cerim
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Chapter 585 - Dumb Human, Dumb Demon
🕑 Added 2025-03-27 09:45:16 +0000 UTCAs we walk up the metal stairs and head toward the elevator, Whitey lets out a little laugh. Just one, and then he stuffs his mouth with more pizza.
We reach the elevator and I press a single red button, which brings us upward. The higher we go, the better view he has of the shuttle and the surrounding nature. A dry, mostly reddish, rocky, and dusty area. Still, there is a rough beauty to it.
The elevator shakes, creaks, and stops, and the door opens to a metal mesh ramp. We walk through it and into the space shuttle. Even inside, everything looks a bit worn and made in a style I have seen others on Earth call NASA punk.
There are many white, leathery panels covering the walls. Numerous important-looking buttons and monitors with green screens display white text. There is always something that chimes, beeps or emits a similar noise, and even the air carries that nostalgic smell.
I glance around, noticing scratches and faded stickers plastered randomly on surfaces, some peeling at the edges. A few handwritten notes are stuck next to certain buttons, containing warnings or hastily scribbled reminders.
On the floor beneath our feet, loose wires stick out from cracked panels, hastily taped with silver tape. Some buttons are labeled with yellow sticky notes bearing words like "Don't press," "Maybe press," or simply question marks. This place feels chaotic but wonderfully alive.
I close the door and lock it just as I would lock my house, with a key and everything. Surely, there are some parts where my imagination took the easy way out.
We reach the cockpit and sit there almost vertically, reclining in the chairs and looking out through windows that are likely larger than what shuttles usually have.
Neither of us buckle up, and then the countdown starts out of nowhere. Biscuit's voice counting down for us, sounding from the loudspeakers around us.
(Ten.)
(Eight.)
(Nine.)
(Seven.)
(Four.)
(Six.)
(Five.)
(Three.)
(Three.)
(Two.)
(One.)
(Food!)
And me saying, "Damn, I miss that corgi."
The space shuttle shakes wildly as we start off, defying logic and physical laws. This is merely an imagination, glued together from memories of movies and random facts and videos from the internet.
We launch, and our bodies press into the chairs as the shuttle gathers more and more speed. The vibrations are widely sent through the air, and the feeling is akin to even my bones shaking as if the entire thing around us is about to break apart.
Outside the windows, the sky quickly darkens from pale blue to near-black, briefly streaked with fiery oranges and reds. Clouds vanish below us, replaced by a dizzying curve of the planet that appears both vast and impossibly small at once. My grip tightens instinctively on the chair's armrests, my knuckles white, yet somehow I feel a thrill instead of fear as if my body already knows this isn't quite real and has chosen to enjoy the chaos.
It probably should take longer, but after around 30 seconds we are in space, where the vibrations stop and the fuel tanks, or whatever these things are, fall off to be burned in the atmosphere.
I get out of the chair as a feeling of weightlessness hits us, and both of us now float in the cabin. The shuttle drives itself toward the moon, which seems much closer than it should be.
Hitting the wall, I push myself toward the boxes tied to one of the chairs, take one of the boxes, and start eating the still hot pizza. I toss one of the boxes through the air toward Whitey, who catches it.
For a moment, I float still, fascinated by the surreal quietness broken only by soft hums and creaks echoing within the shuttle's metal bones. I turn slowly, spinning once, then twice, taking in the messy yet oddly comforting sight of boxes and crumbs floating alongside us, already forming a miniature solar system of pizza debris.
Whitey floats by one of the massive circular windows that shouldn't exist, staring out at the empty space and Earth while taking slow bites.
After a few minutes, he says without looking in my direction, "My name is Lioren."
"Thank you for telling me, Lioren. My name is Nathaniel."
Looking ahead, the moon grows rapidly larger, and its surface details sharpen: craters, mountains, and mysterious shadows become visible even from here.
