Kevin the Bored
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Tanya the Godslayer
🕑 Added 2025-10-08 02:37:27 +0000 UTCHello everyone, I would like to start by saying fuck you vakire. I was perfectly happy not writing this you rat fuck and now I've lost like 5 hours of my day, bastard.
Other than that tho, this is a one-shot for an idea I've had brewing for years about how perfect Tanya the Evil is to be crossed with the criminally underused fandom of Campione!
So if you know nothing of Campione! then all that you need to know is that it is an anime about Godslayers (mc is the 7th of them) who gain 'divine authorities' of the heretic gods that they kill, heretic gods being gods that have descended in order to change their legend or whatever.
the godslayers, also known as campione or kings of kings or Devil Kings are also just generally way more powerful than everyone.
If you are completely unfamiliar with Tanya the Evil, then your ass ain't gonna understand anything lmao, I can't quickly explain that half of the cross.
Anywho, enjoy, and feel free to curse Vakire in the comments. :)
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Thunder cracks in the air, lighting up the overcast sky in rapid increments. The sound echoed over and over by the thunderous retorts of gunfire and artillery spells.
High in the sky and low through the trees, her loyal dogs of war continue to fight. Flitting between trunks and lightning as fast as their jewels can take them. Pushing their mana to its limits. Burning through the fine inner workings of their jewels to push out every last inch of power just to stave off death against an impossible foe.
Tanya doesn't hear any of it. She doesn't see them. She can't hear anything over the blood rushing through her ears. She knows she should listen. She knows she should be paying more attention. That she should be fighting even harder than they are.
But you need eyes to do those things and she can barely see anything past this blinding rage!!
"Do you not see the futility of your actions?"
The voice carries through the screaming skies with preternatural ease, calm, slow and mocking, it pulls her back to reality. Her head snaps to its source, a wizened old man in white robes calmly standing on the air, arms folded behind its back.
Just the mere sight of him reroutes every sense of priority in her brain. No debate of gains against losses matters when she is face to face with that thrice damned Being X!
Mana pours into the damn cursed artifact around her neck, launching her over and around him to unload an entire magazine of her sub into the back of his head, each bullet enhanced with piercing spells.
She doesn't know why the Type 95 still even works when used against the bastard, but she quickly learnt that the 97 simply wasn't enough for this.
A point that is proven once again when all of her bullets simply disappear from the world once they get close to the fucker.
Another sigh leaves the bastard pretender, and though his tone remains calm and smug, Being X has never proven himself one for reasonable discourse. That much is clear enough from how poorly he disguises the rage burning withing his eyes, almost as hot as her own.
"You see? Oh lost lamb of so little faith. Can you not see that peace can only exist by my side?"
She almost spits at his words, disgust welling up within her at the hypocrisy of them.
"Fuck you!" Tanya roars back at him. She knows that it is hardly the strongest rebuttal, but god damn does it feel good to say to his face anyway. Even better when she is aiming artillery spells at his face, for all the good they will likely do. "I refuse the existence of God!"
Through all of his sanctimonious bullshit, Being X is just a childish bully. A pathetic failure of an employee that cannot even meet basic market demands or manage his workload efficiently. Only to take out all of his frustration on mere mortals like her who cannot fight back.
The only reason he is here, now, is because she won. The war he spent so long forcing onwards against her is over. Tanya forged her own peace in the hell he threw her in. She won.
So naturally, Being X threw a fucking hissy fit. Coming down here, revealing himself in person for once instead of his stupid nutcracker dolls. Talking about mortal messengers not being good enough and how he will 'awaken her faith' himself.
It is the classic action of upper management failing to understand why their marketers are underperforming and choosing to fire the entire staff instead of taking a second to take a look at the changes in who they are marketing to.
"How truly upsetting," Being X claims, shaking his head. His tone reads insincere. His eyes meet hers again, despite the speed she is moving around him, and he smiles. It is an ugly thing. "You continue to decry my name, yet 'blessed is the one who perseveres under trial.' I will break you, my lost lamb, and in your brokenness, you will find me."
