Kevin the Bored
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52 Hit and Miss
🕑 Added 2025-09-15 21:33:37 +0000 UTCI may have had a little bit too much saké.
The thought filters through the haze in my mind as I sit under the night sky, straddling the wall of a noble's manor with a gourd of Evil Saké in one hand.
I don't really remember how I did it, but at some point I started experimenting with Cursed Energy and saké and wound up making this dark and twisted brew. No clue how, but it seems to be doing a good job getting me drunk.
That being said, Yoshikane tried a sip and started convulsing and nearly died, so I don't think it's something I should be sharing.
Definitely going to offer some to Kamo-Sensei though. Fuck that guy.
"Oy!" Yoshikane-kun whisper-yells from below, "Stop laughing n' help me up!"
I trade a look with Kanta-san opposite me, who is also sitting on this wall with a gourd of not evil saké in one hand.
Why are we on a wall?
Kanta shrugs. I shrug. We both bend to reach our free hands down to Yoshikane-kun.
A "Hup," leaves me as I pull maybe a little bit too hard, causing us all to overbalance and fall over the wall, landing in a heap.
"Oof," the air is forced from my lungs when Yoshikane-kun lands shoulder first on my stomach, "Ow."
"Idiot," Yoshikane-kun quietly grouses as he pushes himself up, ignoring the groaning Kanta-san. "Stop making so much noise."
"No you," is my immediate reply.
The childish nature of my excellent retort has Yoshikane's face contorting into a drunken rage as he points a finger accusingly at me and whisper-yells, "You're the one making all the noise!"
"Nuh uh!" I intelligently respond.
Which is wen Kanta-san pushes himself into our space with a finger on his lips.
"Shhh!"
"You Shush!"
"Shhh!"
"Shhhh!"
"SSHHH!"
The three of us lapse into silence glaring at one another, and then I bring my drink up for another sip and cast my eyes about, taking in the sight of some noble manor's garden.
Ahhh, right, that's why we're here.
Turns out, the reason that Kanta-san got into debt is actually a love story.
As he explained it, there is a beautiful courtesan that he fell in love with, but who has refused to have her contract bought out by every man who has offered. Because that's just a thing that happens these days.
The buying a wife or mistress from a brothel part, not the refusal part. That part is really odd, but I guess this lady just has high standards or something? I don't know, I've never met her.
Anyway, Kanta-san wasn't ready to give up because, y'know.. love. So he, through some manner of difficulty that I can't remember if he told me about or not, found out what would make for a good gift to win her affection.
Thus, he set out to buy a byōbu style Yamato-e. Which is to say a folding screen—like those ones in movies when a woman is undressing behind them and the camera just shows her silhouette—with some art painted on.
However, right before he could buy it, some noble bought it before him. So he naturally went and begged that noble to let him purchase it instead, and nobles being nobles, the dude said he'd only sell it to Kanta-san at ten times the price he bought it.
Love being what it is, Kanta naturally made some very poor decisions following and wound up in a loop of debt.
However! He is now free from debt, but he is still madly in love and refuses to get back to work without first winning this courtesan's affection.
I'm sure there were some steps in-between then and now, but I can't remember them. Now here we are, sneaking into said noble's manor in order to steal the art so Kanta-san can give it to this lady he loves.
"Narauko!" Yoshikane's whisper-yell pulls me from my thoughts to see them both staring at me.
I blink.
"Eh? No -san? Are we that close now~?" I tease, smiling at Saké-san.
"Shut the fuck up!"
I don't think he wants to admit it.
"Tsundere~. Now stop wasting time, we've got a job to do."
"I fucking hate you, you're the one wasting time." Saké-san glares at me.
"Teehee." I stick my tongue out at him.
For some reason that makes him even more mad.
///
Taira no Tadatsune
///
Taira no Tadatsune is a well build, hard man. A warrior by birth and by life. He is naturally adept at politicking, as is necessary for his position, but he has always felt more at home with a blade in his hand and an enemy before him.
Perhaps that is why the man bowing in dogeza before him cowers under his glare, as much as the man may try to hide it.
"I told you to bring the boy, Narauko before me, did I not?" His voice is deep and strong, reverberating easily through the room enough to be felt in one's bones if he felt like raising it.
"Yes, Taira-sama." He can commend the man for keeping any waver out of his voice if nothing else.