A silence ensues until we crash onto the moon's surface. The front of the shuttle hits it, and the shuttle jolts upward, throwing us against the walls. The gravity, although not as strong as on Earth, hits us again. The shuttle slides for about a dozen seconds, hitting rocks, bouncing, and emitting loud screeching noises until it comes to a stop.
Lioren steps out first as the door opens, and I follow, jumping down onto the surface of the moon. Neither of us wears a spacesuit or anything.
Out there, a flag is planted into the surface, an American one. Not far from it is a lunar car and even a lunar module.
Nearby, an astronaut sits on the edge of a small moon cliff, legs dangling over the drop. I walk up and take a seat beside the figure.
The suit is one of those old-school Apollo models, bulky, white, and covered in lunar dust. The gold visor reflects the curve of Earth and the black void beyond. Tubes cross the chest, and gloved hands rest quietly in the lap.
"Do you know a good pizza spot?" I ask.
The astronaut doesn’t answer, just slowly lifts right arm and points off toward the horizon.
I follow the direction of the gloved finger. Of course, it's pointing straight at Earth, glowing like a marble against the blackness of space.
"Oh, you must think you're funny, you asshole," I mutter, smacking the back of the astronaut’s helmet with the flat of my hand.
"I'm sorry, sir," comes the muffled voice from inside the suit. It’s NPCandra, and she starts sobbing quietly, her voice barely audible through the thick helmet.
I'm disappointed by the same reaction as before, but I guess it makes sense. It's not like I have the experience to “program” more. This is just an imitation, a looping clip of something I imagined.
Lioren walks by without stopping, casually slapping the top of her helmet as well. Then he plops one of the empty pizza boxes on it and says, "You have to balance it here for ten minutes, or I’ll cut off your air."
"N-no! I'm sorry!" she whimpers, her voice cracking as she tries to hold still. We keep walking, leaving her behind, arms stretched slightly for balance, the pizza box wobbling on top of her helmet as she sniffles and struggles not to let it fall.
We walk away in silence, the moon's surface stretching endlessly around us. Each step feels slow and weightless, our bodies drifting slightly before settling back down, the low gravity turning every movement into a floaty rhythm. The only sounds are the faint crunch of dust beneath our boots. The Earth hangs in the black sky, distant and quiet, like it’s watching.
After a while, Lioren slows down. He stops beside a small slope, brushes some dust away with his boot, then lowers himself onto the ground.
With a soft motion, he spreads a piece of white cloth over the moon’s surface and looks up at me, "Will you eat with me?"
"Gladly," I say and sit down.
I patiently wait as he sets his feet on the ground. In front of us lies a pizza box, a few cans of soda, some sweets, and pieces of fruit that I recognize as the ones he liked as a young demon.
Above us, the Earth hangs bright, impossibly vivid with swirling clouds and blue oceans, almost glowing in the darkness. It feels strangely comforting to see it from here, like finding something familiar in a dream. I glance at Lioren, noticing how calm he looks, watching me closely as if committing this strange picnic to memory.
Then, while he waits, I devour all the food.
When it’s done I look up and see Lioren smiling.
Then I get kicked out of mind space by him and find myself back in my workshop on the tournament floor, knowing that if I leave it up to him, this was the goodbye.
***
In the last hours until the 4th event, I sit alone in my room and think. I think very deeply and repeatedly, replaying everything I know about Lissandra and her behavior. This time, even though it's not something I'm great at, I try to predict how she would behave in reaction to what I plan to do.
But in the end, I stand up, open the door, and walk downstairs to the living room where some Group 4 members are waiting, especially Izzy.
"Izzy, do you have a moment?" I ask her.
With her green eyes, she looks up at me from the laptop, where I know she is often editing videos that she and others have made.
"Sure!" she agrees without hesitation, and as always when talking to someone, her senses reach out to me to connect to my feelings.
It's something she does almost instinctively and is very hard to notice. There are probably only a few people in each round capable of sensing that, and even fewer who can detect her surface scans of feelings. I'm not one of those people, even though I'm aware this kind of scan exists.