From his words, Tanya expects an incoming attack so she flips the vector of her flight to throw herself backwards, giving her enough space to react to the coming attack.
Except that no attack comes.
At least, none in her direction.
Being X's hand snaps to the side, right as Lieutenant Weiss goes for a flyby, and her second freezes in place, as if time had stopped moving for him and him alone.
Understanding immediately the perfidious bastard's plan, Tanya doesn't hesitate to overcharge an artillery spell and loose it into the earth beneath Being X. He's already proven able to delete her bullets, so she hopes that AoE can work.
"I am your Lord, God," Being X lets the word hang in the air for but a fraction of a second, giving her just enough time to process how little effect her spell had. "And you will know my touch, and you will find within you, faith."
Tanya's eyes meet Weiss' through the chaos, and in his wide, terrified eyes, she sees only resolve.
Being X made enough of a show of his arrival. Taunting her before her men. Calling her out for the heretic he believes her to be. But when he offered his hand to her men, not a single one of them took it.
Instead, they all looked to her. They voiced no complaints. Made no question.
The only faith they held, was in her.
And she led them here.
Tanya does not allow herself to look away from Weiss' eyes as he dies. She hopes that he can see everything she wants to say just from that alone, for there are no words that could describe the affection she never expected she would have ended up feeling for her loyal battle maniacs.
And then Being X's hand clenches into a fist, and Weiss twists in on himself in an explosion of blood and gore.
Tanya doesn't even see Weiss's body start to fall before she finds a scream of rage and grief tearing its way through her throat. The death of the man who has served as her faithful second since the very beginning filling her so deeply with emotions she has never understood that she feels as if she will explode.
But she just pushes all of that, everything into her mana. Cycling the damn curse around her neck to bring death to its creator.
Without any conscious thought on her part, she immediately finds herself executing a hasty plan of attack.
Knowing that the bastard wants her to suffer, she can only hope that whatever barrier he is using to protect himself from bullets would kill her. Because that is the only reason he would take it down when she charges him down with her bayonet to pin him like a fucking pig.
The first part of that plan works out well enough as she passes the distance her bullets have all disappeared, but that is as far as she finds success, as the very next moment her world turns white.
A sense of vertigo rolls over her at the same time that she recognises the now familiar feel o having her bones broken as some incredible force slams into her side. Her eyes only clear up enough to see a blur of colours as she pinwheels into a line of trees, magic reinforcement being the only thing keeping her from turning into paste.
A grunt leaves her as she comes to a sudden stop before finding herself rapidly pulled into motion again, a pair of thick arms holding her tight.
"I've got you Major!" The voice of Lieutenant Neumann rings out through her dazed skull, yelling to be heard over the din even from so close.
Tanya twists enough to get a good look at his face only moments before his entire head spins a near full circle. A sickening crack flows into her ears as she starts to descend once more, and Tanya's eyes snap back to Being X, seeing him staring at her with a malicious smile.
"Motherfucker!!" She screams at him, teeth gritted in a rage not diminishing in the slightest as she charges forward again. Repeating the same failed tactic again. For what else is there to do? She is out of ideas. "Damn you Being X!!!"
But what is he point of her rage?
What service does it provide when she is forced to watch her men die regardless of it?
What is the point in this useless rage if it does not stop the loyal men and women of her battalion from dying around her?
One. After. Another.
Simple.
Because it is only by raging against the Heavens that one can keep the will to fight.
Humanity overcame Gods in one world. In her world. Her original one.
Humanity had advanced enough, provided enough, secured enough, that there was no longer a need for any but the weak willed to cling to something as nonsensical as faith.
So she can't stop. Not now. Not after all of this.
Tanya refuses to accept the existence of God!
Another invisible force slams into her back, sending her crashing into the mud and the dirt below.
Her body feels weak. Her bones are more broken than not, her muscles torn. Her mind is fuzzy from concussion and every breath she takes fills her with so much pain that she wants to cry out in agony and beg just to make it stop.
