Kevin the Bored
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150 Party for One
🕑 Added 2023-08-19 05:48:08 +0000 UTCColumbus, Ohio, September 30th, 12:05.
You know, I don't know on what day I was born.
We never really π₯πͺπ₯ birthdays. I don't think I've celebrated my own since I was seven. Mom never cared for pointless celebrations see, from birthdays to christmas, she just didn't see the point.
That's not to say she didn't get me gifts or anything, she just thought it was stupid that she should wait to give me stuff until specific times of the year.
So I don't actually remember what day is my birthday.
It's... a strange thing to realise. For some reason, it makes me feel like I've lost something. Not that I'm ππ¦π΄π΄π¦π³ or anything, just, π₯πͺπ§π§π¦π³π¦π―π΅.
So, I've decided that today is my new birthday. The last day of September. The day that I Triggered.
That was the day my life's destiny was irrevocably changed after all, so it seems fitting to call it my new birthday.
Which is why I decided that we'd do the grand opening today, as a little celebration that only I will truly understand.
All of which, leads to this.
"Hello all, I am Mandy Anderson and I am here, live at the grand opening of Last Laugh Incorporated's first arcade, with none other than the eccentric Italian millionaire responsible for this herself, Callidora Clemente." The typical blonde haired, blue eyed reporter, Mandy apparently, speaks into her mic with a smile that, while exaggerated, I can tell is somewhat genuine.
I myself give a friendly smile and a small wave to the camera, even as the sounds of dozens of arcade machines blare in my ears, the glass window behind us not being nearly enough to hide the sound from my senses.
"Tell me Miss Clemente, in the past ten days you've been buying out arcades all over the country, but it's my understanding that the arcade business has been on a rapid decline as of late, are you not worried about this venture of yours being a poor investment, financially speaking?"
Ouch, hitting me straight in the money from the get go.
It's been an interesting experience starting a business. Of course, I've had a lot of help, and it's nowhere near done yet, but still, it's been interesting.
I have Uppercrust to thank for a lot of it being as simple as it has been though. He's the one who set up this identity for me. He even chose the name, which basically translates to say that I am beautiful and merciful.
I knew there was a reason I liked that guy.
As for explaining where all the money is coming from? That's actually kind of interesting. As I understand it, Uppercrust knows a lot of people who own shares in various companies but who, for whatever reason, do not want anyone to know that they own them.
So we basically put all of those shares under my name, even if I'm never going to get to touch any of the actual money from them.
All in all, it's a win win. Rich assholes get to keep some more of their wealth hidden away, and I get a reason to be able to spend millions on buying and renovating arcades without anyone batting an eye.
Still, this question was expected, so I don't even have to think for an answer.
"That is true, financially speaking, it is a poor investment, one that I do not expect to gain me any profits. However, the cost of running them is something that I can bare, and more importantly, take a look, will you?" I say, my accent only slightly Italian. Light enough that no one should be able to tell it's fake, but heavy enough that people will assume I've lost some of the accent from staying in America for so long.
As I finish speaking, I gesture to behind us, to my recently renovated arcade. It's very colourful, with banners and tassels and stuff all over the place.
Frankly, it looks like a circus. Like it was designed by a Clown or something.
Funny that.
Most notable however, is the scores of people, mostly teens but a fair number of people in their second or third decade, there is a bar after all. All of them, bustling about and having a grand old time.
In part because arcades are fun, but the fact that I've made everything free for the first three days after opening is likely also to blame for the current popularity.
"Look at them all," I say, doing my best to sound wistful, "I may not profit financially from this venture, but arcades hold a special place in my heart, and I would hate to see them die out. So no matter how much money I lose keeping arcades alive, it is a price I am fully willing to pay. Oh, and please, call me Callidora."
It's actually not all that expensive.
Well, start up is, buying all the machines and everything, but I'm a criminal, dealing with other criminals, so without going into details, let's just say I got a discount.
As for keeping everything running, it basically just costs however much the electricity bills, food and drink will be. Since the fact that my deal with Uppercrust from what feels like years ago is now finally coming to fruition, meaning that the cost of wages will be practically non existent.
But that won't be ready for another month or two at least, we're only opening this one now because it's my birthday and I threatened to throw a tantrum if I didn't get what I wanted on my birthday.
Naturally, I won't be saying any of this, because it really doesn't match the image I'm going for here.
"That is admirable of you Miss Callidora, to place people's entertainment over company profits. Speaking of your company, Last Laugh Incorporated. Is there any deeper meaning behind why you chose that name? Because some people seem to feel it sounds rather ominous."
She speaks in a tone that makes it sound like she's joking, even when she clearly isn't, but I ignore that in favour of focusing on avoiding laughing out loud.
I was actually inspired by James' 'Hearts and Minds' club when I came up with the name, just with a tad more plausible deniability.
