Kevin the Bored
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45 Top Ten Chapters Made Moments Before Disaster! (Gone Sexual) Poggers
🕑 Added 2024-09-11 23:34:25 +0000 UTCApril 27th
Jester
///
Humming a jaunty tune to herself, Jester opens her basement door and is immediately hit by a wave of blood and rot that hits her with an almost physical force, yet instead of vomiting like most would, she embraces the familiar scent with a smile.
"Natalie~!" She cheers as she enters.
Natalie, or the monster that she's become, doesn't respond. Jester isn't surprised, since her pet Frankenstein needs to eat a lot of meat every day to sustain herself, but she hasn't fed it anything for a couple days.
"Natalie~," Jester repeats as she walks closer, "You wanna go for a walk? Walksies~?"
Natalie starts growling but that's fine, it doesn't really matter what her opinion is, obviously.
Now, Jester didn't want to show her project off yet, because it's still not finished yet. But, there have been circumstances.
Namely, the E88 have had their identities revealed, and they seem to be under the impression that it was Red Heart that revealed them. Spoiler, it wasn't. It was her.
Well, technically it was Coil, and he was going to do it anyway, she just made him do it a little bit earlier, because she's starting to get bored and wants to put all her plans into third gear, as it were.
As a result of this leak, the Empire is leading a march into Red Heart territory with the vast majority of their capes, which is still a whole lot even reduced.
But once that whole thing started, Jester had a thought.
Why is she bothering to stage all the steps of her plan one after the other? Isn't it more fun to just do it all at once?
With that in mind, she has had Coil decide that Taylor needs to go. He revealed himself and Dinah to The Undersiders after the bombing, so she was originally planning to have Coil use her for longer than a few days after the fact, but whatever.
So, she has had Coil frame, well, not really frame but reveal that Taylor is an undercover Hero who's going to betray them all. That was about an hour ago, and Taylor should be running for her life right about now, conveniently heading to the north side of Downtown, which just happens to be where the Empire is about to clash with the Red Hearts in ten minutes or so.
And back to Natalie, Jester has come to a realisation. Her pet Frankenstein is never going to become her perfect creation inside of a basement.
She thinks that some live experience is what her pet needs to truly finish its metamorphosis into a proper monster. Natalie just needs to push past her limits, to go beyond, plus ultra.
So how convenient is it, that there is a large gathering of Parahumans about to converge on the street right above them? Well, it will probably be a street over, but it's close enough.
The main point, is that almost every Villain in the city is about to converge, and that chaotic scuffle seems like the perfect time to unleash her pet project.
She just hopes Natalie doesn't get insta-killed, because that would be super lame. But Natalie's sturdy enough that she doubts it. Hell, she wouldn't be surprised if they just fail to kill her altogether.
After all, Natalie does have one of Lusia Abel's original organs as a heart. That's pretty tough to beat.
"Don't let me down, Natalie~. I'm betting in your favour, so it's super important you do well, or I'm going to have to give No Face my limited edition Alexandria mint card~. It's even signed, so it's super expensive~."
///
Wash
///
Getting Hornet was definitely a good stroke of luck.
That's what Wash thinks to himself as he sits in the passenger seat of the vehicle Tinker's biggest creation so far.
It was originally a truck of some description, but it's been put through so many modifications that it's more like a mix between a tank and an APC at this point.
To be even more accurate, it's like a futuristic tank, except since it's Tinkertech, it can run just fine while also having a big open centre that can fit half a dozen people.
Real tanks don't have a lot of space inside them. Tinkers don't really care about conventional rules of physics and science and stuff though, something further proven by how Hornet is driving the thing at upwards of sixty miles an hour, despite being in a city and weighing around thirty tonnes.
It doesn't even attract attention despite that because the whole thing is somehow completely invisible and silent. Which is good, because otherwise people would probably be pretty concerned seeing them cruising through the streets.
The big canon up top is definitely intimidating.
Truthfully, he feels like bringing a tank out for a gang conflict inside a city is a bit overkill, but considering there are apparently ten or so Empire capes marching their way, he doesn't really have a choice but to meet their full force with his own.
Hence why the APC tank, because behind him is every member of his suit.