But fuck that.
Humanity did not overcome its need for Gods by giving in. They did so by fighting even when victory seemed impossible.
So Tanya does not give up.
She does not lay down and curl into a ball like she so desperately wants to.
No.
Tanya pushes herself forward.
Weak, shaky arms push her torso up enough to see the damn bastard himself floating down to a stop before her.
Tanya reaches for her guns but comes back empty. She doesn't know where they went, but she still has her knife, so she draws that instead and where her legs fail her, she uses her hands and knees to crawl forward. Resolved to stab it into his skull if it is the last thing she does.
"Even now, you continue to fight," Being X muses into the noticeably more silent air compared to before. The sound of gunshots and explosion deafeningly absent to her ears with all of its implications. "You are a stubborn lamb, but all of the lost sheep will return to my flock eventually, for I am your Lord."
Tanya tries to curse him, but her throat catches and she can only wince in pain instead.
Then, as she moves to fulfil her deepest desire and stab the fucker, Tanya is instead frozen in place as she sees the worst thing she could never have imagined.
Visha, dear Visha. Tanya's faithful adjutant since the Rhine. The one who has been with her the longest. The one who's constant support has saved Tanya's sanity countless times throughout this cursed war.
"No!!" Tanya finds herself yelling, finding her voice through the pain as Visha begins her approach, eyes set into a mask of cold murderous intent as she runs her bayonet to Being X's back. "Run!!"
Visha doesn't listen to her. Disobeying an order for the first time in her life. As if a battle maniac like one of her soldiers could ever turn down such an impossible fight.
Predictably, Being X does not even flinch. Simply holding a hand out behind him, an action that causes Visha to freeze in place, clutching desperately at her neck as she begins to choke.
Tanya tries. She does. She gives it everything she has. All the mana she can. She tries to do something, anything. To kill the fucker or to save her friend.
But that same invisible force holds her still, an impassable barrier.
"Nooo!!" Tanya finds herself yelling when Visha's face starts to turn purple, alternating her eyes between her adjutant and Being X's calm malice as her heart is filled with a terror she has never known, desperation forcing out her words without thought. "No! Stop it! Let her go! Please! Please not her! You can't take her as well! STOP IT!!!"
Being X's only reaction to her desperation is an expression so smug that it makes Tanya want to puke. But even with her hatred of Being X, nothing it has ever done could compare to the despair wrought on her by the sound of Visha choking.
"My word is Divine Law, child. You are not yet broken. But have no fear, for by passing this trial 'thou shalt receive the crown of life that your Lord has promised unto those who love him.'"
"No!" Tanya immediately shouts back, lunging forawrd as much as she can under his pressure. "Stop! Please don't do it! Please! I beg you!"
He does not respond beyond the growing malice in his eyes, and Tanya turns away to look at Visha again, managing to meet her eyes as the girl looks only to her.
Through the invisible force squeezing the air from her, Visha visibly struggles to pry her mouth open, barely managing to croak out the whisper of a single word.
"T-Tan-ya."
Snap.
"NOOOO!!!!"
Visha jerks. Her entire body flinches as her head abruptly bends at an angle it should not bend, and with the echoing sound, Tanya feels something within herself snap too.
She feels so lost. So numb. Empty.
"No," her voice comes out as a whisper, wetness rapidly pooling in her eyes as Being X carelessly tosses Visha to land beside her.
Tanya doesn't see his self satisfied smirk. She doesn't care. Doesn't have even a single thought of revenge on her mind as she crawls over to Visha.
"V-Visha," she whispers once she arrives by her adjutant's side, crawling onto her knees so that she can pull the woman against her and properly look at her. "Visha?"
Her adjutant, her friend does not respond. Glassy eyes stare up at nothing. Seeing nothing. Hiding every hint of the usual bubbly brightness that they should contain.
"No," Tanya whispers, the hand not supporting Visha's back moving to hover over her face and neck, as if to help but not knowing how. Not knowing what to do. "No no no no no no no nononononononononononononononononononono Visha? Visha please. Please. Visha? Plea- you ca- you- don'- Visha?"
