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The Nature of Predators - Sovlin’s Transcript (8/13)
🕑 Added 2024-11-02 11:00:09 +0000 UTCMemory transcription subject: Anton Kozlov, Human Lawyer
Date [standardized human time]: October 3, 2136
I walked with my Gojid client out of the refugee camp, at a loss for words over what had been the culprit of the aliens’ behavior. They thought we would’ve executed Talpin for being deaf? What kind of monsters did the Federation see us as, incapable of the most basic shreds of decency? It was beyond aggravating, to know that they couldn’t fathom that we wouldn’t treat him like disposal trash. There was no reason to hide people that we would’ve willingly helped, since we weren’t compassionless monsters. Sovlin said he believed in our kindness, but his reluctance spoke volumes. Oddly enough, I almost felt sorry for him, being so deluded.
If Sovlin thought that’s who we were and worse, then I see why he loved hurting Marcel. I guess the United Nations is desperate to move this process along, and our Gojid prisoner did cooperate, but if I wasn’t his attorney…well, I’m not sure it’s a good idea to rush him onto a warship when he has that view of us.
I noticed Sovlin stumbling as he returned from the rest stop, gritting his teeth. “Are you alright? We don’t want you to have a heart attack. There are doctors in the camp.”
“I’m fine.” The Gojid massaged his temples, and squeezed his eyes shut. “S-stress headache. Being around predators constantly, and then thinking I g-got Talpin killed…”
“Do you look at me and see nothing but a monster?” I blurted, unable to hold the question back.
“I…y-yes.”
Disappointment stabbed at me. “I honestly don’t know what I expected.”
“I’m s-sorry. If it’s any consolation, I only see a monster when I look at myself too.”
[Transcript date changed to May 8, 2151]
Even after all of these years, with many details having grown as fuzzy as the scenery within a snow globe, I recalled how self-flagellating Sovlin was. For all that he saw in our dreadful eyes, I had seen a tormented man in his; that effect had shone in that brown gaze ever since he arrived on Earth, but it worsened after he learned that Gojids used to be omnivores. The alien that returned from visiting Nikonus believed fervently that he was a monster, as if meat-eating still signified a depravity that could not be come back from. When he was able to look at us, it was because he believed he was “no better” than us.
The more I knew him, the more certain I’d been that Erin hit the nail on the head with her diagnosis of PTSD. The only place that Sovlin felt at home was in the belly of a ship, that much I could tell about him; his purpose was to help, so I’d felt good after brokering the deal for him to serve the United Nations. His answer at the refugee camp had stuck with me for decades, as much as the whiplash of hearing him break telling us about the deaf boy. I’d never heard anyone denounce themselves with such conviction. Seeing he had little purpose and self-esteem—that he was wracked by guilt and disgust for his species—I wasn’t sure he wouldn’t take his own life after war.
Sovlin looks livelier now, and I wonder what he did for all that time. I recounted my story, so let’s see if he has any of his own to trade.
“I still remember how you said that, exactly,” I told the Gojid. “That you only saw a monster when you looked at yourself. Is that how you feel now?”
Sovlin fought a battle with himself, chewing at his claws like a human child gnawing on a pencil. “Yes. I saw the…memories of what I did, and who I was. I let myself pretend that was someone else, but it wasn’t. That savagery was and is within me, the kind of hatred that would lead to everything I condemned Terrans for. The only thing that changed in me was believing predators were evil. I have come to accept that carcass food doesn’t define you.”
“Carcass food? You must know it’s lab-grown, yet you continue to phrase things like them.”
“Is a carcass from a lab not a fucking carcass?! That’s what you’re trying to imitate: dress it up all you like. That’s what my people had their roots in. I just watched a Gojid that I served with on my ship chow down on a bowl of chicken right alongside a human, without any reservations.”
“Then you do still believe that humans are monsters.”
“No! I mean…yes…agh, maybe we’re all monsters! I don’t know, and that’s not the point!” the Gojid spat. “The hunter is within you, it’s in your genes like I thought all along, and…it’s within me too. To become okay with that, to look at death at face value, to be desensitized and lap up blood. It must seem crazy to you, but I’ve always been scared of what it would do to me. Repulsed by the loss of the one island of civility I cling to.”
