Kevin the Bored
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154 Interlude: Everyone Loves Clowns
🕑 Added 2023-08-24 04:19:19 +0000 UTCBoston, Massachusetts, November 17th, 16:09.
Accord likes things to be in order.
Though, many would likely consider that to be a vast underestimation. Because Accord does not just like things to be in order, he 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘴 it to be.
He tries to control his obsessive behaviour when it would be inconvenient to act upon, but no matter how aware he may be of his problem, that doesn't change the fact that disorder 𝘪𝘳𝘬𝘴 him like nothing else.
Plenty of men have died because of this, from not tucking in their shirt, or doing a poor job with their tie, or even accidentally urinating on the toilet seat.
Each action, only out of order by the slightest amount, but each time, it was enough to send him into a homicidal rage.
So Accord does his best to control that feeling, lest he loose even more of his own men to poor punctuality.
That doesn't however mean that he will simply sit back and allow someone to disrupt the order he has created with his business, hitting storehouses and ambushing his Ambassadors.
But the person in question is a Hero, a well known one at that. Mouse Protector, one of the inaugural Wards, now an independent Hero as well as possibly the first Hero to truly use the tactic of getting the Villain worked up by words, usually making lame puns and acting childish.
She specialises in ruining a Villain's perfect streak by giving them an embarrassing defeat.
She is exactly the worst kind of person to Accord. Chaotic, undisciplined and sporadic, all things that make him want to end a life.
Accord does not know why she is suddenly traveling to different cities, nothing overtly new considering her teleporting abilities, but she rarely stayed in any city other than Baltimore for longer than a day until recently.
But if he were such a man as to waste time on things as pointless as gambling, he would say it has something to do with her apparent travelling companion.
Another cape, one who is dressed in a flowery kimono, with his mask depicting a butterfly, matching the typically unoriginal name of Butterfly.
He hasn't been seen using any powers or interfering with any of Mouse Protector's fights, simply seeming to watch, making Accord think he has a more subtle power. Thinker, Stranger, Tinker, maybe even Master.
Either way, they represented a problem and an annoyance, and Accord is not one to tolerate annoyances.
Which led to him deciding to hire a Clown.
New though they may be, at least four of them are former members of the Nine, and even without that, Tear has managed to garner enough reputation just by her lonesome already.
He's even met with said woman, and so he can firmly say that he doesn't like her one bit.
There was something about her, he couldn't put his finger on it. It was like his mind wanted to rage at her for being out of place, except he couldn't find anything that 𝘸𝘢𝘴 out of place. Just an uncatchable itch in the back of his mind.
In fact, it seemed as if she'd purposefully done her best to remain neat and orderly, something that is immensely obvious when comparing her usual recorded behaviour to the polite and measured woman he met.
But despite all of that, something just felt 𝘰𝘧𝘧 about her and it was almost more annoying that he couldn't figure out what it was.
Either way, those talks went well enough, and Accord is happy with the result, if not the process.
His Ambassadors can't be everywhere after all, and hiring the services of a Clown has proved to be an effective solution, mostly having hired March and Diversity Hire, due to proximity and availability respectively.
Both have served their purpose exceptionally, and so Accord held no qualms in hiring them once more to deal with his rodent problem.
He tried March first, only to get sent to voicemail, meaning she is likely still occupied elsewhere.
When he got into contact with Diversity Hire, his preferred choice in all honesty, as she is certainly the cheapest, and the Clown reputation is sometimes enough anyway. She's certainly cheaper than asking Cauldron for help, and if she were to ever fail, that would likely just invite Tear to come over herself for the sake of their reputation.
Then again, 𝘢𝘭𝘭 of the Clowns combined are still cheaper than Cauldron.
He was in for a surprise though, as she actually 𝘳𝘦𝘫𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘦𝘥 him. The strange part being that she only did so 𝘢𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘳 hearing the contents of the job.
All he was told before being hung up on, was that Clowns don't interfere with other Clowns' fun.
Meaning that Mouse Protector's travelling companion is likely a Clown, as it is unlikely that someone of Mouse Protector's disposition would be willing to work alongside Villains.
Accord can't help but think of how 𝘪𝘳𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 this development is, and ultimately decides to either try getting into contact with this 'Butterfly' in order to negotiate a truce, or to simply take the far more expensive route.
Either way, one thing is for sure in Accords mind.
Good business partners they may be, he 𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘴 Clowns.
=============
Boston, Massachusetts, November 18th, 19:11
Mouse Protector is starting to hate Clowns.