If she had any mind to notice, Tanya would be ashamed by how pathetic and small her voice comes out, but her mind is far too busy with why her friend isn't moving to care!
The sound of mud slushing underfoot reaches Tanya's ears at the same time that those same boots step within her periphery vision.
Yet, when she looks up from Visha's— from Visha to behold Being X, for the first time, it is not rage that immediately fills her, but hope.
"Y-you govern the cycle of life and death, right?" Being X raises a brow at her, no doubt amused by the hitch in her tone or the tears staining her face or the desperation in her soul. She doesn't wait for him to say anything before continuing. "T-then, you can bring them back, right? Right? Please. I— I'll submit. I'll pray. Please. I'll do anything you want. You win. Just please.."
She trails off slightly, the pathetic sound of defeat in tone interrupted by a hiccup of tears. When she continues, she can only do so in a whisper.
"Please bring them back."
He chuckles softly, a sound so full of pride and smug satisfaction as he looks down at her disgrace.
"But of course, ye lost lamb of such stubborn belief. For I am merciful and full of only love for all those who kneel before me. All you have to do, is pray, and I will lead you to salvation."
Tanya flinches at his words, hating them and everything they mean, but too defeated to have the ability to fight it.
She has lost. The best she can do now is ensure her loyal soldiers do not lose with her.
Raising her head slightly, Tanya's dull eyes meet with his expectant glee. Like a child waiting for a performer to begin.
The sight fills her with a void of feeling in her chest, and so Tanya looks away.
Her head falls down, hair and shadows covering her eyes from view as she stares into the lifeless orbs of her most dear person.
Praying to him, submitting, is the only way that Tanya can save her. The only way she can save all of them. By condemning them to a life under his thumb.
Which is why Tanya can only lean closer and whisper an apology into Visha's ear.
"I'm sorry."
With her head still bowed and eyes shadowed, Tanya does not bother to look up at Being X's face. She simply brings her hands up to her chest and clutches the Type 95 between them, feeling the holy artifact start to warm as it always has once she begins to pray.
"Oh, dear Lord," Tanya begins, her tone reverent, causing him to glow with satisfaction. "Forgive this lost lamb for taking so long to see your grace. Please, dear God, I have known your wrath, and I have found your righteousness. Please, show me now of your mercy, for you are a stern, solemn and infinitely good being. Please, teach this lost lamb the glory of your grace and bless me with your benevolence."
God stands tall, smiling widely in the knowledge that even the most stubborn of mortal souls can be converted.
"You have come far," God comments, turning to stare up at the overcast sky and willing the sun to shine once more. "Your trials have been greater than most, yet I am proud that you have come to see the ligh— ugk."
God is shocked out of his speech, choking on his words.
Baffled and offended in equal measure, God looks down from the sky to see Tanya risen from her feet, staring him dead in the eyes with only cold, hard, hatred. Boundless in depth and only guided by an impossibly strong resolve.
So baffled is he, that he does not even respond. Her outstretched arm pierced into his gut doesn't even truly bother him, as such wounds are only superficial to a being as him.
But he is God. And she hurt him. Even if the wound is negligible, it hurt.
That alone stuns him in place, incapable of comprehending this fact that breaks all reason.
"Dumbass," Tanya spits the word, her voice as hateful as her glare. "'All war is deception'. Did you really think that you could kill my men and that I would not avenge them?"
Tanya takes half a step forward, almost pushing herself into God as she drives her arm deeper into his torso. Close enough to whisper her words right to his face.
"Fuck you, Being X," she begins before her voice drops even lower, her resolve filling every syllable and finally cluing Being X into what is wrong. "There is no such thing as God."
Being X's hands snap to her shoulders, but even as fast as he can move, he knows that it is too slow as he feels the Type 95 within his chest overload. Every scrap of mana stored within ever since it was given to her, further enhanced by his own Divine power, all of it is released at once.