It's only four people, six if he includes himself and Hornet, but the whole point of his suit of the organisation is to achieve maximum effect with minimum expenditure.
It's not like there aren't other capes in Red Heart that reach the standards for his suit, but that most capes just get send to join the rest of the organisation.
Plus there's the elite enforcement squad under Jack who could probably match or surpass his own suit.
Still, even counting all of them, they're still outnumbered exactly two to one, according to their intelligence.
It's only exact because the remaining giant twin is still missing half her leg, so she obviously won't be coming.
But it's whatever really, Wash doesn't care. This is a pretty good opportunity for him to actually do his job that he was sent here to do.
He doesn't know who the hell is framing him for breaking the Unwritten Rules against the Empire's identities, but they're honestly doing him a favour.
Once they've dealt with the Empire capes, there will basically not be a Villain presence left in the city save for himself. Then he can just call his boss and go home, job done.
"Five minutes out, Sir," Hornet says, breaking him from his musings.
Briefly, he mentally compliments the woman. When they found her, she was freshly triggered and drugged out of her mind in the process of tearing copper wire out of her own apartment.
It took some work getting her cleaned up and taught how to be a respectable human being, but she's really done well for herself. He might even ask that she not get immediately transferred out of his suit, as is usually the case for any new recruits he finds once he finishes his job.
Shaking the thought away, he turns in his seat to check on his squad.
Leech is quiet as usually, holding his sword between his knees, the hilt resting on his shoulder. They're all in their combat clothes, so he's wearing his white high collar jacket and black pants and boots. Simple and efficient.
Kleus is wearing her white dress, that he can only accept as a combat uniform because the slits in the legs don't hinder manoeuvrability and the cloth is very stretchy and special made to be durable. However, unlike everyone else, she is not sitting quietly, but intermittently taking swigs from her flask.
Fucking alcoholic. As if sensing his thoughts, her yellow eyes lock onto him and he quickly looks away.
Woman's intuition is scary.
Opposite those two, there is Alphonse, who is wearing a giant suit of spiky armour. It's pretty difficult to read the guy because of it, but he rarely speaks anyway.
Lastly is I-Frame, who's outfit is probably the most representative of the kind of squad they are.
He's a pretty androgenous guy of average height, slightly taller than Leech. He's pretty Aryan, with short blond hair, blue eyes and white skin, which is pretty funny since they're off to fight some Nazis.
He is wearing a black hooded cloak that goes down to his shins and is very well armoured. Underneath that, he has black camo cargo pants that Wash knows is stocked full of all sorts of stuff, from ammo to grenades to medical supplies.
His chest is hidden, but under the cloak he is wearing an armoured vest with a gun harness that has a pair of high impact, special made pistols and a pair of knives, with a dozen or two more throwing knives strapped to his back and thighs.
He's also carrying a fully decked out assault rifle, with a scope, grip, suppressor and probably other modifications Wash doesn't even know about in gloved hands.
For his mask, he has a gas mask that is attached by a tube to a small backpack that can supply enough air to keep him going for hours, no matter what's in the air. There's also a screen of incredibly durable glass on top of his hood that he can pull down to cover his face at any moment.
All said, he's basically a walking arsenal, and all of his equipment is top of the line both in simple quality and in being extra light. Combine that with his extensive combat training, and he could probably work as a cape even without powers. He has enough personal firepower for it.
He's certainly more impressive than someone like Viktor, who's only power is the ability to steal skills.
Though to be fair, he wouldn't be in Wash's squad if not for all the equipment and skill, since his power isn't really all that impressive, at least not at the level he operates.
His power is basically what his name says. He can take a backstep and when he does, he can't be touched by anything. Good for staying alive, but not all that impressive, hence all the guns and knives.
"You guys ready?" Wash asks the group, getting a nod from Alphonse and Leech and a slightly drunken thumbs up from Kleus.
"Sure am!" I-Frame energetically responds, and Wash sighs.
Unfortunately, for all that I-Frame looks like some action movie protagonist, the kid's personality doesn't match. He's like an overexcited golden retriever, except instead of getting excited by whatever dogs get excited by, he's just an adrenaline junkie that wants to do action movie stuff.
