Kevin the Bored
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153 Walpurgis Banquet 2 Electric Boogaloo
🕑 Added 2023-08-22 21:23:32 +0000 UTC"Ok then!" I exclaim as I take a gavel out from my pocket that I stole from some judge for the exact purpose of banging it on the table right now, after which I just carelessly throw it out of the window behind me, "now that everyone is here, I officially commence the first ever of this very important, super serious meeting!~"
In the ensuing silence that follows my statement, a gust of wind blows in from through one of the large window, disturbing one of the piñatas hanging from the ceiling behind me, causing it to come loose and fall, yet due to the wind, it doesn't fall to the floor.
Instead, the piñata falls right on my head, and due to it's nature as papier-mâché, it doesn't simply bounce off of me, instead, it pierces itself on my head, leaving me unwittingly wearing a piñata helmet.
Freezing in place as the insides of a piñata suddenly overtakes my vision, I slowly turn to face Fool.
Without saying a word, I pull out a marker pen and draw a pair of frowning eyebrows over the piñata's face to show my displeasure.
"Sorry." A muffled but still clear apology enters my ears, to which I just huff and flick my head slightly so that the llama on my head spins away from him.
"As I was saying," my muffled voice sounds out, only to be interrupted by a rather malicious feeling voice.
"Ah, sorry Tear, I can't hear you with that thing on your head, let me lend a hand will you?" A voice I recognise to be March's sounds out, followed by the sound of footsteps approaching me as a certain feeling settles in my gut.
"A-ah, now now March," I say, voice panicked but still muffled as she reaches me, "there's no reason to do anything rash-"
𝘉𝘰𝘰𝘮.
The piñata around my head suddenly and violently explodes, sending confetti and candy flying and completely ruining my hair, as well as charring my super cool cloak.
A quick glance at the people closest to me shows that Cerberus is predictably fine, and that Jack's red energy formed a wall between Chibi and I, leaving her unharmed.
My scones are all ruined though.
"Maaaaarch!~" I whine at her as she retakes her seat, "this cloak was like, four grand!~ And what if you hurt me?~"
"Four grand!" The pirate exclaims, suddenly no longer drowning in booze, "what kind of idiot spends four grand on a cloak?"
His words hit me like an arrow to the heart and I collapse forward onto the table, a brief application of my power swiping the mess clear so I don't stain my cloak further.
"Indeed," Negante adds, putting the final nail in my coffin, "what kind of idiot borrows money just to spend four grand on a cloak?"
Sniffling, I rest my cheek on the table and turn to face Cerberus. "Why are they being so mean to meee?~" I ask him, only for Vendor to his side to answer for him.
"Perhaps it's because when you say you're going to help, you get distracted, forget and eventually just get your pet to do it for you?" He says, smiling a perfectly polite smile despite the slight bitterness I can hear in his tone.
Ouch, ok that one was fair enough.
And I did feed March people without her knowing, and use Negante as a bank.
...The pirate doesn't have any reason to be mean though.
"...Alright, fair enough. But for the record, that was one time!" I exclaim as I sit back up straight and stop pouting, continuing as if that whole thing didn't happen, "anyway, since a lot of us might not know each other, I figure it's best if we start of by introducing ourselves."
As I finish speaking, I notice fourteen sets of eyes, plus however the fuck many eyes Cerberus has, staring at me silently.
Oh, right.
"I should probably go first huh?~ Hehe, ok then!~ This most majestic woman before you is known as Lusia Tear, some call me Abel, and we can just pretend I got that the right way round.~ I started this little gathering because I like having fun, and seeing other like-minded people enjoy themselves. Oh, and as you probably know, I'm pretty good in a fight, and this is my pet Cerberus.~"
Cerberus just snorts at my introduction of him and closes his eyes, laying down for a nap. He really is more animal than human at this point.
At least my stomach still recognises him as human enough to eat him, otherwise I never would have finished that project with Chibi, who, speaking of which, picks up from me to introduce herself.
"Hello all!~ I am Chibi, I like inventing new ways to advance human biology, and I'm also a really good doctor, so if you ever need a surgery done, feel free to let me know." She says, her cheerful voice matching her smiling mask perfectly.
Moving on down the circle, Negante is next.
"I'm Negante, I cured HIV and have a lot of money if you've got something fun you want to do that needs funding." He says, short and concise, but still sounding somewhat childishly excited when he mentions doing something fun.