“You speak as if there’s an ocean of uncivilized wilderness around you on Earth.”
“No, Anton; it’s around me in my soul! It could…awaken the darkness I already know is there. I am a bad man, a failed father, and…I’ve tried to believe I deserve happiness, but that’s the final step in making me the full picture of a predator. The creature that I felt with conviction should die and suffer.”
“Sovlin, whether you go back to your forager roots or not, it won’t change who you are. Maybe you never fully came to terms with meat-eating not being fully evil. You just accepted that humans were better than the sum of our diet, and tolerated that we were predators. You need to see that none of that ever mattered.”
“But, all those thoughts I had about how twisted you must be, to look at another creature as food…it did matter. To me.”
“You can take back control of those feelings. Prove them wrong. The Federation beat you—you’ll never fully accept and understand every side of humanity—if you don’t.”
Sovlin’s eyes grew misty, and he emulated a human nod of understanding. I reminisced on the moment that our viewpoint on him had all changed, and Erin Kuemper finally had the traction to negotiate that plea deal.
[Date changed to November 15, 2136]
The way that humanity viewed the scared prey turned on its heel, as the sinister roots of the Federation revealed themselves. We weren’t their first innocent victims; they’d been “curing” meat-eating species and altering their cultures, under the belief that we were fundamentally broken. The Gojids, the Krakotl, many others: all unknowing victims that passed on the chain of events that led to Earth’s extermination. It was miraculous that we had survived, though I’d believed Erin’s claim that defending Sovlin might save our species had been way off the mark; nothing would’ve given that Kalsim pause.
However, the captain had done something more influential than pleading our case; he’d been right at the heart of exposing the Federation for the frauds they were. Not everyone would see it this way, but after getting to know the alien a bit and coming to sympathize with his fractured state of mind, I thought Sovlin might be remembered as one of the greatest heroes of this war. That act alone turned so many species to the prospect that we might not be irredeemable monsters, when they could point to omnivores that were people just like them. It revealed their thinking as nothing more than a falsehood perpetrated against the galaxy!
Knowing that it was all a falsehood, that the government he served betrayed him; Sovlin isn’t holding up well. Perhaps it’s inertia that’s keeping him on the path of fighting with humans. He needs a purpose to give him some reason to go on, after hearing that he and his people are the “worst filth” known to the Federation.
“The Gojids were victims too,” I told Erin on the phone, as she asked for my thoughts on the latest debacle. “Their past stolen and used to indoctrinate them, to force them into being good members of the herd? From everything I’ve seen with Sovlin, learning that he was a ‘predator’ is the worst punishment he could face. He’s suffered so much, and has nothing left to believe in. His whole world collapsed.”
Kuemper sighed. “That’s why I’m calling. After what Sovlin did on Cilany’s feed, we have the proof to show to the public that he’s an asset to our cause, and that he himself was a pawn in their schemes. The temporary arrangement has borne a lot of fruit, and Captain Monahan’s reports suggest he’s been a useful addition during battles. He was a great military tactician, and he can be ours. This has…progressed so much past the suffering of one man.”
I fell silent, understanding that she meant the bombing of Earth cast a looming shadow over Marcel Fraser’s rough stay. “I knew the attack was coming, yet to see humanity’s downfall in real time…to wake up to a new dawn and know how many lives were lost, to hear the stories of those left behind. It seems unfair that one such as me, at peace with the end, survived.”
“What seems unfair to me is that any of us died for such a silly reason. If I had known that this would be our punishment for reaching out, I’d have never told Meier what the Odyssey found. I’d have never been happy to discover aliens in the first place.”
“You couldn’t have known, ma’am. I’m…sorry. It’s not our—not your fault for being curious about the universe and our place in it. I’d like not to disparage the times we still had hope in our eyes.”
She laughed. “You’re an eloquent speaker. You’d make a good politician.”
“Or just a good lawyer like I am. I can argue a case, whatever it might be. I’d like to know what you had in mind for Sovlin being your military tactician. We’d like a resolution to this case now. Like you said, we all have bigger concerns now.”
“The people need to see that the UN is doing something, and bringing some assets to our side. Minimum five years military service; I’ll have it to you in writing by the end of the day. Good as it gets: take it or leave it.”