Izzy acts a bit surprised when I allow her to connect, but she follows behind me outside of the house into the garden.
I sit down with her and explain everything, then ask about Lissandra. She listens closely, nodding a few times.
I then receive my answer and an unexpected hug.
"If you need help…"
"I know, I will ask," I confirm. "It's fine."
***
The 4th event starts and I am moved into the Great Labyrinth of Xyphos along with thousands more. It is underground, with a wall made of smooth red rock imbued with white crystals that emit light. The walls are made of pure gray stone that is extremely smooth, as is the floor.
Other than that, this is a single huge room, big enough to easily fit the hundreds of attendees who are currently around me, and the ceiling itself is as high as that of a two to three-story building.
Then there is a door; it has no knob or inscription, just a huge slab of black wood. At its lower part, within reach of a normal human, there is a glowing white handprint.
I ignore the people around me and shut my eyes, forcing my way into my mind space despite the attempts to stop me.
This time it is dark and empty here, and Lioren stands opposite me in the same clothes his lurker used to wear.
"Fuck off," he greets me.
I smile at him and sit down patiently.
He stares me down, "What the fuck are you planning?"
"I knew since the start of the tournament, that you plan to disappear at its end," I say.
"So what?" he shrugs and sits down. "It's my decision to make."
"Why only after the tournament, and why not try to take over my body?"
"It's my decision to cut it short, not the tutorial's. I've shown you everything I could. Your untalented ass will have to figure out the rest. And look, Nathaniel, you're a fucking mess right now. Disappearing in the middle of that would just be a dick move."
"I'm fine."
"Sure," he snorts, "the true question is, why the hell are you here?"
He avoids answering the second question, unsurprisingly.
"It seems I'm the mature one here," I sigh. "So, to say, you could always take over my mind and do it at any time. It would be easy, and the other option for you is to die. Yet you never did it. You thought about it, I saw those memories, but you never did it."
"I just didn't feel like it."
"I know," I smile, "but I'm a dumb human with a weak heart and a pathetic talent for kinetic energy."
"Sounds like you."
"So, in my human dumbness, I always regarded it as a token of your friendship, the greatest you could probably show me."
Lioren snorts, "Dumb human, indeed. You know I'm just a fake from the tutorial."
"Where you came from doesn’t matter to me. Now let me finish. You’ve got a few days left, but I’m an asshole, so I’m asking you to 'die' today."
He watches me intently, "So cruel. Explain."
"As much as I dislike it, I know I can’t change your mind or convince you to stay longer. I’ve seen enough of your memories to respect your decision. But to explain myself, when it comes to certain things, my life doesn’t mean all that much to me. So, Lioren, to show just how stupid I am for calling a random demon hallucination in my head a friend, and how much I actually trust you, I’m going to give you something I value even more than that."
I look straight at him. "I will put the life of my friend into your hands, and I will give you an opportunity to go wild one more time and crush the fourth event. I made some preparations, and even while talking, a part of my mind is deploying the arrays and inscriptions to modify my mana and kinetic flow.
"She won't like it."
"I’m aware. It is something for me to deal with. It will be fine."
"Famous last words, was that the human saying?"
"Indeed. I will take a step back, so please, show me the right way to use kinetic energy; you have my permission to break my body in the process."
"Craziest fucking human I have ever met."
"I hear that a lot."
***
POV Brainiac
The huge room with hundreds of attendees is full of sounds as they party up, plan out things, and examine our area.
Not many notice the white palm on the massive wooden door, but I think it might be the key to opening it, possibly leading to another room or into the labyrinth.
It is not something I worry about too much. Most of my attention is on Noname.
He stands in the middle of the room, eyes closed, mana seeping from his body. I can follow it much better now than I could during the first tournament, and it's not like he's trying to hide it, but damn, it's wild.