"I'm Fool, I'm not much of an actor, I'm more of a spectator,~" he says with a playful drawl, "if you're planning an event and want it advertised to streamed tot he world, please do let me know and I'll put it on the front page of FoolsNet. I'm also pretty good with information if you want to know anything.~"
Funnily enough, it's Fast Travel and Vendor who seem the most interested in Fool's introduction, and I get the feeling that it's because they both want him to advertise their services so they can make more money.
"Hey all!~ I'm March, I'm not rich or anything, but I'm a pretty good fighter, I could totally kick Tear's ass, and I'm also waaay smarter than her too, 'cuz I actually have a Thinker power.~"
...Why is she so mean to me?
Do you think she's still mad about the jerky? I thought it was pretty funny.
The next person is the John Doe looking guy.
"It's nice to meet you all, I'm known as John Doe," huh, would you look at that? "and I work in the information business, which is how I met Fool here, who introduced me to this wonderful network. In simple terms, you can say that I am everywhere, so if you ever need to know something, give me a call. Of course, unless what you're using the information for is exceptionally amusing, then all information comes at a price, discounted for you.~"
Neat, having more information available will always be handy, and since I doubt I'd be calling him for anything that isn't fun, that means it'll always be free! I love free things!
"You can call me Shinobi, or Shin for short. I was trained by Sage before he was caught, and I enjoy assassinating difficult targets, and overthrowing South American governments."
Fucking what? That's hilarious.
I'm also pretty sure I've heard about that Sage guy, some dude who went around beating the shit out of capes for fun, got famous after beating the shit out of a half dozen of Bastard Son's bastard sons, who are known to be impossibly skilled.
So, considering the fact that I didn't even hear him coming, not that I was all that alert, I find it believably that he was Trained by this Sage guy.
I wonder where he is anyway? So long as he isn't in the Birdcage, we could probably break him out. I'll ask later.
"Greetings all!~" The guy opposite me says from atop his mega chair, "you can call me Butterfly.~ I am an even better fighter than March over there-" "Hey!" "-in fact, I am the most skilled fighter on the planet, hence why I've been working as an instructor for hire of sorts for these past few months, until Shin over there kindly offered me membership with you fine folk.~ So if you ever want to be a better fighter, hit me up, or if you just need money, because I also happen to have a metric fuck tonne of money.~"
Best fighter in the world huh?
Well he's certainly confident at least. Might be fun to shatter that confidence of his.~
"Yo, as you can tell from my complexion, I am the Diversity Hire, but you can just call me Dee if ya want. I don't really got a bunch of money or information or nothing, but I'm pretty good in a fight if you need any extra muscle."
Other than her name, which gets a few chuckles, nobody really shows much interest in her, which is fair enough really, since she has the least to offer of anyone here, unless the pirate in her lap has even less?
"Huh? Oh, uh, 'm Buccaneer, my power points me in the direction of whatever I want most in the world, so I'm a treasure hunter. I guess I'm kinda rich if ya need money. I like rum. Rum is good."
Guess not then. Eve the alcoholic has more to offer.
Wait, does that mean that when he entered the room, the thing he wanted most in the entire world was hard liquor? What a guy.
"I'm Nutcracker, I just like travelling. If you're in trouble and I'm nearby then I'll help out, but I pretty much just do my own thing."
"String Theory's the name and don't you forget it!" String says, her tone completely opposite to Nutcracker's more demure tone, as she speaks with an almost manacle pitch, "I am the best Tinker in the world after Dragon! I can make basically anything I want, and my Drivers could probably even kill and Endbringer if they ever showed up near me!"
Hehe, such grandeur, and here I thought Butterfly had a lot of confidence. At least she's still respecting Dragon's position, because saying you're a better Tinker than her is like me saying I'm stronger than Eidolon, it's just unrealistic.
Also, I was wondering why someone like her hadn't tried her inventions against an Endbringer, since killing one of them would surely give her the fame she wanted. I figured it was just because she didn't actually think she could do it, but clearly it was more just that she hasn't had the chance to try.
"I'm Harlequin. I like planning out large scale schemes and I have a growing influence over the Protectorate, and the PRT to a smaller degree, so if you need insider information, I'm your gal."
