Kevin the Bored
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163 Twenty Questions (Gone Wrong!)
🕑 Added 2023-09-01 20:38:51 +0000 UTCShaking my photo of the supermarket, I take a moment to admire it. It looks like an album cover. Well, anything can look like an album cover, especially when in an abandoned genocide town.
Moving on, I walk deeper into the lair of the beast, far less concerned than I probably should be. It takes about a minute of walking in silence before I wonder why no one is asking me any questions.
Turning around to face the three behind me, I pause my stroll and raise a silent brow in question. The two guards who were previously watching our surroundings only turn to face me once they notice I stopped, and exchange a glance with Eddie.
"Oh, right," Jet says, before visibly trying to come up with a question, clearly not having expected to have to do anything more than guarding Edd, "uh, what happened with you and the Nine? Like, why did you, y'know, do that?"
Hm, I suppose it's a fair question, one I'm sure plenty of people are curious about.
"Don't think too deeply 'bout it.~ Jack was an ass, all he knew was to kill and destroy, and while I won't deny the fun that can be had there, there are other ways to pass the time, and if everyone is dead, then who is going to be left to entertain me?~"
Answer given, I move to the front of a particularly immaculate garden and snap another photo. Frankly, the whole place seems to be in perfect condition, despite being completely abandoned.
There's no dust, or signs of decay. Like a moment captured in time.
Creepy.
I like it.~
As I wait for my latest photo to dry I think up a question, shaking the photo despite that not actually being something I have to do, because this isn't one of those really old polaroids that didn't have a film over the ink, but what's the point of having a polaroid if I don't shake it?
And I just thought of a very important question that I can take this opportunity to learn the answer of.
"Did Alexandria get my flowers?~" I ask with a smirk that only grows at the constipated look that Mr Capone develops.
"Yes. She did. She had many, 𝘱𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘵𝘦, words to say about them."
Heh, I thought she'd love them. Aren't I just the kindest?
"Well, you're turn Mr Trevithick," I say, only for no one to answer me. Turning back around, I give the train guy a disappointed look, "seriously? You've got the whole train theme going on but you don't even know the name of the guy who invented them? Do some research man, this is just embarrassing.~"
Looking appropriately ashamed, Big T, no, Small T, starts contemplating a question to ask as we keep walking further into enemy territory.
I wonder when the robots will come to life and start eating us? I've started to get that feeling of being watched, and it's been intensifying the further we walk, so it's not like the Army doesn't know we're here.
"Why uh, why do you eat people?" He asks, making me facepalm.
"Dumbass, isn't that already on my file or something? I eat people because I have no choice.~ We're pretty sure it's my passenger's fault," I say while tapping my head, "but we also can't seem to find any way to circumvent it, which kind of sucks because as much as people taste 𝘢𝘮𝘢𝘻𝘪𝘯𝘨, I'd like some variety, and changing it's shape or form isn't enough to really provide that.~"
Abruptly remembering what else is in my fanny-pack, I take out a small bottle of blood mixed with ethanol and start loudly slurping it while staring Train-Man in the eye.
Feeling the burn as the beverage travels down my throat does make it better than just plain blood, but it still can't get me drunk, which sucks. And I can only get high with James' special drugs too, but I don't really mind.
I get the feeling that being high or drunk would end rather poorly for me.
My turn again. What to ask, what to ask..
Oh, that's a fun one.
"Do you believe that you are just, and that I am unjust?~" I crouch down after speaking to get a nice photo of a gas station, where the price sign thing looks extra tall.
I'm so professional.~
"Yes, I do," Al answers without hesitating, "you kill people regularly, a lot of people. More than forced cannibalism can even be used as an excuse. You cause chaos everywhere you go, my job is to bring order."
"Hah!" I scoff, "you speak of order and chaos as if they are moral principles.~"
Hearing that the machines are starting to move, I decide to give a quick lecture, since the game is going to be brought to an end.
"Chaos without order leads to nothing but destruction, true. But order without chaos leads only to stagnation.~"
Abruptly, I pause and deliver a spinning kick to a nearby car, folding it in half under the force of my blow, yet when it is launched away, it splits apart and reveals itself for what it truly is.
With a 𝘤𝘳𝘢𝘴𝘩, the machine disguised as a car impacts a building's wall, only for that wall to come apart into hundreds of mechanical pieces and consume the car, enlarging itself as it starts to grow larger.
At the same time, the entire town around us starts falling to pieces, the stone walls, metal cars, even the street lamps. Everything comes to life, twisting and creaking as they change to form blades and teeth and guns, all sorts of technological weapons.
"Only with chaos can we advance, but too much and there will be nothing left to advance," I say, continuing my lecture even as Jet launches two jets of energy out of his hands that melt everything they come into contact with, while Train-Guy picks the lawyer up in a piggy back and projects a rectangular forcefield around them both.