The punishment was light for a crime of such notoriety and infamy, but thinking of what the Gojid suffered so far, I thought most sensible observers would agree with it. “I technically have to consult my client, but Sovlin is here for penance—I doubt he’ll push back, and I’ll advise him to take it.”
“Good. Then take my preemptive congratulations; you just closed the first case involving an alien in Earth’s history. Thank you for stepping up, Anton. You showed me that you’re a man of character, and that you believe that everyone deserves a fair trial: no matter how impossible that is. Your compensation will be generous. Perhaps you’ll consider handling other undesirables, such as the extermination fleet officers.”
“The monsters who tried to wipe us out?”
“...yep.”
“I saw how they think of us with Sovlin, like we’re barely contained rage-beasts when they have kinder feelings toward us, but I don’t much care if the Krakotl were victims. What they did to us—”
“I know. I can’t muster the enthusiasm to persuade you myself, but we need to win the war. To avoid society breaking down, and us…”
Becoming monsters like Sovlin did. “I’ll think about it. Either way, I think I might tailor my practice toward extraterrestrial clients—that case was eye-opening on what they really are. There’s worse ideas on how to spend my twilight years. As you aptly put it in our initial conversation, someone must do what needs to be done.”
“Ah, what do you think I’m still doing here?”
I offered a tired sigh. “The UN’s work is good, however much the angry people want to blame you for the aliens’ disgust for us. I mean it, that I’ll look into those extermination fleet cases.”
“I would be much obliged, Mr. Kozlov; I already am. I’ll send those plea deal papers your way now and get out of your hair.”
“You’re never a bother, Madam Secretary. Take care of yourself.”
The Alien Affairs liaison disconnected, and I mulled over the prospect of taking on more loathed aliens like Sovlin. For the epilogue of my law career, I could do something hard in the moment that a future me would be proud of. As much as it burned me, I knew what I had to do then and there. The traumatized Gojid had earned a second chance one day in the future, and perhaps even among the worst extraterrestrial criminals, there would be others who deserved a fair shake as well.
Memory transcription subject: Sovlin, Gojid Retiree
Date [standardized human time]: May 8, 2151
Anton had a point about the one thing I’d been putting off, no matter how much my family poked, prodded, or tried to encourage me to take that step. There would always be a small part of me, even after I was supposedly rid of the brainwashing, that was paranoid that eating meat would bring out the bloodlust. I allowed the lawyer to talk about his clientele after me, coming to the aid of extermination fleet members who nobody would touch with a ten-foot-claw. The way he spoke about knowing what had to be done, I realized what the necessary step was to renounce what Captain Sovlin had believed in. It was the way to seal the Federation chapter of my life—the sum of the majority of my days—for good.
How else can I prove that I don’t believe predators are evil, and that I accept them as natural creatures who I love with my heart and mind? Rumi thought nothing of it; neither should I. It shouldn’t matter.
“Is that why you helped me, Anton? Duty? A sense that it had to be done for your own sake?” I inquired. “You know, I never asked you back then, but I wondered why you’d help me.”
Anton adjusted his glass, looking straight at me with eyes that had long lost their bite. “Having prejudice in the law’s judgments is a dangerous road. Regardless of what sins you’ve committed, you have the right to a defense. I knew that. I always knew that. Besides, we thought…”
“Go on. I won’t judge you.”
“Maybe your word would hold some weight with the others. Seeing you get civilized, normal treatment on Earth: humans aren’t monsters. The irony of you looking at me and seeing a monster was that I wanted you to…tell them we were good people. To give us a trial.”
“You deserved a chance. At least Tarva had the wisdom to chase me off and give you that. She was one of a kind. She would’ve sworn your goodness to anyone that listened. Her word didn’t matter, so I think that…maybe people hear what they want to hear. It coming from me wouldn’t have made a difference.”
Anton smiled sadly. “Still, I hope that one day, you’re able to say it with conviction, Sovlin—that predation doesn’t make you a monster. I suspect that’s tied to amending your views on yourself first.”
“You’re right. Maybe, after I track down Talpin, I’ll speak with my family about taking that step to…change my mind.”