At least he's passionate enough about it that he's legitimately good.
"Cool, cuz we're nearly there. You remember what we're facing?"
"Sure do!" I-Frame responds, and Wash makes a 'go on' gesture with his hand, because it's important to repeat stuff to ensure there are no mistakes.
"Oh, and summarise, we don't have time for details," Wash mentions before the kid can start rambling.
"Right! Well, there's gonna be all the E88 capes 'cept the giant. So, Kaiser projects metal from metal, Krieg, short range kinetic manipulator. Hookwolf, metal blender wolf chainsaw. Cricket, enhanced body, disrupts your sense of balance. Night turns into a nightmare monster when you can't see her, Fog turns into fog. They work together so avoid any fog.
"Rune, telekinetic. Purity, flying artillery. Jäger, enhanced body. Blitzel, lightning balls. Kleinoch, hyper lethal striker, so keep distance from her. And lastly, there's that new guy, Grenade or whatever who turns everything he touches into a bomb. Kinda bad taste considering recent events."
Kleus snorts at I-Frame's final muttered sentence and Wash flicks a little stone he found in his pocket at I-Frame's head.
"Ow! What was that for? Did I forget someone?"
"No," Wash answers with a shake of his head, "Though that new guy is called Grenadier I think."
"Then why did you throw a stone at me?"
"Because you were being distasteful. People don't pick what their powers are, but it's somewhat known that the power you get is related in some way to the manner you trigger. Grenadier's powers probably mean Bakuda triggered him, so don't be an ass."
"C'mon Boss," Kleus interrupts with a smirk, "The guy joined the Nazis, his feelings are immediately invalidated."
Wash just sighs, because there's really nothing he cans ay to that. What is he going to do? Defend the Nazis? "Just shut up and put a mask on."
Kleus pouts. "Why should I? Leech doesn't wear a mask."
"That's cuz his collar counts enough as a mask for people to play along with the rules."
"Do the rules really matter right now? Everyone knows the Empire capes' identities now?"
He sighs again at her sceptical look. "Yes, it does matter. Because we didn't leak that, despite what they say. If we go out not wearing any masks, then the lie will just become even more believable. If the boss wants to set up a cell in this city, then he can't do it with a reputation of breaking the rules, so we need to play along with them now more than ever, even if it is stupid."
"...You aren't wearing a mask."
"Tsk."
Turning back to the road, Wash reaches into a pocket to pull out his domino mask, ignoring Kleus.
A moment later, their vehicle is slowing to a stop in the middle of a wide street. The buildings either side are all boarded up windows and defunct businesses, so they shouldn't have to worry about any collateral, unless there are some homeless around.
Speaking of collateral..
"Hey Leech," Wash says once they've stopped and everyone is giving themselves one last check over. "Remember not to use your power unless you need to okay? We should be fine without it."
"I know," Yuta softly answers. "I will stick with my sword."
Nodding at that, Wash opens his door and hops out, the others following his example. "Good. Now then, all we have to do is wait."
As he speaks, he walks across the street to lean against a wall, idly spinning a syringe between his fingers. Kleus and Leech follow him, while I-Frame goes to the opposite side of the street and starts looking for a good vantage point to shoot from.
Hornet obviously stays in the tank to man the canon, and Alphonse climbs up onto the front and sits on the roof.
They assume the Empire will open by having Purity blast their vehicle, so Alphonse needs to be there to absorb the blow, but other than that, a formation or deep battle plan is just superfluous.
He knows Jack would probably yell at him for being lazy, but they really just don't need a plan to deal with the Empire. Him and Leech could probably solo all of them, and Kleus and Alphonse working together could do the same.
It's tough to say how I-Frame would do though, because he is basically always just one mistake away from dying, so it's kind of a coin toss.
Ah well, it hardly matters. This is all going to be over soon enough, and then he will be assignment free, and then maybe Elsie will go on a date with him, since there won't even be any work for her to do.
A man can dream.
///
Rune
///
Rune mostly tuned out Kaiser, or rather Max Anders, as he gave his speech about justice and white supremacy and whatever. A skill she has hones over many rallies.
