump in the air. "Wassup losers! I'm the goddess Aqua, and I'll be gracing you all with my presence from now on!" By the end of it she's receiving a glare from Fern.
I suppose I can't exactly judge her introduction though, mostly because when I got in with... Megumin. It was far more messy, with bullies targetting us and everything... And speaking of the Arch Mage, she skipped class today.
Rudeus chuckles. "Ah, so this is the statue builder, yeah I can tell she has Eris qualities with just one look." She's nothing like my fiancee. The swordswoman is just a little... slow. Aqua is stupid.
The goddess then points at the mage. "You there! Little NEET reborn!" Quagmire's eyes as he is immediately called out... Aqua has truly divine NEET senses. "Your mana is ugly! Now rip out that eye!" W-what...?
Rudeus hesitantly tilts his head. "N-no...? I would prefer to keep my eye. Also, please don't offend my mana." He's being surprisingly polite. I for one would have called Aqua stupid as soon as given the opportunity.
Aqua pouts. "Ah! Why is it that people are always ignoring my advice!?" She dashes to my side, and sits there, stealing... cucking Megumin out of her spot. "It's making me sad damn it!" Nanahoshi listens to you. That has to count for something.
Fern walks to her own seat, silently muttering the whole way through. "Maybe because you're an insane woman." And... this NEET picks a seat that's far away from everyone. How problematic! And it's by a window too... does she think she's an anime protagonist!?
As soon as we are all in our places, another person enters the room. It's not the usual teacher though, instead it's...! "Hello everyone... nice to meet you all bright and early... I will be your new professor starting from today." A very tired looking silver haired elf!
Fern immediately gets up from her seat, hitting her table. "Master!? What are you doing here!?" She just told us, but I understand your surprise. Like seriously what did they do with our previous teacher? Fire his ass?
The elf yawns, my heart melts into goo. "Don't shout so early in the morning Fern..." Oi, it's not even that early. "Actually don't shout at all, we are in class... Be polite you usually are..." She yawns again, this woman needs coffee.
Rudeus grins and begins muttering. "W-wow, elves really are the best...!" I want to kill this man, simping over elves is my gimmick damn it! Though I suppose it's Rudeus who actually has an elven girlfriend.
However, not everyone is as including as Rudeus. Because Cliff hits his table. "What the hell is this!? A silver haired elf as a teacher!? Surely everything has limits...!" Wow, now I want to kill you even more than I want to kill Rudeus.
And speaking of Quagmire, he glares at the Milis follower. "Hey Cliff, last time I checked your girlfriend is an elf. I'm telling Slutnalise about this." Rudeus, perhaps we started off at the wrong foot.
The blach haired boy brushes bright red. "T-that's completely different from..." And then he clenches his fists, frustration on his face. "No, no it isn't." Immediately he bows. "My greatest apologies...!" This guy... I guess he learns fast.
The elf waves him off. "It's okay, I get it. I have lived through the efforts of Satella's madness after all." She then looks at Fern. "And if you're wondering how I got this position... I simply had to say my name. Frieren." Her pupil sighs, but the rest of the class becomes strangely silent.
Except for Aqua of course, who raises her hand. "Okay! But why was that enough? It's just a dummy german word right!?" They don't even know what german is! I think... It's weird that we have stuff like Flugel running around.
Frieren looks at the goddess. "Ah, well, it's just that I was the teacher of the Witch of Envy." Wait a minute, really!? "Before she went crazy of course. This is less well known, but Satella was a war hero during the Laplace War... And so was I. You are standing in front of a mage who's older than a thousand years you know?" A secret old hag!?
Aqua has a smug look on. "Heh, a little baby." Right, you're an even bigger hag. Is it strange... that I sort of find that hot? I guess it's just taken the love of older woman to the extreme...!
Frieren raises a hand. "Anyways, everyone please stand up. I want to assign specific seats for everyone..." No! How could a perfect silver haired elf do this to me!? "You go there and you there...! And that's way better!" We followed her directions, and what came off it was...
Fern blushes. "My apologies Lord Subaru, she can be quite foolish at times." Yeah, I'm now sitting besides the purple haired mage. The rest of the class is pretty scattered, but we are the exception.
I smile. "It's fine Fern, I'm not gonna cry over losing my seat..." Still...
I wish Megumin wasn't missing this.