Being X and Tanya meet eyes once more, both knowing that this is the end. There is no time to change anything.
But in that final moment, their expressions become mirrors. Tanya wearing the smug satisfaction of the victorious, staring at her hated enemy and knowing that finally. She won.
It is a sensation that is only made better for her when in his final moment, Being X's expression finally becomes honest as his face twists into an exaggerated rictus of rage and spite and hate.
"YOU BITC—!!!"
He does not get to finish showing his true colours as the cursed orb she shoved under his ribs finally does something good and explodes.
And then there is only light and sound and white and noise and fire and pain and burning and twisting and—
Nothing.
Emptiness.
Tanya feels as if she is floating without a body. As if she is on the verge of not existing at all. A tranquil space where all thoughts fade away into the distance, leaving only peace.
Is this true death? She struggles to think. Barely managing to recall the memory of Being X claiming how she would get no more second chances.
I'm sorry, she thinks. Apologising to her dear comrades that fell because of her.
She could have just prayed. Have submitted and let Being X bring them all back.
But she couldn't. Not really.
They are dead because of her. But better they be dead than have to live under that bastard's thumb.
She made the right choice. She knows that she wouldn't ever choose differently.
So all she can do is apologise.
"The black art that Epimetheus and I left behind." A sound rings out in the emptiness, but Tanya fails to find any meaning to the noise, even as it continues, "The sacred birth of an illegitimate child, shrouded in darkness, born of a fool and a witch. A sacred right of usurpation, only possible through the sacrifice of a God."
The sound, the voice grows more clear the more it speaks. Enough for Tanya to at least identify it as feminine.
"My my, how interesting you are, dear daughter of mine," the voice continues, and Tanya actually understands the words this time, foggy as her mind remains. Which is why her eyes scrunch open, staring dubiously up at the pink-haired elf-looking child hovering their face above her. "That was quite the accomplishment."
"Wha-?"
"Hmm," the strange girl ignores her weak attempt at speech, humming thoughtfully and muttering to herself. "For someone like Him, one Authority wouldn't be enough to hold all of that power. Hmm, perhaps I could—? No, no you would not like that. I wouldn't want to upset my new favourite child. Hmm~, ah! Yes, how about this? Hm! That's perfect!"
Tanya doesn't understand what the girl is talking about, but she tries to push herself up, only to find her strength lacking entirely.
The girl doesn't give her any more time to try and figure out what the fuck is going on before she is once more leaning over Tanya's face.
"Congratulations, daughter," the small girl cheerfully exclaims, leaning farther down, closer to Tanya's face. "You have accomplished the impossible. You, a mere mortal, have slain a God, and shall be reborn a Campione. Hehe, though, I think the other title will be more fitting for you, my adorable daughter."
Still unable to move, Tanya can only watch as this weird girl leans even closer, clearly going in for a kiss, which is something Tanya is not prepared for.
"So arise and be reborn," the girl softly whispers right before their lips meet, "Devil King."
Tanya gasps, shooting upright with her heart hammering in her chest.
She finds herself covered in dirt and mud and blood, baking under the evening sun in some forest or other.
Shaking away the distraction, Tanya tries her hardest to hold onto the memory of her dream, knowing that it is important even as it fades away, leaving her only wondering what she is trying to remember.
But then the scenery around her brings back far more poignant memories, almost threatening to bring tears o her eyes, both tears of loss and tears of rage. But when she casts her eyes around, she does not see a single corpse. Only the remnants of destruction their battle caused.
An unfamiliar feeling within her distracts Tanya from that odd revelation, and then she finds herself shocked still at what she feels within her.
By some sense that she does not understand, there is knowledge within her now. Knowledge of abilities— of the three Authorities that she now possesses, usurped from the Heretic God she killed.
The first immediately calls to her.
[The Antichrist. (God)]
["I have seen the will of the Creator; I have witnessed the hypocrisy the Lord; I have felt the wrath of the Divine. I reject His word; I reject all Gods and all Divine things; I will bring all ye who sit on your thrones down and show you how you are nothing without them."]