The fucker moves his mana around himself, carving inscriptions into his body, over his chest, across his hands and arms. The crown on his head flickers until it vanishes. The pressure of his mana builds, and he starts making even crazier changes I can barely follow. Since he's not hiding it, I can see more now. The way he moves his mana is chaotic, but there's purpose in it.
It flashes, it beats, it moves, turning into threads and the area around him feels oppressive. It flares up only to die off or sends pulses of weaker mana through the area-
I don't think I'm that bad at handling mana, but the guy is batshit crazy. A single slip-up, a single mistake, and the amount of mana he's using would tear him apart. On top of that, he's even suppressing the waves around him so he doesn't kill anyone below Hell difficulty nearby.
Then his heart starts beating audibly, and more of his mana seeps into the area, forcing those from lower difficulty around him to move away. That mana fills the room and bounces off the walls before returning to him.
His mana gradually fades as the dense inscriptions across his chest glow briefly before vanishing. I've never seen anything like them, not even on low arcane weapons.
All of his mana vanishes, followed by an audible thump. Then another, and another, until I realize it's his heartbeat. But that heart doesn't generate mana anymore; it generates something else, using all the mana to do so.
His black hair, drifting around his head in rhythm with his heartbeat, begins turning white at the roots until it's completely bright white. Noname opens his eyes as their color shifts from gray and brown to a vivid red.
To my surprise, Noname smiles brightly and hops in place. He moves his arms and legs like he’s testing them, then a satisfied expression spreads across his face. He taps his chest over where his heart is and nods, smiling even more.
"Such a ridiculously dumb output," he says. "Fucking dumb human brute."
***
Comments
Tom Hammer
Whitey gonna pop off
Balsamic ThunderThighs
Is no going to mention the white hair and red eye transformation? It's like an anime moment!
SirWins
Bullying npcsandra os the best thing this chapter.
Zaim İpek
It's a nice way to say goodbye to a character the readers have grown to enjoy. Better than the death Hadwin got, that's for sure.
Zaim İpek
He is gonna massacre this event. He has a lot of built-up frustration and needs cathartic release. There is also the excitement and adrenaline rush of having a body that isn't crippled by a severely debilitating medical condition. I'm expecting quite the show.
Hardworking Guy
She was a funny addition to the chapter. This only shows how far Nat can take it, if he can make constructs like that, what stops him from creating actual intelligent life once he becomes a master? Imagine an army of perfect bodyguards for the flying island the bunch will have as territory! Even if that is more Sophie's style than Nate's.
Zaim İpek
Oh yeah. Whitey will definitely take out all his frustrations on Nat's avatar. That poor avatar has no idea what's coming. This tournament round is going to add some crazy info to Nat's trading card.
Zaim İpek
He had lower output than even most other kinetic energy demons (at his level) due to his medical condition. We are about to see a version of Lioren that is far beyond anything he could have done while he was still alive.
Zaim İpek
I hope he gives Nat as much info as possible on the people who backstabbed him just in case Nat meets them one day in the future. I want Nat to do a "Lioren sends his regards" on their asses . . . if they are even still alive. If they are dead, he should pee on their graves in honor of Lioren.
RingoSeto
Love this!!!!
Memelord Steambath
This is amazing, I didn't expect it and can't wait to reach the next few chapters.
tishane Imperial MageKiller
Lorians fighting style with a weak heart is crazy now he has Nats? I don't know who's gonna get stomped but there gonna get stomped hard.!
anonymous patreon
Not even that. Imagine it as building robot, recording 10 sentences it can say, set randomizer to switch between that sentences and then give 2-3 expressions to tha robot. She is nowhere close to chatgpt and far far off floor natives
jax rammus
Holy shit i did NOT expect this!
Subliminary
Let’s gooooo! This chapter and the proceeding chapters are honestly probably going to be the best for the last 250 or so
Robert Reilly
Idk for sure, but I think this is a top 3 chapter just for the culmination of Nat and Lorian’s friendship
Hardworking Guy
Wait, you're right! There's no chapter tomorrow!