I had never grown comfortable with what I was as an omnivore, even after dismissing the claims about instincts and seeing the humans’ benevolent compassion in action. I had gotten the anti-cure to avoid allergic reactions on Earth, but I’d avoided using it to sample their cuisine myself. It painted a stark picture of what had to be done; the conversation with Anton had opened my eyes to a part of my self-image that I had to address. The last step to therapeutic healing was committing the very sin the Federation despised above all others.
I hoped that I could still see myself as a person after I contaminated myself in the same way as the Arxur who ate my daughter alive.
A/N - Sovlin 8! We see Anton’s perspective after the encounter with Talpin, unable to believe Sovlin thought humans would kill a deaf kid; Sovlin back then declared that he saw himself and humans as monsters, and especially on the topic of himself, his opinions haven’t changed that much in 2151. We hear the cranky Gojid describe he fears that meat would change him, and bring out the darkness within him. We then see how Anton secured the plea deal, hear Kuemper’s guilt after the BOE and Elias’ death, and discover that his next clients were Krakotl war criminals.
Do you think that it’s necessary for Sovlin to overcome his fear of eating meat himself, and do you imagine he can go through with it? What do you think of seeing how both Anton and Erin reacted to the billion dead on Earth, and how Anton resolved himself to deal with more aliens who couldn’t find defenders? How do you imagine Talpin will react to Sovlin contacting him?
As always, thank you for reading and supporting!
Comments
RaptorRed
"The cranky Gojid" Sounds like a good name for a bar.
Gavin Pierce
Prions I believe might. But they are a rare cross species jump disease
Alekss Žukovskis
diseases don't transmit between extra-solar species. keep that in mind.
REDemon14
:D
Xilacnog
You know, just for the irony of it. Sovlin's going to get rabies from being bitten by a dog.
Space Paladin
As Randall put it, I love seeing your reviews as well, Red. Your driving in Halo…not so much 😋
Space Paladin
No, thank you! 😅
Michael Morse
Wow what a way to end the chapter. Really adds weight to what he’s going through.
Gumcel
Borjor time.
Randall Kramm
As a hero to the people, whatever his motivations were, his words did matter, and he did blow the lid off of the conspiracy. He was a hero more times than he can count before then and continued to be so after. If anyone deserves a happy ending and to forgive themselves, it's him.
Randall Kramm
Honestly, given Gojid scavenger nature, he might find it amazing.
Heroman3003
Ahh... So, the old man finally admits the true cause of his pain and suffering. At first he thought humans were monsters because of their diet, but when he realized that's not the case, he started believing that HIS diet was the only thing preventing him from being a monster, considering all the evil and pain he has committed and inflicted. That's painful, but understandable. Clinging onto the one thing he felt was good about him, because 'surely theres nothing else thats good left', because to admit that the 'one good thing' is simply neutral would make it evil. Even if the good was still there, just that he refused to see it. It's interesting to see the talks between Anton and Erin. A glimpse at humans' feelings in aftermath of BoE was definitely not on my metaphorical bingo board for this series, but I like it! And Kuemper's regret at ever sharing the discovery is a painful parallel to Tassi in the current series. They truly are kindred souls... I also like the idea that humanity was worried about actually becoming the monsters they were called. It's definitely the right kind of HFY that they showed strength by NOT doing that and by taking the higher, better road than their hateful opponents, but the very fear existing is definitely a good thought to hear. And it looks like Sovlin is finally considering taking the plunge... Oooooh, he's gonna eat that burger and I still bet that he'll just go "...it's whatever" with 0 deception or attempts to veil excitement. It would be a very interesting metaphor for his struggles~ Looking forward to his upcoming meetings with other people of his past and how he resolves his turmoil! Great work as usual!
Randall Kramm
Maybe, eventually, his new family will get it through his bald head that he may have done terrible things, but he's made up for them by helping to take down the manipulators behind making everyone's lives an existential horror of just waiting to be eaten. The trick will be getting him to believe it himself.
Randall Kramm
I love how in-depth your reviews are when you give them. <3
Randall Kramm
Most likely he will never fully get over it but will learn to live with it, to accept that what he's gone through, and that what he fears, are all part of himself. Maybe he'll even learn to love himself, again, as much as the people around him do.