"It's all about finding the perfect balance," I say while catching a spikey looking device and using it to bludgeon away some mechanical tail thing, "just enough chaos that we can continue to thrive, but not quite enough that we perish.~"
Ignoring my party for a moment, I run at a conglomeration of creatures and jump over an attacking, segmented whip-like limb, using it as a foothold to launch myself higher.
A crab like pincer reaches out to grab me, but I simply spread my arms out and catch it, vaulting on top of the limb and jumping even higher, landing on the top of this machine before quickly jumping off with all my might in a backflip.
While soaring through the air, I wait until I hit the peak of my parabola, with my body upside down in the sky, I bring my camera to my face, and snap another photo, just in time to catch a large, snake-like machine crashing into Train's barrier and Jet melting a pair of freshly formed canons.
"You can call me evil all you want, but even justice would find itself without purpose when bereft of chaos,~" I whisper to myself as I start falling back to the ground, my mind far from the world around me, as I murmur, more to myself than anything else, "you could not function without me, and I could not exist without you, my beloved.~"
Twisting myself, I put my camera back in my fanny-pack and throw away my drink, committing the greatest crime of all. Littering.
With a grin, both of my arms transform into a pair of gigantic blades, each as large as I am tall, and I don't hesitate to start cutting the robots around me into ribbons.
A mass of poorly defined metal starts approaching me, growing in mass as it does so, with more and more being added by it's surroundings until it turns into something resembling a rhino right before it reaches me.
Grinning wildly, I move my blades further down my forearms and reach my now free hands out to the mechanical beast. It 𝘤𝘳𝘢𝘴𝘩𝘦𝘴 into me, causing my feet to dig trenches in the ground as it pushes me back, but my arms don't bend even slightly as I wither the blow.
"Heh, that all ya got!?~" I ask, before noticing something glowing to my side.
Turning my head, I am greeted by the sight of a glowing, three foot wide barrel pointed right at me.
Ah fuck.
𝘉𝘢𝘯𝘨!
My body ragdolls through several facsimile buildings before it comes to a stop, just as surrounded as before. However, the machines do not stop or pause in their offensive, continuing to attempt to crush, cut, pierce or otherwise destroy me.
"So ruthless!~ Have you no mercy for little ol' me?~" I exclaim as I dodge another snaking limb, followed by a blade of energy that I let cut my arm off so I can jump over it and get some distance.
My arm slips through the mass of metal and reattaches without a fuss.
Man, this isn't fun.
They are just emotionless machines. Punching them is about as satisfying as punching a wall.
Where's the feeling? The screams of rage and cries of despair? The 𝘦𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯.
Whatever, I've punched robots and taken photos, I'm done here.
Tilting to the side, I avoid another canon shot, and snap my hands out to vault on top of an attacking axe, jumping from that the the head of some mechanic dinosaur, and not one of the interesting ones.
Barely staying on it for a moment, my wings burst out of my back, shining with energy, and with a single flap, I am 𝘴𝘰𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 into the sky, an explosion following me that destroys whatever machinery was surrounding me.
Spreading my wings wide, I let out a constant stream of energy to keep myself afloat. I'm still working on fine control. Large burst are easy, as is flying fast, but small and controlled movements are a lot harder.
Looking down on the living town, I finally spot my escort, surrounded by robots as they charge through the streets. Trainman is still carrying the lawyer, both of them surrounded by the same rectangle of green energy as he does his namesake proud by charging through everything in his way with ease.
Jet however, seems to be faring slightly worse.
He seems to be able to fly, but not incredibly well, else he'd be as high as I am right now. But he's mostly keeping up with the other two as they rush for the exit, only lagging behind a little bit.
However, his blooded left leg is hanging limp, and he has a thin lance of steel piercing through his right shoulder.
Abruptly ceasing the flow of energy in my wings, I start plummeting to the earth, directing my landing until I 𝘤𝘳𝘢𝘴𝘩 onto the roof of one of the building like structures ahead of their path.
The 'roof' I land on bows from the force of my landing before righting itself, as if wanting to further prove that it isn't truly a building.
The three of them see me, and immediately I see hope enter their eyes. How silly.~
"Tear!" Trainman shouts up at me, crouched on the edge of the roof as I am, using some tentacles from my back to idly swat away any hostile machinery, "Jet needs help!"
Tilting my head at him right as he is about to pass me by, I answer with a single word, softly spoken but heard clear enough.
"So?~"
Clearly they forgot that I'm not one of the good guys. How laughable.
"You must help him! Please! Why won't you help him!?" Train repeats as he pauses before me, his path blocked by a spectacularly large hydraulic press that just finished forming in front of him.
"Oh?~ I didn't realise we were still playing twenty questions.~ In that case, I'm pretty sure it's your charge's turn, not yours.~" My blasé response doesn't seem to fill him with any joy as he roars out in excretion, slowly pushing the hydraulic press back, even as his cage gets swarmed.