Really, the man loves the sound of his own voice, but it just annoys the hell out of her. He basically just says the same thing every time, and he keeps contradicting himself and it's annoying as fuck because she can never just leave early like Hookwolf since she's the fucking glorified caddie car.
But what is she going to do about it? She hardly had much choice before her face was plastered all over the fucking news! Seriously, what the fuck is up with that?
It's one thing to kill a cape in their civilian identity like what happened to Fleur all those years ago, but to just straight up out over a fucking dozen capes all at once?
What the fuck!?
So now her civilian life is basically fucking over, and she literally has no choice but to do whatever the fuck Kaiser says. He wasn't even wearing his helmet when he gave the speech this time, to drive home the point or connect with the goons Rune has no idea, she's not a fucking politician.
She hasn't even fucking finished high school for fuck's sake, she doesn't know shit about giving fucking speeches.
Max clearly fucking does though, because he doesn't have any problem working the footmen into a frenzy about some betrayal or Jewish deception or whatever the fuck.
Like, she gets that the Jews aren't exactly the good guys, but she's pretty sure they're more about stealing and hoarding good people's money, not breaking the unwritten rules.
But whatever, she's not a Thinker, doing the planning is other people's jobs. She just carries people around like a glorified fucking airbus. Joy.
Honestly, she wants out. With their identities all out, she knows they're fucked. The only real way they can keep going is if they truly become the biggest fish in this pond, but she doesn't fancy their chances at that.
Mostly just because of Max's identity getting out. She's no economist, but she knows enough to understand that the only reason the gang has been able to function as well as it has is because of the money Medhall was pulling in.
But now that it's CEO has been revealed as Kaiser, Medhall is fucked. Last she heard it was getting bought out by that Estrella company that's been hiring all the fucking dockworkers.
Without that money, they won't be able to get guns or equipment or pay for informants, or salaries for those that can't work cuz've their criminal records and probably a whole bunch of other shit she doesn't know about.
Point is, the situation is fucked, and she is in the middle of it.
And now they're all going in force to kick the Red Hearts out of the city, because according to Kaiser they're the only thing really stopping the Empire from being able to do whatever the fuck they want, regardless of the identity thing.
That would be a nice outcome. She could avoid jail, maybe go back to school as an open identity cape, and they could finally get started on properly cleaning the streets up from all the fucking filth.
Unfortunately, she doesn't think everything's gonna work out like that.
They outnumber the Red Hearts like two to one, so she's pretty confident that the coming fight is going to be in their favour, especially since they will have easy aerial superiority, and she knows how much of a difference that makes.
But she highly doubts the PRT, or hell, just other gangs outside the city, would just leave it at that.
And that's all while ignoring that the Red Hearts are a fucking interstate criminal empire equal to The Elite.
In other words, they kind of just have to hope that the rest of their organisation will just take the beating and fuck off.
God she's so fucking pissed off. She doesn't even buy that the Red Hearts were the ones to out them. It was probably the fucking Heroes just setting them all up against each other or some shit.
Seems like something they would pull. This is what happens when a fucking Arab takes charge of a Protectorate squad. She wasn't a cape back when the last local Protectorate leader, Armsmaster, was around, but she's heard he was a decent guy from Hookwolf.
Not that she really trusts anything that retard says, but it's not like Armsmaster could have been worse than fucking Miss Militia. Bitch wears an American flag like she fucking belongs.
Fucking immigrants.
Whatever. She just needs to get through this fight today, then she can see about leaving.
Hopefully her family will be willing to not be human pieces of shit for once and actually let her go back to Kansas with them. She doubts anyone there will recognise her, so hopefully there's still a chance she can finish high school and actually graduate.
She has aspirations beyond lugging around gangsters and drugs and shit for fuck's sake!
Fucking whatever. Just one more fight. She'll call her parents in the morning.
"You ready?"
Rune turns her head slightly to glance at Blitzel. He's one of the guys that came from Gesellschafts when that organisation for whatever reason fucking collapsed overnight, so he's a proper German.
There's a bit of a separation between the guys who came from Germany and everyone else, and she has no desire to close that distance with Blitzel. The guy's a fucking misogynistic asshole and probably a pedo of some description, so honestly she'd rather he just fucking die.