Randall Kramm
It's extremely realistic, it takes so long to let go of trauma unless you work at it. It is a form of brain damage, with neural connections constantly reinforced every time anything that reminds you of 'the bad things' comes up. I know, I'm in my fifties, just a few years older than Sovlin when we first saw him in NoP, and my trauma happened earlier than his. I feel it still, it twists me up inside when I think about it, but now it's just pain, an old familiar ache a heartfelt wish that no one else should ever go through anything of that sort, and a deep connection to anyone who has. One thing that can help is just knowing you're not alone, that others have felt similar pain, have gone through horrors, and just doing your best to lift others when they stumble. That's life, it happens to everyone, sudden weird often painful life.
Byron Ritchie
Fair enough I apologise
Randall Kramm
I do feel for Baldy the Hedgehog. It is a long and hard struggle to let go of self-loathing. Let's not forget he hated himself long before the events with Marcus, how his heroic career came about from no longer fearing death, from actually WANTING it nearly as much as he wanted to punish every predator he could get his hands on for what he had to see. He may never fully get over it, but at least his adoptive family constantly accepts him and loves him, even if he is a crotchety old loon. He does need to see that meat can't turn him into the monster he fears is just below the surface, and that he will not become like a Dominion Arxur just from consuming vat-grown proteins. To me, Sovlin is one of the greatest and most realistic characters in all of NoP(Ok, maybe Taylor, but they're pretty neck and neck, the damaged goofs). And now for my little tribute to him, to the tune of the old SatAM Sonic theme: Bald Streak...scoots by, Sovlin the Hedgehog Gojid! Too bald for the naked eye. Sovlin the Gojid! Sovlin! He can't really move! Sovlin! He's got an attitude! Sovlin! He's the crotchetiest thing alive! Look out when he swears through. Sovlin the Gojid! Don't pout when he insults you! Sovlin the Gojid! Sovlin! He can really swear! Sovlin! He's got to wear 'underwear'! Sovlin! He's the oldest Gojid alive! He's the oldest Gojid alive! He's the most racist Gojid alive!
Randall Kramm
*Full Recovery is sadly never, as much trauma as he's gone through. You can come to grips with it, you can learn to live with it, you can even forgive yourself, but the trauma will remain, no matter how scarred over. It's a fact of life, trauma is a sort of brain damage and is with us our whole lives. No matter how small that part of him gets, it will always whisper to him that it was his fault, that he is just a monster waiting to happen. Now, I may not know for sure all of what I speak about, but I have personal experience with CPTSD and recovery methods, so while I may not know everything, I do know a good bit from my own experience. I hope he can get to the point he can just hear the little voice in his head, and then tell it to shut the fuck up and go back to its room, that's usually the best most of us can hope for.
DDDragoni
Poor Sovlin... he's so wrapped up in his own self-loathing that he can't see all the good he's done- both for his new family and the galaxy as a whole.
Byron Ritchie
Well at least sovlin is finally on the path to a better state Also I wonder if Anton had a role in the pardoning of the extermination fleet’s child soldiers? Edited to fix a misconception
Dookus Maximus
This was such a good chapter. Sincerely. Thank you, Wordsmith.
REDemon14
As I mentioned before, Sovlin's guilt would have only *grown* as time went on. Anton starts seeing how Sovlin could do what he did to Marcel. Lifelong propaganda and veiled threats (PD facilities) are enough to keep most people in line. Add to the fact the loss of Sovlin's family being the ultimate reinforcer of said beliefs, you have Sovlin's mindset. (at the time anyways) "If it's any consolation, I only see a monster when I look at myself too." Poor Sovlin. Still, I'd say he's *more* monster than most humans since he actually *did* hurt an innocent human and enjoyed it while the reverse never happened. At least he came to that conclusion eventually. Huh, this is the first time we get a 2151 transcript from someone other than Sovlin this story. Just something I noticed. I'm not sure the cloned meat could be considered "Carcass food" as Sovlin puts it. A carcass is defined as "The dead body of an animal" if the meat has a molecular structure of animal tissue but was never alive, I don't think it's a carcass. It's nice to see Anton live up to his conviction of everyone deserving a trial, something humanity was never given. Some would argue humanity is *now* on trial with our SC allies in the 2160's. He's a bit more sympathetic of the former omnivores (the krakotl getting the most pushback, though) He's was willing to represent the Officers of the bombing. Who want's to bet the biggest defense after they learn they were omnivores would be "Just following orders". (There is a limit to humanity's grace though, Kalsim still had to be represented by a Venlil) Sad to see that Erin's loss of faith or wonder in the wider galaxy occurred so soon, though I don't blame her. Looking forward to Sovlin and Talpin catching up. Normally, I wouldn't say Sovlin needs to eat meat to prove he's not a bad person, but considering he still sees those who do eat meat as morally lesser, he might need to make that jump to understand it's not the meat eating that makes one evil, it's how the meat was acquired. "I hoped that I could still see myself as a person after I contaminated myself in the same way as the Arxur who ate my daughter alive." THAT. That is *the* thing holding him back from being able to fully embrace anyone who eats meat. A lot of people in the story thinks it's the Fed. brainwashing. I think it's that one moment. He might not even realize that when he seee meat, a little part of his brain remembers that that was what his daughter was reduced to in the end. All the mornings waking her up and all the nights laying her to bed. All the holidays spent making her happy. Her first steps and her first words. All the love and memories. Just to become another piece of meat in the end.