"Yet here you are, returned, and yet Narauko does not stand before me."
"Yes, Taira-sama."
"Explain yourself."
"Yes, Taira-sama." A breath is taken before he continues, never once looking up to meet Tadatsune's eyes. "When I arrived at Narauko-sama's assigned room, I found that it was empty. I asked around and learned that he was invited to an early morning tea by Shōshi-Heika. However, I know not where he went afterwards. It is as if he disappeared, Taira-sama."
"Useless," Tadatsune spits the word out, but the man does not flinch. "This is the Imperial Palace and Narauko is barely a man. How could he disappear?" Tadatsune does not fail to notice the man before him hesitate. Annoying. "Speak. You know better than to hold your tongue."
It is only then that the man before him lifts his head enough to meet Tadatsune's eyes, a helpless expression on his face.
"He is The Strongest," he says it as if that alone explains everything. As if his efforts are hopeless to find success. "His presence has also been noted to be exceptionally quiet. If anyone could escape the Imperial Palace unseen..."
"Hmph, 'The Strongest.' We will see." Tadatsune is unconvinced. In fact, most major faction is unconvinced. It is only really the Sugawara that truly believe he deserves the title out of the Clans.
The coming event will tell whether he is deserving of such an honour or, if he truly is just another slightly more significant tool to be used by those who truly stand at the top of this realm.
Still, whether he is truly at the level of Michizane or not, no one will deny that he is strong even among Special Grades, even if he is too young to understand the ways of the world. Perfect for Tadatsune.
His Taira Clan is the only of the major Clans with an official Special Grade as of right now. If he could get Narauko to marry a Taira, then that would be perfect. None of the other clans would be able to match him.
Lucky then, that Takiyasha has set up the perfect excuse for such an arrangement. Even more perfect is that Takiyasha is the daughter of his Clan's Special Grade. And with Narauko being too young and inexperienced to understand the world, it should be easy enough to entice him into marrying Takiyasha. He'd even be willing to throw a few more Taira women his way.
A teenage man like him, raised in apparent isolation. Tadatsune does not doubt that he can entice the boy with the pleasures and luxuries that come with holding the status of a Taira. Power matters little when one does not know how to properly exercise it.
If only the damn brat wouldn't disappear before he even gets the chance to make the offer.
"If you would permit me to speak, Taira-sama?" The kneeling man's voice pulls him from his thoughts, leaving his attention to land on them once more.
"Speak."
"Yes, Taira-sama. As I was searching for Narauko-sama, I happened to learn that I was not the only one seeking audience with him."
"Yes, I am aware," Tadatsune interrupts with an irritated glare. "A new Special Grade. The other Clans are no doubt circling him like foxes in the reeds."
"Yes, Taira-sama. However, there was another name. I know not why, but it seems that the Principle Clans are seeking a meeting with Narauko. There was a representative of the Himejima asking around regarding his presence."
Oh? Those aloof bastards are getting involved?
If he were any lesser of a man, this information might cause him to hesitate.
The Principle Clans tend to keep to themselves and remain outside of political matters. They are also incredibly arrogant, even among Sorcerers, so few are willing to deal with them anyway. Their involvement only ever precludes trouble.
But he is Taira no Tadatsune. Not even the Principle Clans can act as they please against his Taira Clan.
"I see. Good job." Tadatsune gives them a moment to bask in his praise before giving him his next set of orders. "Now go and learn what has brought the Principle Clans out of their mountains and temples. As for Narauko himself..."
That is a tricky one.
He can't order anyone to greet the boy in the morning. Not anymore. To do so would make him look desperate. Weak. As if he needs to flounder and beg for the boy to spare his attention.
But he also does not want to give any of his rivals a chance to get their claws into the boy, nor does he want him to disappear again. So he ideally needs Narauko to be busy with someone of insignificance until an afternoon meeting could be arranged.
The Tachibana would be suitable, as their power as a Sorcerer Clan has fallen to near insignificance compared to their regular political power.
However, there is a very real chance that Narauko could revive their dying power and bring the balance of power back up to five major Clans. That would be disastrous.
Tadatsune's face stretches into a grin as a strike of brilliance hits him. A perfect target to delay Narauko, with a strong enough reason that not even the Principle Clans would be so bold as to overrule.