Hardworking Guy
NPCSandra was practically an A.I. he created after a normal pizza delivery worker in the image of Lissandra. Think of it as me building a robot, then putting chat GPT into it and commanding it to act as a fearful pizza delivery girl.
Hardworking Guy
Sounds like a nice alternative to Lioren just dying.
Hardworking Guy
Oh no! Lioren will tear through the whole tutorial round. I expect a flex and battle even greater than the one against Ruby! I can already see it! Sucks that we will lose him, but if the fight is epic and memorable enough, then it's better we lose him. I'm still bitter about the champion Lissandra destroyed on the 5th floor, that's brilliant writing!
Haris Sivic
For some reason I was expecting Nat to buy an arcane passive to which transfer Whitey to with the help of Cockroachsandra. Hopefully it happens, otherwise it would be sad to see Whitey disappear.. even if it’s with a blast. They would make such a great team; peak mana + peak kinetic energy in the same body! Looking forward to the releases coming next week!
RJ
I need a new tier pls!
mibrainisdead
I fucking knew it, I thought the cliff would be bearable but noooo you had to let whitey run wild. I wonder if Vega has heard of Lioren.
Alan Robinson
I was wondering how this would end and I can say I love it. I didn't like the bit with NPCandra, someone else can share their thought and maybe I just didn't see it from the right angle. I know previously he has taken frustration out on people who have irritated him, thinking of the sand boat thing, but he seems more the type to double down and get even later.
Dual.
Tftc!
Zaim İpek
Nice! This is a much better send-off for Lioren than what I expected. It's also a very great way to learn since Nat still has access to his body's senses. He can sense with his own body everything Lioren does. It's the perfect final lesson. Hopefully Lioren demonstrates that mana freezing ability again so Nat can try to learn it. It's a shame Nat doesn't have a teacher for thermal energy. Maybe he will find one on the next tutorial floor.
Joe Woodhouse
No points for killing other attendees... but no demerits either. He's gonna demolish all the monsters. Then all the attendees. Then the labyrinth. Also as I was reading this and we got to the exchange of names, my eyes are all o_o Then we get to the cloth and food and they're O_O
Erebus
Was smiling at the end
Blooper
And you drop this bomb on a Thursday, no less. Curse you!!!
Lonnie
Lioren is going to just wreck shit. Nat will learn faster by seeing how it's done in his own body with that setup than all the previous training
CJ Tamberella
I honestly hope he does get a white streak haha. Good memento to remember L by
Budgie
I miss this dumb demon already
M Schweibold
🚨🐐 chapter, 💯🚨
TreeReader
Amazing lol he's gonna fuck shit up 🤣
zoarian
Watching Whitey go out with a bang will be a pleasure. Looking forward to the ownage, the other Kings stand no chance.
Goblin
Thanks for the chapter
William Johnson
Whitey's going out with a bang. Thanks for the chapter!
Matthew Walter
I love this chappie
Anotherb Account
Whoo!
Funny guy
Danks fur da chappie! Whitey gonna go on a rampage ヽ(`Д´)ﾉ
Ronnel
Damn good story
Andrew
Thank you!
Matt Corcoran
Still hoping nats next purchase in the shop has something to save whitey in some way
Ansordia
Muhhahah, would be cool... But I think at best it would be a clonathaniel
jj
Oh yeah, I forgot about the construct he made on the 3rd floor. He probably switched off the regulator. Will. Nat have a permanent white streak like Rogue in X Men?
TETRATOLULENE
Is Nat planning on taking over his avatar?
Ford Engstrom
ANOTHER ONE. I really enjoyed these last two chapters, this has been a really cool development in Lioren and Nat's relationship. I'm very excited for the next chapter.
Slycerr
That already happened, I think Nat just altered the conversion rate of mana to kinetic to go for max kinetic energy
KipBR
What an awesome chapter.
V
Epic. Looking forward to the next couple of chapters.