un_pogaz
Solvin is in a really *really* serious dissonance. He's made a lot of progress, sincerely and honestly, and at the same time he's completely stayed put. It's really hard to see daddy hedgehog so in conflict with himself. And, I can see where this story is going to end: it's going to be the Hamburger. And honestly it could really solve that. Next time, we'll be back with one of the favorite boy of everyone. The last time we saw him was in 2140, and he'd finally got to grips with his life, realy curious to see how he grow up.
John Benjamin Cate
Sovlin has complicated feelings going on, still things to work through. I love how it’s taken time for him to fully change.
DreamEnvoy
“I’m s-sorry. If it’s any consolation, I only see a monster when I look at myself too.” Damn It seems like Sovlin is avoiding meat not because he's clinging to the idea that it'd make him a monster. But because he's clinging to the idea that he is a monster in so many other ways that eating meat would complete him. Thus I hope he realizes that, by regretting his past actions, they don't define him. He needs to come to the realization that he's not entirely the monster he thinks he is. “Her word didn’t matter, so I think that…maybe people hear what they want to hear. It coming from me wouldn’t have made a difference.” Sadly, yes. Some people immediately make up their minds, thus it becomes wasteful to try to convince them otherwise. “Still, I hope that one day, you’re able to say it with conviction, Sovlin—that predation doesn’t make you a monster. I suspect that’s tied to amending your views on yourself first.” *nods* Looking forward to him meeting Talpin again. Talpin certainly didn't have a favorable view of Sovlin last they met, so it'll be nice to get some closure on that. See what eventually became of the little deaf gojid.
EliasArt2Life
Hi. I was up early today, and thought that I’d try to be first just this once. “There was no reason to hide people that we would’ve willingly helped, since we weren’t compassionless monsters.” That’s a part of the fear of humans “culling the weak” that I always had on the back of my mind; how many others suffered, when they could have been helped, because of that fear? Maybe it’s best that we don’t know. I think Anton hit the nail on the head, though not in the same order that I perceive it as being. I brought up in NOP1 that Sovlin was clinging to Federation teachings as a grounding mechanism; a bit of normalcy when everything else was breaking down. However, given this new perspective on him, I think that there’s another side to this; I think that Sovlin has link his self-hatred with his thoughts on humans. He keeps bringing up how he was no better than humans, bringing himself down to our level rather than raising us up to his. He NEEDS humans to be monsters so that he can keep believing that HE’S a monster. After all, if he’s no better than humans, and humans are decent people, that doesn’t say much bad about himself. That’s likely also why he still clings to the Federation as “ the one island of civility [he clings] to.” The Federation isn’t civility, but rather another, opposing stance on what civility is; one that is happy to frame him as a monster. For Sovlin to recover, for him to let go of his hatred, he may first need to deal with his unresolved feelings about humanity and the Federation. That’s not a guarantee that it’ll fix his problems; if he doesn’t try to overcome his self hatred, he could end up making it worse. He could end up feeling like a monster while thinking humans are civilized people, which would add isolation to his burden. However, if handled right, he can overcome this, and eating meat may be exactly the medicine he needs to get started. Also, looks like we ARE going to see Talpin again! Yay! Although, bracing myself for some… pointed words towards Sovlin.
