A Joke
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One Piece: Desperate
🕑 Added 2021-10-16 10:53:36 +0000 UTCChapter 140
***
-Negan POV-
You know, life was always like a bitch, and I won't become her boy-toy. Instead, I would take the reins in my life and become my life's pimp. In a metaphorical sense of course. Goddamn, spending time with Max has filled my head with his philosophical bullshit. I shook my head and tried to keep my mind on the fight.
Luffy started bulking up, my first instinct was to go and try to take him out before he could transform. Could I have done it? Who knows, a thousand things can interfere in battle and Sanji could have stopped me, or Robin could have made her arms and stopped me too. I wasn't as battle smart as Max to calculate everything and predict my enemies' movements.
Could, should, might… there was no use to those words, I couldn't change the past.
Plus, Max planned to start a war with the Strawhats. Why the hell would he need something like that? I have no damn idea. Hell, to me it seems like a stupid decision that would just cost soldiers' lives needlessly. Instead, we should kill Luffy here and not allow him a chance to attack.
Again, trying to understand Max was like trying to understand why he was so petty during our rat-race competition. He poisoned all the rats the night before so they wouldn't be able to race. Tomorrow I suggested we rat race… how did he know I was going to ask him that? I have no idea, hell, by the time he had poisoned the rats. I didn't even know I was planning on rat racing the next day.
Fuck. What the hell goes through that guy's mind? If there was one living creature closest to God, then it would be Max. He always seemed to know what was going on.
Suddenly Luffy charging towards me interrupted my thoughts. He was fast in this form, but his attacks were still simple and I could dodge. I was someone who fought Max on his Speed Form, honestly, Luffy was kinda slow right now. I wonder if I should let him hit me?
Max did tell me to make sure to not kill Luffy and ensure that war happens between us. Wish he had told me how to do that, but like always, he was cryptic as fuck. I bet he gets a boner by acting all-mighty like that.
Baam!!
Luffy's fist impacted my face, and it would have probably knocked me out if I hadn't jumped back as soon as his hit landed. This lessened the impact massively.
My body shot through the air like an arrow and I almost landed on the water, but I straightened myself. "Okay, I am bored now. Max, I tried following your vague advice, but if anything goes wrong it's your fault! Should have just told me what to do!"
Now I was pissed off. Max knew that I would just follow orders, but he always had to put these dilemmas in front of me. "Fuck it! I will just go with my gut!"
I entered lightning form and moved as fast as I could, within an instant I was back into the Strawhats' ship.
*bzzzt*
Just as soon as I formed my body back, another attack was coming at me.
[Gum Gum: Elephant Gun!]
Luffy punched at me again, but I dodged instead of taking the shot. Honestly, though, it was a little hard to dodge, because rubber was the doom of electricity, even a small hit would land true, even if I turned my body into electricity.
So around Luffy, I had to be extra careful. "Hey, young man, how about we stop this fight," I said while putting my hands up jokingly. Unexpectedly he stopped attacking and looked at me confused.
I took a chance on this and used two of my fingers to poke his eyes as hard as I could. Strangely, his eyes were like rubber and my fingers sunk quite deep in there.
"AAaahh!!" Luffy screamed in pain, covering his eyes. I just stared at the foolish young man and couldn't believe that worked. How the hell did this guy make it so far in the world? Usually, only cold people who don’t fall for such basic tricks should make it all the way here. He must have some amazing luck.
[Diable Jambe: Mutton Shot]
The cook's legs were covered in fire and he tried to kick me away from Luffy, but this just wasn’t meant to be because weaklings shouldn't interfere in their betters’ fights.
“You cheating bastard!” The cook yelled and tried to hit me, but I just dodged all of his attacks, while the long-nosed guy tried to shoot me with his slingshot. Both of them were failing miserably to land a hit on me. Sure I wasn’t retaliating and giving them a chance to hit me and the difference in our movement speed is a gap they can never cover. But c’mon now, I had high hopes for these guys.
“C’mon now, you sound like some kind of girlfriend that just got cheated on. Sorry, but I don’t swing that way.” I said, with a disgusted look on my face, trying to piss off the cook so he makes a mistake. Sadly Max had given me explicit orders to not kill Sanji because he was Reiju’s little brother, but in fights sometimes accidents happen. Also, I wouldn’t mind dying by Boss-man’s hands, just imagining the battle between us, it would be legendary.
Well, more like a one-sided slaughter, but if there was someone I wouldn’t mind dying from then it would be him. I was also free to kill the young reindeer now too since Kureha was dead. But the little fuck was too cute to kill.
Luffy got back to its feet and attacked me once more, cocking his fists backward as they sunk into his elbows.
[Gum Gum: Organ Gatling]
Like always his hits were easy to dodge because while it seemed like he had many hands here, he only had two and only due to speed it seemed like he had many. I was faster than him.
“Damn it! Get hit!” Luffy yelled in annoyance, and that was when I thought of something entertaining. What if this Gear Four had a time limit and he was trying to finish me off fast because he would be in a weakened state later.
Just like Max’s Emperor Form used to be.
That was when I got an idea on how to start a war, smiling maliciously I moved towards Robin and grabbed the woman by the throat. She tried to struggle but a small electric shock knocked her out. “Well, if you guys want to make this more entertaining, bring an army next time. Because like this, you stand no chance in the mainland.”
I put Nico Robin over my shoulder. Damn, she had a nice ass. Then I blitzed off, leaving the distraught strawhats behind.
“””Robin!!””” they yelled out in despair and I smiled proudly, this was my moment. Now the war against the Strawhats would start, just like Max wanted to.
***
The Strawhats were left distraught and Chopper was doing his all to make sure that Zoro had survived the electric shock that no normal human could live through. Surprisingly he had managed to pull through though he was still unconscious.
“Damn it!!” yelled out Luffy in anger as he laid on the ground, exhausted after using Gear Four. “I thought we finally became strong enough to handle the New World!”
The others looked down in disappointment too, but Nami was the only one who had a confident look on his face. Or at least she was playing at being confident. “Then how about we give them what they want!” she said passionately, her eyes were lit in fire. “The last time someone dared to take Robin away, we destroyed Enies Lobby! We will get back up from this and destroy Max too!”
This seemed to light a fire in everyone's eyes and Sanji took out a cigarette and started smoking. “Then we will need to go back and get ourselves an army. The next time we come here, it will be with a hundred ships and their cannons pointed at the island.”
***
-Max POV-
As I looked at Negan and the unconscious woman he had brought here, I couldn’t stop myself from smiling. Fuck, this guy always followed my orders and brought more than expected. There was a reason I called him my best friend in this world.
“Negan, have I ever told you how much I love you?”
“No. But that’s kinda gay so... could you say it less… possibly none at all,” he had the look on his face as if he just swallowed a lemon.
I chuckled, and he laughed too, unable to keep his act for long. It was times like these that reminded me, no matter how strong I became in the future, this guy was a true friend.
***
A/N: If you don’t make gae jokes with your friends, then are you really friends?
(☞ﾟ∀ﾟ)☞
I am 20 years old and I still do… though when we get together we all still act very childish like we are in our teens. It's fun as hell.
P.S: Though they make jokes about sus things. THERE IS NOTHING GOING ON ROMANTICALLY BETWEEN NEGAN AND MAX!!
(I know there will be some people who will take their jokes literally.)