Tanya's mind flows through the aria, each line seared into her very soul. So deeply that she does not need any explanation to understand what it is. A corrupted Authority with the sole ability to reject the Miracles of Gods.
Having such an ability available to her brings her a relief like no other, and she almost feels eager to test it out, just so that she can see what face a self-proclaimed God would make without their 'Divine' powers aiding them.
However, Tanya immediately ceases any such thoughts as her mind reads and processes the second of her Authorities. It creates within her such a sense of urgency that she finds herself physically scrambling to her feet, all other thoughts fleeing as she desperately, desperately hopes that she is not delusional and imagining all of this.
[The Devil's Own Flight. (God)]
Mentally reading through and double checking the information now held in her brain, Tanya does not hesitate, almost frantic in her rush as she holds a hand out in front of her and begins chanting the aria.
"Fallen soldiers, hear me;
Loyal soldiers, heed me;
Death does not own you;
Blood does not command you;
You who died for me shall live for me—
For I am the Devil, and you are mine."
A growing light gathers from her hand, extending with every chanted word. Growing and growing to near blinding until the final syllable is spoken.
On activation, a great flash of light near blinds Tanya, filling her vision of the space before her.
Tanya forgets to even breathe as she watches the blinding light start to dim, revealing a number of shadows that rapidly gain form until before her is no longer an empty clearing in an empty forest.
But forty-seven loyal men and women, standing straight and at attention with all of the discipline that she forced into them, crisp in clean uniforms.
As one, they each in perfect sync snap a salute off in her direction, an action that has her instinctively straightening herself. But despite the discipline, their faces are not the usual stern and blank that she expects of them when they stand at attention.
No, all of them stand there, smiling down at her. A bunch of battle maniac idiots grinning like loons, and despite everything, that makes her smile back.
"The Devil's Own Flight reporting for duty, Ma'am!" Matheus Weiss calls out, his tone serious and proper even as his face smiles down at her, so full of too many emotions for Tanya to be able to get heads or tails of what he is thinking exactly.
With too much happening too fast Tanya mostly just ignores that. Her attention instead falls on her faithful adjutant, standing tall and proud and alive.
"Visha..." she trails off, not knowing what to say, or even what she wants to say.
"Commander! Ma'am!" Visha responds, saluting again for fun before her stance relaxes, tone becoming far more gentle as she looks Tanya up and down. "You look like you could really use a bath, Ma'am."
Tanya snorts. And then she laughs, unable to help herself. All she can do in the face of all of this absurdity, in the fact that she actually won—a thought that brings her endless euphoria—and Visha's casual response to it all.
All she can do is laugh, and when her loyal soldiers join her in her laughter, joyous to still live, Tanya can't help but feel that for once in this life of hers, everything is just perfect.
In this moment of perfection, Tanya resolves herself that with this new power in her hands, she will never again be forced to kneel before a God.
For she is The Antichrist, and she rejects the existence of God.
///
A/N: He~llo! Dear readers!
Tada~!
Also fuck you vakire for real for real. I've got too much shit on my plate to be writing this goddamn shit man. I haven't even consumed any Campione! media brother, and I'd have to force myself to at least watch through that shitty ass anime if I ever want to continue this.
So now I'm just gonna be sitting here with this one-shot taunting me like the fucking green goblin mask for probably like 2 fucking years or some shit >:(
I ain't writing this fic out, fuck you all.
Also, if you're curious, her third Authority I haven't thougt about the details too much, but I was basically thinking that it'd more ore less absorb the type 95 into her, like turning hre brain into a computer that can do all the computation orb calculations with ease and allowing her to endlessly store mana.
Tanya/Campione is without a doubt a perfect crossover, they fit together so perfectly and I've basically been pictureing this chapter as an opening scene for like 2-sih years now, but I don't wanna write this shit man, i wanna read it ffs :/
Comments
Yuval
May you step on Legos vakire
ThatfriendUdontalktoo
Anyone who can get Kevin to write more is a hero in my book. You did well Vakire.