"Seek out the Sugawara," Tadatsune commands. "Assist them in arranging an early morning meeting with Narauko. They have been wanting to thank him, for he is the only reason they even have two proper Sorcerers left. Bring Narauko to me after they are done."
"Yes, Taira-sama."
///
Tamamo no Mae
///
The moon is bright, illuminating the room around her as she once more considers if sending a Black Butterfly would be pushy.
A sigh laves her as she slumps deeper into Narauko's duvet, wearing Narauko's clothes in Narauko's room. She takes in a deep breath through her nose, simply enjoying his scent before blowing the breath out and rolling onto her back.
"What are you up to, I wonder," she muses to herself as she watches his gift to her strut a circle around her.
The sight of the little white fox naturally makes her smile.
Unfortunately, a knock at the door distracts her from her thoughts.
Strange. It is too late for visitors.
She sighs, resigned, before rising to her feet, leaving the covers to pool at her feet.
As she then makes her way to the door, she layers an illusion over her body in the shape of Narauko. The act is infinitely easier now than it would have been a week ago, and she knows that there is no longer any human capable of perceiving her illusions.
She has had some time to feel out her new strength as a Seven-Tailed Kitsune. An Ultimate-class being.
The difference is truly staggering, so much that once seemed out of reach is now so clear to her. It is like stepping into an entirely new world, one that is far larger, yet even more fragile than before.
It is no wonder the Ōkami above do not deign to bother with mortal affairs.
This realm is so small..
The door slides open to reveal a pretty young woman with startlingly iridescent eyes.
Ah, of course. Narauko would be receiving late night visits.
There are plenty of factions that wish to woo him after all, and seduction is a tried and true method. Though, she isn't sure of it's effectiveness against a man like Narauko.
Regardless, she does not recognise this woman, so either she is a minor noble's daughter or a Sorcerer. Her new senses make it rather clear to her that it is the latter, and she does not fail to notice the way the woman's Cursed Energy seems to concentrate on her eyes.
"Yes?" Tamamo greets as Narauko would, noticing that the woman is observing her just as she is observing this woman.
Tamamo notices the way her expression rapidly shifts from a—far too friendly smile, to furrowed brows into widening and then immediately narrowing eyes and then Tamamo has to snap an arm up to catch the hand spearing for her neck.
"That was rude," she informs the Sorcerer, keeping her expression friendly even if she would rather narrow her eyes.
Narauko wouldn't take being attacked for no reason personally after all. Which is so weird, but she thinks it's cute how positive he is. Like a puppy. Those thoughts let her ignore the tension in the air.
"So," the woman begins, her voice carrying danger with it, yet sounding almost casual compared to the hand still trying to push through Tamamo's grip. "Who are you?"
Tamamo's response is cut short before it can even begin as her attention snaps to the Sorcerer's hand as it jerks a fraction forward, tearing through her illusion to reveal her true hand beneath.
The woman doesn't seem surprised, not even moving her eyes from Tamamo's own, ignorant of the wry amusement building up within her.
So much for no human being able to see through my illusions, she muses to herself. Have I just encountered the sole exception, or was I being arrogant, I wonder.
Regardless of the answer, it is a good lesson to not let herself grow too sure of her strength.
Even if it truly is absurd.
Must be something with those eyes of hers.
Returning her attention to the Sorcerer still trying to spear her neck, Tamamo figures she might as well answer.
Her deception has already been seen though, so either this will have a peaceful conclusion thanks to Narauko being who he is, or Tamamo will simply kill her.
"I am Tamamo no Mae."
"Unfamiliar name." The Sorcerer doesn't stop glaring or trying to kill her despite their dialogue. Tamamo feels that that much is pretty par for the course with Sorcerers, so she isn't surprised.
"Quite. And you are?"
"Kiyohara no Nagiko. Why are you here?"
"I am beginning to suspect much the same reason as you," Tamamo responds with a smile, allowing her illusion to fade into a face similar to her own, as they are still standing in the open doorway. Not the ideal place to reveal her true form.
The woman's eyes narrow even further, though her hand stops pushing forward.
"You bedded him?"
The implication that it would be the woman bedding the man and not the other way around is laughable, but with Narauko being so weirdly reticent to instigating things, it is the truth of the matter.
"Why don't you come inside?" Tamamo offers instead of answering the question that might as well have been rhetorical for how clear the answer is. "We should talk."