Hugh Peeble
Biscuit countdown was the Biscuit interaction I didn’t know I needed before I got it. TYFTC.
mitchell kaiser
Love this chapter thanks Cerim.❤️
Claro reyes
Nat's output + Whitey's precision = carnage
Val the mysterious Jedi
Just like champion feroy, whitey was a great minor character who leaves a mark on the readers heart and his end will be one for the ages.
11335577
Lioren was always better at control, but had a lower overall output than nat. Now he has his control and nats output. Hes a monster.
Dandaveeto
I can’t wait to see Lioren fuck some shit up
Athul
Gear 5 OMG
Val the mysterious Jedi
No, whole point of whitey was to train nat and the system gives no wiggle room for true death. Lisd might break that rule but not whitey. Rip a great character.
RnR_ RnR
Particles of light everywhere! Whitey is about to beat the ever loving brakes off the others and I'm here for it.
ramir
Whitey drew a nat that could take on an absolute candidate. Im fucking excited what he can do in this round goddamn
JJB4345_80_815
My thought is that Nathaniel is trying to show why Lissandra should do everything she can to include Whitey/Lioren into her posse, letting Whitey show his... wares. (Or potential. Maybe all of the previous iterations of Coachandra failed to break out due to not having proper backup. Maybe a group of misfits collected along the way clears the path out of the tutorial?)
Belmont Igneul
Goodbye whitey…
JTP
That damn moon dust is always getting into my eyes!
JJB4345_80_815
Thank you for the chappy! But NOT for the watering eyes. I teared up a bit. Dumb question/idea: If Whitey/Loiriel (maybe forgot the name already) can't be resurrected from Nathaniel's mind, what if Lissandra can turn his revenant body/mind on the First Floor in Beyond back into the living version? How much remains on his 1-year sabbatical from terrorizing Beyonders as a super zombie? Can they (Nathaniel/Lissandra/Sophie) take a mind inscription of Whitey/Loirilie while in Nathaniel's squishy neurons and re-imprint it into Zombie Whitey?
Sail
Noooooo it's Thursday...
Tsorov
He probably altered it from a pyrokinetic mana heart to a kinetic mana heart, using his second heart as the sole source of thermal primordial energy, and using his forst heart as a source of mana and kinetic energy
Adrian Rake
Just beautiful. Cerim’s imagination is unstopable 👍🙂
FarFromLogic
that was not an outcome I thought would happen but damn is it brilliant
Joseph Serret
Oh ive been waiting for this. Oh this is gonna be good. Oh please please please give us the biggest power trip sequence of whitey anhihilating everything
Moonfrost
every modification will probably get undone after the 4th Event, which is probably why Nat dared to do this
Timothy Scott
This is excellent
CJ Tamberella
Tftc! I really like the way this is going, respectable send off
vEnviouz
TFTC!!! I can't wait for the next one.... I heard someone say there was going to be a bonus chapter on Friday.... >.>
Leyphelio
We have to get Whitey vs Nat's avatar now
Oaktree
Oh those poor souls…. Who am I kidding the maniacal demon about to destroy and I all here for it. I was getting nervous how this was gonna go with whitey/Lioren’s situation but this is just the chefs kiss. The biscuit count down was the cherry on top. Can’t wait for the next chapter.
Sir Supports Alot
Can't wait for the next chapters now
jj
Woah!!! What!!?! Smash Lissandra's head in Liorethaniel!! Can't wait for Lioren vs Nat's Avatar!! Does Nat's heart now have a kinetic mode after this?
Kaku John
YESSIRRRRRR
ramir
FUCK LETS GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Cazqa
I would have never thought this would happen jajaja
Venno
Biscuit countdown for the win. Can’t wait for Whitey to demolish everyone haha
Ansordia
Yippeeee! Omg WE DID get that name reveal! I fucking knew we will have a heart to heart! Nat is playing with fire... I really hope Coachandra won't hold this gesture against him.
