A Joke
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Game of Thrones: Reborn as a Fray
🕑 Added 2021-02-02 08:59:45 +0000 UTCChapter 47
Title: Night's Watch...
….
The first day I arrived in the Nightwatch, I took my oaths in front of the creepy tree. I gotta say, if the Old Gods exist, they are some creepy motherfu*kers.
Damn, that would actually suck if they existed. The South calls the northern people barbarians for a reason, I mean there are still some houses that stick their enemies' entrails on trees. That sounds creepy as fu*k, and that is coming from a guy like me who is a mage.
But I guess that the unknown will always be scary to humans, just like magic is to some and the possibility of God's existence is to me.
I mean, I still haven't seen any signs of their existence. The Lord of Light is also a sham religion, I have confirmed that myself. Seeing the future in the flames? High-level divination magic that uses a heavy amount of lifespan. Getting greater luck by sacrificing some king's blood? Sounds like blood ritual magic to me (and it is). Appearing young while old? Glamor magic, more specifically, glamor tied to the red stone that the priests have. Though the thing can store some lifespan from flame sacrifices, one will have to do it regularly.
I would have gotten the stone, but it is useless to me as I don't plan to also have my lifespan drained by it slowly, while at the same time I will have to then resort to regular sacrifices to keep myself alive.
Honestly, props to the person who created these magics and called it a religion. Really smart of them. They even made a crude form of extending one's life on this earth. All that is useless to me as I can just reincarnate into my bloodline continuously. As long as it continues, I will also continue to live.
Right now, it is nothing too big, so I will have to be careful. I don't want to anger someone malicious enough that will try and kill all of my descendants. I have some bastards in Essos who are unrelated to me in any way other than blood, but those could die at a moment's notice. After all, street urchins die very often.
Anyway, as I go back to the watch, one of the friends I made along the way here nudges at me. "Hey, Hawk, I heard that you are skilled with a bow. If you get me a rabbit, I know a brother nearby and I have a couple of coppers on me… and you should try having some fun."
He is a chubby man and his nose is high like a pig's. But contrary to his appearance, he is a nice guy in general.
*sigh* "Listen Pig's Feet." I talk to him like a child.
"Oy, don't call me Pig's Feet, call me by my name damn it!" He exclaims in annoyance.
But I pay mind to that. "Okay, so listen here Piggy."
"The names are just becoming worse man." Complained Pig's Feet.
I don't have the heart to tell him that I already forgot his name, that would ruin the friendship that we have built. Really should have paid more attention to that, but instead, I was trying to annoy the horses so they would kick someone in the face once they got close (It didn't work).
"Listen, man, your name is too complicated. Just like mine, so everyone calls me Hawk, and I will call you Piggy." I explain to him nicely.
"Fu*k off and stop smiling at me creepily. It makes me get goosebumps." Says Piggy, showing me his hairy arm.
"Could have mistaken you for a bear with those arms." I tell him.
"I know right, these boys are muscular." He seems to misunderstand. But I don't tell him. Ignorance is bliss as they say. "Damn man, I was popular with the ladies back home. I knew I shouldn't have beaten that guy's face in."
"But didn't he try to r*pe a girl that you knew?" I ask him, already having heard his damn story a hundred times already. But I don't stop him from talking as he will then start telling about how starry eye the girl was after he defended her honor. I shouldn't break it to him that the girl will still probably get r*ped in another day, sadly real life doesn't have a nice ending where one beats the bad guy, and they just kind of disappear. They will always come back, with a couple more men… and just beat the living sh*t out of you.
"So as she was crying, tears running down her face." Piggy starts narrating his story.
"Of course tears were running down her face, you just told us she was crying."
"Shut the fu*k up Hawk, you always ruin this." Piggy is annoyed at this, well, I have been pretty insistent on some petty things.
"Listen, man, if you are gonna tell a story then say it right." I tell him, making my petty interference for fun, seem more like I did it to teach Piggy. "Also get thinner you fatso, I don't wanna have to carry your ass if we go North of the wall."
"Now, now Hawk, that is your misunderstanding." Says Piggy, a smug smile on his face. "My fat is the greatest of armor, it will keep me warm from the cold, and blades will never be able to kill me. This isn't just because I ate too much, it is a strategy. You should put some meat on too as I will have to carry your ass through the snow if you suddenly pass out due to cold. Then you will wish you were as fat as me."
"Holy fu*k… Piggy…" I look at him in surprise. "You had your mouth yapping for so long I thought you wanted to suck my cock"
"Shut up you sword swallowing skinny man. Just wait till we go to Castle Black, they haven't seen a woman in quite a while… you should be nice enough." Insinuates Piggy, a wide smile on his face.
"Man, I knew you were a sword swallower the moment I met you. I know I am irresistible even to men, but c'mon man, I thought you were only into male pigs."
Piggy is about to insult me back when someone suddenly yells. "CAN YOU TWO JUST SHUT THE F*CK UP!! Nagging on and on about sword swallowing and other sh*t like that, if you don't stop I will cut your cocks and stuff them down your throats!!"
I look towards the angry man who said this and I see that he also is a recruit like us. He has an Asian-like look, with black hair and eyes and his body is small too. He must be some kind of thief as he is missing one hand and is too scrubby to be a warrior.
Piggy then leans towards me and whispers. "What the hell is wrong with him?"
"I know right, what's us his asś?" Whispered back.
"A big cock." Snickers Piggy *cough* trying to cover his laughter with a cough.
I chuckle along and I see the Asian man looking at us hatefully.
I wonder which side of the world did he come from? After all, even I have no idea where the Asia equivalent of this world is.
"I wonder what his name is?" Whispers Piggy and he is not being as quiet as he thinks since the Asian dude seems agitated at this. But Piggy doesn't know when to stop. "His eyes look like that of a snake."
*sigh* "He seems like some foreign person, probably stole something, look at his hand." I explained to Piggy, but now I am also curious about this Asian man. I haven't heard about where the Asian people live in this world. I would like to know that, after all, it could be a whole new continent.
....