///
Narauko
///
"Run! Run! Run!" I yell at Kanta-san as we make a frantic dash for the estate's walls.
I spare a look behind us at a shout of, "Get them!" To see a small group of guards giving chase, spears on hand.
Luckily, it's dark enough that our faces should be pretty difficult to identify, probably. I can see pretty much perfectly in the dark so I don't really know what it's like for everyone else.
"Run faster!" I urge Kanta-san as I see him lagging behind, clutching the folded up byōbu to his chest as he runs.
"I! Am! Trying!" He yells back, panting between each word.
I grin as a laugh leaves my lips.
As we get closer to the wall we climbed over in the first place, I pick up my pace a little bit to reach the wall first, only to all but run into it as I misjudge my speed and fail to slow down properly in time.
I cannot emphasise enough just how much saké I have consumed.
However, I luckily managed to slow down enough to not run through the wall, so instead I quickly spin around, bracing my back against the wall. My hands fold together in front of me, providing a platform for Kanta-san to climb over the wall with.
Unfortunately, I kinda forgot that he is super drunk too, so I'm caught off-guard when Kanta misses the step completely and just crashes straight into me.
It's more of an emotional ow from me, unlike the very real groan of pain from Kanta-san. I'm usually pretty good about limiting my Reinforcement to match with everyone around me, because my body is strong enough by itself. But I'm drunk, so I accidentally did some instinctively, which must have made it feel like running into a brick wall for Kanta-san.
Which is probably why he is writhing on the floor right now, possibly lightly concussed.
Whoops.
"Hmmmmmmm." I look up to see the guards sprinting ever closer and sigh. "Fuck it."
Reaching down, one hand pulls the byōbu from Kanta-san's grip while the other grabs him by the back of his clothes. Then, with a simple motion, I just throw him over the wall entirely, remembering to leave some Positive Energy in him to both fix the concussion and whatever damage his landing is going to give him.
Then I just hop over the wall, accidentally clip the awning with the back of my foot, and fall into an uncontrolled spin that ends with my face meeting dirt.
Ow.
Evil Saké is dangerous. Nefarious indeed.
Pushing against the ground, I throw myself back to my feet, grab the byōbu with one hand and rush to Kanta's side.
"Kanta-san!" I grab him under a shoulder and lug him back to his feet, keeping a hold of him as he stumbles. "We gotta run away!"
A laugh leaves me as the sounds of guards shouting and ringing alarm bells grows ever more distant.
It doesn't take long before we are squirrelling ourselves away in Kanta-san's home, slamming the door closed behind us with a finality to it.
"Woooo!" I cheer to Kanta-san. "Victory!!"
Heist success! So cool!
Kanta looks up at me from where he is bent over his knees with a tired glare, and when he speaks, he does so pausing to pant between each word.
"How. Are. You. Not. Tired."
"Haha! Did I not tell you? I'm a Sorcerer~." I flex an arm and pat my bicep playfully to drive the point home.
I get a blank stare in response before Kanta seems to give up on responding and just slumps against the wall, his attention falling to the folded up work of art beside him.
The smile that grows on his ace as he looks at the byōbu distracts me entirely from the thrill of heisting.
It is as if the world falls silent just for this one moment, where a man can solemnly smile with such a deep feeling of love that it looks like hope.
I almost feel something supernatural in the air, as if this brief moment of time truly is his.
For what was just a fun, somewhat drunken heist to me, has been a life-altering moment for him.
It's beautiful.
It's exactly what I set out to see. Moments like this. These unique, beautiful moments of humanity that I set out to witness, so that every face of life could exist within my memory.
But it doesn't have to exist only within my mind, does it? The thought strikes through the drunken haze of my mind, and I act on it without thinking.
My hands deftly snake into my shadow and pull out Tamamo's gift to me. I don't hesitate to snap a picture, wanting to steal this moment of time before it passes.
The second I click the button, I feel a vortex of something I cannot understand pulling into the eye that takes the place of the camera lens. It is not something that disturbs the air or is really noticeable in any way. I can barely even feel anything, and by the time I even realise something is happening, it is over.
However, when I then look at the printed picture, I cannot fail to notice the emotion I feel looking at it. As if I could live in this moment forever.
Thief of Time, I think to myself with a wry smile. How fitting. What the hell did you create, Tamamo?