"It's nothing quite so dramatic, I assure you," I lie, smiling like she told a joke, "it's simply that I hope for my arcades to always be a place where you can laugh and have a good time, even if it is the last place where you are comfortable doing so. And it's pronounced Kae-llidora."
The interview continues on in this manner for a short while longer. Just her asking me questions, pronouncing my fake name wrong and me giving answers.
Until I get bored of that and spend the rest of our time slot ranting about my three favourite games of all time, Solitaire, Minesweeper and Tetris.
They are good games, and while adding Minesweeper to the arcade is unrealistic, I made sure to add a cards section for Solitaire, even if I know it's only going to be used for illegal gambling.
Oh well, this isn't going to be the kind of place that cares about silly laws like that and underage drinking.
Enough people are either involved or paying off other people that we're not going to be bothered by anyone.
I've even hired Sam, at least part time until he graduates, to work for me, and he's pretty happy at the idea of landing an incredibly well paying job simply due to knowing me.
The idea, is that my Clowns are officially turning into an organisation, more or less. It wasn't the original plan when I founded the group, but it's just as interesting, if not more so.
See, the world of capes is pretty much split in half with any cape either being of heroic, or villainous inclination. Even a lot of the rogues are either lone heroes or lone villains, rarely do they just do their own thing outside of that.
But, we are going to change all of that, by making my arcades into the first official neutral territory, sponsored across the country by my Clowns.
Obviously there π’π³π¦ other neutral areas, generally there is one in every city, for the sake of negotiations. But there has never been an actual organisation spanning more than one city that specifically exists to holds purely neutral territory.
That's what Last Laugh Inc. is, it's a place that will be unaffected by gang wars and the like, with rooms set up in each building for if opposing sides want a neutral ground to work out any deals.
Even James' territory is technically Red Hearts territory, not Clown.
More than just that however, is that there will be a special room full of nothing but doors, making it so that anybody can travel from any Last Laugh arcade to any other Last Laugh arcade in the country.
A simple and easy method of quick travel, for a price, of course.
Typically, such an ambitious project would just result in a bunch of assholes trying to crash the party and ruin everything, but my deal with Uppercrust will solve that problem when it comes to any normals causing trouble, and as for any capes, villain or hero alike that think about crashing the party?
Well, we still have String Theory, who everyone now knows was broken out of her transport by fellow Clowns, despite the transport being guarded by Alexandria and Eidolon themselves.
Of course, less people know πΈπ©πΊ Eidolon failed to fuck me up any further than he did, but that is besides the point.
The point, is that the Clown name holds πΈπ¦πͺπ¨π©π΅ now. Probably equal in weight to the Elite, even if in a totally different manner.
We don't have their influence, but we are far scarier to have as an enemy. Other than Mimi, everyone left from the Nine is now a Clown after all, Chibi being the most recent, shyly taking on the name Chibi for her Clown persona, much to my own joy.
So all that's really left to do is finish renovating all the arcades I've bought, and for Fast Travel to visit them all to fix up his door system.
He was pretty upset at the idea of giving Elite members a small discount, but once I informed him of just how much money he's likely to be making from this thanks to them helping to make it country wide, he was suddenly all smiles.
That guy likes money way too much in my opinion, but whatever makes him happy, I guess.
Of course, it would do a poor job of what I have in mind if it was open all the time and full of people, but that's not much of a problem, both because hardly anyone goes to arcades anymore, and because we can just kick people out if we need any privacy.
But even then, it doesn't really matter. The idea is that all capes recognise Last Laugh arcades as a neutral territory, which means that secrecy really isn't the aim of the game.
It's going to be something of an open secret that we're pandering to capes.
Who knows? Maybe that will even make people's interest in arcades spike again.
And the best part?
Now that I have Fast Travel, I can finally set up an honest to goodness Clown meeting.
I have just been π₯πΊπͺπ―π¨ to meet the recruits that other people have let in, so I've got Fast Travel, as well as the people doing the renovating, focusing on the arcades in the areas that other Clowns are for now, the other ones can be finished whenever.
I'm looking forward to it, the group chat had fifteen people in it last time I checked, and I haven't even met four of them, of which Vendor is the only one I've at least spoken with over the phone.
One of them is apparently a treasure hunter too, which just sounds fucking awesome.
I didn't know treasure hunting was just a thing you could do, I figured that kind of thing died out with pirates.
Should be fun.
Now all I've got to do it wait.
...I hate waiting.
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A/N: He~llo! Dear readers!
I confused myself writing this chapter, there are a lot of things happening canonically, and though I'm not writing it all down, I still need to keep track of it all, and due to who I am as a person, I'm keeping track of it all in my head instead of making notes.
Also, I finished Vampire Survivors today, all the achievements have been achieved, and I celebrated by crashing the game in all of 6 minutes :)