"I'm not fucking nine. I know what I'm doing," Rune responds with a scowl.
She'd really rather not be anywhere near him, but Kaiser said she should be artillery with Purity. So she's stuck with him and a fucking fresh trigger on the same slab of concrete a hundred feet in the air.
At least Grenadier isn't a fucking dick head, but the guy's even younger than she is and clearly still recovering from his very recent trigger.
At least he'll be more helpful, since their powers synergise. She will mark a piece of rebar from a pile they have, he will turn it into a bomb, then she can launch it at the enemy and he can blow it up.
Simple but effective.
The sound of air being displaced air and approaching light has her turning in around to meet the approaching glowing silhouette of Purity.
"Are you three ready?" She asks and Rune has to physically force herself not to roll her eyes.
"Yes." She grits out instead, nominally in charge of their little artillery platform.
"Good. ETA five minutes. Apparently only their capes came to block us, so Kaiser's sending the grunts around. You three don't have any light sources up here, so the dark will keep you hidden. Don't reveal your position by attacking until I start off, okay?"
Rune struggles to keep from showing how fucking annoyed she is at the woman's incessant mothering and just nods her head. It's not like they were all in the same fucking meeting about the plan or anything. Can you hear her sarcasm? Because she's drowning in it.
Thankfully, Purity doesn't stay for any longer and just flies up and ahead, saving Rune from further annoyance.
Five more minutes. One more fight. Then she can go home.
God. She never thought she'd miss her fucking family so much.
///
Gabriella Vargas
///
Panting lightly, Gabriella pushes open the door and steps out into the cool night sky.
A quick glance over the rooftop has her spotting John before the cold breeze causes her to shiver.
"You know, when you said you wanted to meet at the top of the Neptune's Paradise Hotel, I was imagining a romantic dinner in a penthouse suite. It's not all that often we get to spend quality time together after all, I even dressed up for the occasion."
As she talks, she walks across the roof, hugging herself and rubbing her elbows. She's only wearing a tasteful blue dress with a furred collar. It has an open back. It is not insulative.
John turns around to greet her, and the fact that he's wearing his cape costume, minus the mask, is enough hint that this isn't the casual event she was imagining it to be.
"Ah, my bad. I should have been more specific. You look beautiful by the way."
"Thank you, but flattery isn't an excuse," she responds with an eye roll, smiling slightly when he wordlessly takes off his jacket and offers it to her. "Why exactly did I have to climb two flights of stairs to meet you here?"
He waits for her to finish putting his jacket on to flash a grin. One of his hands wraps around her waist and pulls her with him as he walks to the edge of the building.
"Well, it might not be a romantic dinner, but considering that ambitious nature of yours, I think this might even be more romantic," he says as they come to a stop at the ledge, neither of them afraid of falling.
It's not like it would matter overly much if they did.
"You certainly have me intrigued. So what is this surprise of yours?"
"Before that, how has business been? In Brockton specifically?"
She raises a brow at the conversation change, but decides to play along. They've known each other long enough and well enough that she figures there's a reason for the non sequitur.
"It could be doing better, but it's going well enough so far. I've only managed to procure one cape in my employ so far and am working on acquiring another, though I'm still hesitant to bring any of my other capes into this city. The recent troubles have been good and bad, but mostly good. Employment is up, and once I buy Medhall and tear it to pieces, I will finally be able to break into the Pharma market properly. So, all said, I'd say things are going pretty good."
"I see, I see," John nods his head. "That's a lot of pros. How about the cons?"
"Hmm. The PRT will likely want to cause a fuss once they can to steal my capes, but some generous donations should solve that problem. Really, the only cons would be the Villains. I don't know how the Empire is going to react, but they will likely be annoying to deal with when I take over Medhall. I'm also going to have to start making some deals with Red Heart if I want them to keep other, more troublesome gangs like The Teeth from moving in to the city and disrupting business. I don't suppose you could help me with that?"
"Nope," John quickly answers, popping the 'p'. "If you want to negotiate with Red Heart, you're by yourself for that. Well, not that it will matter anyway."