"Narauko-dono?" I turn my attention back to Kanta-san to see him looking at me with a gratitude that borders on reverence.
So naturally I interrupt before he can say anything more by clicking my fingers and making finger guns at him. "You're forever in my debt, right?"
He freezes with his mouth half open, and I just laugh and shake my head.
"There really isn't a need for anything like that," I tell him with an amused sigh before stepping closer to crouch in front of him. Still smiling, I simply reach out and poke him on the forehead. "But if you really want to pay me back, then just smile. Be happy. Live a long and joyful life. That shit is contagious you know? So just spread enough happiness that it trickles back to me, and I will consider us even. Deal?"
He gapes at me for a moment, and I give his saké addled mind some time to organise his thoughts.
Eventually though, his eyes start to water. Yet even as tears start to leak out, he smiles. A beautiful, happy smile. Childish in the sense that it is without impurity.
Just the pure joy of a man with renewed hope for love.
"Thank you, Narauko-dono. It is a blessing, that I have met you."
Another laugh leaves me, happy at the compliment and just... this whole experience.
Today has been a good day.
But I don't want to take all the credit. I'm not responsible for our meeting in the first place after all.
"Not just me," I say, turning my head to look at.. nothing? "Eh? Wait a minute, where did Saké-san go?"
Kanta also freezes, turning this way and that looking around. "Huh?"
Our eyes meet again, and it is clear that neither of us remember what happened to him.
Evil Saké is truly nefarious.
"Mah, I'm sure he's fine. Probably."
I'm not really sure, since my memory of the past however many hours is pretty hazy, but he's a Taira in the capital, he's probably fine.
Probably.
///
Taira no Yoshikane
///
Yoshikane drifts awake in a manner that can only be described as feeling about as pleasant as being dragged through a tunnel of broken glass.
So of course, he then makes the mistake of trying to open his eyes and gets to enjoy the wonderful sensation of said metaphorical glass stabbing directly into his eyes.
A groan leaves his raw throat as his eyes snap shut and he rolls onto his side, feeling like he might vomit.
He doesn't. Thankfully.
Some time passes, painfully, as he waits for the pulsing, thumping in his brain to fade away.
It takes longer than he would have liked before becoming bearable enough to even think, and so his first thought is naturally—What the fuck did I drink last night?
He barely remembers much, but he does remember Narauko, and so he decides to just blame that annoying brat for now and deal with whatever he needs to deal with later.
He needs some damn water and a bath.
Carefully squinting, Yoshikane struggles to open his eyes enough to take in the unfamiliar room around him. So at least he didn't pass out in the street or something.
It's a low bar, but hey, a bright side is a bright side, and h needs some positive thinking to deal with this killer headache.
By the time he manages to sit up fully, the pain has faded to a dull enough throb that he is able to actually look around without suffering. Which is why he does not fail to notice the stirring of movement beside him.
He looks over to see a head of hair extend into a woman as she rises from beneath their apparently shared cover, blinking blearily in his direction.
Unfortunately, in his current state, Yoshikane's mouth moves before his mind can catch up to it.
"Who the fuck are you?"
The woman's eyes narrow.
"Ah, uhh I mean... Good.. morning?"
Fucking Narauko. Yoshikane is going to stab him if he ever sees the damn little shit again. What the fuck did he drag him into?
///
A/N: He~llo! Dear readers!
Just a reminder btw, I don't write omniscient narrator. So sometimes someone, say, Tadatsune, to pick a totally random example, might have a line written that is actually false simply because he as a character doesn't know any better.
Just something to keep in mind :)
Also, the order here was rlly weird. I wrote the 1st part 1st, then the 4th part, then the 3rd then the 5th and then the 2nd. :/
Comments
Lucy Edwards
I was inspired by that vine (I think it was vine anyway) where the guy drinks a glass of choco milk and goes "Why dos this milk taste so dark and twisted" and then turns it around and it's labelled 'evil milk'. I want Narauko to label his sake 'Evil Sake' and for someone else to drink it and recreate this meme that I like, but idk if I'll get the oppourtunity to do so, or even remeber lol
Shinreimyu Gim
So Narauko re enacted the Hangover 1000 years before the movie came out
Orchamus
Truly Narauko is a visionary, making Jujutsu Sake a thing.😎 Also looks like Tama-chan has met the first co wife