"What are you doing lying on the ground? Did you find a penny or something? Maybe some cheese? Be careful that it's not a trap, I'd hate to see your pretty little head decapitated because your infernal lust for cheese was too much!~"
As the voice of her tormentor washes over her, she amend her previous thought.
She's starting to really, 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 hate Clowns.
"Why are you so mean to me?" She pitifully asks, playing it up a bit, because really she 𝘥𝘪𝘥 ask to be trained, and she has already noticed how much she's improved.
He's even said that she reminds him of his 'bestest friend in the whole wide world' and that as a result, he is going to make her to be one of the greatest capes in the world, because anything less would be an insult to his friend.
She doesn't know who his friend was, but clearly they're gone and he misses them. But if the result is that she becomes even more of a badass, then Mouse Protector certainly won't try and stop him.
Doesn't mean she can't complain about the brutal treatment though.
"Tut tut Mousey, how could you ever hope to live to fifty if you can't even beat a mere powerless mortal like me in a simple fight?" Her tormentor, Butterfly, asks, making it sound like he's 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 some normal guy.
Even if he actually doesn't have powers, something she doubted until he took her with him to get an MRI scan, that doesn't change the simple fact that he is an absolute monster in combat.
𝘚𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘩𝘰𝘸 he always seems to be just faster than her, despite her having multiple powers enhancing her agility and coordination, and he always seems to know exactly when and where she is going to teleport to.
It's infuriating, and worst of all, "WHY FIFTY!? I'M NOT THAT OLD! WHY CAN'T WE FOCUS ON LIVING TO THIRTY FIRST!?", he doesn't stop insulting her!
She conveniently ignores that she's already in her thirties.
"Mah mah, don't worry so much, my first wife was still smoking hot when she was fifty, though, to be fair she had a power enhancing her life force, so I guess it's not really a fair comparison. Don't worry though Mousey, even when your tits start to sag, you'll still be my favourite Mouse in the world!~ And, in my infinite mercy, we will only go one more round before taking a break, you're welcome."
She hates it when he does that, insulting her and then offering something nice. Because it means if she calls him out on the insult, that he'll go back on the nice thing, effectively forcing her to choose between pride and getting her ass kicked even longer.
"Huzzah! Thank you very much for your kindness Sensei!" She exclaims, jumping to her feet.
Pride is overrated anyway.
"Well, come on then," he goads, standing before her just as relaxed as always in his incredibly feminine kimono and mask, that, combined with his rose blond hair, make him look incredibly camp, "I don't have all day, I was planning on having sex later today.~"
God she hates this man.
Intending to vent said anger, she draws another handful of throwing knives and marks all of them before launching them at Butterfly, who is far to calm for someone without powers when faced with half a dozen flying knives.
Only right as the first couple are about to hit him does he move, tilting just slightly to avoid the three she threw from her right and raising a cheese knife, that he bough just for her, to knock the third off course.
Hoping to catch him off guard, Mouse Protector teleports to the knife he deflected, instead of one of the pair behind him, right as the other three are about to reach his body.
However, as soon as her eyes adjust to the sudden change of location, she only has the time to see that he has already batted away the three other blades and is right in front of her, facing her with a mean smile.
𝘈𝘸, 𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘴.
Instead of the impact to her ribs that she was expecting however, she is instead hit with a much more painful, and 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 sensation as his shin impacts right between her legs.
"Gyah!" She squeals as she falls to the ground, both hands holding onto her hurting privates.
"Hahahahahaha!" Butterfly, meanwhile, also falls to the ground, except he does so laughing his ass off.
Through the pain, Mouse Protector works enough energy to scream at him. "I can't believe you kicked me in my mouse trap! What is wrong with you!?"
He just continues to laugh, the asshole.
Fucking Clowns.
==========
Every city, U.S.A., November 22nd, 14:20.
James Smith has experienced a lot of life since he Triggered.
It's only natural, considering the nature of his power. To be everywhere all at once. It certainly makes for an easy time creating a business around the trading of information.
Eventually, he lost his name, and simply went by his 'cape name' of John Doe, just another face in the crowd.
Since then, he has existed in hundreds of places within hundreds of minds all at once. Speaking collectively, he has lived for centuries.
And with time, he has learnt why the mythological gods of old always got up to such pointless antics.
He got bored.
He's seen it all, done it all. A hundred times over at that.
But then an old friend form the same business contacts him, lets him in the actions of his new friend, a cape named Tear, a woman named Lusia.
The rest is simply history.