She merely raises an inquisitive brow, to which he pulls her closer into his side and offers her a pair of glasses.
"Put those on and look out over there, tell me what you see," John says as he puts on his own pair of glasses and looks where he indicated.
Doing as told, she dons the glasses and immediately finds her vision fluctuating strangely.
"They adjust zoom to make whatever you're focusing on clear to see," John says, answering her unasked question.
"Handy."
Turning out to the city, Gabriella briefly admires the view before turning her attention to where John pointed, finding her vision zooming in enough that she can see the streets clearly as if she was standing there instead of hundreds of feet away.
It doesn't take her long to find what she was no doubt being directed to. A giant, sleek, futuristic looking tank thing parked in the middle of the street with a giant canon and a man in armour sitting on top.
But that is not all. from the corner of her eye she sees a spot of light flitting about the sky and turns to see a whole lot of Empire mooks splitting off from what might be every Nazi cape in the city marching in the direction of the tank thing.
"They're going to fight?" She asks, a slight smile on her lips.
"They are," John confirms. "And they're going to lose. The Empire I mean. They really just can't match up."
"And this is a good thing for me?" She asks, only half teasing.
"Mhm. Once they lose, the Empire will collapse, leaving Red Heart as the major power. But the amount of bad PR they've gotten from the whole unmasking deal means they're at risk of pulling out of the city entirely if they were to also get their ass beat at the same time. Too many embarrassments for them to keep committing."
Gabriella raises a single, expertly manicured brow. "First of all, you just said they would win. Secondly, I don't think criminal gangs are known for giving up after some light embarrassment."
John lets out an amused huff. "The leader of the Red Hearts was taught the value of the sunk cost fallacy. If they suffer a beating after having their rep trounced by supposedly breaking the rules, he'll just pull them out. It's not like they're lacking in other places to focus."
"That still avoids the problem of them needing to actually suffer a defeat. It also doesn't truly help me all that much if all the gangs leave, since I would then have to deal with more outsider gangs vying for the open territory. Nature abhors a vacuum you know?"
"Ah, but that's were the opportunity is," John rebuts with a smirk. "I'm sure you've noticed Falcone has turned to vigilantism?"
"It's rather hard to miss. Are you implying Falcone will pounce on the victor?"
"Indeed it is and indeed I am. Falcone will show up at some point, and if I were to score the Empire capes at fifty points, then I'd put the Red Heart capes at around eighty or so. Falcone I'd say is about twenty points herself. It's obviously not as simple as a math equation, but Falcone and the Empire together stand a pretty good chance against the Red Hearts. In all likelihood, Red Heart will end up giving up on this city eventually. Brockton just isn't worth it. And then you would be in a unique position to claim everything."
"I must be missing some of your math, John. I am a business, I can hardly hold territory like a gang, and I've already said I don't want to bring too many assets over here. Like you said, Brockton just isn't worth it."
"Simple!" John flashes her a grin. "What are your thoughts on Corporate Teams?"
///
A/N: He~llo! Dear readers!
Corporate Teams are Hero teams that are owned by Corporations btw.
Anywho, sorry if this chap progressively gets worse, I'm really tired and I got a tattoo yesterday that's in the process of healing so I ended up procrastinating a lot (not that i don't do that already but whatever)
So yeah, I'm tired, and writing that last conversation I kinda ended up confusing myself a little bit so idk if it's even coherent enough, but fuck it, I'm going to bed.
Also, while I remember, it turns out La Pucelle Altre is in my discord which I am still pretty stoked about cuz they're an author who I remember reading freakin years ago. idk if they post anywhere other than Fanfiction.net, but go look them up. Also they do art and it's really fuckin good. I assume you can find that on their discord but idk what that link is so feel free to go to mine instead cuz there's art there too (It's like, rlly good, like commission good y'know? and hot lol)
I'm rambling because I'm tired. I feel like there was something else I wanted to a/n but at this point I'm just clogging up the chapter :/
Oh yeah, I'm half an hour late cuz I was distracted for exactly half an hour by discord. no other reason.
Oh and the desc for I-Frame is based on a pic Pucelle made, so credit to them.