A sudden burst of supernaturally hot plasma washes over the cage of green light, melting the swarm covering it and damaging the press enough for Train to advance.
"Why- no. What will it take for you to save Jet!?" Lawyerman asks, smartly avoiding asking why, as the answer is rather obviously that I just don't want to.
But I am nothing if not loyal to my games, so endeavour to answer honestly, having to pause for a few seconds to truly think of an appropriate answer.
What 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 it take?
"Huh, sorry, can't think of anything,~" I answer while sticking my tongue out and knocking my head with a knuckle, before suddenly startling and snapping my fingers, pointing to the sky as if I just had a great revelation, "oh! If you could get me like, an arm of Eidolon's to eat, that'd be nifty?~"
On second thought, I don't actually want that. It'd feel undeserved to eat him without besting him first. Normally that wouldn't be an issue, but this is 𝘌𝘪𝘥𝘰𝘭𝘰𝘯, The Strongest Hero.
"Come on!! Please! He's going to d-" before Trainguy can finish speaking, I interrupt him with my recent findings.
"Never mind actually, I don't want bits of Eidolon anymore.~"
A cry of pain brings our attention further down the street, where Jet seems to have his good leg grasped by one of the machine whips.
I have a feeling that that's going to suck for him.
With barely a moment's hesitation, Jet points one of his hands at the captured limb and lets loose his power, melting away the attacking appendage, alongside his own limb with a roar of excretion.
I mean, I wasn't wrong, but I was expecting more death-
Right before I can even finish that thought, a projectile spears through his stomach from behind, before opening up like a grappling hook.
Ooooh, now 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴, is definitely going to suck.
I watch in fascination as his body is 𝘺𝘢𝘯𝘬𝘦𝘥 down to the earth, the hooks of the grapple digging into his flesh, leaving a trail of blood following him as he falls.
He hits the ground with a sickening 𝘵𝘩𝘶𝘥 as bones crack and muscles tear, but his friend doesn't even have the time to call out in anguish before he is beset upon by a tidal wave of machinery.
It is morbidly fascinating to watch as his body is torn to sheds with absolute efficiency. Some devices simply bite into him, while others rend flesh from bone and throw what's left into the waiting gullet of another nearby machine.
Jet only manages to let out a single anguished scream before that too is cut off and his body devoured by the endless machine, leaving nothing but blood staining the road, until that too, is recycled by the mass.
Well that was interesting. I wonder if the other two will join their friend?
Five minute later it turns out that no, they will not, as Trainboy's ability carried them to safety with hardly an issue.
As we walk out through the same doors, a small group of troopers are there to greet us, and it doesn't take them long to notice the missing member.
But I just ignore them once I find my bike and turn back to the lawyer.
"Well, that was fun, got some nice photos, almost actually forgot to take this one too," I say with a laugh as I show him my favourite of the photos.
His face, already seeming tired and defeated, becomes even more complicated, a mixture of sorrow and rage colouring his scent as he stares intently at the photo of Jet's spilled guts, his face eternally locked in a rictus of pain.
"You bastard!" Trainkid suddenly yells as he stomps towards me, to which I merely turn to face him, my face never loosing it's pleasant smile.
"No don't!" Lawyerdude says, but it's too late.
Trainman's fist comes flying for my face, covered in a layer of green, but I allow the punch to connect, not making any move to dodge.
𝘉𝘢𝘮!
My body flies for a good few feet in a nice parabola, before crashing back into the ground and sliding a short distance, completely limp.
Mmm, tastes like spicy rubber.
"Argh!" Mister Train exclaims, holding his bleeding hand close to his chest.
Down to halfway through his palm, the flesh of his hand is no longer there, now resting inside my stomach.
"Thanks for the meal,~" I say as I climb back to my feet, licking my lips clean of his blood as I do so, retaining the exact same smile I wore when he punched me, the same smile I wore as I watched his friend get mutilated.
He is immediately angered, but the lawyer puts a hand on his shoulder and stops him with a look.
"Well, I suppose I'll be going now,~" I say as I start towards my bike, already planning on getting someone more knowledgeable about tech to look over it for trackers.
Then again, I might just not do that. I can think of plenty of ways to have fun with the PRT knowing where I am.
Eh, thoughts for later.
"What are you going to do now?" Lawyerman asks, sounding reluctant to do so, which makes me think he was ordered to at least ask this.
"I'm pretty sure it's not your turn, but I'll let it pass this time.~ As for what I'm doing? Well, there's one more little bit of havoc I want to cause you all before leaving for a while.~"
Time for the final stop before I leave The States.
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A/N: He~llo! Dear readers!
Go to chapter 4 and ctrl+f for the paragraph "They are after all, crazy." and join in with the 60 reply comment of the Crazy? I was crazy once thing that we've got going on.
Doesn't matter which comment you respond to, so long as it's the following verse, respond to them all if you want, make it chaotic, just don't ruin the fun by commenting anything other than the bit.
Tiime for me to go night night