He was bored, and Jinx tells him of a woman who bores far too easily.
He was desperate for the world to be interesting again, and Jinx tells him of a woman who feels the same, and is doing her best to keep things entertaining.
So he watches, and he finds himself amused, so he decides to throw his hat in with them. There aren't really any downsides anyway.
And so far? He thinks he made the right decision, especially after his little talk with the woman in question just last week.
She certainly hasn't wasted any time at least, as he already has information flowing in telling him exactly what she is likely about to do, and John is truly looking forward to the result, whatever it may be, because it will be interesting regardless.
However, with things getting interesting again, John suddenly feels the need to put in a little more effort himself. He's hardly pushed the limits of his power after all, simply stagnating with what he has, deeming it enough.
But with things changing so much, it would probably be for the best if he was a tad more active.
With that in mind, John pulls out a pistol and sighs to himself.
𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘪𝘵 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘴𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘴, he thinks as he raises the barrel to his own head.
𝘉𝘢𝘯𝘨!
The bullet travels clean through his head, splattering blood and grey matter over the wall behind him and causing his lifeless body to slump down in his chair.
A beat passes and the gun clatters to the ground, falling from his slack grip.
Only after a full minute passes, does anything seem to change, as a strange, white, puss like liquid starts to bubble out from the bullet hole in his head.
The liquid grows in volume, falling to the floor and continuing to grow until it suddenly detaches from his head, showing that the wound is now gone, the only evidence left being the bloodstains.
At the same time, the mass of white liquid writhes and bubbles until it eventually starts forming a shape, vaguely reminiscent of a humanoid.
Another minute passes as the transformation finishes, until what looks like a simple mannequin is left lying on the ground beside his slumped body.
All at once, both of the bodies jolt to wakefulness, shooting upright in perfect synch.
With nothing more than a sigh, John takes the gun that the mannequin besides him picked up for him, and gives the handgun a forlorn look.
"Seven more in the chamber, huh?" He quietly says before simply raising the gun back to his head, in the same spot as last time.
𝘉𝘢𝘯𝘨!
As he slumps back down, the mannequin-esque figure gets to it's feet and walks away, it's form still shifting and changing, and if one were to look close enough, they would notice a slight resemblance to John starting to slowly form.
Keeping it's current speed, it would be a whole new John in a simple hour or two.
By the time he is out of bullets, he has a raging headache and a deep desire for a nice, steaming bath.
=============
Denver, Colorado, November 25th, 13:40.
Jamie Lazlo does not like annoyances, and he has no problem murdering anything that causes him annoyance.
He wouldn't be known as Bastard Son if he was some polite goodie two-shoes.
Which is what makes it so frustrating to him that he is incredibly annoyed, yet without anyone to murder to make himself feel better.
Even now, he has to spend his time keeping some two-bit nobodies in check in Denver while another division finishes setting up shop. The irritating part being that the old man Uppercrust decided to hire outside help to soften the city up in the first place.
That is 𝘩𝘪𝘴 job, there is no reason to hire anyone else do do something he can do just fine with a few of his men.
But rumour has it that the old man's health is showing signs of declining, and Jamie isn't stupid. He knows that the old man's death will leave a vacuum in The Elite.
Already, some other high-ranking members of The Elite are starting to jockey for his position and influence. Only subtly of course, it's still likely to be a few years before his health really starts becoming an issue, but still, Jamie has noticed.
And with Uppercrust being the sole point of contact between The Elite and those thrice damned Clowns, his position is all the more valuable.
After all, if anyone else can take over that relationship with the Clowns, then they would have enough influence to become the most prominent member of The Elite.
The only reason Uppercrust isn't taking advantage of that fact, is simply because he likes to do his own thing, mostly separate from the rest of the organisation.
Personally, Jamie thinks the old man is in the wrong business. They are criminals, 𝘷𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘴, not businessmen. Uppercrust doesn't seem to truly understand that fact, hence why he has been mostly separate from the rest of The Elite for the past however-many years.
But none of that truly matters to Jamie.
What matters to him is that those Clowns stepped in on his territory, and that he wants someone to die because of it.
Luckily for him, chance is in his favour as an opportunity to do just that seems to have shown itself.
"And you're certain that it's them?" Bastard Son asks his underling, one of the capes, not one of his 'men', over the phone as he reclines into his temporary home's sofa.
"Positive Boss, I know who I saw." The phone answers, the speaker's tone calm and relaxed, with only a hint of malice.