Following her, Fast Travel practically jumps to his feet, knocking his throne back as he does so. "Hey! I'm Fast Travel! I used to go by Doorman, but then it didn't work out, and now I'm here so I figured I'd use a new name, and my power is the teleporting one that brought us all together, so I figured Fast Travel was fitting, also, I like money."
Energetic as always I see.
Lastly, but certainly not leastly, is that a word? Probably not, is Vendor, who has already saved the lives of a lot of us present with his teleportation device, though I guess Behemoth would have saved us anyway, and maybe String would have had a shot against an Endbringer.
Ah well.
"Hello all, I am Vendor and I also like money. I'm another Tinker who can make pretty much anything, except my creations are all single use items, but don't worry, I give discounts to repeat customers."
With everyone now knowing everyone, I speak up again, not bothering to wake Cerberus to introduce himself. He's my pet, that's all they really need to know, if they don't already know who he was, which is unlikely.
"Well, now that we're all familiar, I'm curious if anyone is doing or planning anything interesting?" I ask, getting to the point of why the Clowns exist as a group int he first place.
Unfortunately, Negante derails that effort with his own words.
"What 𝘐'𝘮 curious about is why she," he says, pointing to March, "was so careless with her powers. You could have hurt Chibi with that."
Ouch, no concern for little ol' me? It's nice to see him being protective over Chibi though.
Unluckily for him though, he seems to have forgotten exactly what type of people those in this room are.
"So?" Is March's predictable response.
After all, we're all insane here. Without an actual personal connection, no one present is the type to care much if some stranger dies.
Negante bristles slightly but simply sighs with a light chuckle after a moment, shaking his head.
The next person to speak is actually Shinobi, which I didn't expect, while everyone else simply starts properly enjoying the snacks prepared, except for March, who for some reason seems suspicious of all the food.
"Well, I'm planning on overthrowing the Honduras government again, because the last guy I overthrew it with was killed and some shmuck took their place. Normally I just kill people, but it could be fun to try doing it without killing the current Minister by just ruining his rep?"
He finishes talking while looking right at Fool, clearly suggesting the use of FoolsNet as the means of spreading whatever they come up with.
"Sounds fun!~ I'll have to add a politics tag for posts, I really should have done so already to be honest, with the amount of politically incorrect posts being made.~"
Heh, I love the internet.
The best part about FoolsNet is that there is literally no moderation at all. Well, 𝘵𝘦𝘤𝘩𝘯𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 there are moderators, but the moderation powers are literally just given out on whims and used purely for the sake of being a power trip and banning whoever they feel like.
It's a fun site, and I'm immune from being banned, which makes it even better.
"Wah!" Buccaneer suddenly shouts as he jolts from his place in Diversity's lap, clearly having fallen asleep and just been abruptly woken, like he had one of those dreams where you're falling.
"What about you," Diversity says, "do you have anything interesting in the works?"
"Huh? Oh, yeah. I'm gonna go find the treasure of Cortez himself. Just got to get a boat first, my last one kinda doesn't boat anymore." He says.
"I've got a boat, a few actually." Butterfly responds with a smile, and the two soon start talking details, while the rest of the room soon breaks off into separate conversations.
Except for the few who just enjoy the free food and drink of course.
The rest of the day passes much like this, just a little over a dozen bored and powerful people talking about what we're doing and what we can do to have even more fun.
It makes me smile, seeing all my hard work paying off.
A John Doe appears next to me, and I turn to him with a face full of dried meats soaked in 'sauce'.
"Hello Lusia, may I call you Lusia?" I nod, and he continues talking while I work on swallowing my food, "I was wondering what you plan on doing next? I've been watching your career with interest you see, you could say I'm a fan.~"
A fan? How sweet.~
"Sure, but it's nothing all that complicated.~ I was just thinking I'd go around and fight powerful people, I have a couple in mind too.~ Maybe I'll even visit a Quarantine Site or two.~"
His smile only grows at my words.
"I see, in that case, I have some information that you might find interesting.~"
Heh, my hard work is paying off indeed.
=================
A/N: He~llo! Dear readers!
I spent all this time planning a walpurgis, only to realise that I had no idea what the fuck they'd talk about. don't yell at me, as the end should let you know, action is inbound, and a lot of it too.
Like, a fuck tonne of action, because I like to go action, chill, action, chill, and this has been a lot of chill, and I plan for even more chill later, so be ready for some big ol' fights :)
Comments
Scarletmenace
I got a laugh out of the piñata bit lol