"Good, heh. Then I want you to pay them a visit Lucky, show them what happens when they annoy me, heh." He answers with a sharp smirk before simply hanging the phone and relaxing further.
Nobody fucks with Bastard Son, least of all some two-bit Clowns.
Fucking Clowns, he's never liked them.
=================
𝐒𝐮𝐛𝐣𝐞𝐜𝐭: 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐡𝐮𝐦𝐚𝐧 𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐬𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 ► 𝐒𝐮𝐛𝐣𝐞𝐜𝐭: 𝐂𝐥𝐨𝐰𝐧𝐬 ► 𝐒𝐮𝐛𝐣𝐞𝐜𝐭: 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐡𝐮𝐦𝐚𝐧 𝐦𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩 ► 𝐏𝐚𝐠𝐞 𝟕𝟖;
𝗦𝘂𝗯𝗷𝗲𝗰𝘁 𝗧𝗶𝘁𝗹𝗲: John Doe
𝗦𝘂𝗯𝗷𝗲𝗰𝘁 𝗡𝗮𝗺𝗲: James Smith
𝗣𝗼𝘄𝗲𝗿 𝗖𝗹𝗮𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗳𝗶𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻: Master 5*
𝗔𝗳𝗳𝗶𝗹𝗶𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻: Villain, Clowns**
𝗣𝗹𝗮𝗰𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝗥𝗲𝘀𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲: Mobile
𝗗𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝗕𝗶𝗿𝘁𝗵: October 8th, 1975
𝗦𝘁𝗮𝘁𝘂𝘀: Active
𝗛𝗲𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁: 5'10
𝗪𝗲𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁: 155lbs.
𝗖𝗹𝗮𝘀𝘀 𝗦 𝗧𝗵𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁: No
𝗔𝗽𝗽𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲: Average, brown hair and eyes, nothing stand-out.
𝗚𝗲𝗻𝗲𝗿𝗮𝗹 𝗔𝘀𝘀𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁:
James came from an average nuclear family with one sibling and married parents. His father was an office worker and his mother a housewife while his younger sister worked as a waitress.
At some point, he triggered (likely in 2000) after which he started building up his business as an information broker. He was eventually caught and imprisoned for fraud, impersonating an officer, perverting the course of justice, conspiring to commit a felony, assisting a conspiracy to commit a felony, among other things.
It was only later, in 2001 that he was discovered to be a parahuman, as he was arrested a second time. He has since become the most successful independent information broker in the country, with his network seeming impossible to take down.
Since then, he has remained relatively quiet, keeping to himself until 2008, where he has been recruited into the Clowns, extending their network further.
𝗚𝗲𝗻𝗲𝗿𝗮𝗹 𝗣𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘆:
Generally blasé and uncaring, he hasn't shown concern for his own safety once, even while being arrested, or killed (see: Incident report: LukL-Tes343-0079-GwLLoL<P). Hasn't crossed any clients or ever released the information of who has been buying what, showing some professional integrity.
Possibly incredibly bored.****
𝗣𝗼𝘄𝗲𝗿𝘀:
A self duplication type power that allows him to be in multiple places at the same time. Has been seen on camera in multiple cities at once, and is currently in six separate prisons.
It is unknown if there is a limit to the number of clones, or how many are currently active.
𝗔𝗱𝗱𝗶𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝗡𝗼𝘁𝗲𝘀:
*Speculative, could be a mix of Stranger and Mover powers in tandem.
**The Clowns are not an official organisation, it is a colloquial term used in reference to the number of Parahumans that have banded together under Lusia Abel to form a network of connections.
***Thinkers believe he is present in all minds at once, causing him to have lived an effective life multiple times over his actual years.
=================
A/N: He~llo! Dear readers!
So, I added a little profile as extra (even tho the chap was already 2.6k) and I've decided that I'll probably do them for every interlude, as well as other chapters if there's a fitting time to, because it's actually pretty fun to write.
It is also, as with all things I write, something that I put a lot of thought into, such as the incident reports. I don't doubt that you all just skipped over them, but for the sake of realism, I didn't just type random things in for them, there is an actual code being used (and I use the term code very lightly, it's not exactly complicated)
If you can figure it out, I'll let you help me finish designing one of the ocs I have in the works (and having them in the works means that they will actually be important to the story, rather than ocs like the young lords, or whatever they were called, who I just came up with on the spot)
Comments
Lucy Edwards
I'm sorry, the fucking what?
Scarletmenace
The murder clussy squad is getting around. Also rip that poor bastard.
THE SAVAGE KITTY
Anyone with clownaphobia (Peace sign fading from existence)
